Auto- Pilot my auto biography :Path of destruction

Life is a constant battle everybody always wants to be in charge, succesfull, and popular.We all share one common goal were just trying to put are lives together, and fullfill our dreams. Unfortuanetly were trying to appease everybody else,and we over look the purpose. The purpose of life is self fullfilment.

I found most people in the world are allways trying to be what their peers, family, and there religious beleifs beleive. Being secure within yourself and your ideals should have no bearing on others idea's , and wants. Attacking others seems to be a way for insecure people to feel better about themselves. It's not easy to get to this point of self-confidence both physically and emotionally. When people attack me I take it as a compliment.

You are either a strong individual who leads people or a scared, fragile, opinionated fuck struggling for peoples acceptance. I've always found the people that gain my respect do so by their actions. Anybody can talk shit, unfortunately. I believe none of what I here and half of what I see. There are always two roads to choose in life. The road everybody thinks you should choose, and the path you'd choose without there impact.

My whole life up untill a week ago i've been trying to reach finnancial success to prove a point to my peers and family. I've also had a serious drive to prove to Devil that i can acquire everthing offered to me, withought his help, or guidance.

Everyone says I'm crazy, but i met the devil one day. My life has never been the same since.

Because i was offered everything i wanted in life, and turned it down. I was offered sex, drugs, and power, and i choose faith. To be in charge of my life, withought knowing the outcome. It also left me with a very cynical out look on religion. Every time something goes seriously wrong in my life. I allways think about this day, and wonder why i choose faith and god over the devil.

Basicly feeling sorry for my self, and not owning up to the dessisions i made that caused this. It took a lot to wake me up, and now i need to re think my life. But the question still lies inside me .Why did something super natural touch me, and change my life forever? The only way you can achieve this is by taking risks and chances.Take the impact and wisdom in life you've learned, and drop the world's expectations on you. Go out side of normal thinking a search within your soul. Success and happiness is different for everybody.

I took the ultimate chance in life i choose faith, over having my life in charge of a supernatural being. I could only guess i met the devil, but it may have been god tempting my faith I'll never know.

I always Invisioned the things I wanted, and then it become reality. There's always a way to full fill your dreams and accomplish your goals. It never will happen by taking other peoples advice, and doing nothing about it.

21 yrs old: A true storie i was approached by the devil.

It was another average weekend at the bar. Pretending we were something we weren't to get laid or make ourselves feel better.
i went to the bar to get another cocktail. When i was leaving the bar to re join my freinds i was stopped dead in my tracks. A woman approached me, and grabbed my wrist. She was in her late 30's and very overweight as well as ugly. She said i came here to change your life, and fullfill all your dreams. She asked for a minute of my time, and i agreed.

keeping it short within an hours time she told me every dark secret about myself, Only i would know. Afterwards she explained she was there to give me a choice . She also mentioned if i asked any further questions it would seriously affect my life. I should have walked away, but i couldn't i had to ask .

she simpley gave me three choices in life.

1. The first choice was a career in music,our movies.
2. The second was a career envloving finnance, and power.
3. The third was simpley fate.

I choose faith, she got up and we never meet again. I remember watching her drive away alone in a brand new white Benz.

Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?

I coulnd't choose option one our two. She freaked me out, and due to my upbringing as a christian i did the right thing.

Only after I gained it all and lost it did I come to the realization that it was completely useless. The one thing I really want in life outside of material objects and possessions is something money can?t buy. The way my daughter unconditionally loved me. The look in her eyes of pure love and innocence a quality so rare only a child could have it. I wanted at a family, and set my goals in action. At first everything was perfect, but in my life it never last's.
I lost my family, My dignity, and self respect. As allways i was bitter thinking back on that day, and wishing i choose the devil.

I had the opinion fuck religion if this was my fate screw it. To loose everything i ever wanted after achieving it . I questioned my decision and my religious beleifs. I felt i was owed something, and was waighting for my rewards. These rewards have never come to me, But ive dropped the anger and resentment.

Everybody always wants something from you. Or they expect something of you. They always say what you want to hear to get what they want. People are all whores selling themselves and their opinions. Actions are the only thing you can trust. As soon as your guards down expect to get fucked. That?s our world which we?ve created. If you relize this your one step up then most folks.

So, please don't let the worlds opinon help you find security in yourself and Make your decisions. Take a fucking chance in life and do What you feel is right.. Instead of bitching twards others to feel better about yourself. The world is full of opinions everybody has one just like ass holes. When people spout out there opinions listen to them, and rember there only opinions.

People are mostly stupid simpletons whose opinion is worthless. I could write a novel explaining how to achieve all your dreams and goals, but as soon as I miss spell a word, I'm a fucking retard. Does that sound familiar anyone?

Most people don't believe one person?s opinion could change the world. I believe one person could change the entire course of the world. If they truly invision it happening it becomes reality. People of great power and strength don't wait for advancement or opportunity, they take it. Nobody truly gives you respect until its earned our warranted. Not by what you say, but by what you do. Only when you've gained that power can your words make a difference.

I was once told I was an energy. I believe that to be true.

For now, I'm sick of fucking everybody else's problems. It's so much easier when people think you're stupid. Not only does it give you an edge, but people expect less of you. When I was on top off the world, people knew I had something to offer, and everybody wanted a piece. Now, I'm not sure what to do I enjoy having no responsibilities at this point. Spending my free time,wrighting and sharing my life. Looking back on my decisions ive made in the past, And searching a way to make it better.

I don't read the newspaper our follow current events . I'd rather change the world than debate something someone else created out of fear of what might happen.

If I only could figure out what I really want. I used to think happiness was endless drugs and whores with everybody kissing your ass. Material objects. After gaining all of this and loosing it, I realized how trivial it was. Trivial it may have been, but the memories will always be there. Success is not financial gain to me anymore that's for sure. Please don?t get me wrong, I?m far from broke. I'm in the top 90% of the U.S.A. in income earned. How pathetic is that?

So I just had a vision of were my happiness lies, but if I fail it will be the end of my life. This I'm sure of. But if I succeed not only will I prove everybody wrong, bUT I will have saved my life from the path i was on.


I"m going to leave you to ponder this and put the pieces together.

After this article our rant, I found the answer i was looking for. It wouldn't have been possible if fate never lead me to this board.

You guys showed me the light, and changed my life which was running on AUTO-PILOT for over 25 yrs.

Thanks for listening to me this original rant changed my life

 

I was born in the suburbs of Det Michigan in 1967. I lived in a very affluant area, Called Birminghan a little private community. A very short distance from Bloomfield Hills. My community was made up of republican's and jews, I rember my father allway's saying if a black family move's in our city, were moving. My parents were practing catholics with great intentions. They assumed raising children in this suto perfect envioronment. Would better our chances for a good education, And proper christian upbring. Man were they up for a surprise.


The only thing I learned growing up amongst upper class republicans. Was how to hate the poor and other races. When i got out of Junior high that's were all the troubles started.

before i got into high school i was a typical kid. I was involved in school activities, And drug free. The summer before our high school i started smoking pot. And hanging out with other misguided youths as well. The only difference was our parents weren't poor. We all had one thing in common, None of respected anything our parents tried to teach us. We just wanted to raise Hell and get as high as we could.

The summer ended, As a kid i allways rembered summers were never long enough. Nxt thing i new i was in High School. This is were all the problems started. I was intruded to drugs way to fast. And we allways had an abundent supply of free weed and cocaine my entire 9th grade. One of my best freinds fathers was a major drug dealer.

If you could image an entire garage filled with barrells of marijuana. Pinching from that stash was amazing to have 3 lbs of weed around was nothing. We'd sell the pot for mopeds, food, and trips to the mall. I'm sure we spent a lot on lsd and mescaline as well. Soon after we started further invesigated our freinds dads drug stash. To our amazement we found kilo's of cocaine. There were at least 12 of um. We open one up , And pinched as aeasy 20 grams.

At this point instead of going to school. We'd get wired for sound and head to the mall. It was great untill I became seriously addicted to cocaine at the age of fifteen. Than the addiction became a power trip amongst our freind's. It was a constent struggle to allways be were the drugs were, Competing to get and allways be a part of the endless lines it seemed.

between the cocaine, marijuana we possed we bacame pretty damm popular and were invited into a lot of parties. becoming intrudeced to major drinking and partying. Like i didn't have enough problems allready. This is when i encountered the first death of a freind due to drugs and drinking , And it would only be the start. Of my original eight best best freinds i grew up with as a child. One is dead and another is incarcerated as i speak. The rest never amounted to a bag of beans . This of course is another storie within itself. I can only tell one at a time.

My fist incounter of death as a kid

I was sixteen yrs old the first time i lost a freind due to the path of drugs and partying i choose.


It's allway's a memory that allways haunt's me. It was a typical friday night. We were at a party. Drinking smoking , And doing lines. It was at a girl freinds house . It was all off her freinds from her school. She attended a girls private school.

After hrs of partying my freind was so fucked up. He was drinking jack daniels like water. He was also on meskaline and we were doing endless lines it seemed. For some reason my freind deceided to go lay vertically on the coach. There were allready 5 girls sitting on it. He just laid on top of all there legs, and laps. The girls were getting pissed, and my freind could care less. Finaaly one of there freinds from a boys private school approched him politely to get of um . My freind jumped up with this fucking crazy look. He looks at him with these evil eyes and says fuck you. The other fellow squared off three good shots to my freinds face. It didn't evan phase him. He grabbed the other fellow by the back of the head and head butted um twice. They were both a bloody mess.

My freind gets up and starts heading for his car. We try to stop um it's pointless. He speeds of in his blue camaro like a wild man. We get in are car to follow him, hoping to find a way to stop him.

about two miles into it we lost him in the neibor hood he was driving about 60 in a resiidental area. We weren't that crazy, as we rounded the corner coming to the fork in the road we saw him. His camaro didn't make the turn at the fork of the road he piled into the medium a hit a tree head on. The first thing we saw was the cracked window and the blood. We stopped to see what was going on called 911 immediatelly for help. When we got to his car we relized it was over his face was split open and indetured in to the windom it seemed. There was no sign of life.

The funearal was real trajic, this was my closest freind and neibor. I'll never forget seeing his family, and all the neibors family. Not to include the hundreds of freinds that attened. It was a closed casket, for obvious reason's.

ever since and probally still the corner he died has been rename our nick named mikes corner. Still to day a good message for teens there not invicible, and that drinking and driving kills.

there still an indenture in the tree he hit leaving his mark on life for ever.

 

My cocaine addiction deffinetly costed me, and my freinds more than we'd ever imagine. It was my first year of high school when i was introduced to cocaine. One of my closest freinds dad was a major drug dealer. Unfortuanetly that choice ended up killing his only son. It all started one day when we were searching thru his closet for money and drugs. To our surprise we found kilos of cocaine instead.

This was our first mistake, we opened the first key and pinched about twenty grams,and didn't ad cut. This was my first time getting wired i didn't evan really no what it was all about untill it was to late. After pinching the cocaine and doing a few lines we took the cocaine to another freinds house. It was friday night and me and seven of our close freinds started getting wired. We stayed up talking and rambling for 48 hrs. Afterwards i went home and slept it off.

the first month we kept the cocaine abuse typicly to the weekends, but the heavy amounts we were doing led up to daily use. I rember wakeing up and the only thing on my mind was cocaine. We'd all meet at my freinds house early in the morning to get wired before school.

At this point we were all doing allott of cocaine, and the addiction started to take over. The first thing we did was cut the original eight freinds down to four. Thus leaving more cocaine for us. Obviously cocaine became more important than our freinds, It was the only thing we cared about. The only thing we werent prepared for was the supply of cocaine to run out.


How long could you keep pinching kilos before the stolen weight becomes an issue. Not to long his dad started catching on and hid the cocaine from his son. Though we had a good feeling were it was. His father had a second car he never drove it was allways parked in the drive way. After months of cocaine use this hardly was going to stop us. So we came up with a plan, and later that evening followed thru.

It was 3:00 am in the morning a freind dropped the four of us of at our freinds house . We had four crow bars and a hunger for cocaine like no other. We all proped our crow bars in the gap between the end of the trunk at the start of the bumper. One on each side and two in the middle. At this point we all stood on the hood ready to jump on the postioned crowbars. Keep in mind we didn't evan know if the drugs were there. Cocaine didn't care it was worth the chance. I rember the count down one, two, three, and jump. Immediately the truck popped open, and the alarm was activated.

to our delight we saw three black brief cases. Our freind grabbed one and we darted to our getta way car which was waighting. we were freaking out we didn't expect the alarm. My freind was freaking out explaining what we had to do. Get home hide the drugs get undreseed and ready to pretend nothing happened. He kept saying my dads gonna kill me, will never pull this off .

though he was right as soon as we got in the phone was ringing.We blew it of for a while, we knew it was his dad. We were scared shitless. Imagine five jonesing mother fuckers swetting bullets anticipating god only know's what. we didn't evan have much time for a cigarette , and a plan before the head lights were pulling up...........................

you can imagine it was an akward postion to try to recover the drugs. He still was an adult and we were kids, and drugs are illegal.

 

before we saw the headlights we came up with our plan of attack. We shut off all the lights in the house, and got into are boxers. We also had blankets and pillows to make it look as we were sleeping. Are plan was to act stupid as if we never left the house. we also never answered the phone. hopeing this would add credibility to the sleeping excuse.


Immediatly the tension grows, and the anticapted knock on the
door begins. My freind answered the door to are freinds father. he was rapped in a blanket in his boxers yawning acting as if he'd just been woken up. Keep in my mind it's almost four o clock in morning. He invited his father in and mentioned larry was sleeping in the den on the couch. The setting appeared as if we were all asleep. Larry's dad is about 6ft 6 inches and very intimidating. He went over to his son a said his name sturnley. Larry looked up with a yawn, and said whats up. His dad grabbed him by the hair, and said don't give this line of shit come outside i need to talk to. If only larrys father was smart enough to hide his drugs and the fact that he was a dealer.This never would of happened. Obviously as a parent he certainly wasn't portraying the right image to his son. not only that but years later it would be the cause of his death.

In fear of what might happen we grabbed the briefcase, and took a kilo out and hid the briefcase.After everything we went threw we weren't coming out empty handed. We imagined larry would be coming in any minute demanding it back. We were right Larry came in he was realy pail i can only imagine the talk him and his dad had. Keep in mind i was 16 and larry was two years younger. Our freind came back inside and stated he needed the drugs back,or his dad was gonna kill um. And stressed his dad also threaten him with military school. we handed larry the briefcase and he left with father.

After all this we were ready to start doing lines. We dumped about an ounce out on this beautiful picture of a sail boat, and filled all of are bullets to the top. A bullet is a device that allways you to bumps discretly especially when your sick of waighting for your nxt line to be offered .

Being three months into the habitt a line for any of us was at least 1/4 gram per line. After a bunch of lines we started outling a sailboat picture with cocanie. Every mast, line and detail was over layed in cocaine it took a bout an hour it was a master piece. When we were done we snorted it piece by piece by piece. At this time we were all probaly snorting about 3- 5 grams a day a piece. We also made a decision to each keep a personal ounce a piece. And stash the rest for for safe keeping.

I was allways wired it seemed except at night during the school week. My freinds mother had multiple scirosis it was very sad, but due to her condition she had mass quantities of sleeping pills,, and zanex.We stole these to help sleep and cut the edge down. I allways tried to sleep every night In my mind it made me feel i was incontrol. I obviously wasn't if i was taking more drugs just to sleep, and appear normal. This became irrelevent when i went to school one day. As soon as i stepped in my homeroom my teacher told me the principal needed to see me. His name was charley he sat me down and told me due to my lack of attendence i was being expelled. He called my parents and they picked me up. My parents are very nieve about drugs, i told them the pot i was smoking caused this and they beleived it.

My punishment was i had to attend a military school the nxt year to make it up. I went to assumtion it was a private military school in windsor canada. I graduated from high school a year late because of my drug addiction aswell. Cocaine was deffinetly more important than an education, and deffinetly more important than freinds. On the bright side i had a long summer of partying ahead. And at this point we were the life of every party. As long as we hade cocaine it seemed there wasn't any party we could attend.

It was an easy month before we had seen larry again. Except for the phone calls we'd receive about the kilo of cocoaine he wanted. We were sticking to our story. Later on he eventually gave up and came over one friday night when we were throwing a party. My freinds mom lived at her boyfreinds, and this allways gave us a place to party. Being a lot young and not having the access to the life we had the woman, drinking, and parties he dropped the matter for entertainment purposes

This put us in a pecuilar spot because we wanted to get wired, but claimed we didn't have any. We all deceided to confess, and return 1/2 of the remaing drugs it was down to an easy 12-16 ounces by now. We ended up giving him half back. We knew he'd get us wired, and we were right. It seemed everything was back to normal. serious partying, and drinking.

Cocaine is what introduced me into sex, and probably was the start of my bad attitude twards woman. the first time i got a blow job it was because of cocaine. I asked a girl freind if she wanted to get wired. She was very popular and two grades higher than me. She agreed and i took her to my freinds mom bathroom. I wasen't evan think a bout sex. Just getting away from every body that would leach on and waste my cocaine supply.

After geting wired we were bullshiting and she started talking about sex and how horny it got her. The nxt thing i new she was giving me head. After nutting we started doing more lines.

Later that evening she approached me and asked if i wanted to spend the night with her at her freinds house. I agreed and lost my virginity that night. It was phenominal the sex lasted for ever she was very sexy and experinced, and in my opinion had one of the top five racks in our high school. After this experience i became prety popular with the woman. This is were i learned the expression coke whore, our bag whoe.

The only thing we didn't relize but sharing all this blow with our new freinds was taking a dent in our supply. We also didn't have an idea of how to get more.

larry did he never seemed to mind stealing his dads drugs no matter what the consequinces were. And once again dispite the cost our pain we'd cause. Cocaine was more important.

 

Conclusion "cocaine path of Destruction"
Eventually the cocaine ran out, depression and withdrawals started taking over. We were all going crazy and decided to pull another heigh-st on his father. I can't express the hell we all went thru when the lines ran out. Terrible shakes cold sweats, and sleepless nights and serious urges of self mutilation. At this point I'd have traded my soul for cocaine, and I wasn't even seventeen yrs old.

We weighted until my friends father left the house one afternoon. We assumed the drugs were in his fathers safe in his bedroom, and we kicked in the door and grabbed it. Realizing now the safe was far two heavy for the three of us to move it. We called a few more friends to help us out. It took Six of us to even move it, and we got out of the house and into a friends car. The only problem was getting it open, and we didn't even think about this until we got the safe home. We tried the obvious crow bars, and sledge hammers. The sight of six young adults trying to get in the safe was a funny sight. At this point we came up with a brilliant idea . We decided to weight until late that evening to carry on our last attempt.

Before evening came we were face to face with our friends father. I remember he was so pissed and his son was Playing stupid avoiding his father who was trying to get him in the car. My friend just kept dodging and running his old man was overweight, and way out of shape. My friend wasn't giving up, and new the safe was well hidden. At this point nothing could stop us from opening this safe. We could almost see the cocaine, and there was nothing that would stop our plan.

Finaly night fall came, and our plan was to go downtown Birmingham to a high rise parking garage and drop the safe from a ten story building. It was the parking plaza for the 220 Merrill street hotel Downtown Birmingham michigan. We finaly got it two the top of the parking garage, and me Larry and our other friend headed to the bottom making sure no cars were coming. The parking garage was three blocks from the police station as well. It was about three O-clock in the morning, and we signaled from the street to our friend up top to drop it.

As it fell it smacked the side of a wall taking a large chunck out, and was headed right for the side walk. When it hit It made a loud crash, and seriously cracked the pavement wide open. Believe it our not it worked and the safe door was now open. At that moment I was so excited we all assumed we were getting seriously wired, and we felt proud of our accomplishment.

The shock came when we looked in side the safe It was full of Important papers like the deed to his fathers house,bar, and boat. Unfortuanetly no cocaine our cash, and we were crushed after all this drama and pain we were left empty handed. The following day my friend told larry he had to leave his house. His father called the police, and they spoke to my friends mom. As a minor Larry was forced to return home. His father at this point enrolled his son into military school In Chicago Illinois . This is were Larry stayed for four years, and was introduced to his current dealer. This was my dealer aswell thru an introduction from my friend.

The nxt time I saw Larry was the summer of my graduation in 1985. Larry never changed Like his father his only inspiration was to sell, and steal drugs and free load off friend for a place to live. After years of thievery and drug sales Larry finally got arrested selling lsd at a Gratefull dead show. He got bailed out and was re arrested years later. Larry served five years in federal prison up North in Michigan for fleeing his court date.

At this point Larry got seriously addicted to heroin in prison. When he got out he was sickly looking and very gaunt. Desperate and heavily addicted to drugs he actually started ripping of his close friend, and his worst mistake he robbed my dealer who was heavily connected for 10 lbs of Chronic approximetly twenty grand worth of drugs. Before this happened he also took me for a hundred dollars on a sheet of bunk acid. His heroin addiction ran his life.

His nxt robbery was from his dads bar Silos A high class tity's bar his father owned. Larrys father actually called the police and turned him in. The cops got his prints of the crime scene, and were now looking for him to be prosecuted. I was just getting out of college at this time I was twenty four years old. And working at my current job. The nxt time we crossed paths was at My favorite local pub in Royal Oak Mi. I remember Larry walked in and set nxt to me he spent his last two dollars on a cup of coffee. Larry was very sick from not having heroin, and was looking like he was close to death. He asked me for a cigartette and I honored his request. After his coffee and cigarette he looked at me and asked me If I would by him a hot bowl of soup, and I refused him.

This memory will always be in bedded in my mind, and I still feel bad I turned away my old friend. I'm unfortuanetly not as forgiving as most ,and still remembered him ripping me off as if it was yesterday. Amazing this hole thing even happened If his father Only hid his drug career from his kid this never would of happened. I still remember spending the night at his house at fifteen. We'd go into the garage and pinch pounds of weed from hundreds of barrel's. Larry was only fourteen at the time he never had a chance, and his father of all people started the whole process.

A few weeks later Larry was picked up booked and arrested for his second time, and was facing ten years of federal prison. This time he wasn't so lucky. In prison he was recognized by another inmate who was connected thru Chicago. It happened to be the dealers best friend from Chicago, and this guy ended up shanking my friend in the yard. His father started this whole thing, and coincidently his connections he gained in military school was the one who had him killed. The dealer was a son of a famous actor who's identity I'll only reveal in the book.

This was a very hard lesson in life I learned, and I only wish I could go back in time.

I would have bought my friend that bowl soup deffinetly.

I rember the funeral I was only one of two of his freinds that even attended.

His father thanked me for attending, and I responed I hope your happy now.

His look was utter dismay, and I think he relized than it was him that killed his only son.

Doobien