I felt this touch... and i looked around and i saw her standing there with those emerald eyes, peircing and staring through me with the question why was i here? why were we here? I felt this touch... and i saw into her soul and i saw everything in those eyes, those emerald eyes and i knew why i was here and why we were here. I felt this touch... and i saw an emptiness i had never seen in those emerald eyes and i cried for her where was she? where was i? I felt this touch... and i looked around but i didnt see those eyes, those emerald eyes and there she was and there i was But those emerald eyes were closed forever.
i got chills at the end of this one. i think its beautiful. i have this crystal clear image of two people standing in silence facing each other, trying to read the world in each others eyes. very nice.
It has power but it doesn't possess its maximum yet. Thin it out. Cut some of the unnecessary connectives and redundant phrasing. Let it shine!
