Scars

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by ojo, Feb 27, 2005.

  1. ojo

    ojo Member

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    Under the scrutiny
    of a hundred watt bulb
    you and i
    stand naked
    embracing
    the spirit and flesh
    of each others being

    between us
    a multitude of scars
    reveal silently
    past measures
    of pain and hardship
    procreation and tragedy

    yours,
    like silvery ribbons
    radiate outward
    from the vessel of creation
    your tummy a canvass
    for natures blessings;
    beautiful are the marks
    of motherhood

    mine,
    a myriad
    representing rage
    and mute fear
    explode violently
    across a body
    hardened by years
    of denial
    and self persecution;
    rough and dangerous
    yet softly alluring
    are the marks
    of survival

    we are lovers,
    wrap our scars
    around one another.
     
  2. KittenX

    KittenX Purrrific

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    *applauds* This is stunning and chilling in its revelations and quiet power. I love the brutal honesty, the raw emotion spilling forth from every stanza. The first stanza is superb in bringing the reader in right away, no BS and the last stanza is protective, warm. Excellent style and presentation.
     
  3. BlackGuardXIII

    BlackGuardXIII fera festiva

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    Damn that is one powerful message, I wish I had written that. Imho, that is a masterpiece.
    I write poems too, and I worked in Van for a few years, and know it well. It has definite scar-ability potential.
    But I love scars, honestly, that is why I love your verse so much.
    My buddy the linebacker calls'em beauty marks, and so do I.
    If someone has a lot of scars, in my experience, they usually have a lot of wisdom, love, and faith too.
    Good writing..............A+
     
  4. browneydgrl

    browneydgrl Member

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    i agree with kitten, i got chills. it is a very powerful piece. the depth of trust that comes with facing each other, your unborn creation between the two of you, and taking in everything about the each other including your inner/outer scars is illustrated beautifully in this poem.
     
  5. Firebelle

    Firebelle Member

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    I agree with everyone who has repsonded so far...I too wish that I had written this, but if I had then I would have written it differently, and the poem would probaly have suffered as a result. You write with searing honesty, and it is very powerful. I am in awe.
     
  6. Moonjava

    Moonjava Senior Member

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    This one touches me. As a poet, your mission is accomplished :) *snaps*
     
  7. Cougar

    Cougar Member

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    beautiful
     
  8. ojo

    ojo Member

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    i'm not real good at responding to positive comments. 'Scars', like most of my writing is born out of pain, hardship, regrets, big sadness and even bigger emptiness. when something torments me long enough, i write about it. it's a therapy for sure. when a piece is finished then i feel peace with myself. i really didn't see or feel anything significant about this piece. i am glad tho that it does have that power to touch others. there is so much excellent writing on this site and i don't know how many times i wish that i could write like someone else. but this is my life and it's all i know about really. and as far as scars being cool, well i agree. much like a tattoo but a far greater story. the poems i enjoy best are the ones surrounded by a tragedy of some sort. i always feel good knowing the person stuck around to write about it.


    to one and all, i say 'nolite te bastardes carborundorum' (don't let the bastards grind you down)
     

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