I just had my least satisifying male encounter

Please bear with me while I kevetch but I just need to share this. I already did with my usual confidant but she has issues of her own going & we also didn't have much time to talk. She did make me feel a little better but I just need to get it out more & maybe someone here will recognize this so they can comiserate or something. I don't know I just need to talk about it. So here goes.

I went to my usual GLBT club Saturday night. The technodance music was it's usual good vibes & I ran into many wonderful people. I even got a chance to talk a little while with another genderqueer riend that I see once in a while. I was able to flirt with people of all genders & even took a cruise through the leather night event that was going on in the "Men's" area of the establishment. I was wearing my leather miniskirt so I could have passed the dress code even with my cap sleeved top but I wasn't into that scene so I floated around the dance area & the area of the bar that lesbians usually gather. One lady gave my butt a slap as I walked by this doesn't happen to someone born male every night. I of course did my part of that & squealed putting my hand on my bottom & smiling over my shoulder to her. I didn't think that her & her girlfriend were really interested in anything else even though she smiled back so that is as far as that went. Like I said, some of the women flirted with me & quite a few men did too. A great night for a bi. There was one guy who kept flirting with me. He is about my height maybe a little shorter but is built like a football player. Wide shoulders, nice muscular arms. Big but not fat. Pretty near closing time he asked me if I had found anyone when I answered in the negative he suggested we go to his car. All was going well so far. When we got outside I told him my name & his answer maybe should have tipped me off but on the other hand I do understand casual sex with some anonymity has it's values. He said "I don't give a f^@%" I let it go as is but in retrospect I now realize that it was just part of a bigger whole that was going to leave me feel used. Before he unlocked my door, he lowered the back of both seats so we would be laying down. This was just outside the door so it really wouldn't be a good place to give him head like he wanted. He had himself unzipped to by the time I go tin & right away asked me if I liked giving head. He was a little more crude than that but I don't want to get into vulgar language. I kind of did & then someone walked out of the door so he figured out that it wasn't a good place He pulled over to another part of the parking lot & tried again but as soon as he parked someone else walked by so he got the idea that we needed to go somewhere else. We took off & before we got more than a block away, he decided that we needed to have some weed or coke. OK, fine with me. He stopped a few places then asked me if I could kick in $5. Again, sounded reasonable & fair. I would be doing $5 worth of blow if we got that easily. He ended up driving around for about an hour & a half sometimes going in apartment buildings. He left his car keys in the car each time so it wasn't like I was feeling like he was ripping me off but in between places he drove around with his window open & the heater off. I didn't have my coat so I was getting pretty cold & had to pee besides. I did go beside his car one time when he was inside. Eventually he gave up on this fruitless mission of getting high & parked behind an apartment building & unzipped again. This is when things got unpleasant for me. He just laid there only talking to me when I came up for air asking me what was wrong. I had to keep telling him that I have a cold & need to get more air. He eventually did the grab the back of my head thing but that was basically the only thing he did that vaguely was like interaction with me. When he finally came I had decided that there was no way that I'm going to swallow like I usually do for a guy I made sure that it got on his stomach x: As soon as he was done he zipped up & drove off. Now I am adult enough to know that this was going to be just some quick thing but the way that he just didn't have any thought for doing anything for me or for that matter even treating me like I was there for anything but pleasing him just irked me. If he were to do a domination thing & say that was my only purpose or something that could have been interesting but he just got his rocks off & didn't even bother to thank me. He drove me back to the bar & when we were nearly there I asked for my $5 back. He had the nerve of trying to talk me out of it saying that we drove around & had some good times. I kept my cool but told him that the $ was for some weed or blow & I'm not about to pay him to give him head, He gave me the $5 back & I got out & went to my van & left.

When I told my friend about this, she said "Welcome to the world of being a woman. Things like have happened to me many times” Which had been going through my mind ever since. I have heard that guys treating gals this way this but I can honestly say that I never have felt this way before in any tryst I have had before. If this is typical of the kind of experience you ladies have had its little wonder that you say that ladies are better at sex.  He just was more uncaring than I remember any other guy being. I haven't been as feminine as I am just now before & I just have to wonder if that is part of it. I also wonder if I'm getting more sensitive but don't really think that is what is going on either. When I got home, I had a few shots of tequila & got into the shower. I just wanted to be cleansed inside my mouth & outside too. If it is some kind of right of passage or something for womanhood, I am glad I had it now & not when I was in my teens that would have hurt a lot more.

Anyhow, thanks for listening. Sorry to be such a bummer, I use newsgroups like some people use therapists.

 

Well i'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with this person. I think eveyone can relate to feeling used or messed around by someone. I've never had an experience like that with either sex but then I dont go off with stangers then give them oral after having driven around looking for drugs.

What really worries me about this is what could have happened. Imagine this, you got done some drugs had a bad reaction to them, what do you think this stranger you met would have done? You dont know what he would have done because you didn't know him, he didn't care about you therefor you can't trust him. I think if you really want to continue having sex with strangers then at least take them back to your house (or a friends) and let someone know who your with and where your going and make sure the guy knows you've done this. If you really really must do drugs then stick to using them around people you trust so that you can look out for each other if anything goes wrong.

I really wouldn't recomend going off with strangers to either sex in any situation.

I understand to a degree that you feel used but you just need to learn from the experience and try not to put yourself in a position for this to happen again, after all you didn't even know this guys name and you made a bad choice going off with him in the first place.

That said, we all make the odd mistake and we learn by them as we go along so its just a matter of deciding not to put yourself in vunerable situations in the future and moving on from the experience with a little more strength and wisdom.

On a personal level it comes across like you lack self confidence maybe you need to work on this a little before having sex with people because you deserve to have a fufilling, loving and happy relationship as much as anyone else, so stop being so afraid to go out and get one. Raise your targets and demand more out of life and those around you. I'm betting you have loads to offer the right person aside from sex so dont sell yourself short

Take care xx

 

Reading your story, I couldn't help but get a flashback to a similarly unpleasant experience I had in 1977 in my native New York City. I'll spare you the details, since they're so strikingly similar to your story -- except that in the '70s, genderbending was strictly for drag queens and I wasn't.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. . .

-- Skeeter

 

jeez...that is a classic story...it's one of those you see in a movie or read about...it's just so strange that this happens...i mean...i'm wicked young so my repitoire (sp?) of sexual experiences is still being formulated...i have kind of an "uh feeling" about this because on one hand it is still novelty and a notch on your belt...on the other hand it could have been a damaging situation...i've had a few one night stands but none of this nature...this is kind of a dumb reply
(skeeter...i noticed you're in burlington...i'm going to UVM next year...small world eh?)