Hello @cathy787 , you can really write very detailed. With the addition of religion, the matter becomes very expansive. Overall, this gives a little insight into your way of thinking. To stay on topic, first just an answer to the question/s in the topic. > am I a lesbian? >> Why do I feel repulsed by girls I find attractive? First, essential is not what you are, but what you feel and what you do. Also, in your second question, you give with "feel" your an first answer of your first question. The answers of your questions are also inside of you. The whole thing is a thing of mutual interactions. An answer of your second question can you find inside the mutual interactions. This is a matter of "act": How does my behavior affect others. How does the behavior of others affect me. On this point, there is the diffentiation between identity and behavior, wich is very fundamental in an antother way of thinking. The matter with »identity« is an avoidable problem. In this identity crisis are founded. As an solution constandly new identitys are placed on the large shopping shelf. Few are here already posted. This leads to the seduction that identities are used for styling. The fundamental problem is not the choosing of an identity. The fundamental problem is the existence of a *default* identity. This default identity is "hetero". The avoidance of this problem is to change the default identity to "non-identity" like a placeholder. Any person can fill this placeholder wich whatever she wants, and also multiple or leave blank. For the religion: It depends on what idea you have of "God". It is more a corporal or a mental idea? It is written in the Bible: "God" is spiritual (mental). If this thought is applied to one's own way of thinking, many views change. The question arises, does "spiritual" (mental) exist? Further, it comes to the answer, that intellectual property are mental-corporal, because, "God" is not a intellectual property. In addition it comes to the fundamental differentiation between property (estate) and property (words). See the differentiation between identity and behavior.
Well, I have often heard religious individuals, post-deconstruction, share the perspective that religious groups may inadvertently instill purity culture in people's minds. This can result in a form of cognitive dissonance when it comes to finding others attractive 'in that way,' particularly in the context of homosexual thoughts. This internal conflict can lead to feelings of disgust or repulsion, so maybe thats what Original poster is feeling?
