Ok here is my honest thoughts

You can be bi and romantic; as I've said before, I had a gay boyfriend whom I loved with all my heart and soul. Expanded my understanding about what bisexuality really can be. Otherwise? It's about the sex and that's okay.

 

I think what I really was meaning to say is people want to say someone that likes m/m sex with no romantic feelings toward a man is just in denial of his sexuality. Seems like I’ve spent a ton of time saying no people like myself do really exist and I’m definitely not in denial.
What I know and understand now is what I wish I had known so long ago. Labels confuse and divide people. I am what I am and don’t need to be labeled for someone else to understand and likely judge.

 

You're right - people want to say that; I've been bisexual for a damned long time and this romance stuff is "new" stuff I've been hearing and reading. Just because I don't want to be romantic with a guy never, ever, invalidates my bisexuality and, really, I sometimes wonder who started this - I'd like to tell them face-to-face how wrong they are about bisexuality. The labels don't confuse or divide anyone; it's how people want to misinterpret the definition of the label in question. "Bisexual" makes some folks uncomfortable but, ah, "homoflexible" doesn't and, okay, what the fuck does that really mean? Just because the words "homoerotic" and "homoromantic" exist does not mean that in order to be bisexual, you have to be both with your same-sex partner, hookup guy, FWB, whomever.

In denial of what, I wonder? Of really being gay? I've heard this one so much that it isn't funny but it's the people who don't believe that bisexuality is real - and they're trying to rewrite it in their own twisted perspective - who are in denial of a truth that every bisexual learns.

 

I know I was just born bisexual, and for me that meant being sexually attracted to both girls and guys. I had a non-romantic sexual relationship with my best friend from across the street from when we were 8-13, and only playing with our cocks and asses was just so much fun.

But starting from 8 years of age onwards, I craved romantic relationships with girls and women exclusively (and not feeling any sexual desires for guys from 14 onwards), until 30, when my first girlfriend broke up with me. That's when my desire for cock, and cock alone, exploded again and I enjoyed mutual, anonymous cocksucking in bathhouses etc. for 21 years. I think the majority of MM sex in the world is like this, cocksucking only, either anonymous in gay sex venues and cruising situations in parks and bathrooms, or between friends and casual hookups in each other's homes, and it's perfectly normal and natural. Bisexual and gay fucking is far less in numbers.

Then, at 51, again in a bathhouse, but thousands of miles away from my home, I finally allowed my always-there gay anal desires to come out again, tongue-fucked and cock-fucked that guy's asshole like a starving madman, and from then on I loved cock and male ass, but only cock and ass, with zero romantic desires, or any desires for the rest of his body even. But I still chased women for sexual and romantic relationships. That was how my bisexuality presented itself for me during the next number of years.

But then a more rare thing for bisexual men happened to me. When a crazy rollercoaster romantic and sexual relationship with my second girlfriend ended just before Covid-19 hit, and probably because of this turbulence and heartache in that relationship (she broke up with me many times), I lost all desire to have any romantic or sexual relationship with a woman again. My sexual attraction to women is still there, but now I'm not only having sex with guys only, but have been developing romantic crushes, though all still unrequited. I'll probably be happiest with an intense FWB relationship with another gay guy, which I've yet to find, but wouldn't say no to a romantic relationship with a man (I now identify as gay on the Kinsey scale). But that's just the place where I am right now. It doesn't negate my non-romantic life with guys in the past before this since I was 8. And it doesn't guarantee I will ever have a romantic relationship with a man in the future. I'm just bisexual, attracted to both men and women, as nature always intended.

 

The issue is here's what bisexual/bisexuality means and someone reads it and says, "But I'm not like that!" and comes up with their own definitions and other things, thinking that they're being unique in their bisexuality but what they're really doing is putting more "fuzz" into a definition that used to be very straightforward. There's still a lot of social backlash against those of us who go both ways - that "pick a side" bullshit that I grew up hearing, talk about being confused, shit like that, and none of which turns out to be true.

We want to "create" bisexuality in our own image and even by using a sexuality model that, in fact, does work except it almost doesn't play nice with bisexuality or, as I've said for decades now, bisexuality takes everything you think you know, were taught, or believed and trashes the shit out of it because it's straight and it's gay and, eh, not really and, yeah, I've always felt that there's some denial going on within the ranks but, again, accepting bisexuality at the individual level calls for accepting it in a way that doesn't make your sensibilities lose their shit and like it can do to some guys when, one day, they're at the gym and realize that they've gotten an erection watching the ass of the guy in front of him doing squats or, gasp, feeling that exciting spike of sexual arousal in the shower room and while there are other guys in there, you just feel pulled toward the guy who just walked in and... it doesn't make any sense because you're straight and you love women and pussy - yet you can't explain the feelings coursing through your body. It's not straight but it is "kind of" gay and, in a way, it makes sense because we don't understand bisexual... but we understand straight and gay.

I still can't understand how a guy can look like a duck, quack like a duck, and insist that he's not a duck - but it is an example of how complicated we make this because instead of going with the simplicity of the definition, nope, such a guy isn't bisexual but he's heteroflexible or, even better, the label doesn't apply to them and shit gets even more confusing when straight guys are having sex with men and insisting that, yeah, they're still straight. One the one hand, it's really just sex but the technicality that isn't always accepted is that if you have sex with women and have sex with men - and regardless to what you do, how you do it, when you can do it, you're bisexual - and being in a same-sex relationship has never been a mandatory requirement nor a way to validate your bisexuality.

I know this because I grew up being bisexual and before the shit got crazy. Being bisexual has never meant that I'm really gay and it continues to amaze me that in 2025, this is still out there and causing problems. Here's the thing: Someone will read this and say or think, "Yeah, but..." and the "but" is going to be their take on something that used to be, again, pretty straightforward or assume that I'm wrong because it doesn't jive with what they've heard, so on and so forth because they're not bisexual - they're homoerotic, biromantic, and, well, you know the words that are just other ways to describe being bisexual.

 

I think you just have to give guys a break. The complexity involved in coming out to yourself as "whatever" can be mind-boggling, because we have this huge undeniable force of homophobia not only from the outside, from so many different avenues in society, but also whatever homophobia that we have internalized in all its complexities. We are waging an inner battle that is mostly playing out within our unconscious mind. So whatever trickles out to the conscious mind I think should just be accepted as is.

It is so sad that this battle has to take place, but it takes place in virtually every man who has any fleeting thought or desire for another man physically or sexually. If you were able to avoid it, KDaddy, good on you! But for the rest of us, I believe it's been quite a struggle, and still is for so many. It's tough to accept that guys having whatever kind of sex with each other is 100% natural, and in some ways or at some times even preferred (like in guys over 70). Every person was born bisexual to one degree or another. But to accept that within yourself: oh boy!

 

That's exactly how I feel and the type of FWB relationship that I would want. Doing all the "normal" guy stuff would be great, but the M/M sex would have to be limited to handjobs and blowjobs.

 

The ideal FWB situation is one where two guys can be the best of friends and do things together, hang out, stuff like that, but when the mood strikes them, they can have sex - and it wasn't really like having a suck or fuck buddy - the guy you'd only see when he wanted to have sex and you wouldn't see him again until he wanted to have sex with you again. Okay, a lot of FWB situations don't have a thing to do with being romantic but, yeah, it's possible that it could and it's like I told my protege when he complains to me about guys getting into their feelings over him: You're not looking to be romantic but you have no control over how the other guy feels... and that's what you get for being good at what you do. I think that the "good thing" is that there are a lot of guys looking for an FWB and want to avoid emotional entanglements and, yeah, I'll say "usually," the sex between FWBs is usually handjobs and blowjobs (and mostly blowjob) but, sure, some FWBs take it to the anal sex stage of things and that's fine if that's what you're into. Let's suck each other off and go get a beer afterward - and let's not allow any drama to be included in our special friendship, okay?

It's just a matter of whether or not you want the kind of FWB that you can have sex with every time you see him and if you expect him to have sex with you when you see each other and... now, things start to get even more complicated than they already are and for a lot of men and, yes, given that it's still tough to accept that guys do, in fact, have sex with each other... and they're not gay. Whew.

 

I could not agree with this more I know how hard it was for me to admit it to myself