Bi men and aging

I went to a club x cinema with a guy and we sucked each other off. Man, there must have been three or four old retired guys getting cocks up their ass holes hard and loving it. The whole place was filled with the sounds of grunting and sighing. I only suck cock but im finding im on the outer.

 

My fantasy as a 59 year old male is to be the girlfriend of an older man. A strong man, that is kinky and likes me in women's clothes, even though I don't look remotely female.

I want him to have a beautiful cut cock, and be slightly dominant over me.

I want to cuddle into him in bed and wake up and give him a morning blow job.

And let him take me in every position imaginable, whenever he craves.

Probably all just fantasy, and will never happen. Not sure many men have a kinky desire to be with another gu with a pantyhose fetish.

 

oh yeah it seems like tons of older guys are at least bi curious. just wish there was a way to tell

 

Don't we all wish that?

 

.....something of that nature (a device that could make the "pursuit" of men looking for other men who are into m/m relations) could make things a helluva lot EASIER, for certain!

An app, perhaps?

 

An app. Yeah, you got jokes! When homosexuals were getting their asses kicked all over the country, bisexuals were paying attention and more so when society considered us to be homosexuals in denial and, well, fuck, no need to paint a target on our backs, too, but it was okay because when we weren't sleeping with men, we were still just as straight as any other straight dude but our... "natural camoflague" made it impossible for us to identify other bisexual males and we could miss the boat with the emergence of straight-acting gay men.

If it weren't for the fact that I knew which friends of mine went both ways, being able to have sex with a guy wouldn't have been impossible but it would have been fraught with more risk and potential danger. The problem, of course, was that you couldn't look at a bisexual guy and tell that he was bisexual. You could ask him, but that was risky; ask the wrong guy and things could get ugly. The truth was that we had a secret to hide: "Part of us" was homosexual even if we were in it just for the sex. This was the thing society paid attention to, and any bi guy outed got treated to the same bullshit an outed gay man would be subjected to; there were understanding women but just like now, they were far and few between. So, while gays were running around flaunting their gayness at a society that was taught to fear and hate them, bi guys... laid low in the cut; that kept a lot of us free from persecution but worsened the "is he bi" situation and, from my perspective and sixty years later, the situation hasn't gotten any better and even with the apps.
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In the early days of "gay dating sites" and apps, they worked just fine and men, bi and gay - could find each other for sex and more than sex but if we can find a way to make something work nicely, we can find a way to totally fuck it all up and, well, that's where we are with the apps today. In the good old days you could always hope to be somewhere and run into a guy who, after some conversation, you'd find that he was "just like you" and maybe in less than ten minutes but no more than a day, wind up in bed with each other and if this encounter went well, um, wouldn't it be cool if we could hang out again?

Stranger danger comes along and put an end to being available to be picked up - or to pick someone up - for a night of sexual fun. The media didn't help matters by reporting bisexuals being subjected to great violence and then making it sound like it was an endemic situation and one that endangered all bisexual men everywhere when, um, no, not the whole truth but the media wasn't about telling the truth - it was about them controlling the narrative and knowing that if they said it, Americans would believe it and where the media used to spend its time making everyone afraid of homosexuals, now they were making everyone afraid of bisexuals.

Where I live, only effeminate homosexual men had something to worry about they were so fucking easy to identify and they helped because they wanted to be identified and to gain attention... but would wind up with the wrong kind of attention and us bi guys knew of this, saw it, and learned to keep our heads down so as to not get caught in gay dragnets. Still - and with all of this craziness aside - it was never easy to find a guy to have sex with unless you already knew who'd be down for it. For as long as I've been around, bi guys always tended to look to their male friends first and if you were fortunate, they'd be interested, and you'd really know if they wanted to play "show me" with you and the other games "designed" for us to have sex. But if you knew that none of your male friends were down with this, that left you having to look elsewhere... but how can you tell if that guy over there is bisexual?
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You can't. It's what freaked societies out when bisexuality was proven to be real (what a fucking joke that was): Bi guys look just like straight guys, which isn't all that surprising since bi guys are straight guys, too, so what would you expect them to look like? Oh, yeah, right - you expect us to look like effeminate gay men. We've tried all kinds of "tips and tricks" to be able to identify ourselves to other bisexual men but there's no definitive way to know which guy is bi and which guy isn't - and the guy you think might be bi won't be... and the guy you were 100% sure wasn't bi turns out to be more bi than you are.

Confused? Yeah, me, too...

 

KD23:

Indeed, it is all quite a complex ganglia, a nearly hopelessly entangled web of just WHO might be "within the inner circle", if you know what I mean.

You brought up a VERY valid point.....HOW do you the "other guys" (either a buddy or stranger) MIGHT be bi, and indeed open to some male "bonding"?

Appearance-wise, talk-wise, you just ain't gonna know! (unless you discover a married bud's stash of gay porn rags, with all the best pages stuck together!)

Stigmas, of course, play a major role, here.

As a totally straight-acting and appearing gay man, I am indeed fortunate that NOTHING about my appearance or mannerisms let on that I am NOT into women.

One thing that has always been a sore point with me is effeminate gay men, who insist on flaunting every negative gay stereotype in the book.

At my workplace, the only openly gay men I knew were three who had conformed to any and all negative gay stereotype that exists; just the way they talked, lisped, and walked made my cringe inside.

Just because I'm gay does NOT mean I have to sacrifice my masculinity.

I'm a MASCULINE male, and that's all there is to it.

Then again, that's pretty much how I have always lived my life; I prefer to sit quietly on the sidelines, rock no boats, make no waves, in short do NOTHING to call attention to myself.

In all aspects of my life, I've always strove to be as unobtrusive as possible.

As the old saying goes, "it takes all kinds to make a world."

 

Bonding. Right. And we have some "glue" to aid in this. My protege talks about bonding a lot and recognizes that if we have sex with each other, then we can bond except some guys don't want to bother with all that "mushy" bonding stuff; let's have sex and call it a day because that bonding stuff is... gay. Sorry to say that but... the truth is that we can bond without, um, glueing ourselves to each other, you know, with that sticky glue nature provided us with.

The stigma makes us leery; it makes us afraid of each other; kinda hard to do any bonding when you're looking at me like I'm an axe murder. Gets even harder when you have some guys who really want to bond and some guys who, again, don't want to be bothered with male bonding past us busting nuts into each other. It doesn't really mean that we can't be friends and lovers... or just friends or just lovers but "bonding" implies something much more intimate and requires a lot more commonality than what's needed for two guys to just have sex.

And if you're afraid to open up to and with the guy you want to have sex with, well, I don't know how much bonding of any kind is going to take place. You can thank the stigma and social media for it being so fucking hard to find a guy you can do some bonding with and preferably without any clothes on.

 

KD23:

Well said, my friend!

 

Just curious..........

When the wife of an active bi married male passes, is there more of a chance that he might be leaning more towards men as sex partners, especially if he has been "restraining" himself while the wife was still alive?

In other words, would he be more likely towards seeking out other men, especially if he had been keeping his "bi side" from the wife?

Of course, I know this all varies from one man to another. depending on his circumstances.......

 

I am sure that, for many "closeted" bisexual married men, a "walk on the wild side" would translate into an "on the sly" M2M encounter, and hoping the wife doesn't get wind of it...........

 

I would propose that some guys, were they to lose their wife, would choose to partner with another guy and I'd say "more so" when the guy has been hiding his sexuality from her and I know it sounds fucked up but now that's she gone, he's free to be the man he'd been hiding from her.

"On the sly" stuff gets very deep into the question of infidelity which, to me, has always been a damned if you do/damned if you don't proposition. "A lot of guys" have said that if they thought they could do it and there was no way she could ever find out, sure, let's get it on but (1) a lot of those same guys are too paranoid, too full of stranger danger, all that stuff, to sneak behind her back and (2) a lot of those same guys really aren't of a mind to want to cheat on her because the history of how badly shit can go if you get caught isn't stories to scare you straight - you can potentially have your whole life ruined cheating her and more so if you did it with a dude.

I can remember sitting with other husbands/LTR boyfriends and we talked about cheating, what it is and isn't and, oddly, most of those guys said that if their woman cheated on them with another woman, well, that's not really cheating because the "unwritten rule" is that if you're female, you can only cheat on your man with another man. Some of those guys had had this conversation with their woman and she said that if he were to cheat on her with another dude, well, that's not really cheating and for the longest time, I wondered why it wasn't when, um, it really was - but I understood the same-sex aspect and "simplified" it as boys being boys and girls being girls since it wasn't unknown that guys fooled around with each other and, like my older sister once told me, "Do you really think that when girls have sleepovers that all we do is talk about clothes and boys? Really?"

I can still remember her laughter which also kinda confirmed something I thought about her, but the group was mixed on whether or not it was still cheating and the usual riffing about what they'd do if their woman cheated on them with anyone and all that trash. GG57, I still haven't figured out the logic guys employ that says when they can't get sex from their wife/girlfriend, the solution is to go have sex with a guy and it gets even stranger because some of those guys have never, ever, entertained the notion of having sex with a guy.

That a guy would, even for the briefest of moments, think, "Hmm, I wonder what it's like?" and before his mind can formulate an answer it gets flooded with everything it can come up with to squash the question and conjure up all kinds of scenarios to show him that if he were to pursue this line of thinking, here's all of the horrible things that will happen to you, well, it doesn't surprise me because, heh, heh, if you say that you've never thought about it, you've actually thought about it but rejected it. Splitting hairs? No, just being realistic. Expose a guy to porn and he might tell you that he watches it for the beautiful women and their glorious pussies but they're watching her sucking cock and getting facials and watching huge, thick dick plowing the shit out of her pussy and... "I wonder what that's like?" could make an appearance even if it just flashes through one's consciousness. True enough, the curiosity hits a guy and sticks in his head and now he's either got to spend "the rest of his life" trying to ignore it or figure out a way he can potentially satisfy this curiosity without his lady - or anyone else he knows - finding out.

Guys have asked me what it's like and I'd tell them, "There's one way for you to find out for yourself, you know..." which either gets them excited or scares the shit out of them. Why would I tell them that? Because I understand that my experiences would greatly differ from whatever he might experience so, sure, I could tell him - and in juicy detail - what it's like to suck a dick and how utterly thrilling I find it to be and if he were to give it a go, his experience will be different. And, yeah, even if some guys are considering taking a trip to the DL to have a wild side moment, I can almost guarantee that his mind will be filled with every reason - real or imagined - for why he shouldn't do this.

It can sound like a great idea, and I've always said that, yes, it always looks good on paper, but the practical application - the reality - can be very damned different and the question is... do you really want to know? Some guys do and some don't but find thinking about having sex with a guy good stuff to masturbate to...

 

KD23:

Again, an excellent, mature, "on the level" response.

Indeed, there is a HUGE divide between REALITY and FANTASY, as you and I already both know.

Also, as you so realistically stated, a married man caught cheating with a WOMAN, of course, can lead to some pretty nasty shit going down.

BUT, I cannot even begin to imagine the hell that would break loose, of a "vanilla" wife were to catch her husband having sex with another MAN.....shit, I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in the same room!

So much is at stake, involving a married bisexual man whose wife is still "in the dark" about his true sexuality, and his M2M escapades.

As you have correctly stated, lives can be turned upside down, all kinds of shit hitting the fan, and, in general, a major bloodletting....who the hell wants to endure that kind of living hell?

Then again, on the flip side, there are those more fortunate married bi males whose wives are totally OK with their hubbies having sex with other men...........those husbands are indeed more fortunate than they realize.........

 

"BUT, I cannot even begin to imagine the hell that would break loose, of a "vanilla" wife were to catch her husband having sex with another MAN.....shit, I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in the same room!"

I know guys who had this happen to them and to say it wasn't nice is about as gross an understatement as anything else I can say. People got hurt physically and emotionally and relationships were utterly and irreparably destroyed. C'mon, you have to know that there's a reason why I say that being bisexual and married is the worst thing ever. Such stories of guys getting caught in the act abound over all this time and since there is much truth to them, it's a primary reason why guys who want to get up close and personal with a man's cock and ass won't do it. My mom caught me in the act, and I saw my life flash past my eyes because I knew I was a dead man and to this very day, I consider myself to be the luckiest dude on the planet because other guys who got caught... didn't fare very well.

I learned about one reason why some wives give their husbands permission to have sex with guys: So hubby won't be bothering her for sex all that much. Sure, we know of members here who cum all over themselves to think about their wife being with them as they suck cock or get boned in the ass or sucking the other guy's cum out of her pussy and, this, too, is possible - but I found that woman's logic to be quite valid. My first wife had to reluctantly give me permission after I gave her permission to do her own thing with whomever and that was because this was... easier than divorcing her.

But if you want permission, the question I ask guys is, "What are you willing to give her for this permission? Because if you're not willing and prepared to give her whatever she wants in return, you might not want to ask her if you =an sleep with guys."

Or like I told my youngest son when he told me that he was thinking about cheating on his wife, "I want you to think about some other dude fucking your wife and once you're done, I want you to tell me how that makes you feel." Seconds later, he tells me that it doesn't make him feel good to think about someone else fucking her and I said, "Then you have an idea of how she's going to feel about you fucking some other woman. If you can't see some dude fucking your wife, then maybe you shouldn't cheat on her."

He did it anyway and things got ugly for a while and when he told me about it, I did something I swore I'd never do: I said to him, "I told you so..." because she turned around and let some seriously hung dude beat her pussy up and he was someone my son knew, to boot! It's all fun and games until you wind up destroying your relationship and the person you said that you love eternally and with all your heart and soul. I don't recommend cheating on her, but I also understand how stupidly powerful that urge to get some dick can be and I know what a lot of guys have done in this situation and all I can say is... good luck and don't get caught.

 

KD23:

EXCELLENT response; yeah, this shit CAN (and often does) get QUITE ugly, creating a deadly and horrific tidal wave bent on wreaking much havoc.

As you and I have discussed in the past, I am sure some wonder WHY a bi guy gets married to a woman, when he KNOWS he wants to have sex with other men.

Is he hoping that being married to a woman will "cure" him of his desires for M2M sex?

Is he thinking that his wife will grant him sex WHENEVER he wants?

Does he hope that, if he admits his bi side to her, she will be OK with it, and all will be clear sailing?

What happens when the wife is no longer in the mood for "putting out" on a regular basis, and, all the while, her husband's balls are now as blue as hell, and he just HAS to get some M2M action?

How NOT to get caught?

Does he DARE to confide in a close male bud (IF he has one?)

For certain, shit of this magnitude, from what I've read hear through others, can make WW2 look like a Sunday School picnic by comparison.......NOT pretty, for certain........

 

He marries a woman because that's what he's supposed to do and he loves her; having sex with men is... just having sex. No romantic intent. Have some guys foolishly thought that pussy would cure them of their desire for cock? Yes. Has it worked? Not that I know of; at best, good pussy will push the craving for cock to the back of the bus but it's still on the bus and there's nothing that'll freak most newbies out than to be hitting the wife's good pussy... and thinking about a long, fat, dick burrowing its way into his ass.

I knew beyond any doubts that I wanted to have sex with men... and got married because (a) I loved her and (b) we had a son, so I had to do the right thing (or my mom would've killed me). The one thing had nothing to do with the other. I would fall in love with a guy, and it was exciting and real and who the fuck knew... and it changed nothing about my feelings for my wife and my desire to flood her womb with my cum and my boyfriend was also a joy to have sex with. The world is different when you have permission, though.

If your hypothetical guy were to admit to her that he's bi and he's had some (or a lot of) dick, and he's thinking that she's going to be okay with it, well, rude awakening time, homey. He could have gotten lucky and married a woman who was hiding her bi side that came out while she was in college so that could work... or not. Women are just funny like that. Classically, if the wife has given up on sex and she could care less if you went out and had an affair, that logic that tells a guy that whether she approves or not, needs always must and guys are easier to have sex with than women are and, besides - they always wondered what it would be like. Now, in their defense, menopause devastates most women both physically and emotionally that Mother Nature has one last joke to play on them and it's not like they don't know that while their sex drive is going down the tubes, she's married to a guy who wants to be intimate with her and no matter what and, well, ask any guy living with a menopausal woman to find out what that's like.

Does he confide in a close male friend? Oh, he wants to but he's really afraid to because if he tells and his friend loses his shit, a formerly good relationship has crashed and burned and there's no coming back from that (usually). He might not just want to confide in him - he wants his friend's cock and despite the stupid rule that says that friends don't fuck friends, but the reality life offers says, "If you can't fuck your friends, who are you really supposed to be fucking?" This one becomes quite poignant when you factor in stranger danger so if you can't fuck a stranger and can't fuck a friend, I'm thinking you're fucked and definitely not in a good way.

But for those women who tend to weaponize the pussy and hold it hostage and demanding "ransom?" If you don't fuck your man, someone else will be more than happy to do your job for you... and it could be another man. Women, in particular, have yet to learn the lesson of not leaving men to their own devices because when you do, there is no telling what a man is going to do like, oh, go down to the local adult book store and settle in at his favor glory hole and service every swinging dick that appears through that hole in the wall. Or he doesn't seem to be all that concerned that you're holding pussy hostage because he and Kenny, who he met at the gym - and the gym that she insisted he needed to go to - have been having sex with each other for years now so if she's not giving up the pussy, it's not a problem since Kenny's probably better in bed than she is and is also quite agreeable and easy to work with when it comes to doing what boys have been doing since forever.

 

KD23:

Another excellent, well-written, on-the-mark "thesis".........once again, you covered it all, and covered it WELL.

Bottom line:

A bi guy married to a woman who is "in the dark" about his true sexuality it is, literally, walking on the edge of a VERY sharp sword, with all hell breaking loose if the truth should emerge.

Is "honesty the BEST policy" in this situation?

Most certainly, that honesty can indeed unleash a Pandora's box of horrors........discretion is the byword, here, and also, realizing that being HONEST and OPEN might NOT be in the best interests of all concerned..............

 

They often say that "honesty" is the foundation upon which a marriage rests.

SOUNDS valid and sensible (at face value), BUT, when this marriage includes a BISEXUAL husband, well, then again, it's a totally different ball game, for certain..........

 

It is a Catch-22 to end all Catch-22s. If you're honest, your life could get fucked up; if you're dishonest, your life could get fucked up. The funny thing about people is that they always demand the truth but when you hit them with it, well, they get pissy about it. They say that the truth shall set you free... but if you tell the truth about your sexuality, oh, it'll set you free, alright: You can find yourself all by yourself and bereft of all that meant anything to you.

Make no mistake: It's not just bisexual men who get caught up in this insanity; bisexual women don't fare as well as you may think because there are a lot of men out there who get seriously offended to find out that the woman they love... loves women like he does. But the "best" horror stories come from the guy who loves his woman so much that he'll tell her something about himself that he wouldn't even tell his own mother and the thanks he gets for doing this is she shreds him like a block of cheese on a grater. Accuses him of betraying her; lying to her; cheating on her; not loving her or caring about her feelings and if you've never had anyone go off on you like this, then you really have no idea how it's like a very big knife in the heart to find out that the one person you thought you could trust... doesn't trust you.

Love, as it turns out, doesn't mean a hill of beans. Does this situation get any better when the two of you have been married for 30, 40, even 50 years? Eh, maybe, maybe not because just because we get older doesn't mean that our beliefs change and maybe it's true if/when she says that she doesn't care if you sleep with another man - just don't you dare sleep with another woman or maybe, when you tell her the truth - and all of the truth - the next thing she does is call a lawyer or she doesn't give you any grief and you get up and go to work the next day thinking - and feeling glad - that you've dodged a bullet, only to come home and find the house empty... and all because you decided to be honest with her.

Try explaining to a woman why you wanting to suck another man's cock doesn't have anything to do with her. Go ahead. I'll wait.

 

KD23:

Indeed, classic examples of :"caught between a rock and a hard place", and "damned if you do, damned if you don't".

You certainly are smart enough to know what ugly shit can go down in such touchy situations; it can turn into a bloodbath in a flash, for certain.

Once again, when a bisexual man marries, I'm willing to wager that he is already wondering just exactly what might the future hold, regarding his marriage vows sharply conflicting with his hidden desires fo M2M sex...................