I actually starting thinking about this topic while I was still in HS. They were saying this doctor in the Netherlands was talking to this young girl. And he asked her if she was sexually active. She said yes, and he asked her with whom. She said, well I masturbate. Which surprised the doctor for some reason, that she thought that made her sexually active. But you know, masturbation could be considered by itself a sex life. And all that matters with that is whether it is satisfying to you or if it's all you need. I've heard people resort more towards that option when they are older or when they get divorced. Or certain groups that find it hard to start relations might use that. The handicapped, or people who are just unpopular really for any reason. You could also consider yourself sexually active if that's all your doing. If being considered sexually active is important to you. Then if any of your friends ask you if you are, you could say yes. And if they press further you could explain to them what you mean, like that young girl above. There's also telephone sex. With a pay service. Or with someone who only wants that kind of a relation with you. That's satisfying enough for some people. You could also have telephone sex in person. I don't know what telephone sex in person is called. I guess it's just called talking dirty. But you could do that with someone too, if that's all they want with you. You can also be creative too. Maybe something I didn't cover here. Just keep it safe and legal, and avoid STD's if at all possible.
I was masturbating before I was fucking. My first, who became my mentor, taught me better ways to jack off. But one thing about it. Solo sex or with a partner, it's all sex.
For me, masturbating in s the total of my sex life. Sex ceased in my late 40s. Then came depression, chrating, online hookups by begrudging agreement with my wife, or I would have left. Sucker me, stayed, found MF sex rarely online. Too many mind games. Turned to MM oral and masturbating. In hindsight i should have left, but how to leave someone whos going through a lot of medical stuff. Now 71, few choices left
The issue here is what is meant by a 'sex life? The term is usually meant to refer to sex with another person implying that any other source of sexual enjoyment is inferior and not 'real' sex. But the example of the young woman in Holland shows that this is a narrow and negative view. Many women whose experience of sex with men is less than satisfactory have attested that their first (and in many cases only) truly satisfying and enhancing sex was masturbating to orgasm or came from a dildo not a penis. This derives from a long standing view that masturbation (and other sources of sexual pleasure) is sinful and taboo. As a man past 70 I came from an era when this was the case and for some time thought that masturbation was great but would not compare to real sex with a woman and would become unnecessary once I entered into a permanent sexual relationship. I eventually discovered that this was not so on both counts. That self sex could be equally pleasurable and orgasm just as profound and that the need and desire to masturbate neither diminished because I had partnered sex and did not threaten or take away from it. Sex with another is different to solo sex of course and it is those differences which allow partnered sex and masturbation to coexist in a healthy relationship.
I was also going to add something else, to finish what I was saying here. Men can apparently have more than one type of orgasm. I was experimenting with that idea a while back. I sent a letter to Playgirl magazine, asking if men could have different types of them like women can. And they answered my question saying that they can. I think mental orgasms are possible. Like one you might have when you are asleep and dreaming. I said on another message board something like that would be good for a person in a wheelchair or paralyzed. The main thing, like they say about women, is practice and becoming aware of your own body's reactions. What I said above would be a good thing to talk to your doctor or therapist about. Or I am sure there is information about that online too.
And just to finish what I was saying, and repeat a little to add to what I said. A sex life is whatever you think is a sex life. It doesn't have to be by others' definition. Things like masturbation, or even mutual masturbation or things like touching caressing, can be enough. And as they say, if you can't get what you want, learn to enjoy what you have. Maybe it's not lack of enjoyment but something else that makes you think that anyways. That above all applies to people who are handicapped and have other problems that affect their personal lives and sex lives especially of course. I have had this idea, since at least 2011 I guess, that legal prostitution is a good way to ensure groups like that have access to a sex life. 2011 is when I told my therapist about a guy in the UK who went to the Netherlands to have sex for the first time. He was in a wheelchair, and it said on the website they catered to people with handicaps. They were handicapped accessible, and my therapist said some prostitutes even get special training for that. But prostitution has to be carefully regulated. And brothels are the best way to do it because they are safer for the prostitutes and you can better control what goes on there. I was reading online that a local city said recently they will no longer enforce our prostitution laws because they think they are a waste of tax payer dollars. Like when Bill Clinton said he would no longer enforce obscenity statutes. Especially at a time when most people viewed it online and in the privacy of their own home anyways. I brought this up on the Swedish section here. And I think someone said I was being too critical of Swedes, saying I didn't like their prostitution laws. That's not what I meant at all, if I understood him. Swedes are wonderful people. They have one of the highest standards of living in the world and they were the first to outlaw corporal punishment for children. But Sweden, the UK, Canada, Mexico, Russia, etc. are not theocracies. They are modern secular democracies. And they have no business telling people how to live their lives if it harms no one and the person isn't bothering other people.
