My Mental History.

I was also thinking more recently about the Star Trek TNG episode "Elementary, Dear Data" first aired Dec 5, 1988. The villain Professor Moriarty. I forget the details now. But I think I kind of liked him. He was very rational like me, and very civilized in his approach to life. But if he had to be mean he tended to be kind of cold and clinical about it, also like me: "I'm a civilized abductor, Captain Picard. Civilized but still dangerous." My favorite line from that episode, also from Moriarty, is still "The more you proclaim your ignorance, the more you try to mislead me, the more I am on to you. Your every silence speaks volumes." Like I've told people, I like it when people think I'm stupid. Then they often let down their guard and I get more information that way.

But this episode was from a time in my life when I still thought I might be a genius. Starting 1991, I thought I was at least borderline mentally disabled. So I stopped thinking that way about myself. I really don't know what I am though. No one in my life will tell me. Although I was right about a couple of things. There were some strange circumstances surrounding my birth, I was deprived of oxygen and there does seem to have been some damage involved. What I am ultimately intellectually and mentally I don't know. But I've always been very rational and emotionally detached I know.

 

I'm still trying figure out how this could be happening. But I don't think I'm alone in this. Others would feel the exact same way in my position. It makes absolutely no sense. Clearly still no one is helping me. I sometimes think something is secretly being done to help me because I have no way of knowing. But I really have not reason to believe this though. I've been permanently damaged with drugs that were never any reason for and that I never should have been taking to begin with with my Cerebral Palsy. And now everyone knows I have Cerebral Palsy, and I still am supposed to take them. While damage is being done that could be avoided. Damage that will shorten my life and affect my quality of life well into my old age with my CP. And I've had all my rights stripped away from me. And it's been done secretly which is ever worse. And I've done nothing wrong. Which doesn't matter. You're not supposed to harm people like they've done to me even if they've done something wrong. And my case is not at all extreme. Quite the opposite in fact. So if they can do this to me, they can do it to anyone. They could do it to you, the reader, in your old age. You just would never know. And what can I do about it? I'm denied all access to the legal system. And why? And how could that ever be possible? Plus I'll never even know when this is over. No one has ever tried to win back my trust. And I don't think they really deserve to ever have it again. I don't think they would even trust themselves in my situation if they had that choice, really.

 

I don't know if I've ever gone into this next one. (To find out even with a message board search, I'd have to find the right key word and then sift thru all 25 pages of this section of the boards. And I don't have time for that now.). But people have been trying to make me angry. I don't get angry easily and I don't have a behavioral problem with things like outbursts of anger. I really don't have any behavioral problems at all. But clearly that is what people were trying to do. I suspected it early on, maybe starting in or by high school. And then in 1988 and 9 in that hospital there can be no doubt that is what they were trying to do. Trying to make me as angry as possible, obviously.

As I already told that court when I reached out to them a couple of years ago it all started Jul. 6, 1988 as I've said, when someone had that nurse in that hospital betray me. A kindly older woman very much like a grandmother in the nice way she treated me. I thought maybe all of that never happened, so much of it was so unlikely. But my therapist in 2011 pretty much told me that it all happened that way. And he kind of alluded to the fact the same thing was happening in my HS in many ways. Then that hospital played upon my trust of kindly old ladies and my feeling that they would never let me down. But that nurse sure let me down. And she seemed to be the ringleader there. Which was odd because the director of that program barely seemed to even know what going on. (If someone wanted to commandeer a whole program just to get to me, wouldn't they turn to the director? I wondered that then too.) Then she became the ringleader and always the most cruel there of all of them, staff and patients who abused me. Yeah, her insults always implied I was going to hell. "Hots" and "downs" and the like. One time she was talking about her hot water heater. And when she got to the part where it malfunctioned she ended that sentence on the note it "went down". My mother told me that is just an exceptable way of saying that. Batteries die, carburetors fail and hot water heaters go down. You're reading too much into these things, everyone told me. Then one time she was talking about her husband's weight. She started saying his weight, then she got a sadistic glean in her eyes and said "went from like... 160 doowwnn to 220!!". All these years later I still remember, that is a direct quote. The other patients were listening to all of this. In the eating area where we were at, next to the restrooms, but more towards the office and front door. They were silent at first, not knowing what to say. Then this young woman broke the awkward silence by saying something about her daughter and the numbers 2 or 6. My mother and others were confused by all of this. Now that statement was weird, everyone agreed. (I know up till then she kept saying everything was "...about two". Which was plausible at first. One is about two, 3 is about two, five is about two in value. Aren't they? But then she started getting into tens and hundreds even. You know I thought maybe this is something I thought of or heard of in math. The value infinity. One million is not about 2. Unless you compare it to infinity, then it would be. Right? When I revealed that that nurse was saying that by then too people said, no that really isn't true. I don't know much about math they told me. But that's not a likely thing for her to say. A million is about two, IOW.)

Anyways, there was a lot of humiliation and mental abuse like what I described above. I guess I'll share it as I remember and when I get the chance. But the climax might have come in the eating area again. This time with the occupational therapist. (Yeah, the occupational therapist was very nice. That was the first thing I noticed about her in 1987. She always gave me this kindly, reassuring smile whenever she thought I was feeling sad or troubled. She was Polish like me too, I still remember. Anyways. She was getting more and more obnoxious as time went on, not surprising. One time we were doing a writing assigment. And she was walking around looking at some number on each paper saying everyone was down to two. Everyone was. Until she got to one paper and had to pause. Because he was the only one who wasn't "down to two" like the rest.) But the climax: one time, like I said it was in the eating area again. The OT therapist came up to me and said in a whispy, trailing voice "James... we.. want you too read... this..." What she gave me was kind of inspirational, about someone being abused and treated unfairly. I forget the details, but it really sounded like it was about me in some parts. But it was about someone else like I said. So after I read it there was a pause again. And she said curtly, and with clear cruelty in her voice really at this point, "Number two. Down at the bottom".

Anyways, they psychologically tortured me at that hospital for over a year, from July 6th till September 1989. I had never been hurt or humiliated like that ever before in my life. I was totally unprepared for it and I didn't even think at the time such a thing was possible from our medical community. But as I told all my therapists since 2011, I think I really learned a lot about myself and my own inner strength then. But that all happened out in the open, in a medical clinic in large private hospital in that city again. Many people took part in it, and everyone in that city must have in some way known what was going on there. I mean, how could they not? I think the time has come to hold all those people accountable. Am I wrong? With whatever legal penalty or remedy is available. Or can be created now, if possible. And I think the laws of Michigan that could even allow all this should be changed. I think all the people responsible for this, and all my abuse since my childhood on, should be at least exposed. So the world knows. Knows what kind of people they are. Or at least know what kind of people they aren't, if they have a reputation for being sweet and compassionate like that nurse and OT therapist. I'd expose them, but I don't have the money for that. So it would have to be someone else who does that too. But I think the time has come. Is anyone with me on this?

 

Local Fox 2 News is playing in my bedroom, the one next to the master bedroom. And reporter Jessica Dupnack was just doing a report on a case on I-94 in Detroit. A man was pouring alcohol into someone else's cup as he drove. (You know that's good. They should focus on the lack of regard for the law by drivers in Detroit. And then go on to protect the rights of the handicapped who drive in the Detroit and are minding their own business. Which they should be doing already, as I have said.) But. They interviewed this man. I just overheard his voice, I wasn't watching. I'm at my PC right now. And he said pouring alcohol into someone else's cup like that takes drinking and driving "to a whole new level!", like that.

I was thinking of that phrase. Whole new level, I mean. Starting in the 80s I used to hear African Americans say "fonna" instead of "gonna". Most Americans say gonna. Like in "I'm gonna go now". But African Americans insert a f in that word, taking it to a whole new level. I always thought that would be a funny joke. That they are taking it to a whole new level by inserting an f in that word. (But I guess I won't though. Because I'm told even when I say nice or harmless things about other people that's still considered hate speech in some countries.) But. I was thinking of that joke recently, and that phrase. "Whole new level." And I wasn't mumbling it to myself. So that bugs in my house would hear that, even though I have no reason to believe there are bugs in my house. It's almost like someone is reading my mind sometimes. Like I said, to do that trick you just need to have information the other person didn't think you could have. And sometimes, I've noticed, people just make educated guesses about what I am thinking then. Because they bring up a certain subject, or word even. And then wait a day, knowing that I will probably think about it by then. But that is all still very weird. My therapist almost seems to know something about that. But he won't go into detail. The state of Michigan has a technique for reading minds? Or is it the federal government? Or just mental health professionals here? It's an old parlor trick, like I've said. But I still haven't figured it out.

It's been happening all my life. And it's been happening more recently. It all has a logical explanation I agree, possibly just that it's just a coincidence. But it's all still weird.

 

About my post this morning, above of course, about that "whole new level" comment. I'm not saying it means anything. By itself it proves nothing, I agree. It just seems like I have been seeing a lot weird stuff on TV recently. More so than usual. Perhaps. Numbers and words and odd things that I was just thinking or that had meaning to me long ago. As I said I'm sure it's nothing. But again, I've been seeing that all my life.

 

Like I said, the threats (and that's what they all were, at least since 1989 like I said) were becoming more and more realistic. Like I said, they even had my drug store picked out for me. But would get to my doctors' appointments? How would go shopping? I really don't any friends. And my legal guardian certainly wasn't going help me with that. We're confident you'll find a way they said. (I also have to point out again they never even told me why they wanted to take my car. I always thought that people who were good drivers and had licenses would never have to worry about that. And this went on for 20 years like I said.) People in my life now seem to reassure me losing my car is no longer on the table. I don't know though. That's what my psychiatrist would say. And then he'd suddenly bring it up years later that way. And there's a real chance I could lose my car if I lost my legs and hands. But so far no one seems to care. Or even if they did, the damage is permanent. I will be dealing with it for the rest of my life, one way or another.

I was telling my therapist, the same was true about the threat of sending me to prison where I would be abused for many years. On made up or trumped up charges like I said. I recognized right away it was threat. But I thought if I waited long enough and nothing happened it would blow over too. Finally by 2011 it seemed like nothing was going to happen. I forget, but I think things in my life were quieting down a little then too with the harassment from people. But then when father died in 2011 my mail suddenly started getting returned to people I sent it to. I called up the post office and my mail carrier said that she canceled my mail when she heard my father died. I told her I still live here. She said she knew, she just did think I needed mail anymore. I finally got my mail back. But that's ridiculous. Even then it seemed like she thought I'd be arrested too for some reason. And it would happen soon again. So soon that she really didn't think I needed mail anymore. I was obviously never arrested. But that just shows that the threat was that harm or pain would happen to me very soon.

Also around this time some people told me it's not that I did anything wrong, they just thought I could get the treatment I needed in prison. And they would house me and care for me too. I had an uncle say that. He was a sick man. But he said it once, so I could overhear. And the way he said it I could tell that it was part of conversation they were having in private. Also a man online once said that was his view, that prisons where were we should dump all our mentally ill people. I didn't know him and that might have just been coincidence. But that's still quite a thing to say.

 

I was also recently talking to my therapist. I don't know what that business above with my mail carrier canceling my mail was all about. It happened in 2011, like I said. But what if someone really was going to be sent away some place? Maybe even prison? They'd need their mail. Actually, as I pointed out, they'd probably need it a lot more at that point. As they communicated with their lawyer and other people like that. Yeah, the mail service is sometimes terrible in Detroit. And people in my neighborhood have missing tail lights and don't obey traffic laws. So why were they focusing me minding my own business? Like I told my therapist. Most of the rapes and murders in Detroit are unsolved. Shouldn't they focus on that before they focus on a law-abiding person minding his own business? Or actually they aren't supposed to be harassing law-abiding people at all. But they still did in Detroit and that other city for over 20 years.

And now I am permanently damaged by all of that nonsense. That can never be undone. My lifespan has probably been shortened. And now there is a real chance I could lose my ability to drive if I lose my feet or hands. Or what is I had a stroke from my Type 2 Diabetes? Or lost my vision? I will be stuck with that for life too no matter what happens. And I will probably need expensive care as I get older. That is why I am going to have to make sure my legal guardian and his son are required to always take care of me.

And I can't believe what little respect people have for me. The fact I drive and my personal life are none of their business. People seem to feel they can get far too personal with me. And they did it for over 20 years. So it never bothered them and no one ever told them to stop. It seems to me that they are the ones who should ensure I always have a car and good quality of life. Of course I try and I try to submit a patient's rights complaint. But my therapist says he can't submit a patient's rights complaint on a case that doesn't exist, even though it obviously does. And like I said, my case isn't even extreme. What do they do to people whose cases are? The public doesn't seem to know. That is why I think the time has come to expose all of that.

 

Someone from the state of Michigan just called back. She basically conceded (without going into detail) that someone was concerned about my mobility. Because someone "anonymously" told her I had not been out of my home in days and was concerned. Which is nonsense. I told her there are a number of ways people would know I was out my home, and not unconscious for weeks (is I think what she was implying). Going out to stores, seeing doctors (although arriving late usually) the satellite signal on my car, etc. And the first lady who came to my door from state of Michigan did look down at the bottom of my legs, which were coincidentally bare because I had to put a bathrobe on really quick.

I'll leave out any personal analysis this time because I am getting ready now. But that's basically what happened. She said someone will be checking up on me with a personal visit again in the near future.

 

Also, I went to a doctor yesterday. It was that one who seemed to think certain people shouldn't be driving. And our visit was very weird. He seemed to be bothered by something, maybe even like he felt guilty about something. Nothing more than that though. It was a normal visit. And then at one point it sounded like he was about to say that I have a serious medical problem. When I questioned him on it he said I misheard him. I also pointed out to him that one of my senses of touch seems to have changed. There might be a difference in how I sense the weight of things. I can still sense the weight of something like a small piece of paper I told him. And I showed him what I meant. But when I put a pill into the pill bottle cap to put into a little cup, I can seem to sense it as well. The weight of the pill I mean. He also confirmed I might be having other problems due to my Cerebral Palsy. The damage to the nerves in my feet is permanent I know. Why would my Cerebral Palsy be changing now? I'm not a doctor. But I'm 56 now. And I suspect I'll probably need very expensive lifelong care someday. I have no money, there's little money saved up in the trust and I have no friends. My legal guardian will have to take care of my in my old age. Him and his son. And it seems to me that the people who were doing things like trying to take away my car when I was doing nothing wrong and just trying to live my life bear some responsibility. Though no one now seems to care about any of that. Am I wrong?

 

And just for the record. I am not suicidal and never have been. I never thought I was, I always knew it was all those people's fault. I just didn't know if I was allowed to say that.

Well now I do. So be forewarned.

 

I really do wonder about others hurt by what was done to me. Like I said, I found in 2011 that hospital really did do all those terrible things to me starting 1988. And they did it right in the open. I guess people didn't have any idea what was happening inside the actual clinic itself. But it wasn't hidden. It was an bona fide clinic in that city. We went for walks outside and did things like play frisbee too. And everyone must have been in on it. The owners and management of that hospital must have known. And the people in that city must have. The city council and police. Again, how could they not? I'm also confused by another fact. If I tried to file a patient's rights abuse claim, I knew it would go nowhere. Which even today I believe. They would have planned what they were doing well in advance. And so if stopping them or having them held accountable were as easy as filing a complaint, they wouldn't have even tried it. Especially so boldly. And I really am concerned about others harmed this way. If happened to me it must have happened to others. Just the fact such a thing was possible. People in Michigan just don't know of this. I mean, did anyone abused like me have their story end tragically? That is why I think it is important they be exposed. Just so people know this going on even.

My therapist seems to be telling me it's time to move on from him and find a therapist at that new clinic. As I told him, the main problem is my telling the new therapist about my weird experiences and theory of alien intervention. As I said, I have been doing that since 2011 after my father died. I was always just open and honest about it. And it never led to me being hospitalized or medicated over it. Actually, it's obvious that that psychiatrist who just dumped me knew all about it. My old family doctor already told me all my doctors communicate with each other. The psychiatrist that just dumped me knew all about it, he was just playacting when he seemed not to. And as I always told people, my relation with him was very adversarial. The example I jokingly use is that I couldn't even talk to him about hamburgers. Because then he'd say I was obsessed with them and needed a new medicine. Or a raise in the medicine I was taking. (And going along with all of that has left me permanently damaged, as you know.) With every therapist since 2011, and there have been three altogether, I go through a breaking in process where I tell them all my weird experiences. As I told my therapist it would be nice to just skip that next time. And like I told my present therapist when I first met him a couple of years ago, that's all I have to talk about. Just my experience with possible aliens.

 

And I might as well add. I was talking to a staff member at my former psychiatrist's office. And he pretty much confirmed he knew all along about my weird experiences. Since 2011 I guess. (I thought the therapist I was seeing then was set up by our probate lawyer and so not related to my other mental health treatment. But like I said, my doctors are all working together it seems.) He was just doing a good job of playacting.

Like I said, playacting. They do it a lot, the people in my life at least. And sometimes they do it in ways where they want me to see that for some reason. That started in grade school. The kids there were obviously reading from a script. They made that obvious sometimes. Whether it works that way in other schools I don't know. Like I've said, mental health professionals probably use that technique a lot.

 

Yeah, those symptoms in my legs have been going on for some time now. Probably over ten years even, maybe 15 or 20. I was telling my physician then that my legs ached a lot when I walked. Walked like more than a couple of blocks. Sharp pain almost. I had to stop even when I was walking because of it. He said that was common and normal and there was a name for that. That's around the time my father was still alive and walked that one time to that that drug store in my neighborhood. And my feet were aching pretty badly by the time I got there. I couldn't even walk a couple of blocks without pain. And they wanted me walking there? Which is a mile, I later determined. It's not near my house at all. And a guard was killed there. And now it's closed. Because when they took away my car, it was understood, I should at least be able to get my psychiatric medicines. As to how I would go other places, including my doctors, including my psychiatrist for that matter, they said they didn't care. Or I could handle it. I am an excellent driver with a perfect record. It's most of the people in Detroit who shouldn't be driving, with no insurance. That's a felony. And missing tail lights, like I noticed on a couple of my neighbors' cars recently. Shouldn't you go after the law breakers before you go after the law abiding? Or actually why would you go after a law abiding person like me at all? Who was doing nothing wrong and just trying to live his life the best he could. But the police and the first responders who wanted this seem to think they were above the law. They have a name for that. A person like that would be called a sovereign citizen. And I couldn't make them stop. They did it for over 20 years no matter how I begged and pleaded. No matter how I explained what that would do to me. Obviously because they view me differently.

And can you lose your license? For pouring your coffee in you mug a third time? I guess technically in Michigan you can. But as Shakespeare pointing out in that play if you suddenly are adhering strictly to the law, why do you think the law with be merciful to you when you need most it? And now there's a real chance they could win with that. I could lose my feet or even hands, and I may never be able to drive again. And no one seems to care. As far as I know this is not ending and will never be over with. Not that I will ever know when it is of course.

 

If I do have any true place in this world, I think it is to expose all of this. Because in my case it could have ended tragically. But fate always intervened for me. But how many cases are like mine? And how many did end tragically? The people of Michigan and world has the right to know. Because people shouldn't be doing things like this in private. That's how the worse crimes in human history have been committed. And, they have always eventually been exposed. So therefore the time has come I think for this to be exposed. Because my case is not extreme or unique. And much of my abuse at that hospital and other places was happening right out in the open. Yet no one even knew about it. That has to be changed. And it was not necessary, the abuse they gave me. So that obviously isn't it. And like I also said about my case, people were making horrible serious threats against me. And they were getting more serious each year. And they were getting more clever, like that car thing. And they were still happening. Like at that local store recently They would have just continued into my old age. I just wasn't sure if I was allowed to speak up and say something. Well I am, and I always will. People have no right to treat me that way. Treat me that way and then say I am morally weak because it leads me to thoughts of suicide. I wonder if that's not the whole point of it. To always be able to say I am suicidal. When in fact people are making horrible, violent threats against me. Threats that never came true. But I don't know. They were getting more and more realistic too. And like I said, they already had my new drug store picked out or me in my neighborhood. When they took away my car for no reason, and even though I am an excellent driver. And then had me walk miles thru the cold, dark streets of Detroit and probably get mugged. Or worse.

I also am wondering if everyone is on the same page with all of this and if everyone knows the same as everyone else. Some people who took part in some of this I can tell even now really didn't know the full details of what they were taking part in. And my therapist till 2022 sent me a text in December of that year telling me to look forward to the best and don't anticipate the worst. Which shows he could tell that I was getting desperate sometimes with some of those horrible threats. But it also seems to suggest he really didn't know the full story of what was going on, or how serious the threats were.

I am not going to tolerate that nonsense in my life anymore. People are not allowed to treat me that way. And I am going to expose it too so the world knows. That song doesn't lie.

 

And just to repeat, why I thought suicide was ever justified. In my life or anyone else's. It was because of what that hospital did to me starting July 6, 1988. That night I still remember, for the first time in my life, I started seriously contemplating suicide and even trying out methods to do that. Before then I was morally opposed to suicide. I just didn't think it was ever necessary. There were times, like when I thought I was going to be sent to Northville Psychiatric Hospital to spend the rest of my life unbearable akathisia pain, where I would have liked an option like that. Starting in 1986 before I turned 18, because the people in my life thought it was necessary to do that for some reason. Tell me that and taunt and tease me about it, even though it was clearly unnecessary. And my political views changed on it too July 6th. I have been a liberal and a Democrat all my life. I took a questionnaire in HS once. And it said I was a moderate liberal. But I've always been open-minded, and I've always been a skeptic too.

But political views aside, the only reason why I ever thought I had to consider that option and the only reason why I thought it could ever be justified was because of that hospital. Not because I was morally weak, like my psychiatrist then said. After he abused me like that for over a year, and then led directly to my suicide attempt in July of 1989. It was their fault and their fault alone, and people shouldn't treat me that way. But if they do again in the future, and sadly they may. That will always be my position on that subject. What led to it and how to solve that problem. Just to repeat.

 

Like I've told people. I never wanted much in life. Just things like a walk in the park and to collect sports cards. Especially after those six years I was unable to be in public. But right away people started telling me I couldn't even have that. And now I could lose all the things like that for good, if I lost my feet or worse.

 

I was also going to say about the abuse I received at the hands of the mental health system in Michigan. Which all really did happen, my therapist told me in 2011. And it was going on in many of my schools he also basically said. My case didn't end tragically. But how many did? We really don't know, do we? And that is why that all needs to be exposed. Exposed that those tragedies happened and those people were hurt that way. And exposed that there are people among us capable of hurting someone like that. Especially when the work in professions people think would never do that. Or when they are in unexpected places, like schools and colleges. I don't have any money or resources to do that. And I don't even know how. Someone will have to help me with all of that. But I do know what happened to me and I do know it could have ended tragically. But fate always intervened. Perhaps so I expose all of this and all these people, as I've said.

 

But, there is just a simple financial fact, let's call it, that I noticed right away. When I was seeing that psychiatrist I started seeing in late 1984. The first one, as I call him. One session on the way over I didn't do that necessary rituals and appeasements to keep Merde in check. (Merde as I've told people in my name for that malevolent personality that seemed to use my mouth without my knowledge. For lack of a better name.) His office was in Auburn Hills, MI and it was a long ride over. And the trip over was uneventful, as I later told therapists. But he always walked into the room just after I arrived. And as soon as he walked in he paused. And he started coughing loudly and violently, with great anger. Believe me. But that was whole session. No talk or therapy whatsoever. Nothing but loud, violent coughing. Okay, maybe he didn't hear Merde. I don't know anymore. But I do know that was the whole session. Like I tell people, was my medical insurance company charged for that? We had good insurance, the company most people had then.But that's not the worst of it. The worst of it was the hospital that psychologically tortured me for over a year, 1988 to 89. Leading to pain, anguish and desperation. And the first time in my life I ever contemplated and started planning out suicide. Well, my 2011 therapist admitted that all happened. And again, was our insurance charged for that? For horrible abuse lasting over a year that almost ended in tragedy? That seems like insurance fraud to me if nothing else.

That 1988 and 89 hospital no longer exists. And I went there briefly in 1992. I just looked it up quickly online. And they seem to still exist, that private corporation I mean. They may have changed their name in 2013, to another hospital at that same location in that city again. Or maybe that's another name, I don't know. But shouldn't they be penalized in some way? Or shouldn't the public be informed? That they condone this kind of behavior? The extreme emotional abuse of an innocent patient who never even did anything wrong? Or that they condone insurance fraud at least, like I said?

I think they should. But as I said, I don't have the means. Someone else will have to. And I ask that someone does, for other patients' sake if nothing else.

 

And I don't know why threats were ever necessary for me. They clearly weren't and they were always very wrong. But they seem to have begun in 1988 or 9 at that hospital and a couple other places too. Threats of horrible, unbearable pain that never ended. But I thought if I just waited and nothing happened, I could move on. So in 2004 they introduced the idea of physical violence and abuse. Coupled with the fact I am handicapped with Cerebral Palsy and unable to defend myself. I didn't know I had Cerebral Palsy yet. But I knew how physically weak I was compared to other boys, girls and women too really. And all of it coupled with injustice and unfairness. That was the point of the car thing too. And it was clever too. It too was coupled with injustice and unfairness by people I was always taught I could trust, like police and doctors. Like in that video It's My Life. People who didn't seem to care no matter how I begged them. And it was so unjust that I was a good driver just minding my own business with good insurance, at the same time living in such a lawless city. That they seemed to be ignoring at the same time, just focusing instead on me.

Like I said, the idea of injustice began at that hospital in 1992 with the new threat I'd be falsely accused of something some day. But I thought the solution to that is that you just offer evidence to prove your innocence. But they seemed to show me at a local bar in the summer of 1994 that that wouldn't work. (Or maybe what happened there was just coincidence, I don't know anymore.) Because they'd just plant or manufacture evidence. Say that there were many witnesses to the crime I never did, and that there was no way it could have possibly been anyone but me, like at that bar. And like I said, the car one involves violence too. I am very weak physically, I can't legally own a concealed pistol. And like I said, now I learn the people in my life already knew that I had neuropathy in my feet and the beginning of mobility and other issues. But walking to that drug store at all hours of the day and night would have eventually led to someone attacking me. Because I'd be doing often after all, and late at night like I said. That and trying to find a way to my doctors. Plus with the car one they already chose my drug store. So something was really happening with that threat. They were even in the final stages of it. And with the next threat they'd have to be even more creative and make it more realistic. There'd be threats of violence, but they'd have to be more severe. And they'd have to go beyond the planning stages. They'd have to actually start doing something to me, and causing me some real pain and harm. Well they did cause me permanent harm. My feet are permanently damaged and my life is forever shortened with Type 2 Diabetes. Maybe that was the point of all of that. I hope not, but I don't know.

And then that threat of prison still continued at that local business recently? Where I didn't even know the owner and she didn't know me. Because they were going to keep abusing and threatening me well into my old age? Not if I can help it.

 

But there is just a simple financial fact, let's call it, that I noticed right away. When I was seeing that psychiatrist I started seeing in late 1984. The first one, as I call him. One session on the way over I didn't do that necessary rituals and appeasements to keep Merde in check. (Merde as I've said in my name for that malevolent personality, for lack of a better name.) His office was in Auburn Hills, MI and it was a long ride over. And the trip over was uneventful, as I later told therapists. But he always walked into the room just after I arrived. And as soon as he walked in he paused. And he started coughing loudly and violently, with great anger. Believe me. But that was whole session. No talk or therapy whatsoever. Nothing but loud, violent coughing. Okay, maybe he didn't hear Merde. I don't know anymore. But I do know that was the whole session. Like I tell people, was my medical insurance company charged for that? We had good insurance, the company most people had then.But that's not the worst of it. The worst of it was the hospital that psychologically tortured me for over a year, 1988 to 89. Leading to pain, anguish and desperation. And the first time in my life I ever contemplated and started planning out suicide. Well, my 2011 therapist admitted that all happened. And again, was our insurance charged for that? For horrible abuse lasting over a year that almost ended in tragedy? That seems like insurance fraud to me if nothing else.

That 1988 and 89 hospital no longer exists. And I went there briefly in 1992. I just looked it up quickly online. And they seem to still exist, that private corporation I mean. They may have changed their name in 2013, to another hospital at that same location in that city again. Or maybe that's another name, I don't know. But shouldn't they be penalized in some way? Or shouldn't the public be informed? That they condone this kind of behavior? The extreme emotional abuse of an innocent patient who never even did anything wrong? Or that they condone insurance fraud at least, like I said?