My Mental History.

To review where my case stands now. Like I said, these are all things I've talked about here on these boards too submitted with my case. I know my case doesn't exist, and so maybe we should start with. Denying someone access to the legal system in Michigan, and elsewhere. And denying them access when they are being harmed or abused. And is that what would have happened in 1988 if I submitted a patient's rights complaint against that hospital? Because I always assumed it would, and I still do. I did nothing wrong, but I wouldn't even be allowed to submit a patient's rights abuse case. People should always be allowed to submit a patient's rights abuse petition. Even if their case is extreme. And my case was never extreme. If their case is without merit, that can be handled separately. Or if they constantly filing baseless claims, that too can be handled separately. But no one should be denied the ability to do that at all. And they teased and taunted (talking about what that court did now) while their body has been damaged, and may be being damaged now in ways the public doesn't know, like with me. Because no one is allowed to know the harm they did or are doing to me. Because it's a secret. No, you don't keep secrets like that. And I am going to spend the rest of my life exposing that secret. Even though I'd rather I had a good quality of life now instead. Free of abuse and threats now too, if possible. Who was harmed by that? We are going to look into that and see. I can't look into that because I don't have the ability or resources. And I am slowing down even more now that I am so much older, and have all that damage done to my body. But I do have the gift of perseverance. And fate usually seems to always be on my side with these things. With everything in my life really. So don't count me out, anyone. I'll see they're all exposed for what they did to me, and held accountable too if possible.

And some of these other things. Abusing a mental patient is a good medical practice? Even when it involves horrible threats? Threats of violence and extreme pain sometimes? No it isn't, not ever. And that's going to stop and be exposed too if I have any say. Again my case isn't extreme. Who else did you do that to? And how many times did it lead to tragedy? It almost led to my suicide many times. But again fate intervened. But most people in this world don't have fate protecting them like me. And many people took part in that. There is no excuse for that. Like the UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights said, we all are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood. Meaning no one has the excuse they are just following the crowd or following orders. That's called the Nuremberg defense. And during that time and with the UN UDHR the world decided the Nuremberg defense would never be an excuse ever again. Not even in medical treatment. Or I should say especially in medical treatment, where people usually have more rights and have had those rights for longer now. My abuse began in my childhood, certainly by age 11. And it only got worse as I got older, and it was never necessary for me. And even if it was that wouldn't have justified it. And I now realize that in 2004 when they people started abusing me by telling me I'd face years in prison being abused they might have had their information wrong. Or maybe they just weren't sure. That is still no excuse. That could have ended very tragically for me. And sometimes it almost did. And in how many cases was the mental health patient not as lucky? We're going to look into all of that and at least expose it. If it's the last thing I do on earth, like I said.

And telling my neighbors something horrible and untrue about me? That really happened twice I think. That I know of at least. That's obvious another mental health practice in Michigan. You don't tell someone's neighbors terrible things about them if it was true. And in a place that is so statistically violent like Detroit, that could get you hurt or killed. I wonder if it didn't in the past with some patients. We're looking into that too and changing policy, like I've said.

And the police, starting around 2004 and or no apparent reason, just decided. That they would rather I didn't drive? (My therapist seemed to tell me it was probably the police who were responsible for all of that during one of our recent visits.) Even though I am an excellent driver with good insurance? Even though it's outrageous they even think it's any of their business and they view me so differently they think they could do that? Like I said. I can tell. That's a thing in Michigan, and especially in Detroit. Certain groups like mentally ill and handicapped people driving and denying them cars and licenses. I know it is, but I don't know the details. But I could tell around 2004 it has nothing to do with their ability to drive. Well, I must always have a car because my life will always be in danger. My neighbors were told at least two horrible and untrue things about me and we don't know who they told or what rumors that led to. Plus I am damaged for life and I will need special care later on. It is vital that I have a car for transportation and medical car. People like the police and my doctors told me that was not their concern how I got to my doctors once they took away my car. But I think it is their concern, along with welfare in general, now that they permanently damaged me and shortened my life. And the only reason they could give was that just would rather I didn't drive? Well, I felt like telling them at the time even. I would rather they obey the law and just do their jobs. I would rather they don't violate people's rights and treat them so differently. And I would rather when they do that they are held accountable. Especially when they do it and abused me that way (and it was also a planned form of abuse) for over 20 years. And now, I would rather that there be policy change in Michigan, and Detroit, so that never happens again. And that they all be exposed now. For what they did to me and how they damaged and endangered me, and how they do that to other vulnerable people here, and how it may have ended tragically in other cases. And I would rather like it, frankly, if they focused on the real problem of crime in Detroit and in my area before they focus on and harass the law-abiding. I felt like saying that then. But I thought they already knew that. But apparently they didn't, did they? Or maybe they just needed to be reminded of the legal consequences of doing that. I don't know anymore.

Like I said, I want all of this submitted in my case and I want all of this worked on and done. But I have no way of doing it. Since I am indigent, now that I am getting older and since my case officially doesn't even exist. And I realize not everyone had the same information or was doing it for the same reason. That's no excuse as I said above. If they knew what they were doing was wrong, especially very wrong, like the UDHR said that's all that needs to be proven.

 

And there was more weird stuff at that program. There was this other patient who was a young man. He was of Greek descent I remember. But I figured out early on that he was part of the conspiracy. Or maybe I wasn't sure. Until one time. We were in group therapy. And he said his brother was in a nationally televised soap opera. That's kind of unlikely you know. To know someone famous or to have a family member who was famous. Right away I was sure he was part of this celebrity underground too. But he wasn't supposed to tell us that, he said too much. Then in group therapy where he said that he pretended he was having a mental breakdown. The social worker NP saw what he was doing and what a bad acting job he was doing. So she just pretended to ignore him. Then at one point, in order to appease the conspiracy I guess, he turned to and asked me if I said anything. Pretended Merde was active IOW. But I didn't fall for it and said no. The next time he was there NP was playing along more. She talked to him about he short stay inpatient, with some annoyance in her voice but still playing along. Another time, when I was afraid they might try to take music away from me, he said in group therapy again that he used to listen to music. But listening to it or listening along made him ill. At that point he couldn't even bear to hear the music play on speakers in the hospital. When he said that NP paused and looked around the room, but definitely in my direction, and said "I hope EVERYONE here heard that". I never gave up music for them though. Another time there was this mentally handicapped man there. He was Polish and had a history of violence, especially when made angry. I feared that Merde would insult him by saying something false again. And as I thought that he did started acting weird. Breathing heavily when I thought that for example. One time I had anxiety Merde would say something get him angry in the eating area. And then he turned to one of the staff and asked "did you hear that?" (Also as you know I keep careful notes of all of this. How could they not want me to tell everyone? I even hold onto dates and exact times sometimes. And if people give me something weird in writing, I'm sure to hold onto it. But. It says in my old notes still that this mentally handicapped man with a history of violence sometimes, did something weird once. It says we were in the OT room during "Round Up" February 14, 1989. It was 9:30-10AM. And he turned to me and laughed and said "Did I scare you yet?") Anyways, I soon figured out he was just in on the conspiracy. (Part of an early process to try to turn me against mentally handicapped people to I guess. Or show me they were flawed or they didn't like them. Whatever. I'm just repeating what happened.) When I found out he was just a playactor, they started trying to convince me he wasn't. But with limited success. One time in group therapy the social worker NP said he was going to show us all his AA badges. And again she turned with me with a little concern and told me to be sure to see them. But I said no. Because I assumed at the time they would be good forgeries. (You know forged credentials are no problem for a spy.)

Anyways, I think that program in that hospital were doing all of the above I described on purpose. Wouldn't you agree? Based on what I falsely believed at the time, but that they wanted me to believe too.

There was also a brief period when I thought this was all about their bias towards mentally ill people. This was around the time the newspaper USA Today wrote an article on the subject of mental illness and someone came in to talk to us about that. At one point I already thought that most of the people there were plants. And the nurse R again, told me they'd show a film on mental illness to dispell some of the patients' misconceptions. (The patients were supposedly all mentally ill. Why would they have to dispell their misconceptions?) They showed a film on ECT for depression. (Which made no sense. I didn't have depression and I was never going to be treated that way.) As they showed proceedure a older female patient at the table in the eating area feigned being shocked. Either because she didn't buy it, or like I said she wasn't really ill to begin with. When the film was over the nurse R asked me if I thought the film helped educate them about my condition. As I said, I didn't think so because it had nothing to do with me and I thought it was pointless. So I didn't know what to say.

 

I'm still trying figure out all the weird things that were happening at that hospital starting summer 1988. Clearly they were part of the conspiracy it seemed. They played upon that idea and led me to believe that at times. They did. Certainly that nurse PB did. Even before July 6th. And after a while the patients who came in weren't patients at all. They were clearly government plants. I mean it was obvious. They made it obvious at times. They did. This one younger woman came there. And I already could tell there was something odd about her. And she said she was new to the program. And she turned towards me and said in a silly manner, I don't understand? He has a problem with involuntary movements? What's that's all about? She was one the nicer ones though FWIW. But they still had to pretend they were unaware of the false cover story they were given. That I was interested in satanism. Or whatever the reason was. (I was never sure. There seemed to be a debriefing period the day after they arrived. Probably in the group therapy room I thought. But I don't know what they were told because I was never there to see.)

But one man couldn't even wait for that. He was a hoodlum, biker type. He had leather suit on and a long, thin braid running down his back into his leather suit. He was very angry at me to begin with. But he had to pretend to be nice at first of course. But we were on a field trip in a park. And he had his back to me. And I thought how he looked attractive to me. And he just lost it. He had to start psychologically abusing me right at that moment. Because that just pushed him over the line. (Like I said, he was this hoodlum, biker type that the conspiracy found somewhere. Probably for his ultra conservative views I assumed at the time.) But the people from 1987 could have never been part of the conspiracy. I spent almost the whole year there in 1987. And it was just a normal clinic then. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. This one older woman with orange hair came in and she said she remembered me from 87. And she was very talkative and nice to me at first. (That was unusual in 1987. Most of the people were rude or ignored me then I thought.) Right away I wondered what this was leading to. Then again a day followed. And when she saw me then she was disgusted. Disgusted I guess because she thought I was a satanist. (Even though I tried to assure them I wasn't. I was more of a semi practicing Catholic at that point.) Then there was this older guy there from 87. He noticed people using those numbers in unlikely ways (usually 2 or 6 by then like I said). And he thought it was moronic. When they did that he looked at them with disgust and rubbed his eyes. But that all changed when we played Bocci ball outside the front door of the professional building, near where the valets were. I thought if he wanted to tell me he didn't like me he should throw his Bocci ball then. R the nurse was playing her turn. She was crouching down and lining up the shot, throwing underhand I recall. And then that older man paused. And he looked like he was listening to Merde, getting orders from him IOW. He then nodded or seemed to understand. And then he lobbed his Bocci ball over R's head, scaring her in the process too. Then I thought if the patients and staff wanted to show they didn't like me they should continue the game indefinitely. Basically without ever ending. But they could never do that I thought. But one of the staff, the OT therapist I think, said "Okay, this is mark point". Mark point I think means the final throw of the game. But when I thought what I just said, all of them paused and looked around like were bewildered or confused. Then they kept throwing those Bocci balls over and over again, just to annoy me it seemed. (You know it was getting late and time to go home.) Finally this young chubby girl who might have been hispanic said something. (She was on average nice to me too. But she kept giving this strange look when I looked at her too long. As I said, I'm sometimes don't even know when I do that.) And she said, come on everyone. It is getting late. Which is right you know. Didn't they have things to get to at home? And like I said, how could they continue a game forever. That's impossible. Isn't it?

Also it was odd the first day that the verbal abuse began. (The vebal abuse or the twoing and sixing as I later sometimes call it.) We listened to a hypnosis tape afterwards. And the man on the tape kept saying "dooownnnn! dooowwwnn!" referring to hypnosis of course. Or when I got out of that group therapy session I picked up a news letter they had on the coffee table right outside the door. This other doctor who worked there wrote an article for the hospital paper. And he used two's and sixes (and maybe 9's—they still had an effect early on) that way it seemed. Almost like he knew I'd pick up that paper right at that moment. (Like I said, it was a small news letter for that hospital in that city. Old copies of it might still exist.) And like I said, when I got home Mary Hart on Entertainment Tonight seemed to be doing it. I'm sure she wasn't. But it didn't surprise me by that time for some reason.

 

I remember, I at least got peace when I was alone at home. Because I didn't have to see people's reaction to Merde. Or so it seemed, like I said. Unless one of my neighbors walked within earshot of Merde. Which happened occassionally. Especially in the summer with the windows open. And plus there was this one car in my neighborhood that kept honking its horn at all hours of the day and night. I later concluded they must have had something to do with our neighborhood watch crime prevention program. Because she would (I thought it was a woman at one point for some reason) honk late into the night. But always at Merde, it seemed at least. I tried covering my face with objects like a scarf. But that didn't work. So I tested it. You know a scarf really doesn't hold in sound. So I put a paper or cardboard between it and my face. It still didn't work. She seemed to honk in response to Merde. (Well she did, trust me. You'd agree if you were there.) Many times I had no choice by to my thoughts and emotions even at home. But as soon as my emotions peaked a little, as emotions usually do, problems began. That didn't lead to unbearable pain or anything like that. But I didn't like living that way and really wasn't a very good quality of life. Plus what would happen when I got older? My parents took care of me then. But like one patient at that hospital said in 1988. Your parents will die, your parents will die one day, she said. Which is true. Then who would take care of me, she continued.

 

You know modern conservatives say that the country needs the Second Amendment now more than ever. I don't know though. If you want to go by the original intent, it clear says a well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, meaning the national guard. You see back then people feared a strong, central national government in the US. They were afraid it might undermine the state's sovereignty. And that the federal government might even try to invade a state. So by ensuring they could always have a well regulated Militia, the states would always be prepared. But I don't know. Has that ever happened? The federal government invading a state and the state having to defend itself? I mean, since the Civil War. (But really at that point some argued, including Abraham Lincoln, that the new Confederacy was a bona fide new country. But it had to be brought back, he said.) Okay. I know the Third Amendment is in case the federal government tries to quarter troops in your house without your permission. Now that just has never happened. (Well, actually to correct myself it did happen once. Again during the Civil War. But no one questioned it, so there are no Supreme Court rulings on that.) Actually the Second and Third Amendment are antiquated and obsolete, as Warren Burger pointed out. And as he also added, they are really just the focus of all kinds of judicial activism now.

But private gun ownership and the Second Amendment? That's not what it seems to say. It says well-regulated militia and free State, meaning the national guard like I said. But some say that could mean citizens' militias. Really? We need citizens' militias to defend against the federal government invading our homes? Well I don't know. The Jan. 6th rioters did invade the Capitol. But they were the invaders, not the federal government. They were stopped by quick law enforcement response and deploying the National Guard. But they were the aggressors, and fortunately no one was hurt this time.

 

This next post is kind of a long one. But it includes a lot of new details. There's another thing about the psychological abuse I received all my life. But this one could be more of a form of physical abuse I think, if that is what it was meant as. And I think it was now. Akathisia. I first experienced it in November of 1984. I just didn't know what it was. Because I never experienced it before. My then psychiatrist told me he never heard of such a side effect. It's just not associated with those drugs. And he pointed out, he did go thru the list of side effects with me. The list he read off was long and complete, and that one was simply not on it. (Which is true. And for some time now I knew he already thought I'd have that side effect. He just didn't want to hear me complain about it. So he made his denial of that side effect plausible right from the start, even being sure to read me a list of side effects with that one missing.) Then he told me I must have mononucleosis. My family pediatriation confirmed. That is what it was, and now I could relax and not worry about the subject. Of course that side effect was very strong with me. (Because I have Cerebral Palsy obviously. And like I said, everyone in my life knew that by then.) And it turned me into a virtual invalid. I could barely function at all that way. And that psychiatrist was just going to keep me on that Haldol indefinitely. For the rest of my life, I guess even now. Even though it gave me horrible side effects and didn't help me in any way. All these years later I am still trying to figure out what the point of all of that was. Finally I had the wherewithal to just take myself off that Haldol. (Which is the one advantage to not being in even a nice place like a group home. Even if you were under some kind of court order to take a drug that was dangerous or had bad side effects, you could still just stop taking it. Exercising what I think is called a de facto right.)

I always remembered that by doing that, just before Christmas vacation I remembered, it saved Christmas for me. (I'm sure that's correct but the timing of that is still a little odd though. My parents took me out in the car to look at Christmas lights in our neighborhood. I copied down the date. It was December 23, 1984, the same date the local TV channel WKBD reshowed the Star Trek TOS episode Spectre of the Gun . But that would be the day before when we celebrated Christmas, which was always Christmas Eve. Which is why that timing seems odd for me. When my parents took me out to look at lights I was still very doped up from that Haldol. I really didn't enjoy the trip at all, though I tried to a little at least.) Anyways, then the next year I got a severe reaction from that Haldol again. By then I was seeing my second psychiatrist out of that neuropsychologist's office I was seeing then. (Because he insisted if I saw him I still be medicated. Even though I told him they never helped me and gave me terrible side effects.) She was kind of obnoxious. She obviously didn't like mentally ill people. And my mother later told me she already had a public mental hospital picked out for me she was planning on sending me to. She wasn't as compassionate as she could be, and she was very hard to talk to. She spoke low and softly with a thick Filipino accent. Like I told my mother, when talking to her you spent half the session just getting over the language barrier. She also used up all my insurance, charging us for three separate hour sessions, my parents and I. But she put me on Haldol again right away. The first couple of nights I noticed something wrong, but nothing too bad yet. Then like the third night I got a severe reaction. I ran to our hallway by the bathroom and screamed for my mother's help. First she told me that this is the kind of problem I had to deal with myself. And had me call her on the phone to report this emergency. I tried to call and was put on hold. I was obviously in a lot of pain and distress just barely able to do all of that. Finally my mother told me to let her handle it all. My mother was also with me in the master bedroom with the lights out as I lay on the bed, reassuring me stroking my forehead. I was in a lot of pain and distress, or at least the worst I ever experienced.

Anyways since this was the worst pain I ever experienced in my life, it became a focal point of my belief that I was being mistreated by the mental health system. In many ways it was. And other patients I met often talked about that subject too, the subject of akathisia. I also started hearing all kinds of stories in the news about how terrible those public mental institutions were. One of my HS teachers started quipping during one class that people in the past rarely used the insanity defense. Because mental hospitals back then (even in Michigan I guess) were much worse than prisons. He was smiling as he said this. Then when I got upset, his reaction changed immediately. Apparently when he heard Merde then. And he looked around with embarrassment like he didn't mean to say that. There was also the Ted Koppel nightline report on 1967 movie Titicut Follies. It was a story about how the criminally insane were abused in a Massachusetts mental hospital. (They say even to this day mental patients in Massachusetts have much fewer rights than elsewhere in the country. They are allowed to use things like electric shocks as negative reinforcement. And that hospital last I heard is still standing.) That the Ted Koppel nightline report is ironic. Because exactly one year later to the day that report aired in 1987, things took a slight turn for the better in my treatment at that hospital. And then almost as if it was no accident Ted Koppel talked about that report again pointing out it had been exactly one year since he aired it.

But everything about that seemed to have to do with my mistreatment by the mental health system in the US. It dealt with the idea of pain. Pain and how it can be made worse when no one believes you, like that psychiatrist claimed he didn't in 1984. (And also I always thought of my aunt who had extreme neuralgia pain in her face due to an exposed nerve. She said at one point the doctor thought maybe her extreme pain was imaginary. And I thought at the time that was the worst thing they could say to someone in extreme pain. That it was all in their mind.) And that new threat of being put away in Northville Psychiatric hospital for life, where I would spend the rest of my life in unbearable akathisia pain. (That threat really didn't end, if it even ever really did, until John Engler was governor of Michigan and shut down all the psychiatric hospitals. That was around 1994 I think. But there were people like my mid 90s psychology class teacher. He didn't like mentally ill people. And in our text book the author [who also clearly didn't like mentally ill people] said we failed the mentally ill be deinstitutionalizing them. They should be all stuffed back in those public hospitals, he seemed to say.) But by then threats became much more severe, involving things like extreme pain and extreme violence. Or vague things like that hospital told me in 1989. I'd suffer a fate worse than a lifetime of akathisia pain, without going into details.

I don't think the actual pain in my life, emotional pain included, ever got that bad, and I could always tolerate and deal with it. (Although that psychiatric emergency with the Haldol in my Senior Year in HS was the worst I ever experienced.) But the people in my life were obviously abusing me and threatening me with all kinds of horrible things on purpose. If you have been following my story I think you agree. And it led to two suicide attempts and constant suicidal ideation throughout my life since Summer 1988. Not because I am sick or suicidal, but because I was threatened with pain and horrible abuse. I guess some people didn't know all of that. And I wasn't sure if I was allowed to tell. I want that abuse to all end. So I can spend the rest of my life dealing with the permanent damage that was done to me. Deal with it in a way that always allows me to have as much independence and say in my life and medical treatment as possible. And I want the people in my life, and especially all those people who abused me all my life, to make sure I have a good quality of life from now on. I don't think my life was as bad as some and I still think overall I had a good life. But I still think I deserve that and I think that's only right.

 

I also might as well add this. Like I said, I went to a doctor Thursday. That one who seems to think certain people shouldn't be driving. And like I said, it sounded like he was about to say that I have a serious medical problem. It sounded like he was about to say I had kidney failure. He said I just misheard it. And he didn't actually say that. It just sounded like he was saying that or about to say that. And as I said, he said I just misheard him. The visit was still very weird though. But I don't think I have any of the symptoms of kidney failure.

I have to trust my doctors now because I have no choice. But they are all obviously lying to me now about certain things. And I am beginning to see how they often did that in the past too.

 

I always wanted to add this (so I guess I'll do it now). It's another interesting story from my childhood. I always wanted to stay up all night. I don't know why, it just seemed like it would be a great thing to do as a small child even. Plus I have always been drawn to the night and times when there is more darkness, like winter. But I finally was able to do that. The first time I did it was Christmas Eve 1983. I was already unable to be in public by then. But we just had Christmas dinner and everyone went home. And I was eating some of the left overs when I did that. The only problem was my sleep cycle has never been the same. Also, it got my habit of brushing my teeth out of synch. I used to do it every day. But not after Dec. 24, 1983. And it has led to gingivitis and a couple of other things like a little bleeding. And now my teeth feel weird. It might be nothing, but I wonder I won't need dentures some day. But staying up all night also led to things like walking out late at night. Something I now call nightly excursions. The weird thing is my dreams and wishes always seem to come true. Like some kind of fairy tale. I'm serious.

 

I just talked to a nurse my doctor's office who said she was supposed to check up on me. She said that my A1C and everything was very good now. Except my vitamin B12. It was high. Which doesn't make sense and whatever that means. I think I'll tell that doctor. There's hair loss on the front of the top of my legs. And it's slowly spreading. It's doing it year by year basically. But it wasn't there before. The hair loss on the bottom of my legs happened very long ago. My doctor at the time said it was nothing or nothing worry about. I only learned recently it was the beginnings for neuropathy and Type 2 Diabetes. From a medical student. Because I am not a doctor and I had no idea what it meant. I thought instead I should have been able to trust medical authorities in my life. But it's slowly following a course. And the symptoms in my feet and legs seem to have worsened in the past year or so. I read online that neuropathy rarely gets worse. So what's happening with me? Will I even have legs then in 10 ten years? Because I want to maintain my independence and quality of life. And I think even the medical authorities in my life would agree it best I stay in a private home. In even a nice group home I'd lose all medical consent and all power over my life. I heard in 1989 they sometimes even slip medications into your food in places like that. In addition to your regular meds that is, just to trick you or so you don't know. I know ten years ago they were still teasing me and toying with the idea of taking away my car. Just cause they felt like it. And ignoring the fact I lived in a city where most of the people had no legal right to drive to begin with, unlike me. No legal right, probably like many of my neighbors. Who I understand were concerned too I should be driving since at least 2005. While they drove around with missing tail lights and while I still hear noises like gunshots, and people screaming and partying at all hours of the day and night. Yeah, ten years ago I was hit by someone else who shouldn't be driving too. An old man who could barely see. But the arriving paramedic told me that wasn't as important as the fact that I was going thru the yellow "carefully, carefully".


Maybe someone should tell that paramedic wherever he is. Tell him if he didn't already know I had neuropathy and diabetes in 2013. He might really get his wish now. Because I don't even know what is wrong with now. But I know if I lose my legs, and then my hands and even my sight I don't know what I'll do. And then I really will be at the mercy of all the people in my life. In a way I have never been before.

 

I was telling my therapist that as far as I know nothing is being done in my case. Remember, it doesn't even exist. That seems unlikely, and most of my doctors have been acting a little weird lately. But that is not important because I have to live my life and I have many chronic medical conditions. I do still need doctors to go to now. And I take a lot of medicines like my heart medicines and glaucoma drops that I can't have interruptions with setting up stuff with other doctors. It's just hard for me to do that. As with everything in life, I need a little help with some of these things. Plus like I also told him any guidance at all he could offer now would be helpful.

 

I just emailed my therapist. He said he can't submit my claims, not even for patient's rights abuse, because my case does not even exist. Even though he and I know it does. But I brought up a couple of other points in that email:

So far there are at least three people that will always be part of my claim from now on. Until my case is over. Which as far as I know will be never. So I will start submitting this to that court in a fax each month. The three people are those two groups that offered free legal aid to those in need. I reached out to them and begged for help and they just played along. Actually one of them totally ignored me. My claim will be that it doesn't matter that my name was flagged when they brought up my file. They played along in a horrible case of patient's rights abuse and denying someone access to the legal system. They played along and in a way that has me permanently damaged, that will shorten my life and that has led to thoughts of suicide many times throughout my life. Even if they were under some kind of court order that's no excuse. That's called the Nuremberg defense. And we agreed we would never accept it as an excuse ever again. The same thing is true with that medical clinic I went to in December that said I had no neuropathy in my feet anymore. Even though other medical personnel told me shortly after that that's just not true.

And I was also psychologically abused in that court house in Fall of 1981 by the judge and a random witness in the Fall of 1981 during a class field trip. I agree that sounds very hard to believe. But that is what happened. And I will demand an investigation into all of that. The same thing happened with a paramedic at an intersection near our house when we were involved in a minor auto accident when I was still a child, around 1980. People have a right to know that. That people we think we can trust do things like that and that they are even capable of that. Especially people who seem so nice, like that nurse at that hospital in 1988. And especially, my newest claim is, if they work for the government in some way.

Also I told him the fact that that hospital drove me to seriously contemplate suicide and try out different methods the night of July 6, 1988 seems important. The night all the abuse there began. That's correct, I told him. Before then I was morally opposed to the idea of suicide. And that would be in that psychiatrist's notes from 1986 or 7. I consider it part of my political views now that that is any option if you are facing physical abuse that never ends or the total loss of any chance of a quality of life. Like that hospital told me at least since 1989. Like I said, that doctor in 1989 and that court in 1992 have been trying to say thinking suicide was the only way to deal with their abuse made me morally weak. If that's true, then it should be made clear they led to my feel that way starting 1988. And with they abuse and threats of violence since then, like at that local business a couple of years ago.

 

Correction: that medical clinic I went to that said I had no neuropathy in my feet anymore happened in July last year, not December.

 

Also the secrecy in my life almost led to tragedy. I'll bet in some cases it even did. But we just don't know. I am going make all that secrecy end. Or at least slowly chip away at it with my remaining years if it's the last thing I do.

Because nothing like that, especially tragedies that might have happened, should be kept secret. The Nazis tried to keep what they were doing secret too. I'm not comparing anyone here to Nazis. But like with Nuremberg defense, we all know what's very wrong with something like that.

 

Also one of those two groups that offered free legal aid totally ignored all my emails. I don't know what that would be a violation of. Maybe legal ethics. But to me that takes the complicity in it all to a whole new level. (I'm glad they didn't in a way. Because if I told them I was reporting them they would probably start getting crabby with me, or their secretary would, as people have been lately. And dealing with this all is already beginning to make my temples throb. But still.)

 

To make one part of my claim clear, about the secrecy. If any wrongful action is taking place, no one should pretend it doesn't exist. I already knew what was going to happen after July 6, 1988. In fact I knew right at July 6 what would happen if I tried to file a complaint against that hospital saying they were using 2's and 6's in harmful ways. A gentleman would reply courteously that there is nothing unusual about numbers in themselves [pause], because I have six cases like yours ahead of this and two of them are pending now... But no, they were using numbers in a hurtful way. And abuse is abuse, it doesn't matter the clever way you do it. The reason no one listened to me then is that all my channels of complaining were blocked. And no claims of abuse would be heard. And that is outrageous. And that is legal for some reason in Michigan? What if they committed a murder that way? (Not to digress. But I couldn't have done anything in 1988. I was home all the time, as I told people in 1988 when they seemed to think I belonged to a secret satanic cult. But I think that is what that was really about in 1988. That people thought I belonged to a satanic cult. It's ridiculous. But like I said, people seemed to think I belonged to one by the silly things some people said to me that year.) But I'll assume for that for last one for now, murder, probably not. But what if it led to or involved some serious crime like murder? How would you prosecute something done in secret like that? Though also out in the open in a large private hospital like that in that city. And in my case it almost led to tragedy, suicide. Which that hospital began.

No, there will be no secrecy anymore in my case. It almost led to harm to me. And I am going to do what I can to remove it or at least chip away at it in other cases too. But I'll make sure at the least it doesn't harm anyone else. Because it has already, hasn't it? Probably I'm guessing. But that is why fate has always protected me. To expose and end all of that.

 

I can tell, all my doctors are either planning something or are aware that they are involved in or doing something very wrong. But as I've said, I have no choice but to trust them and rely on them for medical care. But it seems to me, speaking generally now, that if something has gotten to that point that is when something should have been done by now, and things like arrests should be started. Of course, getting back to my case, I have no reason to believe anything at all is being done.

Also speaking of my doctors, and people in my life in general, I think most people would agree with me that I should be allowed to keep as much of my independence as long as possible. Really for my own safety to be free of the reckless things people do in my life. And that includes having a car always of course. The only problem is that I might forever lose my ability to drive if I lost my feet or hands. And I can tell things are probably much worse that my doctors let on. And I just don't know what the future holds. But all of that stuff, handicapped-accessible cars and whatever special care, treatment, etc. I need to keep the car and my independence at that point will be very expensive. There isn't anywhere near enough for that all in the trust. That is why my legal guardian must remain my legal guardian. But he will try to manipulate the situation to his advantage in the future again, of course he will. So there has to be something in place to keep that from happening. Some consequences he knows he will face if it does. I know there are already laws like that. But as I've pointed out many times, those laws never seemed to help me in any way. While people were trying to put me away for doing nothing and take away my car. I know those people who were trying to take my car even though I am an excellent driver (my therapist seems to suggest that it was mostly the police) told me that once they took away my car, the problems I would face would no longer be their concern. I could handle it. Oh. But they did want me to have access to a pharmacy. The one in my neighborhood that I was to be walking to late at night in the winter till my feet ached. And the one where the guard was killed in the parking lot. (Like I said, I was always sure I'd be attacked on the way over there at least once.) But everything else, including going to my psychiatrist, was my concern they said. I disagree totally with that. They shortened my life, they harassed and abused me since I was a child, wasted time and resources following around and harassing a law-abiding person. All while there was horrible crime, including ones involving automobiles, all around me. I think they are the ones who should make sure that I always have a car and an ability to drive one, and a good quality of life too. Of course I'm told that could never happen anyways because my case doesn't even exist. And like in 1988, I am totally barred from filing abuse claims and reporting harm done to me. And again like in 1988, for really no reason at all (not that there could ever be a reason for something like that).

 

So in conclusion then. I think I've figured everything out now. Thru Google AI and other places. (Even though that one doctor implied I was stupid for getting my information from Google AI. Or maybe thought Americans were stupid in general for doing that.)

Abuse is abuse no matter what form it takes and no matter how clever. And something is always abuse when you tell someone you don't like it and want it to stop. Like for example Tom Cruise in London in 2005 when he was hit with that water gun as a joke. I thought he was about to charge assault because it was unwanted touching. Assault could be unwanted touching. But it is always assault and always abuse when it is highly offensive. And that is the really reason why Cruise had a case there. It was highly offensive, to him at least.

So in HS when they started coughing and begged them to stop. It became abuse. When they said first give me a reason why. And then some of them started doing it to defy and offend me. And then for over 3 years they did it in all kinds of unusual ways. Over and over again, probably a hundred times an hour. At the top of their lungs and with great anger and emphasis. And in all kinds of bizarre ways. Doing in rhyme, coughing out the chorus to the Star Spangled Banner, doing it every time I looked out the window or looked at the ceiling. And one boy was clearly doing it on purpose, and for the rest of high school. That is just his way of coughing people told me. Each person is different. And a cough set into motion can never be stopped. Even though I told them I can easily suppress it, or go to the next room if I have to do that. And may I say it's not your place to ever tell a person not to cough, giving me free advice on etiquette. No, coughs are bodily functions. Like sneezes and burps. That's a very appropriate thing to say to someone always.

And the real reason why I would never have been able to file a complaint against that hospital in 1988 is because I have been denied all patient's rights complaints. Not just all access to the legal system, but that too. And it was done secretly, in 1988 I guess. Which is even worse. How many people have they done that to in Michigan? Or the US? Well, Fate has sent me here to expose all of that. And I will, like the chorus to those songs tell me. Because people have the right to know this information. At least to defend themselves, at least to know, at least to know if it's happening to a loved one or spouse. Of course the only remedy would be a criminal one. Unless that has been denied me because I'm also civil dead, like in medieval England. But you will remember that was my argument too. That I want full criminal sanctions, and any other that would apply, taken in my case. And in all others like mine. Until at least the laws are changed in Michigan. And I want all these pitiful excuses for human beings exposed. So at least people know who they really are. Especially if they seem to deceptively nice. Like that kindly old nurse, for example. But I will need help with that. I'll need help with all of this. Especially now that I am slowing down with age and have mobility issues. And other issues, probably some I don't even know of, maybe some no one will ever know of. Caused to me by those drugs I never should have been taking to begin with. But I can continue this fight until I'm dead. Which hopefully won't be for a while. That last one no thanks to my doctors, that court and all the other disgusting people in my life, even the ones who had supposedly good intentions.

 

I wanted to talk about some of the recurring themes in my life. People obviously were playacting at times in my life. It was obvious. It was even meant to be obvious. Actually, that hospital was trying to make it obvious starting 1988 or 9 it was all a ruse and they were acting. Yes, they were. I still remember. But I'm still not sure why. But one recurring theme is that I always seem to find myself around people who don't like mentally disabled people. And again, I don't know what all of that is about. And frankly I usually just ignored it anyways.

That hospital told me that. The staff didn't seem to like mentally disabled people. Many of the patients talked openly and often about how they didn't like them. As I said, I don't know what that is about. Because now I think mentally handicapped people have it better in the US than they ever did before, though it wasn't always that way. Frankly, I don't most Americans would even mind them driving. Even though as late as 2013 that first responder in another city still thought I shouldn't be, and was trying to make up an excuse to do that. Take away my license, because I was driving thru the yellow "carefully, carefully..." enough. As I said, that all began in 1995 when people started commenting that I looked too mentally disabled to be driving. I honestly don't know what I look like to people. But I doubt if people would really say that. And that's how that began.

Also I keep finding myself around criminals and hoodlum types. Being threatened by them, being hurt by them, having to hear their opinion of me. And then in 2004 they started telling me I'd be joining all the criminals and hoodlums really soon. After which like I said, my life will never be the same again. But I don't know what that is all about. That too started in that hospital in 1988 or 9. I find it very insulting and degrading. And plus it doesn't make sense. Anyone would know I have never spent the night in jail, and I think I am a very good person. But one thing I know is that these were all forms abuse. Abuse that was continuing up till recently, and that would have continued well into my old age.

 

Like I said, it was my understanding that I was supposed to be going to that drug store in Detroit from now on. My therapist seems to indicate the police are who wanted this. Them and that court I guess, who have been watching me since around high school. Since around Fall of 1981 when one of their judges seemed to take part in my psychological abuse that almost led to my suicide. (Which is hard to believe I agree. And I still don't know what that was all about.) They wanted this, my understanding was, because they at least wanted me to take those psychiatric medications. The ones that I never should have take to begin with and that now have me permanently damaged and my life forever shortened. How I would get to my doctors, including my psychiatrist, they didn't seem to care. You'll manage, is all they told me. And it wasn't because I was a bad driver or anything like that. It was just to make them feel better, they said. Like I said, the one time I did walk there my feet were aching. Actually my feet were aching a lot then. A sharp pain in my ankles. My doctor said it was normal and gave it a name (I forget what). I don't think it was normal. I think it was part of my Type 2 Diabetes and neuropathy, which the police and all my doctors knew all about by then (though they told me my A1C was never better). Since the hair loss on my legs, like I said. Now I don't get that sharp pain anymore. But that's actually a bad thing I've heard. When you have diabetes and neuropathy lack of pain can mean the limb is dying more. And there is more hair loss now, all over my legs. And then I begged and pleaded with my doctors and the police that I needed a car. I had no other way to get to my doctors or take care of myself. But then they just began taunting and teasing me. Just like that court is still taunting and teasing me two years later. I guess at some point they may tell me the matter is resolved. And there may come a time when I have no choice but to trust them. I am after all totally dependent on others for my basic needs. But I don't think I should ever trust them again. No one should. They harm innocent, defenseless people, so they don't deserve it.

 

It happened again. Kind of, I guess. Someone saying something I was recently thinking. On another site a dog lovers club posted a meme that said "Every moment together is time well spent", about their dog. I told them, I was thinking of that quote. Actually from Star Trek TNG:

"Well, I consider this time well spent."

by Picard when they test the exocomps on Tyrus 7A because Commander Data said they were sentient. In episode The Quality of Life, Stardate: 46307.2. Strange they brought it up just now, I told them since I was thinking of that quote.

It's odd because it reminded me that I thought that'd be a good quote for why fighting for basic rights is never a waste of time even when unsuccessful. (Like I tell people, I like quoting the wisdom of Star Trek sometimes.)

Like I said, some coincidences in my life are stranger than others.