Is it OK if bisexual people are simply ATTRACTED to other genders? I DON'T think it is. Why should we let people pretend to be apart of minorities for special treatments? It's complicated. OK so lately I've been talking to my queer friends and a lot of them who identify as bi are saying that they would never actually kiss or date a girl. She's dating a guy rn. OK, cool part of being bisexual. BUT there's more, and it's contradicting what being BI is all about. Why would she claim to be BI if she also claims she wouldn't date both men and women, only men? It's normal to have preferences when it comes to who you would want to date. Be it asexual, aromantic, and everything inbetween. HOWEVER, I don't think she has these sexual orientations for girls. She's yapping about inherently straight characteristics. Calling yourself BI so that you can be apart of a minority invalidates someone who falls under the correct connotation of BI. The denotation of the word "bisexual" states any attraction counts, but the connotation doesn't. Never have I ever used the word BI for anything like that. I've been attracted to men and women and would date either for my whole life. That's bisexuality. Having women celebrity crushes isn't, right? We talked about it, and she is attracted to women (I didn't ask how she experiences her attraction but she did confirm that she only crushes on the celebrities), but she says she would never date anything other than a guy. :/ . Quote from her: "studies shown everyone's a little bi". Well, I guess that makes me a LOT of BI. I feel invalidated just talking to her and it hurts to consider her a friend or frenemy or even ally, especially to the lgtb community, since she's claiming to be apart of it- but not really; especially, when it comes to discrimination. Only when it comes to the cool parts will she say she's bi, I suppose. I wonder if she literally just googled Bisexual and was like, yep, that's me alright. Weird girl incarnate . If we can consider HER legitimately BI, I think I must be PAN. BC it's OKAY to prefer one gender over the other, and date a lot of men and have less women crushes, so long as you would still consider them as an OPTION. If not, that's basically the equivalent of a cis white male raving about their homies and how they kiss them good night and whatever. That's alright, at least they don't identify as bi for telling people, yeah, that person is conventionally attractive bc they are tom hanks. like duh. It's all fun and games/shits and giggles until someones feelings get hurt and you lead someone on. Reminds me of the identifying as uno/bisexual where you are only attracted to one of the two traditional genders and whatever. Yeah, this last bits sloply, and I understand I'm probably excluding, but ig I just didn't realize straight girls could call themselves bi now. Screw me. P.S She's openly BI if you believe she is and has the bi flag pride beads on her converses. :/
I can’t speak for others, but maybe she considers herself bi just for sex that she finds enjoyable but not for a long term relationship.
Some folks are what I call intelligently bisexual; they understand what it means and have a good grip on their feelings; some folks are emotionally bisexual and aren't feeling all that compelled to get into same-sex stuff - they're content to feel the way they're feeling. Either way, it doesn't make them any less bisexual if they're not doing same-sex stuff and as we presume has to be done to be able to call yourself a bisexual. I know a lot of bisexual men and women who don't same-sex... anything. No dating, no sex, no making out but they know that they're bisexual just the same. And, really, being bisexual isn't dependent upon what someone else thinks; it's always been about what the bisexual in question thinks and/or feels and just because you (not you) think they should be doing stuff to qualify or validate their bisexuality, well, you might be disappointed. The mistake a lot of people make is trying to compare their own bisexuality to someone else's; you do same sex stuff and that's fine, but it never means that everyone has to in order to be your idea of bisexual. I've been bisexual damned near all of my life and no one gets to tell me how to be bisexual or suggesting that just because I don't kiss men, that means I'm not bi and I call bullshit on gender being related to bisexu anality and pansexuality is a made up joke because if you're looking to interact with members of the same sex, you're going to consider them whether or not they identify as a man, woman, or however else they choose to identify as. I don't date men; I'm not looking to be romantically involved with a man; I don't care about a guy's physical appearance and as such there are those who'd say that I'm not really bisexual because I'm not doing things the way they're doing things. If she says she's bi, then she is and there's nothing anyone can say about it because, again, it's not what you or I think - it's what she thinks.
Ig I'm a made up joke then? I've been seriously considering identifying as pan since posting this, and several times too, because nobody seems to like what I've been saying and I've had to go to several sites to try to get my point across. I get it. You are what you eat, you are what you are, that's that. I just can't agree with it though. Since reading this 2 hours ago, I do think that there is some solidity to the intellectually and emotionally bisexual theory, and I do consider myself a intellectual sexuality, and I think she might be emotional. For me, when I started questioning my sexuality, I had to go over every detail with a fine toothed comb and I wouldn't accept myself until I had proven myself as what I thought bisexual was- dating both girls and boys, and liking them both like that. Everyone doubted me, and when you experience that, you don't let yourself feel peace until you have confirmed shit, verbatim. And by everyone I mean mainly me and the voices of doubt and reason whispering that my mom, who I love dearly, wouldn't accept me. I was right, which breaks you. That your worst fear of not being supported in your time of need was true. I have my own biphobia, too, you know that. We all know that (for the hurt we feel inside ourselves). However, I really got into the LGBT community when I was trying to understand myself, I had never met someone gay before, let alone been gay, so I really needed representation. It was mind-melding and heart-breaking. I was, and still am, in awe of the LGBT community. Those are my people. I still experience a lot of trained homophobia from my mom, and even from my dad, and he trys somewhat, so I'll try not to push it on you. However, and I don't think this is the homophobia talking, since I have been an identified member of the LGBT community for at least 3 years now and am practicing open-mindedness everyday, but I don't think it's bi if you don't experience attraction to the opposite sex. You have no interest in dating them- that's a cis characteristic, you think it would never happen- cis trait, again. Call that emotional bisexuality if you wish, but I'll have no part in it. If you need bi as a safety net because it's not safe for you to be out as gay, I get that, and I support that and have had tons of friends come forward to me about shit like that. I love them, and I always will. Valid. I see a lot of things about "these are all bisexuality", and as someone who previously identified as bi, that's cool. I'm just going to say this though: If that pi chart has a sliver too tiny to see, in my mind, you are straight. I like who I like, and generally I like anybody, regardless of gender. I used to think that was bi, but bi has preferences, and usually I don't have one, I just end up falling for my friends, and I don't have the energy to care about shit like that (preferences I mean), especially if people are going to be convinced they are bi but not end up ever liking the same, or even opposite, sex- why not just go by straight if that's the case. I'm pan. A made up joke, thx for mentioning lol. As far as I'm concerned tho, no one said anything about disagreeing with someone's sexuality and keeping it on the DL, and head-cannoning them as something else.
P.S: My qualifications for being BI are literally 2 things: Have you like both genders? Would you date either gender? Perf, you bi. No? Imma have to disagree, but that's ight. I'm pan, and I haven't checked yet, but I'm sure there's a whole lot of discourse over this type of shit between bi and pan people in the LGBT community. Thx for your time.
Yeah, I've kinda heard all of this before and all I'm going to say is for you to do whatever you need to do and in whatever way you feel is best for you.
I think there are different levels of each type of sexuality. I consider myself bi, but only sexually. I enjoy sex with both sexes but can not see myself kissing or loving another guy. But I do know some bi guys who do. They may be more bi than me because they can develop a loving relationship with both sexes but I'm still bi. And I definitely enjoy it.
I agree, although I never actually had a bi experience. I am definitely interested in sucking dick but not kissing. I am more interested in women. If an when I have my fist time, it would let’s have some fun and then a beer
Okay, ig I get that. I just never really thought about it like that before, and didn't really think that's what "preferences" meant. But yeah, that seems totally bi, and gfy. Makes a little more sense tho as I am starting to identify as pan.
Perhaps I misunderstood or am over simplifying this but I think it is OK for anyone to like whatever they like regardless of what anyone else thinks. Do people have to be bi the way you are?
I think the OP is trying to put people in a box. That never ends well. One must consider the spectrum. I'm BiSEXUAL, not BiROMANTIC. I am attracted to men and enjoy mutual masturbation and oral. But, I am not interested in dating a man.
OP, I assume you are young (wish I was). It takes time to sort out one's feelings, and more time to accept them. My first bi experience was when I was about 40. I HATED myself for months after that. When I tried again...same thing. It took several years for me to really accept who I am, despite societies' expectations. Give her time, dont push.
I'm only bi in relation to sex, that's why I think bi"sexual" is a perfect word, only implies i like sex with both sexes, I don't read anything else into it, each has their own level they tak it to and no one should pigeon hole or chastise them for their life choices.
