Initially I had mixed feelings about this, but now I'm pretty well steeped in anger and bitterness... A little background, this pertains to the grocery store, and the cost of alcohol. $$$ View attachment 346492 But before I was old enough, we didn't pay for beer; not with any regularity. We didn't always have beer either. But I remember... Have you ever done a "beer run?" View attachment 346493 The idea is simple: You've gone into the store, and simply decided to run out with the beer. And while the idea is immoral, I have decided that this is a forgivable offense. Wait a minute... At the very least, there might be a conflict of interest. Indeed... your light-hearted innocent tomfoolery is illegal, and technically forbidden by God in a variety of religions and cultures. So, where does that put us? I have stolen. Now what becomes of that? Does it begin to characterize my person? Does it color my job interviews or my relationship with God or my marriage? What about burglary then? Is that now also innocent tomfoolery? Certainly not. I personally did this in many stores, but for one store in particular I went back. I asked them what I could do to make it right. But without the fear of God in my heart, they wouldn't budge. They couldn't see any resolve in my spirit and determined that no... nothing could be done to fix it. That's right... no amount of restitution could fix the errors I had committed. Have you ever done a "beer run"?
Well, honesty, right? SO. I'll tell you now... Initially, I wanted to address a social conundrum. There seems to be a trend in the court of public opinion as it were (this in southern California, but likely elsewhere too) to hold people accountable. For me, this is awkward because it goes into historical SoulCompromise (well before I joined hip, or suicidegirls, or even 4ravers or Candykids/Ravemedia etc. where I had a different screen name. Anyway...). And there in earnest, seems to be a very public awareness of my crimes against humanity. The stealing, the promiscuity, the infidelity, and of course the visiting of illicit websites (do I have to post the pornhub clicks bar graph in every post?). Spoiler The point is this: I'm never (not ever...) going to be more ready to move on and commence living in amnesty (I didn't always get caught), and frankly I'm not interested in approaching another merchant (or person) I've stolen from. This was in the late 90's, I was on meth and acid, and my behavior paralleled the description of juvenile delinquency pretty well. Forgiven? No. No, quite clearly not... I can't go a day without being reminded that fair is fair, and that I did things that I should be ashamed of... Ashamed. Do I want to spend eternity in shame? Reminded every day that I stole or was promiscuous or of infidelity (cheating)? I am trying to drive 65 on the freeway, acknowledge ever person I interact with to their satisfaction; at work and at home, and making every possible effort to align myself with being a "good" husband who works, talks to his wife, and cares about social problems. I cannot get enthusiastic about being steeped in bitterness with a limited/effected quality of life due to something that transpired 20+ years ago. It's asinine! That said, can I forgive myself? Not exactly. I stole from people; not just beer runs. People who tried to get me to buy their dope did not always get the full weight they paid for; not even close... Duley noted*. Can we focus on something relevant now? I have honestly lost faith in most of American members of society. Everyone seems to be aware of my transgressions and literally unable to move past it. They know what I've done, and like a rubbernecker at the scene of an accident, they keep looking on. What will it take for me to move past it? Money? Power? Does that even seem fair? Only the wealthy can move past their personal histories? I think what is occurring to me is that the freeway has its head up its ass.
Is it even a fair question? My choices are my own. They are not up for debate. They are authentic choices. They aren't invalid. If they are a product of the past, I do not believe they are my choices. And my stealing is prior to age 18. In the normal criminal statute, that lists me as under the age of adult knowledge and has a status as a juvenile delinquent. I am not forgiven or excused, but I am not tried as an adult. For severing my hands, yes you could do that, and likely America would cheer as long as it doesn't apply to them since they are bound only by American law. And is their accountability in contempt? I would say no. Ask law enforcement. You might find they are slow to forgive and since they didn't catch you, it may be technically within the realm of civil remedy in the US. In other countries, I'm not sure. They may still exhibit standoffishness since people have told them "He is a thief!", might night stick accept as a faithful Muslim too, and might not want to affect their own public image by appearing with or encouraging travel or tourism; "Is the thief using our purity as evidence of his innocence?", and then as a measure of justice, distancing. This has affected my proposed marriage to a Muslim woman as such, and from a progressive Muslim-by-far majority (of 90% or more). Age 18. Is that an excuse? Well? I think I would be happier to have no hands and remain in the graces of faith than to live my life as errant and deviant, employing my creativity to self-advocate and self-assure. But this keeps coming up. Perhaps people need to see executions and hangings and firing squads in order to feel justice is served. I'm down. And here's where to look for your IP Address:
I think what I mean to say is my choices are my own and if they are somehow leaving my intent behind or obscured, then I do not believe they are still my choices but instead some perversion of fate to equate something other than justice.
Who is the artist painting this picture? Is it me or am I a function of someone's art or legacy? No. I will assert my choices separate from anyone else's intention and if I am bound by the law I stand opposed to anyone's influence on my outcome. I will be held and tried equally, and if that can only be exacted from here forward? What becomes of the past?
I've done this and actually gone back and tried to address the grievance. The grocer wasn't interested. And does the idea persist that this is unsettled? This is happening. In law it belongs to the realm of Civil Litigation because it was a long time ago and the relevant law has a statute of limitations. How do we feel about a person who wasn't held to justice? Well, I think we look past it in favor of my degrees from college, my stated interest in spirituality, my noble intent to be a worthy father even though I have a vasectomy. There is plenty of distance between myself and those events (this isn't only one time, but the mantra gets to end and the narrative to stop. The public sphere can possibly refocus on several things if we bring it to their attention. a) the internet with optional content b) the closet as a social construct And so on. Is the collective conscience unready for this? Would they rather remain critical of a perceived error of justice? No one is saying that this should go unaddressed. And without admission? There is a due process for that somewhere. But while it applies to thieves, I'm not sure if it is even being considered elsewhere. The newsflash being most people (which is sad) are not accountable in any way to religion, or values, or morals, or etiquette, or social norms. Does that excuse me when I steal something? Stealing is reprehensible. If I seem clinical about its discussion, please forgive me when I don't excuse the lack of foresight or accountability in most of what I see. Is it excusable?
I feel like it's a loaded question. There is a legal system. But the beat goes on. The show must go on? Contrast with the lack of traction for religion. Contrast with the lack of traction for politics around internet policy on availability of adult content. Contrast with Ted Talks or Relationship Dynamics or Domestic Abuse or Food Insecurity. Put anything remotely important there! Why is there apathy? Well? I tried to go to the grocery store and fix it. I asked about community service. The general feeling? It wasn't enough because I didn't suffer. Then let's talk about who this is, if we're on about "do we parole the guy?". The person is me. What was he like? This is in the context of his crimes, not some other thing. That is true, but the statute is up and the discussion is ongoing. Public commentary and the court of public opinion continue whether it's since everyone in a traffic jam seems to want a dig at me, or if it's wanting to paint the picture that 'then his marriage was stolen from him' and 'that is somehow fate in his mind' despite the notion about unrealistic punishment (if I even begin to spell out 'consitution' my whole thought process is suspect by pathology). Fate has dealt a blow on behalf of the victims. I am now a symbol and an example. It's as offensive as it is pompous! Get accountable to yourself! That's what I want people to understand about this dilemma.
Did enough beerruns(streetkid)............stealing,mostly weed from my older brother, bit of money from my moms pures, a bike, tryed shoplifting once,ect(teens). If you want to make "stealing" a ethical question..........i hate thieves,who steal from you and me(nl), but if i have to steal to survive?(world).......i would. Fun necro Mzzls
If you're going to make a thread all about yourself, I suggest putting this in your blog, instead of bumping your own thread.
