Finding bisexual compatibility

I've had a very similar problem for quite some time. I would love to cultivate a FWB relationship with the right person. The biggest problem is that nobody wants to take the time to cultivate a relationship. It seems that everyone is in a hurry and they're just into the quick "blow and go" scene or they want to continually "play the field". If I enter into a relationship with someone I don't want to worry about where their cock or mouth has been!!!

 

@JS420, I often think that it's not a matter of not wanting to take the time to cultivate such a relationship; it's a matter of there being a lot of closeted guys who have great fear of being discovered or outed and presumed to be gay. Yes and, historically, men have engaged in the blow and go because, at least when I was coming up as bi, getting into some oral sex or some fucking was so stupidly easy with a guy than a girl and you could go to your favorite blowjob guy, get sucked off, and go on about your day without having to hear the whining and complaining way too many women are still known to do. You didn't have to bargain with a guy; sex between men was transactional, not conditional or, you blow me, I'll blow you and I gotta change a head gasket and... see you tomorrow? Establishing the FWB relationship can expose a guy in a way that makes him uncomfortable. He might want to be a FWB or wants one but that means having to out himself in some way and for some it's, "Oh, no! Danger Will Robinson! Danger!" and the pursuit for a FWB is dropped because it's deemed to be too risky.

And it's like I told my protege when he, like so many others, was in hot pursuit of an FWB: Do you really know where his dick has been when he's not with you? He got all into that exclusivity thing that is now a bit of a "mandatory FWB thing" and I said that this is all well and good... but the question remains valid, doesn't it? He said he wasn't worried. Then not one but two different FWBs gave him an STD as well as one guy adding on a bad yeast infection - while swearing that they hadn't been with anyone else. It pained me to say to him, "I told you, didn't I? I know of too many guys who made this mistake to not know what I'm talking about and I'm sorry - did you go to the doctor yet?"

It points to another reason why not a lot of guys are that hyped to cultivate a relationship: Trust and the lack thereof. Yeah, this shit starts to get seriously deep at some point and more so if you're sitting back wondering why you can't find a guy who wants to be your FWB or you're looking to be some guy's "one and only." A lot of unresolved fears and a lack of trust are the usual culprits more than an unwillingness to take the time to do some cultivating - and, lest I forget, hosting has become a very major problem and issue and one that can be connected to getting outed - what would the neighbors say if they knew?

Then, of course, some guys don't want anything to do with FWB because... it's a relationship. It's a commitment they may not be all that willing to take on and more so if they're already committed in a relationship and usually to a wife or girlfriend and trying to manage two relationships, whew, that's a bit much so it's easier to blow and go and even play the field and not get "tied down" to one guy. If I was considering getting into an FWB thing with you, there would be so much stuff going through my mind including being able to find the time to not only be your FWB but for us to talk about it and because I do have an idea of how much stuff has to be thought about, shit, as much as I'd want to be with you, I'd honestly ask myself, "Do I really feel like going through all of this?" and otherwise "what if-ing" myself and I think some guys, when it comes to thinking about FWB, find that it is too much to think about or they don't want to be bothered to think about it - and that's a mistake (ask my protege) and...

Messy, isn't it? If you want an FWB, you have to do some work and, yeah, take some manageable risks and the same if you're itching to be someone's FWB and if this is what you really want and need in your life, then there are no days off in this worthwhile pursuit - there can't be. Keep at it!

 

Well said my friend.

 

Most of the men I've been with were very masculine showing no signs of femininity at all except for the few gay men I've been with. I've never had a problem with that as I've always released my feminine side when having sex with a man. I've always enjoyed it, being told how to suck his cock, when to suck his balls, when to deep throat him. It's always turned me on and has always sent me into a sucking frenzy.

 

You just never know, right? We overthink compatibility. We're both guys; we both like sex with guys; how much more compatible do we have to be? Oh, okay - the details. I like this but not that; I'll do this but never that; I want what I want the way I want it and that's non-negotiable and as is a bunch of other stuff. Does that now make us incompatible? No - it makes us being able to have sex more conditional than transactional or, take the first two things and either ask, "What do you wanna do?" or, as I've told some guys, let's get naked and see what we can do to and for each other... because you never really know.

I've asked guys, "What are you willing to do?" then point out to them that if they have a list of things they're not going to do and it's longer than their list of things they will do, that's a problem and one that tends to lead to not getting the dick you want. If you have a manifesto of things the other guy has to meet and/or exceed in order to get into your Calvin Klein's, you're probably not going to get the dick you want because some guys would think, "If I wanted to go through all of that shit, I'd try to find a woman to fuck!"

And there you have it. If you're down for it and I am, we are already compatible; now it gets down to the details - and details that could break a deal. You waiting for or insisting on feeling "the click" with a guy? You might not be getting any dick tonight because "the click" isn't about compatibility - it's about 'chemistry' and in a situation where the only 'chemistry' that is needed is... do you wanna suck my cock because I wanna suck yours. And even if you don't suck cock, I still want to suck yours, okay? One of the things I keep telling my protege is to stop assuming shit about other guys. As a top, he sees all other men as bottoms and very often gets surprised when that "bottom" fucks the living daylights out of him and now he's wondering why he was wrong in his assumption because as far as he can be concerned, if he's a top and you're a bottom, we're compatible and, well, he still has a lot to learn about being bisexual and having sex with men but when he goes on a rant about compatibility I ask him, "What more do you need other than you want to have sex with him and he wants you to have sex with him?"

 

I love stories like that. Lol