Tell my wife or not that I am closeted bi

Discussion in 'Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, etc.' started by John72, Jun 16, 2020.

  1. Jamie28London

    Jamie28London Members

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    You should have been upfront with her from the start. I experimented with sex with men before I found my girlfriend and I told her just to make sure there was never any surprises later on. Its only my girlfriend and two close friends who know Im bisexual. But this means that we understand each other more. She will peg me to help with my anal fantasies, i have also sucked off a dildo infront of her while she encourages me. I love her more than anything, but I do have that part of me that loves a full asshole. Because I told her about it, from the start she knows its just part of the way i am. She also trusts me more because I am honest with her. Sometimes telling her things that she might not want to hear. We have both been cheated on by previous partners and that makes us stronger because we know how it feels and wont do it to each other.
     
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  2. thepapasmurph

    thepapasmurph Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    I'm glad that worked for you, @Jamie28London
    Not everyone has the same ability or set of circumstances to do what you did. So much of bisexual attractions are shrouded in secrecy because the man has learned somehow that his desire for another man will not be accepted by others - Men will label him as gay, or worse - use slang terms to label the guy... and women, especially women we love, will find it hard to accept and feel differently about us. For example, my wife told me that she would have rather found out I had been with other women because, at least, she felt she could compete with them. I found her thinking totally the opposite of what I expected from her. I figured she would be happy I had never been with any other woman since she walked into my life... but, no - she did not accept that I also am attracted to men, and the ultimate, that I had cheated on her with a man.
    So - that's my history.
    I am sure other men have varying stories of why they can or cannot be honest and open up front with their wives.
    Another thing, too - some married men do not even recognize their same sex attractions until later in life. This, I have discovered, is a much more common scenario than any other. I don't know why this seems to be the case, but I've heard many men say they discovered this about themselves well into their adult life - and were already married when they realized it. Their wives most likely would not nor ever expect. And it is a choice we have to make, based on our own well-being and peace of mind.
     
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  3. NaturalDreams

    NaturalDreams Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Before my wife and I got married I told her I had one experience with a guy. She asked if I'd like to have more and at that point I told honestly, I wasn't sure (I love my wife a LOT). Not long after those discussions we started fantasizing about mmf, mmff, etc. These fantasies have only grown more and detailed since that first time and some day we may actually make some of them real.

    In the meantime, I'm happy to have her peg me and fuck my mouth with our toys.

    Do I want to really make some of these things real? Yup, with the person/couple and with my wife right there with me.

    I'm in no rush. My wife is an amazing woman and if I never get to experience another cock again, so be it, we have an amazing sex life and we are very connected. If we do find someone to join us some day, all the better.
     
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  4. TopherD1972

    TopherD1972 Members

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    Hi. I’m in the same boat except that our kids are grown and gone. My wife has got to at least suspect that I’m bi as I’ve given her clues and told her of my playing with a guy before I met her. She knows I’m into pegging and solo dildo play and is ok with it. She just may not know that I’m still interested in men. Honestly I don’t think she’d freak out if she found out. Maybe a little initial shock but afterwards she may actually be accepting. Regardless I’m not taking any chances. I don’t need her blabbing all over town if we fought or separated.
     
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  5. JackStraw_68

    JackStraw_68 Members

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    My wife is Latina and was raised with the stereotypical “machismo” attitudes about men so prevalent in that culture. She’d never accept it. I’ve been told I’m intimidating (not intentional, I guess I just have that look) and can be confrontational and direct (that part is true). That turns her on. When my daughter went in for surgery the male nurse told my wife he was afraid of me when I left the room. I don’t know why, it’s not what I’m trying to project, but I guess I put that attitude out there. Plus I was really stressed out. I’m actually pretty laid back.

    She doesn’t have a problem with gay people at all. She’s considers herself an ally. But I don’t think she’d ever look at me the same again if she knew.
     
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  6. Joshualooking2

    Joshualooking2 Members

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    I tend to think honesty is the best policy cheating never sat well with me. I can’t judge what others do when I came out to my wife she was very supportive hopefully the same happens with you good luck
     
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