Journal #58, July 5: Sex as an act of love

Hope everyone who celebrated the 4th of July had a great time!

As a Christian and a hippie at heart I'd like to think I have a sort of love for my fellow humans. (I know some social and political leanings, in ways that are related to this post, make it difficult if not impossible to love some, but that's another story.) So when I finally start having sex with guys I'd like to consider those acts of sex in a way making love. I think it would add a beautiful perspective to the erotic experience.

Not that sex with women or any other gender designation should be any any less an act of making love!

Though I'm not sure how a gangbang would work with this.

 

Do you mean them loving to gangbang you or you loving getting gangbanged? Sex as love - and especially with guys - isn't always a given; a lot of guys just want to fuck you and have fun doing it and, hell, some hope that you're having fun, too. But maybe you wouldn't if you were looking only for guys who wanted to make love... but a gangbang? Yeah, making love might not be the order of the day and depending on how many guys are waiting for their turn with you...

 

Well I didn't mean making love per se. It's kind of hard to explain. I mean sex as an act of expressing basic love to each other without romantic context. I understand it's not everybody's thing, whatever it is.
That said, my preference for making love as I define it rather than just fucking makes me rethink my consideration to be gangbanged. Overall it seems impossible to work out for me given what I'm willing to work with. Maybe it's better to leave that to fantasy. I'm actually OK with that.

 

Okay - I was just asking since there's a lot of importance attached to making love versus fucking... and a gangbang is fucking. Having said that, yes - I agree that sex is a way to express love although women say that there are other ways to do that without have sex and I'm guessing we're not talking about them. Sex with guys, well, it can be 100% lust and horniness that's being expressed and that, despite how some may think, is just fine and dandy. If you have other feelings for a guy that isn't lust, then sharing your body with him can express those feelings and this, too, is fine and dandy.

As far as the gangbang goes, it's not impossible but it could be a lot of work because you still have to get a number of men together to do this and, yeah, finding your "favorite kind of guy" increases the difficulty by a factor of two so, perhaps, rethinking "qualifications" for the gangbangers would be in order since this will likely be a one-off adventure for you. I got gangbanged in my youth, it was fucking amazing and... I will never do it again.

 

I might be opening myself more than I should here lol. The thing is lately I'm becoming more acutely aware I don't know myself, and others might see things about me I have no clue about. So others might see something about me in what I wrote that I haven't seen yet, or might not ever to be honest. Maybe I wrote this in a way to betray something about myself subconsciously so others might pick up on it and tell me about it. Then again maybe my imagination is being overactive and I totally missed your point.
What I meant, or think I meant, about making love as I described it wasn't so much about meeting an objective as it was being in a state with another human after acknowledging we're all human and we're really all in it together. Sex is one way to be together with others. That's about the best way I can think to describe it right now.

 

If you wanna connect with someone both literally and figuratively, have sex with them. Find out what having sex with them means to you, how it makes you feel, stuff like that. Making love or fucking and there's been a great ongoing debate on what this all means but at the root of either thing, it's having sex. Sex connects. Sex bonds. We spend our entire lives trying to find so much meaning in having sex when, really, we should just have sex and enjoy it...

 

Sex can be love making and beautiful but sometimes I think it’s just to animals fucking and that can be better when that’s the inch your trying to scratch

 

Sex is an awesome physical coming together or two people (maybe more) who give each other pleasure. No love required. A little attraction helps. If there is love it is even better.

Love is going out and meeting her when she gets home with the groceries so you can carry them in; cooking her favorite meal for no reason; giving her the filet portion of the porterhouse; tending to her when she's sick; always doing kind, thoughtful things for her because you want her to be happy and healthy and enjoy her life. If you're lucky you'll get sex twice a week.

 

Maybe I'm just lonely and looking for that connection, and calling it some kind of love.

 

Soulpoker I think I get what you are saying. I suppose I identify with it. For me sex is partly a path for connection. By default I’m kind and considerate, I care about people. I find that plays out in how I have sex and the type of person I seek out. While I do have the sexual drive that doesn’t need to be in love with who I have sex with, I do prefer to have some sort of connection with them.

 

I want my mouth connected to his cock and his mouth connected to mine. Let's keep it simple. I've asked myself if I wanted to "be with a guy" that I had 'feelings' for and... I don't think I do but I know better than to say never. I just don't need the drama; I don't have the patience for one-sided FWB-ness; 99% of the time, I just want to take care of the lust and feeding the need to suck cock with a guy. Whatever happens after that first couples of times is something we can talk about and if we even need to. I'm not saying that other kind of connection is bad or anything like that but let's get the lust part out of the way... and see what happens next.

 

I can definitely understand what you're trying to get at through all your different posts in this thread. But this last one does capture the heart of it I think, the need for connection with someone else. We can definitely have the lust drive in getting naked with another guy, and I have felt it often. His cock is so beautiful, and in my case, his asshole as well, that I just want to devour them in every way I can. And it's to satiate my need for him to lust after my cock as well. And us going wild with our overwhelming desire for our entire bodies.

But for me personally something very special happened when my lust for another guy's asshole for the first time led me to have this overwhelming desire to penetrate it and him with my cock. When I finally pushed my cock inside of him, and we began fucking, yes, there was a lust component to our sexual intercourse, but there was something unbelievable that I did not anticipate. I felt a close connection with him like I've never felt with a guy before (and to tell you the truth, with a woman before). I felt this connection between our bodies and souls, even though it was a casual hookup, and an anonymous one in a bathhouse. I wasn't in love with him, and didn't even have a romantic crush on him, something I only developed for another guy years later when I allowed myself to, without trying to repress it. But I felt almost a spiritual connection with him, this other man, through the union of my cock and his asshole, that blew me away. It was the fact that I was deep inside him, inside his body, finally inside another man like I fantasized about for decades, that felt incredible beyond words. It was making love, making beautiful gay love.

Maybe it was because it was my first time actually fucking another guy, after just oral sex with hundreds of guys over 21 years, and that it connected with the gay side of me deep inside myself, and finally allowed me to accept the gay part of me, and in fact even love it, that oral sex with guys never did. Even though I've done some anal play since then, I haven't actually penetrated another man's ass since that first time in 2013, so I can't really say whether the experience would be the same (lots of erectile issues). But I suspect it will. I've always been a romantic guy at heart, and always a passionate lover, so I think that connection, even a casual one, is what my soul craves, and it's sexual intercourse with another man that fulfills that. And it's fucking one on one, and not in a threesome or group I believe. So that first time truly felt like making love with this other man. Yes, there's a fucking component to it, but for me there's also this man and me making love aspect. I'm sure he didn't feel the same (he was a huge bottom slut and quickly left me afterwards to get his ass reamed again). From my side it felt like making love. And it's that that I want to replicate. Real man-to-man connection seems to be supreme for me.

I can't even imagine what it would be like if we were IN love.

 

Making love with my boyfriend was special. The kind of sex that means something. A lesson in being in the moment, being wide open and nothing else exists except me, him, and our bodies joined. I remember telling him, "This is as close as humanly possible that two people can get..." then I came in him. He was always so emotional when I fucked him and moments like this meant that he would even more emotional and I would feel it. Sometimes, it wasn't about having sex even though that's what we were doing. I would always suck him off before we fucked but when you're in love and being in the moment, it didn't matter that he came in my mouth two minutes later. It wasn't about me cumming in him five minutes after sliding inside of him but staying put and being together like this.

I really suck at trying to explain what this feels like other than it's the same sense of togetherness that you can feel with a woman you love and she loves you and... that's all that matters. I remember everyone saying, back in the teenaged years, that when you love the person you're having sex with, it makes the sex even better; I found that when you love them and they genuinely love you, you need more words other than "better" because better doesn't cover that "magical" combination of physical and emotional connection.

He would say, "I feel you..." and I knew that he meant that he felt me more than being inside of him with my dick but being inside of him with my soul. In my life to-date, I don't remember how many guys I've fucked but I can count on one hand the number of guys that when my dick was in them, we could... feel each other. That doesn't take away from the times when it felt amazingly good to be inside a guy and busting deep inside of him because you embrace the lust and don't try to hide from it or cover it up. Or, there's sucking a guy off and then there's sucking a guy off that's almost a religious experience and, again, it's being in that moment, feeling that connect between mouth and cock, me and him and even if he's not even aware of what I'm feeling.

You can't find this with just anyone one. It's how I know that sex is an act of love but I never, ever downplay the fact that sex is about lust, too.

 

All I really have to say about the connection is that if one expects it to just happen, they're making a mistake. It would be nice if it could - and sometimes, it does happen but to expect it to just slap you in the face upon meeting a guy for the first time? That's a fairy tale that women have believed for a very damned long time and even I learned - because of them - to pay attention to and for this expectation to appear and in my own dealing, do not expect it to just happen. But just because "the click" isn't going to bitch slap you upon first sight doesn't mean that the two of you can't work together to see how you can connect and then, doing the work that's necessary to keep it alive and well... and dicks nice and hard.

I've heard and/or read it being said that if you go looking for love, you're going to be looking to be disappointed because love doesn't happen when you want it to. You don't find love - it finds you. Whether I heard this or I read it somewhere, I do remember nodding my head in understanding...

 

Definitely can relate to this !!

 

yes love does find you in unique ways…
Never imagined that, guy I have been dating past few months through work committe we are part of …things have been going well. He is the one who asked me out , he knows am married …we have been intimate in our mm and we have been close more then my recent mm hook ups …he recently mentioned the word I love you ….i was taken back. He know I’m married and seeing other men as well. Was open that this was going to be open relationship….I didn’t say anything , but kissed him back and your special partner I’m lucky to have …