For bi men whose wife is still "in the dark".......

KD23:

Have you ever considered penning a self-help book or two, entitled:

"THE BISEXUAL MAN'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING MARRIAGE"

"WHAT EVERY BI MARRIED MAN SHOULD LKNOW; A SURVIVAL GUIDE"

Just an idea........

 

Thought about it. Not sure how I could publish and sell it due to how damned explicit it would be, not biting my tongue, telling it 100% straight and as I learned and experienced it. Would such a book sell? Probably... but I wouldn't want to have to change any of it just to suit someone else's sensibilities because making it PC would take away from the true rawness of sex and sexuality that we... shy away from to an extent.

 

KD23:

Don't get me started on all this "PC" bullshit.....TOTALLY out of control!

Whatever happened to "freedom of speech"?

Oh, I forgot, that's reserved for only a "select few".

I am sure there would be MORE than a few bi married men who would EASILY plunk down a few books for such a book penned by yourself, on this "hot button" issue, make no mistake!

Your book SHOULD be TOTALLY uncensored, TELLING IT LIKE IT IS....NO "PC" bullshit!

 

Freedom of speech. Right. I very much remember writing my first book of erotica that was going to be published and me and the editor kept going in circles because she wanted me to change things in the book that would have taken away from the overall "theme" and story of the book. She had made herself the arbiter who decided what readers should and shouldn't read and when I was writing a book that I wanted everyone to be able to read (and spend some time masturbating and otherwise having sex to).

I've felt that any such book that I'd write would have to be uncensored because anything else doesn't tell the truth. A book about bisexuality wouldn't exactly be erotica but there would be a lot of sex and references to sex that I do understand would make some people want to shit their pants but if you're going to tell the truth, tell all of it and not just the part that makes everyone feel comfortable.

 

KD23:

ANY "tell all" SHOULD be exactly THAT, with NO censoring, sanitizing, or "whitewashing"....that's all bullshit!

This "PC" shit, IMHO, has probably killed off a LIBRARY full of books......what ever happened to that old expression, "LET THE BUYER BEWARE".....in other words, let the buyer KNOW the book is GRAPHIC in content, and let HIM dedice whether he wants to read it or not................

 

Yeah, right, uh-huh...

 

Your sarcasm speaks VOLUMES, my friend, and am in TOTAL agreement.

Sadly, it's all a joke, and not the LEAST bit funny............

 

......so much for "personal freedom", which I USED to think was a priviledge granted to ALL Americans......guess I was mistaken........

 

It is. The Constitution says it is. But you have to consider the society we live in and its attitude about sex, sexuality, and even relationships; a society that would rather hide their collective heads in the sand so that husbands who get deprived of having sex with their wife have to resort to committing adultery as well as a moral sin in order to get the sexual satisfaction - and intimacy - that they still need. A society that knows what the truth is but cannot allow us to know that truth, i.e., there's nothing wrong with men having sex with men or women having sex with women; the society drenched in hypocrisy to say that sex is good for everyone's mental and physical health - but would want to tar and feather me for giving you a blowjob so that we can partake of the health benefits of having sex, too.

But Amazon - just to name a potential selling point - has the right to allow whatever written material they find fitting. One of my online friends is an erotica author and he tells me how Amazon (and other outlets) gives him all kinds of shit about what he's writing about, book covers, and a bunch of other stuff and having read his stuff, his stuff looks like a story you'd tell your children compared to the truth I could write about. I can write about how I know about married men and what makes them cheat on their wife and not to get some pussy but to find succor in another man's bed and in whatever sexual role is going to make both men happy.

It's not about sexuality so much as it is about sex; it's really about 'boys being boys' and even if they're all grown up. If you want to write about any of this, well, they can't handle the truth.

 

KD23:

Well said.

I once read that:

".....the truth frightens some people; so much so, in fact, that they put up walls to protect themselves from it....."

Also, in the words of Dr. King:

".....truth crushed to the earth will rise again......."

"......no lie can live forever.........."

Truly sad that so many "mature" adults have such difficulties in accepting the truth...........

 

Which is why a man keeping his wife in the dark has to do what he has to do when she no longer wants to. It's understandable but and monogamy does not allow for this. Stick only with her, for better or worse, sickness or health, for as long as they both shall live. What does he do if she no longer wants to have sex with him? Nothing. Live with it. Deal with it. Like I said, take out some stock in your favorite toilet paper or tissues because you're going to be beating your meat a lot and probably watching porn - and the kind of porn you could be doing if, well, you know what you'd have to do.

A lot of guys do it, GG57. They know the risks and they accept them.

 

KD23:

It's like John Wayne used to say:

"......a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do............."

I think that pretty well sums it all up!

 

Just a little levity........

If you're a bi guy, still single, and dating, take this ONE piece of SOLID advice.......

If this girl you're interested in introduces herself as "Lorena", simply say "nice meeting you", and HIGHTAIL it for the nearest EXIT!!!!!!!!!!

 

Though, of course, the initial thought of a bisexual married male coming out has him first and foremost, "revealing his true sexuality" to his wife, I feel it is also just as important to contemplatr how his children (and/or grandchildren) will be affected by this "confession".

Will they be loving supportive?

Will they ostrasize him, totally writing him off?

Will they simply treat his true sexual status as a matter they really are not going to bother about, one way or the other?

This, without a doubt, can go any of a number of ways.........

 

You can ask thepapasmurph how that went for him. If you consider that, by and large, coming out to your wife as bisexual can open the gates of hell, your children and maybe grandchildren finding out can be quite upsetting and especially children who grew up being told how bad it is to be homosexual and for them to never, ever think about being that way. Part of this difficulty is people not knowing the difference between a bisexual and a homosexual and then the assumption that if you go both ways, you're going to run off with your same-sex lover and all kinds of crap - and crap that, sadly, has some basis in truth but humans are... stupid in that if "Tom" was married to "Marcie," he discovered bisexuality and it doesn't matter how he did, but Tom ran off with his male lover, "Raphael" and left his family in the lurch, well this is going to happen in this situation.

It's bad enough that the wife will feel betrayed, you never loved her, been cheating on her since day one, stuff like that - and it has never failed to amaze me how some women can take something about him and make it all about her but, yeah, that's pretty much how it can go. Your children can have their image of you destroyed and, oh, yeah, you hurt their mother's feelings and made her angry and she's crying, you son-of-a-bitch. They find out why she's crying - if you don't tell them, she will and give only her version of the truth - and now they're even more hurt because you lied to them about the homosexual thing and depending on how old these children are, they're probably not going to understand it or, if they're older, they've already gotten "set in their ways" and will give you the "Yeah, but..." response that says, sure, they understand what you're saying, but - add all of their objections to what has come to the surface and has, essentially, mortally wounded the family relationship.

Or maybe not. Again, when "Tom" realized that he wanted/needed to find out about sex with guys, all of this is things that he cannot predict how it's going to turn out no more than he can predict how his wife and mother of his children is going to react if/when she finds out. In the logistics for trying to get some dick, one has to think about all sorts of damage control things when he's thinking "what if" and one of them is what if his children find out and now, how does he explain this change in him without sounding like a liar and a hypocrite?

Maybe Tom tells his wife, and she says, "Yeah, I know..." and doesn't drag him to the depths of hell. Depending on the children situation, it can be decided on whether or not they need to know and I've heard some parents decide that if their children are young, nah, don't say anything to them about this but if they're older - like teenagers and older - whew, shit, that might get interesting... or it may not and depending on any choices they've made about their sexuality.

You won't know what's really going to happen until it does. I learned that with some guys thinking about putting the wife in the dark, they've found that this is a lot of shit to think about and, no lie, it really is a lot to think about and to the extent that if he was thinking about getting some cock on the side, he's not going to because there are way too many unknown variables that can be in play including telling his older children why he and his mother are getting a divorce after being married for 30+ years and, hmm, yeah, maybe they lose their shit when they find out and maybe they don't and he's going to be a pariah until the day he dies...

 

KD23:

Indeed, I WELL recall the living hell that our good friend thepapasmurph went through, when he "came out" to the wife and family; man, I only wished I lived nearby, to offer him, if nothing else, my total support and my friendship, and a shoulder to lean on.

So much is at stake when a married bisexual guy "comes out" to his wife, and his family; it is virtually impossible to know for sure just HOW they will react when they hear the news husband/dad is bisexual, or, even gay.

In short, I DO know it takes a great deal of COURAGE and GUTS to "come out" to one's family; just ask our good friend, the papasmurph.......took a LOT of GUTS, to be sure.

Truly sad indeed that, in our so-called "enlightened age", so many (TOO many) gay and bi men are foeced to "live a lie", due to the narrow-minded views of an ignorant, opinionated society............

 

That "living a lie" thing is bullshit. If you don't know that someone is bi or gay, are they lying to you? Or do you believe - and like so many do - that a lie of omission is really a lie? If "Frank" doesn't tell his wife that he's bisexual or he woke up one morning with an unexpected craving for a man's cock, is he lying to her? Now, if he's out there on the DL playing with cocks and she asks him if he's cheating on her and he says that he isn't, then he's lying to her - but is that really living a lie?

It's like that bullshit of living a secret life or living two different lives. The reality is that you're only living one life and if your sexuality is a secret from others, well, so what? Are you supposed to tell them about this? I mean, shit, my sexuality is a secret from a great many people because I deemed that they do not need to know. Keeping a secret life? Or exercising my right not to have everyone all up in my very personal business? Fuck society and their immature way of looking at any of this - I don't give a fuck what they have to say and nothing they can say is ever going to change the fact that I am bisexual... or anyone else for that matter.

And if I don't tell you, I'm not lying to you; I'm not living some kind of secret life or two different lives. Not every bisexual man feels the way I do about it. Society - and a lot of people - wants to act like they have a right to know about my sexuality, and I'm supposed to tell them and... more bullshit. Then getting all butt hurt and say that because I didn't tell them, I lied.

If Frank doesn't tell his wife about his bisexuality, is he really lying? Is he supposed to tell her and if he doesn't because he's sure that she's going to flip the fuck out on him, is he lying? You'd be surprised at how many people would say that Frank's lying to her. It's society's fault that too many gay and bisexual men have to put everyone around them on a need-to-know basis and, yeah, not everyone needs to fucking know. Society does not get to mandate who gets to know. If your wife can keep her secrets, why do you have to tell her all of yours?

Bullshit. None of it changes the fact that if a man has to step to the side to take care of something that his wife no longer wants to be bothered with - and he's decided not to mention it to her, it is what the fuck it is - what it isn't is a lie. Adultery? Sure. Engaging in religiously taboo sex? You betcha. Risking the destruction of his family and ostracization from his friends? Yeah, that sucks but it's a possibility. Some of life's realities are a motherfucker and a half and then some. It's sad that there are both men and women out there resorting to being on the DL because our social norms and contracts do not allow them to find succor with someone else when the person who you'd think would provide this... either can no longer do it or just gives up on it.

What can they do? What are they supposed to do? Would you lie to protect your sanity?

 

KD23

Another OUTSTANDING, WELL-WRITTEN, "Let's-tell-it-like-it-is, baby!" response, for certain......again, THANK YOU for taking the time to share so much valuable insight with us here, on a great many topics!