I myself are a agnostic and have no real belief in a God, especially a specified religion. I am currently dating a Christian (her Dad is the head pastor at our local church) who I beleive I am falling in love with, yet every time I reserach the subject and talk to other Christians, they tell me that she shouldn't be with me and it is against the word of God, I respect the religion and wouldn't want her to ruin her faith because of me, but I would like to know your opinions on the matter. Michael xxx
Hey I dated a guy who was raised Protestant in a pretty strict way. He had trouble with his faith and ended up (before we started dating) not believing in God anymore. However, he still had all the values of his old fate (like, he thought nearly everything to be 'occult' and 'wrong' and 'from Satan' and such.. but had no real arguments to back that up, since normally his faith provided that and without that faith he basically had no 'basis'). Anyway.. I dated him for two years.. but it was hopeless. Mostly because he didn't want to talk about things.. I'm pretty openminded towards all religions but I'd like to know what someones arguments are for doing or thinking certain things you know? Like I said, he basically held on to the dogma's of his past-day faith but was now without arguments for them.. which was really difficult. I think he was the schoolbook example of someone who had his parents believe shoved down his throat for so long and so rigidly that he didn't know how to think for himself. I broke up and he went to therapy to seek his identity.. I'd like to know how he's doing now but we don't have any contact anymore. That's just my story.. living with someone with a different faith is difficult.. but it all depends on how openminded both are. I mean.. what if the two of you have kids.. are you ok with her baptising them, teaching them about God and everything? And would she be ok with you teaching her about your agnosticism (your doubts about the existance of everything she believes in).. etc etc.. what if the kid is gay, how would you deal with that? It may be far fetched but it's all about (not) sharing core values.
Every move you make will be a sin. Every word you speak will be blasphemy. Every friend you have will be evil. Evey thought you have will be perverted. Every thing you do will be wrong. Your family will be heathen. You were guilty before you were born. You will be going to hell until you become one of them. "They" call that "Love."
Firstly thanks to Velvet, that does kinda make sense, now MrRee, in your opinion this may be true, that is my problem, you may see these things as sins but I do not, I think the love between two people is a beautiful thing but I can accept that someone and their love of God will be stronger. And I do accept that Christians will believe I am going to Hell, but also, I beleive that Christians don't seem to realise atheists and agnostics have real philosophical reasoning behind their arguament as well, the problem I have with Christianity is the whole idea of "Sins", I believe "good and bad" are not imprinted onto us, and our brain is a blank canvas when we are born and it is society that imprints it onto us, so how can a God tell us it is bad if we have being told what that good and bad is by society. So therefore teh real judge of "us" is past/present societies and not some higher force
Sweety.. I don't think in this case the problems will come from your side, but from hers. Especially agnosts are pretty openminded since they are in doubt about wether or not there is some kind of god and they accept the fact that your not gonna find the truth untill you die.. or sth along those lines. I completely agree with your train of thoughts.. but how do you think she's feeling if she really believes you are going to hell for not accepting Jesus in your life? For many Christians their faith is a complete way of life, not something that just tags along.. and I can hardly imagine that she'll be able to cope with the fact that she wont be able to fully share that what's most important to her. But it all depends on her exact views, her level of openmindedness, the quality of communication between you two, the strength of the bond.. etc etc..
Velvet speaks the truth. The Bible speaks of being "unequally yoked" and there is much about that analogy that works. Christianity requires many sacrifices, sacrifices that are plain unfair to ask of a non-believer. A simple example would be tithing. She, as a Christian, will, hopefully, want to tithe. You might see tithing as okay, or it might irk you, but, at least in a marriage situation, it is unfair to ask you to tithe to a God you may or may not believe in. There are more complex examples, but this demonstrates my point. As a Christian, she has adopted a set of beliefs which set a standard of behavior. While it isn't fair to say that her whole life will revolve around her religion, it is fair to say that it will be pervasive throughout all aspects of her life. This is something you may be able to understand, but will be unable to share with her. In short, she would be unequally yoked with you because there are certain freedoms that you have that she has chosen to give up, and she will have obligations that she has voluntarily assumed that you have not asked for. You will then either have to give up your freedoms for her (which isn't fair for you) or create a feeling of unfairness for her when she sees you excercising her feelings. Likewise, you will either have to voluntarily conform to obligations that you never asked for and see no good reason to follow (which is again unfair for you), or create feelings of solitude for her when she consistently has to conform to obligations alone without you there with her to support and join her in her obligations. It would be unfair for both of you. Note that I don't think that you are more evil than anyone else (Christians included; we are all sinners), nor do I think that you are "of Satan." But hopefully this will help you understand why her friends and family might say that she shouldn't date you. It would be unfair for both of you. Should you be willing to compromise with her, good for you. Just remember that you cannot *expect* her to compromise her beliefs for you (it doesn't mean that she won't, just don't expect her to just because you might be willing to). Just don't resent her if the compromise only goes one way (from you to her).
this probobly has no real value in this discuassio, but im attracted to the christina girls in my school over the other ones...mainly cause they aren't as skanky and they seem more real then the rest of the crowd...even if they aren't in the same crowd, they seem that they are generally more interesting totalk to as well...
At the same time, you will never fully grasp the most important aspect of her life, even while in love, more important than the lover. She will not share this communion, this deep spirituality with you. Perhaps, unfortunately, she will either be saddened by this or seek it out from another. Just a thought. On the other hand it could work out great. You both could add much to each other. Lots of tension on the way too. I dunno.
brothwood, I don't know you nor your girl so I can't say too much on this with certainty, but if she places God on nr. 1 of her life, also above you, can you deal with that, how would you deal with that? Placing God on nr. 1 sounds simple, but this will be something that will affect not only sundaymornings but will have big impact on her life, and if you get together, your life too.
I've dated plenty christians, considering I went to a christian school. I'll sum up my experience for you: A rollercoaster ride, minus the fun. The christian guys I have dated have all been really nice guys, but every so often they hear a church sermon that inspires them, then they begin to try converting me, guilt me for the secrets I have told them, tell their friends and family about their "back-slidden" girlfriend and the wrong things she does, confess all of our private things in our relationships to others, etc...I think you get the picture. It's like one minute they like ya, the next you are a sinner headed for hell and they don't even know if they want to associate with you. Not like you have changed any way you behave, you're the same person you always were. They just seem to go through these rollercoaster rides of high adhearance to their faith, then low, then high, then low. One minute who you are is okay and they accept you, the next minute they have come up with all these sinful, horrible things about you. Drama drama drama. It's pretty painful.
You read it all wrong brothwood. What I am saying is that is how this chick's christian family, friends, and communitiy will look upon you, your friends and your family. I know. I've seen it far too often for far too long. You'll be buried under hell-fire and brimstone until you submit to their beliefs, and love won't even come into it from their point of view ~ even though Love is God!! It would be fantastic if I were proved wrong, but I don't think I will be given christians judgemental beliefs that they are right and everyone else in the world is wrong.
I can already see that this is going to be an open invitation for those of unbelief to display their hypocritical intolerance of faith and tell you that you should run away. Contrary to popular belief, the drama lies within my Wiccan boyfriend’s life as opposed to mine. It is quite difficult to watch him struggle with issues that arise in his life (due mostly impart to his family members), knowing that healing is right around the corner. Will this be an issue in your relationship? It will most likely play a significant role. My boyfriend possess a very peaceful nature (heh, which is why he refuses to post in Hippyland any longer even though he is a paid supporter). This is one of the many characteristics that attracts me to him. At times it appears that some quote/unquote Christians could learn a little from him. The biggest obstacle (which is really more of a problem for him) is the issue of intimacy. He believes that upon our feelings for one another and the impending prospect of marriage, that there is no logical reason why we should wait to make love. Myself on the other hand, being raised both with certain morals and very firm in my religious beliefs, has to disagree with the idea of getting that close at the present time. You cannot determine your relationship based on the experience of another individual. You have stated how others perceive it yet you have not mentioned how the two of you view it. There are many important factors within the confines of a relationship. Communication, attentiveness to one another’s needs and desires, trust and honesty, openness, etc. must all be present. However, sometimes a relationship may possess those factors and still not work out. My advice is simply this: If your relationship is meant to be, it shall be. If it is not meant to be, it will not last.
And what is this 'healing' you speak of? God? That's the point everyone here is trying to make. We are not bashing Christians, we are merely pointing out that when you have certain believes (no matter what) it will be very hard if you can not share them with your loved one. Let's take another religion.. ehm.. hinduism or something.. let's say you have a strong believe in Karma and your spouse does things (like riding rodeo and working in a slaughterhouse) that will make you fear he'll come back as a bug in the next life. That would break your heart, since you are hoping to come back as a hindu priest and will now have to watch your every step in your next live so you don't kill your past-life husband. Bit cynical.. but I'm sure you get the general tone of the people posting here through this. We/I are not saying it's impossible for them together, just that it will be very very hard. Not just because she might not be able to deal with the whole 'you're a sinner, you'll burn when I'll be chanting and petting lions' thing, but also because he may feel that he isn't the most important priority in her life or can talk about or do certain things without her frowning upon it.
It can be difficult, I do not disagree with that. However, there are many life situations that can be just as difficult, if not more. For example, one who's significant other has a mental illness, a medical condition (such as a quadriplegic), an addiction, etc. Those are all stressful and heart breaking situations. However, despite how hard it may be for the other person, some of these relationships manage to work out. Real love knows no boundaries and perseveres even through counterinfluences, opposition, or discouragement. The point is that he himself never makes mention of any problem arising at the present moment within his relationship. From his post, he appears to be feeling the pressure of others around him planting the idea in his mind that the feelings his girlfriend and himself possess for one another are wrong. The general tone of the responses imply a negative outlook. They seem to dwell merely on the cons.
the two lives are going seperate ways,sometimes yes it can work,but its not advisable! your life is going one way,and her life is going towards god! tihnk of it like train carages joined together,if theyre both going seperate ways the link between them will break and will tear away from each other. dont mean to be sounding negative,iv experienced a few non christian-christian relationships and it just never worked out,i need somebody who ahs the same perspective of life as me
Hey, firstly, thanks to everyone for your views, I will note them all. I do realise how difficult it will be if we stay together. She has told me she will not force her beliefs onto me, but some of my close friends believe she probably does hope I will “turn” in the long run. And I will never try and get in the way of her beliefs, and I have let her know if she feels God is telling her not to be with me then that is totally cool. I have met her family and friends who do appear to be very Christian minded and have seemed to get on with me, even with my non-belief, but I’m not sure what they really believe surrounding the issue of “us”. I do know that God will be number one in her life, and I do accept that, but if we stay together she will be number one in my life. I see my “morals” as being very Christian but my philosophical beliefs lye more towards agnostics and Buddhism. I am concerned if it does get serious and say we have kids then how shall we bring them up, she may wish me not to influence them on a religious basis. I would never want her to lose her faith especially for human love, but at the same time I want to be with her.
Thank you very much, and again I'd like to thank everyone for their help, we have both talked about all the issues you have raised and decided to keep our relationship going and only time will tell, I hope it works out, but we will see. Thank you all. Michael xxx
all i know is, i will never date a catholic again. although he claimed he had ex-communicated himself from the church, i still got that righteous vibe from him(along with total and udder asshole-ism). they are fucked up in the head, most of 'em. i know a total of 4 catholics besides him, and they all try to fix upon you in some degree a guilt complex. ahhhhh!!!! im so confused???
