Scenario: Loving relationship, just no more sex.

Getting older is no picnic. Getting wife to do anything , feels more like begging. Tried Bi, but those were/are just fortunate experiences.
Really no free time and beyond cheating time and expense , she is well aware of toy time and boating time, she just says" I hope you enjoyed yourself?".
Im pretty much resolved to my situation and just wondered what other " horny old stay at home guys", do?

 

Well, I masturbate a lot (for me) so, about 5 times a day and if I am engaged in chat with a female, and have a permanent turned-on feeling, I might do it 8 or 9 times.

If I am not in that state with a woman, I'll chat to guys and enjoy looking at their cock and watching them masturbating to orgasm.

Sometimes they'll have sent me a video of them wanking and I'll play as I watch.

Sometimes I'll have sent them a video and they'll wank to it and send me a video of them wanking and with my video playing in the background.

A couple of guys sent me videos of them either fucking a female (apparently their wife) or wanking and being wanked by their wank buddy. Those were hot.

I also chat to guys about their (usually) sexless relationship, as mine is, and we usually get ourselves off in the process.

With others, those who are sexually active with their wife/GF, but who are curious or inquisitive about playing with cock, I'll sometimes encourage them to go through with it or be the first guy they've seen naked and masturbating.
I'll be the first guy to watch them masturbating.

One guy, with whom I have enjoyed several virtual mutual wanks, says he's trying to plan a short vacation over a weekend with the intention being that we meet and have a bi-3sum.
Apparently his wife has encouraged him to play with cock and she would like to be there too but he's not sure she'll let me fuck her.

Also; I'm a kind of domestic nudist and at night, if it's not too cold, I'll often go for a nude walk (though not too far from my home) and will wank in the open. Playing as I walk and then I stop to dump my cum.

 

It seems I'm heading down this road as well, the first 30 years of our marriage, my wife couldn't get enough of my cock, she wanted it morning, noon, and night....and in between if possible.
But about 8-9 years ago, her sex drive started dropping and that combined with the meds she takes for health issues......her sex drive probably isn't 5 % of what it used to be.
That being said, she's still my world and I'll always love her no matter what, it's just such a change from say even 15 years ago.
It leaves you wondering, is this the way it's going to be from now on ? , and how am I going to handle it if that's the case ?.....I don't have an answer.....

 

Same boat here. The well is very dry. Gave up asking for it. Just supplement with a lot of porn, and the occasional naughty chat.

 

I haven't quite got there with my wife (we are in our 60's) but it is trending in that direction. She also is on a lot of meds for health issues and has a lot of pain from her ailments. I still work (work remote) so go to bed before she does. I used to masturbate a lot, but recently I javen't evendone that. I think because I am secretly hoping she will come to bed and want some action. But sadly that almost never happens.I will even sometimes tell, I will be in bed waiting, don't stay up too late. She will say ok, but again, it almost never happens.

Really sad if that is the way it will head. Quite depressing if I let me self think on it too much.

 

Thank you for those last two sentences

It is really sad but for many guys it's an actual life challenge that needs to be dealt with. And so too, it is an issue for some women if their man gets ED or because husband was known to be 'secretly' having an affair or they' woman is sexually bored/frustrated with overload of tedium.

Some guys establish an arrangement with a male friend and they take care of each others needs. Others masturbate more often. And recently, as I described my photoshoots to a male friend who is straight, he asked if I ever did it with guys. It took some teasing to get it out of him because he didn't want to talk negatively about his wife or to reveal his thoughts, in case I would react badly and our friendship would be changed forever. We talked through it. Soon, he understood my reasoning behind my belief that to wank another guy doesn't mean either guy is gay or bi. Conext is key. He was frustrated, feeling low and was sexually lonely. I knew his meds affected his ability to enter his wife and stay erect. Yet if she wanked him or gave him a BJ, he worked as hoped. But on his own he didn't go hard enough to have a good cum. So, with her not wanting sex of any sort with him because he couldn't stay erect for her, he was in a bind. He wasn't getting hard as we discussed his now former sexual activities with his wife. (What does she enjoy? In this same context, I needed to know).

Anyway, this could be a book if I describe everything in detail and I expect the guys won't get to the end before they go away to watch porn and cum.

So, I got him to open his trousers and release his cock. No more of a thrill for me than his taking his hand out of a glove. Progressed gradually to nudity but he only got hard when seeing nothing got him hard, I took hold of him. He recoiled a little but there was movement - a stirring. So I just then decided to masturbate him. No big deal.

Not much later, about an hour, he was still nude as we chatted. I told him I was about to video him wanking but he felt uneasy because I was dressed and he was nude and he felt awkward at the thought of being watched masturbating. He'd never let his wife see him masturbate. She'd never seen that with anyone. So, I stripped and stroked and he did too and the camera watched. videoed him masturbating even though he was between semi and fully hard. He felt it was more satifying with being watched, than a wank from his wife and his own solo wanks. And so, we don't video it now but I do get him off about once a week if he takes his cock out. The curious bit is that his wife is ok with it, she has watched me get him off and likes it. Ive ensured she has now seen a giy wanking and I photographed and videoed her for a couple of years as well

Anyway, women either go without or find another human, man or woman, to fix their needs. I've met a few women who having chosen the 'go without' option, then heard about me and my photoshoots from a mutual friend and asked me if they could be my photographic muse. The motivation for me in the beginning was the fascination with an aroused vulva and to look at it with a similar intensity as some art-work afficianados look at paintings in an art gallery. They are fascinating. And beautiful. Better too, than a painting, because they produce an aroma.

Some, especially the over 55s, assumed I do it to get some wank material and they wanted to help me. They made out that they didn't consider it to be me using photography to relax and excite them so they might want sexual release though it has turned into that now.

Some have admitted it is the potential for a good fuck that drew them to me but, also, they felt excited from being still sexy enough for a guy 20yrs younger (as I was then), to want to see them nude and probably wanting to have sex with them. Today I'm similar age to those women when I photographed them and 30yrs older than the next one I'm to photograph.

However, when I discussed it with those women, they agreed to the mutuality of them getting a plentiful and varied selection of orgasms and lots of oral and I also would get sex and visual material for use later. Often the experiences are new to them. Those, such as outdoor sex where they may be seen and others where they have sex in settings and positions that they never thought of.

So, imo, it's as necessary for guys just as much as for women to maintain a sexual relationship with another human.

@Keedge your last sentence clearly suggests an urgency to your predicament. Anti-depressants only mask depression, at best. Few meds do anything more than mask the issue and its much better to fix the 'root cause'. (Is that some kind of oxymoronic pun? Lol)
Anyway, for your own well-being, I suggest you really consider playing with someone else. Anyone. Improving your sense of appeal to others just as much as an orgasm made for you by another should lift your mood. But, consider discussing with your wife because the anxiety of playing behind her back can destroy you in a way differently from straightforward depression. Guilt.
And it could hurt her too, with insuffient time to get over it.

I think I may open a thread to explain the whole thing including why it's better than many of my actual sexual relationships due to the mutuality of respect, compassion, freedom of expression (I suppose) because we allow each other to try anything and it's amazing to be with a woman who's just experienced something taboo or emotionally intense for the first time.

 

Well this area of my life has been quite a journey. As long as I can remember post puberty I have had some attraction towards men, at least their cocks initially. I was able to mostly ignore that desire as a married man because I was getting laid frequently. The desire was always there and eventually I caved into that desire when my wife went through menopause and no longer wanted sex. I found it exciting and fulfilling to be desired again. I found it very pleasurable to have sex with a man that wanted me. So I’ve done that now for many years without my wife’s knowledge more or less. She said at one point she didn’t care how I satisfied that for myself she just didn’t want to know bout it.

Fast forward to recently things came to a head between us and without any anger or arguing I simply forwarded a paper written by a female phycologist that outlined just how detrimental it is to a man to not have any physical contact was for him. It was eye opening for her, she finally admitted it had been purposeful on her part and apologized and has committed to having sex again. It’s still not comfortable for her to have intercourse, but she cums from me fingering her clitoris. And it turns her on to jack me off while I do. So while it’s not like it was when we were in our 30’s and 40’s when we could fuck like rabbits it is gratifying to have the intimacy back in our relationship. I suppose it’s all part of the aging process, I mean I’m not running a 4.9 40 anymore either. The facts are that our bodies change as we get older and it’s not easy adjusting to those changes sometimes.
I am finding I still have desires for men these days and having experienced it I am finding it difficult to ignore. Having experienced giving and getting blowjobs from a male friend as well as getting topped by him and the intimacy of having his cock in me there is a yearning for that still. I suppose the saga of sexuality continues.

 

Ooo I'd like to read that psychologists report. Is there a url to it?

 

Type into Google “what does it do to a man to not have physical intimacy in his marriage?” You’ll get several responses.

 

From what I have read on many posts, as we get older the wife's sexual desires lower, and their hormones change (my guess here is that this is due the fact that they are no longer in "child bearing age"). Some may be able to over come that but many seem to just acknowledge that they don't desire it as much anymore. For us men that physical ability to still father a child is still there (I am just talking generally here) and so we still have that strong desire for sexual activity.

The challenge is how to deal with it. Luckily for me my wife can sense when I am really frustrated over it and will engage. Actually we had a good session this morning before we got out of bed. It just doesn't happen as often that I want it, and probably happens for her more often than she wants it. But we are committed to each other and keep working on it.

 

I don't doubt what you have read. But I question whether sex is only about procreation. If that was the case why is there homosexuality for instance? Isn't sex also about human bonding? I find it hard to believe millions of wives stop caring about wanting to be close to their husbands after menopause only because they can't have babies anymore. Maybe there's something really fucked up going on in society that's turning older women off to apparently such an alarming degree. After all women are not exactly encouraged to express their sexuality fully. Losing interest in sex could be the result of this particular repression and maybe other factors.

 

I do see what you are saying and I don't disagree. Same sex interactions have always been there. I don't discount that. But there sure seems to be a lot of married couples where the wife loses interest after menopause, and the husband is still hornier than ever. I don't know if it is society doing that or not. I am sure there is something to that though. Historically (at least in what I have read) men have always tried to make women subservient and it worked for millennia. That has to have played a part in it.

I was just thinking about it from that biological reference and trying to put two and two together. You see a fair number of older men with younger women, and they can still father a child (in their 60's and 70's). But I don't see a lot of women in their 60's and 70's getting pregnant. And if they do there always seem to be issues.

So, from that perspective it seems to make sense to me. I certainly hope we can get to a place where the women don't feel that way (if that is indeed the societal reason for this apparent behavior).

For my wife and I we keep researching ways to help each other and have even tried some things we wouldn't have. But also, we communicate about it all the time. I want my wife to be happy. And if my horny level is 8 and hers is 4, we figure out how to meet in the middle. Sometimes that is me being ok with less often, and sometimes it is her being ok with more often. And if I have to I have been known to tell that I am going upstairs as I have a date with Pamela Handerson.

 

What really bothers me is that I know several older women who show an interest in sex, but they are off limits. Life would be a lot easer if my wife would just let me fuck other women, so I can concentrate on other matters at hand

 

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I figure you already have, but have you talked with her to find why she isn't interested? If it is pain related, there might be some things you can do to help her enjoy it.

I know with my wife having Ehlers-Danlos she is always in a lot of pain, and certain positions just don't work. So we adapt. I find ways to give her enjoyment with the limitations at hand.

And we talk a lot on it. One day I just out right asked her..... are you just not interested in me or sex anymore? She stated that wasn't it, it was the pain. So I toned down my rethoric, focused on her and what we could do. That opened up a lot for us.

Your situation might be different, but open communication is the key.

I wish you all the luck, we all deserve a good physical and loving relationship.

 

Can you share the link to that paper please?

 

You need a paper for that?

 

It'd be nice to have a better understanding of what Im going through, by unbiased researchers?

 

Seriously I understand. Another, objective level of understanding. It helps!

 

After being married for 24 years and raising two kids with my now ex-wife, I decided that I did not want to be married any more. To anyone. Period.

It was a good decision for me. It freed me from being "owned" or feeling like I "owned":anyone. For sexual encounters, i exercised my free will with other men and women who were exercising their free will.

Eventually I ended up with one lover who has consistently stayed interested in sex well into her 60s. We last fucked a few nights ago. It was good. We both orgasmed. We don't live together most of the time, but we stay in touch daily. I still have occasional safe sex with men, but my gf is my steady lover.