Hello all, I'm a 45 year old mother and I'm looking for advice. Recently, my son has turned 13, and of course, he's been going through a few changes. Most notably, he's become quite well-endowed for his age. Of course this isn't a problem itself, but the real problem is that it seems he's received some... unwanted attention from it. Whenever we've gone to our local nude beach, I've noticed that he'll tend to get quite a few stares from the other beachgoers. One one occasion, I have even had someone come up to me and mention the size of his genitals (not in front of him thankfully). How do I help make him more comfortable in the future? Of course he doesn't notice this even though I do, but I fear the day when he finally notices and asks why he gets a bunch of stares at the beach, or someone coming up to him and making an inappropriate comment to his face. Again, he hasn't noticed anything yet, which makes me hesitant to bring it up at all. I just want to make sure that I'm not over thinking any of this. I just want him to feel comfortable in the community without fear of being creeper or anything. This is a very weird and awkward subject for me and him and I want really want to approach this the best I can for him. If there's any way I can approach this in a way that's understandable to him, please let me know. Thank you for any advice.
Thank you for being sensitive to your growing son/young man. Yes it will be awkward, but that will pass and you have a wonderful opportunity to create a bond with him at a deeper "level" while building on his self confidence. Since you are already nude together, at least at the beach, just go ahead and explain to him that males and females find each other's bodies attractive and beautiful, and that's how it should be. Tell him outright that his genitals are a beautiful part of his body, particularly to a woman. Just as your breasts and "hips" are probably especially beautiful to him by now. This is NOT incestuous, just acknowledging the way things are and should be. And then deal with size, as a component of beauty, and tell him that he can and should feel good about himself. Once again, if and when the two of you are nude at home, it's not incest. Be comfortable together. And in all likelihood, although you didn't mention this, when erections happen as they surely will, you can also treat them as a good thing, not to be ashamed of. This will NOT turn him into a perverted flasher. Those behaviors come from profound insecurity, often from experiences at and around his age. You have the opportunity to build true confidence and security at a very transformative stage. Good luck!
A few more things if I may.... I got a new computer since I logged in last, and somehow forgot my password. And for some reason the password reset function wouldn't work, so I gave up and created a new identity. I'm not an "active" member per se, but have weighed-in off and on over several years... I mention that only as it relates to the "values" that underly my advice. I am fairly "conservative"- take that as you see fit- but so far haven't been scolded for it here. I'm a lifelong nudist, but not from what you would call a nudist family. I never saw my mom in less than a summer nightgown or full-coverage one piece swimsuit. Growing up in the late 1950's and 60's, I started showering after gym class in 5th grade. My older brother and Dad and I would shower together at National and State Forest campgrounds on family camping trips. You get the idea... But our "conservative" Christian home was clothing-optional to the two boys. Bath times were casually naked before and after- undress in your room, get dressed afterwards, but in no hurry. Swimming at "the lake" in summer was no swimsuit through at least age 6 or 7. In high school, my second story bedroom was above the laundry room, and the little door to the "chute" leading to the "hamper" above the washer was in one corner. But my mom didn't want my sweaty grass-cutting shorts and t-shirt, or sometimes swimsuit, fermenting in the hamper, so she had me undress in the laundry room and then go upstairs to shower and change, which meant that I was nude on my way through the family room and kitchen- her "lair"- including something cold to drink and maybe a brief conversation about plans for the day, etc. Once again, you get the idea. And lest I forget, during a heat wave in 1967 (no A.C. in that house), when I was your son's age, Mom encouraged me to sleep in the nude. Which proves, by the way, that you don't always have to tell a teenage boy more than once to do something! And finally, the occasional but inevitable erections were never commented on, let alone scolded for- maybe a furtive glance and a faint smile; nothing more. So I had the blessing of growing up in a shame-free environment, by parents who understood the human body to be inherently beautiful and nothing at all to be ashamed of. I stated earlier that I am a lifelong nudist. Some of my earliest memories are of enjoying the nakedness of bath time. As I grew up through high school and college summers, I took full advantage of the freedom that I had at home. And never once heard "Shouldn't you put some clothes on?" It just never happened. Which is why I'm suggesting that your "situation" is actually a golden opportunity to be the Mom that he can really trust with sharing anything that comes along in his life...
Did I get fooled? 153 views... But not a response from the OP?! I tried to be circumspect about the subject matter, but it seemed just plausible enough that my troll alarms didn't go off. Now I'm thinking that "Mom" has a Y chromosome and lives in his mom's basement. Whatever. I stand by what I wrote. Our minds and bodies are inexorably connected. You can't be ashamed of your body and be an otherwise balanced, adjusted, happy person. Understanding that your body (male or female, of course) is a beautiful part of God's creation and nothing to be ashamed of is a good place to start down the "road" to a positive view of one's self. Healthy "family" nudity can be part of that, as I already related. And yeah, to TheBeachEnjoyer, if you simply have been busy with other things, now would be a good time to square me away. I can handle it. The apology is ready if you are...
Hi Jeff, Thank you for your responses. I have been reading through them, and rest assured that I do appreciate your advice. I've been busy at the moment so I haven't been able to make a proper reply. I have been letting him know that body acceptance is a core part of the community, and that he shouldn't worry about feeling bad for any part of it. However, I did not specifically mention his genitals as again, he does not notice the attention that I notice. However, I did let him know that if anyone bothers him about his body, he can let me know. Rest assured I am doing my best with him, but I do tend to get busy. Thank you.
Well "goll-lee"! Please forgive me for jumping to the wrong conclusion. Yes, of course, there is/was no need to draw attention to what are still naturally, to him, parts of his body no more noteworthy than his ears or toes! When that changes you will both know. Of course I "get" that you are busy. I'm retired with an empty nest- just wife, cat, and 100-year-old mother-in-law who is phenomenally self-sufficient. So I have a little more free time. When I was working I might post a comment and forget about it for two weeks... I find it refreshing that this kind of an exchange can still take place here. Not that there's anything wrong with the more light-hearted "do your neighbors complain if they can see you sunbathing", "do your friends know you're a nudist?" posts. After all, there are very good reason's behind the expression "The most fun you can have with your clothes on..."! And we understand those reasons better than a whole lot of other folks, right?! And sharing experiences here is part of that lifestyle. As a place to pause for now, allow me one more observation: in healthy relationships, we continually reinforce the "obvious" because it's a good thing to do- yesterday was yesterday; today is today. I never get tired of hearing that my wife loves me, and vice versa. Your son is changing physically and emotionally on an accelerated schedule. No, you don't have to talk about this every day or every week. I'm not fishing for the details of your daily routine here. The latitude of your home affects how frequently you'll go to the beach now that Fall is in full swing. Certainly a trip to the beach is an appropriate time to bring up the subject of body acceptance. A non-specific compliment would be fine, I think. My point is that his confidence might be challenged in ways and at times that you might not notice. Believe it or not, my confidence in and acceptance of my body is not cast of reinforced concrete or machined out of stainless steel- I continually seek reassurance that I look good for my age and my desire to be appreciated is normal and natural. Keep up the good work. He'll appreciate you for this in many ways as time passes.
