When, if ever, does a bisexual man become gay?

When, if ever, does a bisexual man become gay?

Well, as KDaddy23 put it.

When he decides that being gay is what works best for him.

I've been there a couple of times, and thought about the possibility of coupling with a man and living as gay.

The first was my friend who introduced me to gay sex. We had a long and passionate relationship that lasted six years until he passed away suddenly. I started dating my future wife after he and I became involved. I was in love with both of them and did a lot of reading about polyamory. That was the high point of my bisexual life as I had frequent sex with both of them individually. I did consider the possibility of settling down with him. A throuple would have been nice, but that wasn't going to happen.

In another instance I had an intense relationship with a man I met while on a work project in the Bay Area. He came to my hotel room once or twice a week for some romance and incredibly passionate sex. Think "Room in Rome" with two men instead. We were both married, and lived on opposite sides of the country, so it was never going to work out. We discussed the "what if" we had met under different circumstances. I absolutely would have married him given the chance and lived as (almost) totally gay.

 

I really envy all three of you, @Desiplayer, @KDaddy23, and @spankablebob, and how you each found ongoing out of this world sex with another man, and even love for a couple of you, while also having wives that totally understood and accepted you and these relationships. I've yet to experience even a sexual relationship with another man on an ongoing basis, let alone finding love and a boyfriend. But I dream about it many times every single day. And I wonder what my life would've been like if I had found a woman who would not only have not rejected me in general (which *all* have done so), but accepted my strongly needing sex with guys. I feel the three of you really have lived and are living exceptional lives.

Well, I just know there's a man (or men) out there for me, because I want to give everything to them--passionate sex and love. I am so tired of casual sex with men.

 

sometimes we really worry about stuff that's not worth our worry, don't we?

I mean, for the last 20 years I'd sign up for AFF & other 'more bi/gay-oriented' sites and identify as "bi-CURIOUS"... huh?

finally I just dropped the pretense when I got honest with myself and recalled my life: introduced to sex at 11 by my 14 yo buddy who trained me to be his eager cum receptacle. then I was 'all-in' on bg/MF sex in late teens.. then I dabbled and enjoyed both MM and MF through my days with LA Co FD and US Army.. after that? about 75 guys and 200 ladies until I got married (she knows).. then next 49 years justa nice life with my wife, kids, grandkids (well, there were 3 MF flings w/o damage.. did she know? WOMEN ALWAYS "KNOW", even if subject isn't discussed)

so, back to "am I BI?"..
of course I am.. doesn't mean you can't love/marry a girl AND be BI .. (I prefer the term "woman" when discussing marriage, but I know what you meant)..

ALL of my sexual fantasizing is about MM &(MMM+) sex (well, maybe a F or two mixed in with all those Ms to spice thing up)..

I just haven't "acted on the urges" with real guys; mostly because I said "I do" (translation: "I'll try").. but nowadays, it's because I just don't want to 'catch something that then hurts her'..

I can wait.. I have a choice.. I'm not an animal that simply MUST outwardly gratify every urge.. I have two good hands..

summation:
You can have a great life and love/marry a woman and still be bi..

 

Yes, we most certainly do. I don't remember the point where I said to myself that I wasn't going to bother with the 'dumb shit' but I know I was either 15 or 16 when I stopped caring about the negative shit people had to say and about something they didn't know jack shit about other than the same old, tired-assed bullshit that I heard growing up. At the very least, it's sex; one can legitimately say that it's gay sex because that's how we best understand it but, yeah, still sex. You cum, I cum, we're both happy and see ya next time. I am living proof that you can fall in love with a guy and not be gay and it was this moment in my life that cleared up the rest of the dumb shit I'd had in my head and understanding that a lot of people... get this wrong.

True enough: Some guys go from straight to bi to gay because being straight or bi... isn't working for them. Or, for some, it's the "only option" they have because they need love, affection, and sex and, yeah, you can get that from another guy and, hopefully, without all that drama that women tend to bring to the table - but no relationship of any kind is totally drama-free.

If you're worried about becoming gay, well, don't. Your energies would be better spent getting in touch with your own feelings and sexual desires - and then, doing something about them and, besides: Winding up being gay is the least of the problems life is going to throw at you...

 

I am 60 this year and have lived a very confused life.

At around 12 I wanted to be female.
At the same time I started to cross dress.
I never fancied boys.
I met my wife aged 17
Been married ever since
Cross dressed secretly all this time.
I wear pantyhose every day and she knows and accepts it.
Still never fancied men.
Until fairly recently, around 10 years ago.
My cross dressing has become more frequent, I work away. Stay in hotels.
I have a vibrator, which I use on myself.
I watch videos of women trying on clothes but i dont fancy them, just want to be them.
I want to be the female in a relationship
I love looking at cocks.
I like looking at older men.
Big strong men.
I want them to fuck me.
I never want to fuck them.

I am starring to think the bi era has passed me by and I have gone full homosexual.

I am sat on my hotel bed typing this, dressed in my black leather skirt with nude pantyhose, shaved legs, painted toes and quite sad. Sad because I dont share this part of me with anyone.

Wife would never understand. I am lucky she accepts the pantyhose.

Like I said, I am very confused.

 

What's confusing you? Sounds like you have a good understanding of yourself.

 

I would have to say when he no longer has any interest in having sex with a female. I enjoy sex with both males and females. The only female I've had sex with in the last 25 years is my wife. I do have a male friend who I get together with frequently. My wife knows and is fine with it. I get turned on watching any porn, straight, gay or bisexual.

 

as Candide realized at the end of Voltaire's classic novel.. no need to keep searching.. he'd finally found - for himself - "the best of all possible worlds"

enjoy tending your own garden GregS!!

 

Well yes, I suppose I do. But I still feel confused at times.

Its like there two of me. And they are very different.

 

The first step in not feeling confused is to stop overthinking things. Bi guys have "forever" said that they feel like they're living two different lives when the reality is that they're only living one life... but one with two different attractions and associated behaviors. Sometimes they say that they're living a secret life and, okay, who among us doesn't have secrets and things that we'd not want anyone else to know about? If you're not 100% heterosexual, I can understand why you'd want to keep that a secret and how/why it's a necessity... but as long as you're okay with what the secret is about, then there's nothing to be confused about.

If your secret requires you to behave in different ways, that's just the way it is; there's still only one of you with different attractions and behaviors.

 

Very well said.

 

if my wife of 49 years were to precede me in leaving this world and I felt like I wanted to try just being with a guy - whether physically only or emotionally attached - and then some guy and I mutually fancied each other, but it descended into an accusation that "I can't possibly be 'gay enough' for him to trust I wouldn't feel the need to return to my straight/bi nature?"

well, I'd just say 'adios'..

I don't need that shit.. I can slog through that bog in Whine Country being with a woman as well as with an insecure asshole gay guy..

There's both confident and insecure men and women out there.. I'm sure I'd find someone compatible..

and I'd have a helluva good time while looking for someone..