When did your "desires" begin to shift more towards males?

Say you've only thought about females a ssex partners forat least part of your life.

Then, suddemly, you areaware that you are leaning moreand more towards being "stimulated" by other men? (adult films, etc)

WShen you started to focus more on the males than the females, did you first wonder if you MIGHT be gay?

OR, did you think that MAYBE, what you are now experiencing are the long-hidden desires within yourself which you either totally buried deep, hoping that they would never come to the surface again, OR, did you just admit to yourself: "Looks like I might be bi"?

Perhaps you dismissed earlier "signs", like being attracted to your best male friend, or a male co-worker?

When did you first notice a "shift" in your desires?

And how did this come to affect you in your everyday life?

Your personal "transistions"?

 

Did you consider that some of us found out about these desires before we were adults?

 

KD23:

Of course; over the past few years, I've read more than enough experiences/recollections of males having sex with other males, years before adulthood.

What I WAS referring to, was ADULT men, whom previously not had neither inclination nor thought to having sex with other men.

Especially those men who, when watching straight porn, began to focus more on the men than the women.........

 

I think what it all boils down to in the long run is to ACCEPT YOURESELF for what you ARE, NOT what you are NOT.

Remember, it's YOUR life.....LIVE IT as you DESIRE.

Nix the naysayers, bigots, and the narrow-minded..........

 

Just my seven cents worth but I think a lot of guys who found their desires shifting can point to the exact moment they felt them shift. Odds are that when they first felt it they ignored it - like it was a stray thought. From there, however, these things just escalate in your mind and I've felt that it's like one's subconscious is whispering, "You need some cock..." over and over in the background and here's the "bad" part: Even if a guy 'obeys' the whispering and gets some cock, the desire, thoughts and feelings will still be there and with that whispering that's now saying, "Get more cock. Do it now..."

The first thing for guys who have shifted is to accept that, yup, as strange and fucked up as this sounds, this is what's been happening, how you've been thinking, feeling, maybe even dreaming. Sure, even I had that moment when I officially asked myself, "Am I really gay?" except, um, deep down inside, I knew I wasn't, but the thought had surfaced because I'd gone on a cocksucking spree the prior week and had guys set up for that weekend. That and I'd just got finished boning the daylights out of my wife who I left sleeping it off (in the middle of the afternoon).

That moment makes you put things into perspective although if you have your head screwed on right, the thought of possibly being gay doesn't sound all that scary but if you dove right into the sex and are getting it like you could have never imagined, sure - it's gonna make you think about that until, after a good self-check, you find that either you're not really gay or, eh, you might be. Maybe. I wouldn't worry about it until I had to.

When you start having sex with other guys, it greatly affects your everyday life, and some guys have a hard time adjusting to this. I have no experience having to deal with this being an adult; I got it all sorted out and settled in before I was a legal adult and going forward was just another Friday - but guys like my protege, who was bitten by the bisexual bug in his late 30s, was having one hell of a time integrating his newly discovered sexuality into his everyday stuff. He thought it was about balance and I had to change his thinking because balance is a juggling act, which is understandable since a lot of guys wind up thinking that second or secret life thing. Getting him to stop behaving like it was two different things wasn't easy for either of us but I remember the day he got in touch with me and said, "You were right; when I stopped thinking that this was two different things, everything just fell into place and like it belonged there."

I think about the many adult men who found themselves with a bad case of dick-on-the-brain and while some guys make the adjustment "easily," some guys have problems because they have to seriously rethinking everything they thought they knew about sex and while taking a seriously close look at himself and, importantly, what things have been going on in his life that may have led or contributed to having this craving for sex with a man. Of course, stuff like trying to find a guy to have sex with, having to work around a wife or girlfriend, etc., is more stuff to contemplate but when you feel that shift, don't panic, don't start thinking that you're gay, but take a good look at everything you can think of that may have "awakened" you to this or, maybe and like other men have found, that "bisexual alarm clock" just went off and... time to be bisexual.

The bad part is that you probably not only didn't get the email, but you also didn't even know there was an email because most guys are of a mind that this could never happen to them.

Surprise!

 

When I was about eight; seeing my roommate nude with a raging hard-on. I've never not been Bisexual.

 

IMHO, I think many more men than not are bi (or, at least, bi-curious) but aresimply too afraid of acknowledging these"dark" feelings, for fear of being "labeled".

As in being gay (as I've been for nearly 70 years) there is NO DENYING what you are.

Again, it is YOUR life, and NO ONE has the right to judge you.

Live for YOURSELF and for what you find yourself stimulated by.......

 

Experience has taught me that some guys are harder on themselves about their change in sexuality than other people might be. One day you're a pussy-loving straight dude and the next day, you wake up in a hot sweat, your cock is hard and leaking pre-cum and all because you dreamt that you were having sex with a guy - and you were loving it.

Unless he takes this change in stride - and most guys don't and can't - he's going to be kicking his own ass over thoughts, feelings, even dreams that he didn't ask for and containing sexual acts that he doesn't approve of or believe in. That awful sense of denial - "This ain't right!" and/or "Why is this happening when I don't believe in that shit!?" Yet, that raging erection, underwear sticky with the pre-cum that's been oozing out can't be denied, can it? You dreamt this, it aroused you but, then again, that's how sex dreams tend to work. You're out and about and find that when you look at men, you feel... something. Your cock is stirring, getting hard while your eyes are locked onto this one dude in particular and shit is telling you that you have to have sex with someone like him and... you're kicking your own ass about this and not even being nice about it.

Being judged by someone else might come later, you know, if you tell someone about what's been going on with you... and especially if you've already gone out and gotten that first taste of a man's prick and maybe even his cum. If you thought having these dual feeling was a bitch, that first sexual experience with a guy was a motherfucker and a half! And you have to assimilate all of this into yourself. You have to try to make sense of it. The fear of being or becoming gay is still damned powerful in 2026 and like it was for me back in 1964. The label isn't the problem: It's the perception of everyone else that's the problem. People hear "bisexual" and still think "homosexual" because, oddly, that's the part of bisexuality that really gets their attention while totally debunking the bullshit they were told, taught, and believed: Only gay men have sex with other men... so that means you're gay.

Nope, not even the truth. But guys will ultimately find that lying to themselves about this ain't gonna work; living for yourself can be problematic if you have a family (and most of these guys do) and priorities can get jumbled or even slept on because of this insanity going on in your head that, in a way, isn't really all that insane... is it?

 

I might not be expressing this the right way, but an answer to the first post. My only experience was in my 30s having a 69 with a guy and I enjoyed it, but not enough to go further. I had a good female friend who was bi open my eyes about sexuality, we talked about gay sex and it lessened my fears as other gay men went after me almost preditory , freaked me out alot about it, so casual sex with a man will probaby never happen....but I'm not afraid of cock anymore, watching it and certain scenes (a perfect combination of things I see that turn me on) can actually be exciting. Getting with a guy would have to be a turn on , to get horny, and I would have to trust that person.....

 

Perhaps we could refer to the "bisexual urge" in men as a "seed"; that "seed" is there, either remaining in perpetual limbo, or, awakened at an early age, making a male see that he is attracted to not only the opposite sex, but the same sex.

Then, too, there can be a "straight" male who will swear on a stack of Bibles that he would NEVER have sex with another man.....that, is, UNTIL, he finds himself TOTALLY horny, raring to go, a CHRONIC case of blue balls, but NO females available, and so, it could very well be "any port in a storm".

BUT, once this "straight" male discovers just how highly erotic and mind blowing sex with another man can be, well, let's just say that there is a good chance that he will NOT be looking back, nor regretting "giving in" to the "urges" that he had been, for so long, told were not "normal"...............

 

The same sex; not the same gender. The thing that no one has been able to figure out is exactly what makes a heterosexual man get it in his head to be attracted to other men. I mean, you grow up seeing guys and they become like furniture - you see them but don't pay much attention to them... until they get your attention and in a way that makes your cock stir in your pants. Things like having to shower in gym class going to school or hitting the gym as an adult and you see guys, can see them naked, and you absently notice them... until this one guy gets your attention and you find yourself thinking about his body and, yeah, his prick.

The seed you mention has now sprouted and your mind starts an internal war because you were told and taught to never, ever even think about having sex with a man or you'll die and go to hell. Yet and still, you got aroused and the thought of maybe sucking his dick is setting up shop in your head. I have heard plenty of guys swear on every holy item there is that they would never do anything like that... and I've sucked their dicks and fucked their asses and have basked in them sucking me off or filling my ass with cock and cum and, okay, tell me again how you're never gonna do some shit like this?
.
When you've done it and you like it. Highly erotic to suck cock and swallow cum; a total blown mind to look down and see a guy eating your dick like it's his last meal and doing everything he knows how to do in order to get you to cum. Thoughts of gayness show up to really fuck shit up but it's not about being gay or even being bi as much as it is about learning a new way to have sex. Well, maybe it's new to you, to be precise. Then "what will everyone say" shows up to fuck some more shit up in your head; toss in the disease card and that just fucks shit up as well.

 

Well said, my friend, well said.

Right on the mark (once again), for sure, honest and mature opinons on "the what's what"................

 

If your desires shift:

1. Accept that this is how you feel even if you don't like feeling this way (yet).
2. Don't put the cart before the horse; don't start thinking about having the sex or worrying about what someone else is going to say until you take care of #1.
3. Think first, then act if you must or if you can.
4. You're really not the first and only guy this has happened to even if it feels like it.
5. Don't rush to have the sex! When you're ready, be smart and safe about it.
6. If you don't know something, ask somebody.
7. Keep it simple!

 

EXCELLENT response!

Keep it SIMPLE and NEVER disregard simple common sense!

Simply take it SLOW and EASY, being sure to thinking with your HEAD, and NOT another part of your anatomy.......(!!)

 

You also wonder at how "eye opening" the experience has to be, when a "bi curious" male experiences sex with another male for the very first time......I would guess that this fellow is fo feel a level of ecstacy and erotic stimulation had had not the slightest concept of, previously........

 

That and an immediate understanding of how everything he thought he knew wasn't quite right. Most first-time guys find that sucking cock (and being sucked) isn't all that bad and once he's had a chance to process his first experience, everything... makes sense. Like, I understood that what religion was teaching and telling us wasn't quite the truth. I got to understand a whole lot of shit about guys, was able to look at sex from a girl's POV; learned how the power of belief is very damned powerful and hard for people to set aside. Like, yes, I suck cock. No, I'm not gay. Yes, I've fucked guys in the ass and have been fucked in the ass by guys but, once more, no - I'm not gay. I even had a boyfriend who was gay, but I still wasn't gay. But just because I have sex with guys like this, you automatically assume that I'm really gay - because that's what you were taught to believe but, surprise - I'm bisexual!

You get your eyes opened to a reality that's been hidden from you; not quite a lie but not the whole truth of how we can be when it comes to love, sex, and relationships. For a lot of guys, that first experience is one hell of an experience; there's nothing like finding out for yourself what it's like and watching it in porn shows you a lot of things but is no substitute for experience and real-life, real-world knowledge. I've sucked guys off and then held them as they cried because they had no idea this forbidden thing could feel so good. I've sucked off guys who said that they couldn't cum via a blowjob and have sat back to look at them as they try to figure out what bus just ran them the fuck over. I've gone down on a first-time guy and he's cum in my mouth in less than a minute and had a couple of guys spray cum all over the place and all I was doing was sucking on their balls. And seeing that moment when they get it.

It's like all of a sudden, everything makes sense. It all becomes clear or clearer. It can be life changing. If you've never experienced it, it's hard to understand what it can really be like.

 

KD23:

Excellent "commentary", as always.

Just think of how how many "closeted" bisexual men have needlessly denied their natural urges for M2M sex for so many years, simply because of the fears of being "labeled", not to mention the totally bogus "it just ain't mormal" bullshit dealt out by a society that is truly LESS than "enlightened" than it claims to be.............

 

They've denied it for good reason: The fear of exposure. Being seen as a sinner, freak and, yes, homosexual. Social stigma and social media outlets don't help, either. Hundreds of guys say that if they could, they would... but. Those "buts" haven't changed in my time on earth; I first started hearing them in the early 1970s and they're very much alive and well 56 years later and, yes, that includes the disease card that was out there before HIV hit American shores. Homosexual folks today embrace the word "queer" like it's a good thing when it never used to be and likely still isn't except for LGBTQ+ usage. I know I wouldn't use it to describe my sexuality, but I also understand that the only real abnormal sex is not having sex at all. But if you ain't doing it boy/girl and always in the missionary position and then only for the purposes of knocking her up, you could have been called a queer for enacting any deviations.

And especially among us guys, image is everything. Reputation is everything. Guys talk about what they could stand to lose and with the biggest thing being their image and reputation Once you lose them, you're pretty much fucked and never in a good way. A lot of men would rather risk their mental and physical health before putting their image and reputation at risk of exposure to a social system that cannot "buy into" their bisexuality.

 

KD23:

You've made a number of valid comments; I totally (sadly) concur.

Will all the serious crap going on in the world today, you would THINK that "enlightened" people, living in the "advanced" 21st century would have more important things to be concerned about, instead of passing judgement on men who enjoy sex with both other men and women, or, only with other men.

Just as racial and and religious bigotry (and ignorance), sadly, be always with us, so will the totally asinine (and damaging) "labeling" that ANY man who enjoys M2M sex faces, if he chooses to "come out" into a society that is, all too often, sadly, far removed from tolerant.........

We just never learn.........

 

And, also, as we have discussed at length in other topics, a closeted bi married male has it even more difficult than his single counterpart; far too much is at stake.....far too much toxic, volatile shit could hit the fan, and turn the fellow's life into a living hellhole..........