Wish i knew where all the feelings and desires came from....

Thanks Rising Bi and Bisexualmg. I really appreciate your comments. More than you know. THank you to everyone

 

I had the very same feelings and fantasies for many years. At 16-18 years of age, I was having sex with several neighborhood girls being the normal teenaged heterosexual man. Then at 18 I went into the military and the first time I was in that huge shower with 60 other men I couldn't stop looking around at all those cocks as my own began to get hard. I hid it by lathering up and tried not to stare but it was difficult. I suppressed any thoughts I had during my service. After serving I married and started a family and for the next 13 years never once had any thoughts about other men even being hit on several times. Then around age 36 my wife was not wanting to have sex 2-3 times a week any longer, it dropped to about once a month as I was masturbating to porn. While doing so, I began to picture myself getting sucked and sucking the dick in that porn. The feelings were back again. I believe more men have these thoughts than people realize, especially married men. The thoughts and fantasies to suck dick with another guy got stronger and stronger. Yes, I eventually gave in to a proposition from a gay man, and his oral skills were far better than most of the women I'd ever been with. Yes, afterwards I had even more thoughts going through my head, am I gay for letting a guy suck my dick, I just cheated on my wife with another man, OMG it was difficult to deal with but now the desire to suck a man's dick became overpowering until I eventually gave in to them and experienced it firsthand. To my surprise, I enjoyed it far more than I ever thought I would and that scarred me too being married to a woman and having children. As the sex life between my wife and I continued to stagger, I was sucking more and more dicks with other married men in the same boat as myself. Over time I stopped having feelings of guilt and just enjoyed the moments. It happens more often than people realize.