Father is in Denial about Recovery Scammers

He first got scammed back in early 2023. I heard arguing on the phone from another room and knew it could only be one thing. I asked him what all that was about and he said "never mind" with a smirk, and I left it at that. There was I thinking there's no point in being nosey or rubbing it in, but I later found out it was a scam. He said that there was a video online of the ex prime minister recommending that people could make great returns investing in a certain company. He said the video was later taken down, leading me to believe that the politician in question was embarrassed about it. He said he looked up the company online and there was bad stuff said about them. Little did I realise at the time that that company didn't exist. I also realise now that that video he watched was obviously a fake video. Says he only lost lost about 5g.

He then got a brain tumour in July 2023 and had a successful operation shortly after. In July of last year (without me being aware) he got involved in crypto scam. He was scammed for a large amount and the recovery scammers then came in to make their move in October. I became aware of the scamming in November. It was one day when I went to town with him and he went to the bank while I did an errand. However he ended up being a huge amount of time in the bank and I eventually went in to get him. He was in a meeting with the branch manager, and when I was brought to the office it seemed like their meeting had just come to an end. I could tell the branch manager looked very displeased. My dad told me that it was something to do with a crypto investment and that the manager advised against it. I now know that the manager was trying to tell my dad that the people who reached out to him were recovery scammers, but my dad wasn't having it. The bank blocked his account so that he couldn't give away any more money to scammers. This pissed my dad off and he went and set up revolut accounts and started selling shares to put money into those.

Then the phone calls to the landline started. My dad told me that these guys aren't scammers and that they're helping him retrieve his money. I told him that's often how scams work, and eventually - for reassurance to myself - I asked "I presume they're not going to ask for money up front before returning your stolen funds, and that their commission should be from the money retrieved, is that right?". He nodded "oh yeah". Of course I didn't know that he was just saying what he had to say to get me to shut up. If I really wanted to know what was going on I should have set him up to answer that question the opposite way... as in "oh sounds great, so they'll get your money back but they just obviously charge a small fee for doing so, BEFORE they release it?"!!!

A few days later I got a phone call a policeman. He asked was I available to meet, and then immediately said "actually maybe we don't need to meet" and basically said that he was in touch with my dad's bank, and that my dad doesn't believe he's being scammed. He told me they were doing an investigation and was just basically giving me some friendly advice. I should have insisted in meeting with him. Anyway, the phone calls from the scammers continued... they were frequent, and long too! One day I said "was that that weirdo on the phone again?" and he said "he's not a weirdo, that's a good guy". Another day I said to my dad it's annoying that they ring on the landline and he said that he was told that if they ring on the mobile there's a change others could be listening in! Then my dad let on that the guy was rang on a Saturday!

Sometime in mid January the bank manager rang me while I happened to be at work. I later found time to call him back. He said he wanted to have a confidential phone call, and that it was hard to watch my dad losing so much money that he had to do something. He said "if you have to tell him I called you, then you've to tell him". I came home angry that night. There was my dad acting as if everything was okay, not acknowledging the stress this caused me was in.

To our disadvantage, we don't really get along as a family. I eventually told one of my two sisters (the one I get along with) and she decided to make a long trip to the family home where we both confronted him. He let us say everything we wanted to say, like as if he was thinking "they'll feel better if I let them vent". When pressured he said the total amount he gave away was 90g. I think it was actually more like 120g at that point. He did a fake apology, where he said "look, I messed up, alright". As if it were that simple. Of course he wouldn't say anything about what the bank manager and him were arguing about that day, or say anything to make us understand the whole thing.

When we threatened to tell other family members, there was no reaction from him. We say he'd to cut all ties with them, but he said he wanted one last phone call with the "good scammer" to say goodbye the next day. In the end he did of course, and from the call log it was a 50 min call. He still shy's away from what was really said during that call. All along I was basing my reasoning (that there was a tiny chance that these guys were actually genuine) on things that my dad told me that I later found out were lies. Like for example he said that my auntie (who works in computers) said that they're a legit company. So I naturally thought that she'd know what she's talking about.

Keeping an eye on his emails, a day later I found out that he transferred another 5g to them from his revolut account. Revolut flagged it as a possible scam and he over ruled it! Seeing this I felt very powerless, angry and upset when I saw this. I realised that they're was nothing in the world I could've said... I thought that the detective and the bank manager just weren't convincing enough, and that I could convince him. I decided to take his laptop and phone off him. Then came the inevitable where he tried to take my phone and later tried to take my laptop. Started saying he'd kick me out. When he calmed down later he started saying things like "I'm going to drive into town... what if I've an accident in the dark, I've no phone". He's involved in other activities and people need to contact him so he also pressured me about that, but he eventually accepted.

Eventually we had a proper hour long intervention, with me, my 2 sisters, my uncle (on my mom's side) and my uncle's wife. We agreed that I should withhold his laptop and PC for a week, allowing him the phone for 30 mins a day under my supervision. A few days later he showed me their website. I explained to him that the website was set up 6 weeks before they contacted him, yet the company claimed to be 15 years old. His response was "but look, you don't know, maybe they'd another website before that"! What the fuck? Later I accompanied him to the police station where I found out more details of what he'd been hiding. After the police meeting I asked him "so how come you believed the detective this time, but you wouldn't believe him the earlier times you've dealt with him?" which he fudged.

It was just hard for me to get my head around the possibility that my dad could be that stupid. I guess what was essentially happening was that the scammer was manipulating me vicariously through my dad. I work a very long week and have a lot of other issues going on in my life, and I never viewed my dad as someone who needs looking after. I've had to set aside so many other plans because of this. The stress of this caused me to need to take two sick days from work. If he truly believed that he'd fucked up, then he would be apologetic for having wasted everyone's time. My sister had set up a meeting with the bank manager to put her as a joint signature on his bank accounts. In getting news of this, my dad said "I hope the meeting isn't with that guy". I asked why and he said because he'd be embarrassed! I said he should be thankful to that manager and apologise for wasting his time. I knew something was still off.

Since then he's given away another 16k! I've now found out that the recent money he's been giving them is part of instalments as part of an 80k liquidity check. That means he's at 56k at present. He's again saying that he's not going to give any more away, but I told him I know about the 80k liquidity check, and therefore that means he's to give more away as part of the deal. But he says he's bargained them down to 56k! Edit - my sister found out in that meeting that he gave away another amount. That means he's now completed the liquidity check.

If the police and the bank couldn't talk him out of it, then why did we think we could? His phone has been confiscated and he has a dumbphone instead... the scammers always go through whatsapp.

 

Take the matter to court to gain control of his assets. I’m sure the bank and your family would be more than willing to serve as witness.
Conservatorshipi think it’s called. I

 

Unfortunately that's not possible in our country. There is some assisted decision maker thing that's a little bit like it.

All that legal stuff goes right over my head.

 

So sorry to hear that your family is in this delinimma. So many stories in the papers about people being scammed and bankers helpless to intervene in those who fell for the ruse. Best wishes to you and your family.