Night weaning,need help

I'm trying to get my little guy now 2 years old,to stop nursing at night.He sleeps in our bed. even if I took him out of our bed he'll still be in our room. My husband has to get up early for work and prefers I just let him nurse so he's quiet but I'm really tired of never sleeping and also fear he's just not going to learn to sleep with out a booby in his mouth.Any suggestions?

 

Tell him no nursing until its light out and sleep with a sports bra on under a tee-shirt until he figures it out. He is probably going to yell so prepare your husband for hysterical screaming for a couple of weeks. Also try keeping a glass of water beside the bed and offering it instead of nursing.
I am going through the same process with my 2-year-old.
Good luck,
Had

 

I would consider sleeping in another room, or on the couch with your little guy while he is adjusting, so daddy can still get his sleep at least.

2 is old enough to understand "it's dark, so it's still bedtime; you can have more milk when the sun comes up." I had a similar problem with my son at that age, (he was not breastfed, but he had a habit of waking up and wanting his cup) and it took about a week, but once he finally accepted it, he was fine (still getting up at night and coming to bed with us, haha, but he goes right back to sleep at least).

 

This is a SERIOUS sign that this baby is NOT ready to wean, and is being harmed by the process. Children who are weaned gently do NOT "cry hysterically for a few weeks!" There is nothing, that a healthy parents should do, that should cause a child to do this, and have the parent say "Oh, this is normal and healthy." If a baby is "Crying hysterically, HE IS IN EMOTIONAL PAIN and needs his mama. Would you do something to your husband which caused him to cry hysterically for "a few weeks, and think, in any way, it was "good" for him?" I am kinda surprised to hear you say that, hadleychick, really. CHILDREN ARE HUMAN.

I have seen more moms who "night weaned" thinking it would solve ALL their baby's sleep problems, only to have the baby weaned, and still waking, NO WAY to comfort a child who woke up anyway.

Weaning is NOT a guarantee that a baby will just suddenly, magically "sleep through the night." I know more mamas with empty breasts and NO WAY to calm the baby due to advice like this than I can count.

I have had FOUR CHILDREN of my own wean, and NEVER had a night of crying. HOW? I did it when gently, and when the baby was ready. Anyone who weans naturally will telll you the same.

 

I would't "ferberize" a dog.......Ferber advocates child abuse. And he has retracted MOST of what he wrote in his origianal book as being too hard emotionally on babies. Did you know FERBER advocates letting babies cry UNTIL THEY VOMIT and them to leave the vomit there, because cleaning it up will "give the child attention?" This man is a menace, and if babies could talk, they would express disgust for him and his ilk (Gary Ezzo, Tracy Hogg, ect.)

Here's a link to Dr. Sear's site and message board. This one is called "all night sucker" and has mamas in exactly YOUR shoes. The NO CRY SOLUTION is the best. As all these mamas will testify to.

http://www.askdrsears.com/forum/view.asp

and his page on "Sleep Problems" If the KIND answer to sleep problems exists, it exists on this page.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

One of the things Bill and Martha have to say about the subject is:

 

How about the "strength" of a baby, who is just LEARNING TRUST. It isn't about "how much YOU can take" it is about "is this good for the baby." Crying excessively tells you "THIS IS A POOR, not wel thought out (and detachment oriented) PARENTING METHOD."

It isn't about "how strong" YOU are. What a selfish way to approach parenting. "I"ll tortue my child, but only if I can tolerate the crying." WTF is wrong with this picture?

I have gotten throuigh FOUR babies, nursed, night wakened, little sleep, and finally, when they were ready, weaned (and all of them, slept through the night BEFORE they weaned) and I am still here, alive, and advocating for the BABIES. I had health problems, I had to work and take care of other kids, I HATE being woken up at night, I suffer from insomnia, I am a VERY impatient person, I HATE BEING WOKEN UP AT NIGHT (did I already mention this?) and here are my healthy, attached, WEANED sleeping through the night four kids.

I'm a b***h, lemme tell you, if I can tolerate night waking and constant nursing ANYONE can. It ain't the end of the world, but to your baby, being ignored at night IS!

He will....when he is ready to do so. I feel your pain. I've been through it, FOUR times. I survived. If you want to move him into a "big boy" bed, this may or may not help. When Sage got her Big Girl bed, she did stop waking at night to nurse, but it may have been a coincience. I still nursed her before she went to sleep, and didn't stop, even though I was 42 years old, was starting menopause and was, quite frankly, kinda tired of nursing. It was OK, we both survived, because I LISTENED TO THE BABY. I said "You are done, now." But I didnt say "no." If she CRIED, when I said she was done. I KNEW she still needed me, so I gave her more. She weaned long after she slept through the night. I have NEVER let a baby cry. My kids are now GOOD sleepers, and have less problems than my FERBER using neighbors, who still have frightened, insecure 6 year olds walking the house at night, because they didn't get what they needed when they were little.

PLEASE, if you feel you need to cut back on the nursing, try the Big Boy bed, and lie down with him at bedtime and then go to your own bed later. But PLEASE don't let him cry it out. PLEASE.

 

Hmmm...i wouldn't consider it abusive to let a two-year-old cry a little bit. Not until he vomits, obviously, or anything even close to that. But if he's in your arms, and you're comforting him in other ways, i don't think it's harmful to tell him he's a big boy now, and big boys don't eat in the middle of the night. If a toddler eats enough during the day, it isn't absolutely necessary to feed him at night, as it's just something for comfort. I think it's totally healthy to encourage a child to look for comfort elsewhere, especially when food is involved--afterall, eating habits start in infancy, and aren't alot of people (myself included) emotional eaters?

Not that nursing encourages eating disorders (in fact, if done correctly, it teaches the child to eat when hungry and stop when satisfied), but when used strictly for comfort, i believe it could for some. That's just my two cents, lol, but then i only nurse my kids for a year.

 

RW, if your kid only nurse a year, then they only need to. But many children do need to longer. I understand that. I just can't see letting a small child cry. I won't even let Sage cry, now, and she is 5. (Not at bedtime, as she sleeps well, but for other things.) I think a crying baby (and I consider 2 year old "babies") needs his mama. I mean, a whimper may be one thing, but "Crying hysterically for several weeks" is beyond excessive. Don't you think?

 

i agree with that, lol, there's a big difference between crying excessively for weeks, and crying a little, for 5-10 minutes, for a few nights, while in mama's arms.

Sometimes, it takes a child a few minutes (yes, often while crying) to decide what it is they need. For example, my daughter (1 1/2) just started crying because we put the crayons away. If i try to hold her now, she'll just kick me, and scream louder. If i just sit here and wait for 3-5 minutes, she'll get down from the table she's sprawled across at the moment, and either pick up a toy, or crawl up on my lap for comfort.

LOL, what she did was climb up on my lap, and tell me, matter-of-factly, that it was movie time i love my independent little woman!

 

Exactly. THAT is typical, toddler behavior, she was crying just because she didn't get her way. NOT because she wanted YOU, and you said NO! Big difference. Hell, yeah, my kids cryed when they couldn't chew on the electrical cord, and the time Sage got herself onlien, at 18 months and claimed "Leemee alone, I chekin my mail." And I took her away from the computer. Or when it is TIME to put away the crayons and they just don't wanna.

But, like I think we agree, this is NOT "Ferberizing" a baby, or letting them cry bitterly. There is a big difference between a baby crying for his mother in the middle of the nigjht (and being ignored) and a baby who is crying because mama took the Drano away.

 

I have two cut fingers (dh left an open razor in the drawer.) and I have bandaids on my fingers and can't type properly. Please forgive my errors.

 

ouch! Bad daddy! He should be VERY glad you're the one who got cut, and not a little one--THEN there'd REALLY be trouble!

Training kids IS evil! I wouldn't ferberize a dog either, lol, but that makes a really good tag line!

I was at the library the other day, and saw a book by the "baby whisperer" haha, i was glad to see it hasn't been checked out in years

 

GOOD! Hate the Baby Whisperer, too.

Maybe I'll put that Ferber thing on my tagline, unless you want it.

Hugs,

Maggie

 

haha, nah, it looks good on you!

 

hey terrapinrose,

does xander always wake up a lot at night or is this just a recent thing? is he getting his molars? with my boy, the night feedings were the last to go. he just needed that comfort at night. the molars were a rough patch and a couple of ear infections were another tough time. those last night feedings helped him so much when he wasn't feelig well. maybe wait a couple of months and see how things are going before you make any decisions.

here's to a good nights sleep, hope your getting some soon!

kathy

 

I was just really tired when I posted.Thinking about it more I know he's not weaning cuz he's not ready. There's a yapping dog that's outside all night yapping somewhere nearby,new to the neighborhood and until I get use to that or find the house and tell those people off (a 3 am temptation) I probably won't sleep right no matter what Xander's doing. ANd to answer Kathy he usually nurses once or twice during the night but lately it's more,and yeah he's teething again. Thanks to everybody for the support. And I dont believe any of us here really wanna ferberize our kids,I think that's how you get Republicans

 

Terrapin, if you just moved, it could be due to that. My kids took a while after moving to settle in.

Ferber=Republicans.........you're cracking me up, Ter.

 

For some reason my little girls weaning was hardest off the morning feed...just goes to prove all kids are different....I found that a dummy helped me at night time as she was just sucking for comfort and the dummy used to come out part way through the night and not be missed...I know a lot of people are anti dummies but maybe this could help you compromise with your husband? The trouble with dummies is if they wake up when they fall out...but if they do get rid of it then try something else....My little one weaned when she was one and a half about and then she kept the dummy for getting to sleep until early this year so just over two...we then gave it to the bubby sheep at my folks place and haven't heard of it since....

and once again I know it is not so popular but you know what I am not so tuff and I got to the point that my boobs were getting masserated (spelling duh!) and this was my way of dealing with it...everyones way of dealing is generally good and different and so long as mother and bubba are happy so give something a go maybe you can try to find something that can keep your husband happy....but if not at least you might find something that keeps you happy!!!! and remember most of all it is all a passing phase and you will begin to look back within an incredibly short amount of time at that time with such a tear in your eye!!
*tears up and then slaps oneself for being a sentimental git*