he caresses her in a way she never knew he drugs her with some sort of love just to manipulate her sad blues and she smiles when he kisses her hand modestly looks away she never really thought this love wasn't here to stay one day he was there... and one day he was gone one day her heart was filled and one day, for his love she longed and today i walked by him his scent filling the air and he walked right past not even noticing me there. just joined hipforums, i decided my first post shall be under poetry since i have quite the obsession for it, bad or good input appreciated
'Invisible' is a great title. It encapsulates the thrust of the poem perfectly. I like your line breaks. Flow results and the poem is an easy one to enjoy. Just work at putting more punch into your images. Let each word live, each line thrive.
Liked the vibe of this one, and I think your first five lines were your strongest. There was more of a concrete quality to them, like you’re talking about something specific. After that the rhyme flow kicks in and it goes more philosophical, and I think that takes away from its edge. Enjoyed it though, and thanks for sharing it
The first thing I thought of when I seen the title of your poem was Clay Akain...damn him...then I read it. You have much more talent with words then he does. Damn him...damn him to hell. Casper P.S....GREAT WORK!!!!
thanks for all the really great comments, i'll try to improve on the imperfections, though i really appreciate the praise. not so used to composing and having others critict it but i enjoy it much more than having pieces of paper that i pour my heart onto thrown out. thanks.
