this is the first thread i've posted besides introducing myself, because right now this is one of the biggest problems i'm having and i'd like a couple opinions on it besides my own and my boyfriends... we have a good relationship, most of the time, but he is a little controlling, and a lot jealous. it gets in the way, he invades my privacy, etc. but that isnt my biggest issue. i dont think i can be with him for the rest of my life because of his view on sex. he would love to have it every day, but of course i dont permit that. he claims that people express their love through "making love." and that by me not wanting to do it 3 or 4 times a week shows that i don't love him. everynight when i try to fall asleep i'm getting groped and bugged for any kind of sexual attention at all, when i just want to fall asleep. but he gets an attitude and gets real pissy if i dont give him something. who is in the right here? i don't think love is expressed through sex of any type, in fact, i think that sex actually harms a relationship, espeicially when overused... i personally just don't like it myself and i feel like i'm being used even though he swears up and down that isnt why he loves me. i think a relationship should be able to work with limited sexual activity, a couple times a week maybe, but not an every night ordeal... give me some opinions please
I do think that sex can be an expression of love, but it's certainly not the only way nor the most important way. You obviously aren't comfortable with how he's touching you, when you aren't interested in it. Talk to him about it. So your libido's don't match up? It's called masturbation. if you don't give him something? Why isn't he giving you something? Why isn't he trying to find ways to make you more interested in him, other than unwanted gropes? A romantic dinner, or trying to give you multiple orgasms? Sex takes two and if he wants you to be more interested, he needs to find a way that doesn't piss you off.
I had an Ex like that.... It was horrible and tore us apart... We got in a fight about it.. And said alot of nasty things to each other... so i decided to take a shower to relax a bit... when i got out it started all over again.. except this time with me in my towel... and He put his hand under the towel and started trying to touch me while we were having a fight about sex (mind you i was crying too).... Dumbass.... Thats when i realized we were not ment to be...
let me ask you some questions. What is your religion? How did you view sex growing up? Have you ever been sexually assulted or molested? Not all couples have sex often, but it IS an important part of an adult relationship. How long have you been together? For instance, my man and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and we used to have sex everyday. Now, it's more like 3-4 times a week.That was a hard transition. I'm not saying you're not normal, but that's how it is for us. How often ARE you sexually attracted to your partner? How old is your man? He may not be angry at you, just frustrated because around your age, people are having sex quite often. There's nothing wrong with your man wanting sex. That is natural and you will have to accept it. The way he treates you is you refuse is the problem. Does he get nasty evey time, or once and a while does he get heated because this is such a frequent problem? I'm not on your side or his right now. I need some more info from you to give you a full honest opinion of your situation.
also, if sex was teh only thing he was looking for, he would have left by now. No one that is after ONLY that would put up with your attitude towards sex. I am concerned that you said it's overuse can harm the relationship and that a couple's love is not expressed sexually. These are NOT normal thoughts and I want to get to the root of why you feel this way.
I think he needs to learn to understand you better and deal with comprimise when you don't feel like it.
With my ex the more he bothered me for it the less i wanted it... Just because.... Is that whats happening?
wow so many questions to answer... as far as religion, i was baptized catholic but i don't go to church. i have never really enjoyed sex, i get nothing out of it, and i don't like taking the risk of getting pregnant, i'm only 21. when i was 13 i was raped by one of my brother's friends, i dont know if that's part of why i dont enjoy it or not but i just don't. my boyfriend is 22. when we first got together we had sex and messed around everyday, but it got overplayed and started to get old. i can't really say that i've been sexually attracted to him in a long time, i love him, i think he's adorable, but i just don't crave sex. i would rather just lay down and cuddle and watch a movie. i'm not saying that we should never have it, i understand his needs, but we have very different opinions on how often it should happen. he doesn't really get mad when i say no, it's more like he gets upset and ignores me and stops talking. and faerie, yes, the more he asks for it the less i want it. i tell him all the time that if he didn't bug me every morning and every night about it i might want it more but i just hate to be pestered, it turns me off. i just like to lay down and relax without having him go up my shirt or down my pants. every morning i wake up he's touching me, every night when i go to sleep he's touching me, and it doesnt feel good to me it just makes me uncomfortable. sometimes i do like it, but it seems like we can't ever just lay down, he always has to have his hands somewhere bugging me or has to be begging me for me to do something for him. i guess i can't understand because i'm not a guy, supposedly he HAS to have it at least every other day...but i could go what most people would consider a long time without it, i just don't have the urges and really it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach when i do it. i dont know how to explain it but it just makes me feel uncomfortable, kindof dirty. i just think there are better ways to show your love than having sex... -A
being raped in the past certainly can contribute to your being so put-off by sex. sex is normal, but it is certainly understandable that in this time in your life, you just don't want it that often. carnal urges are normal, but who are we to say that you are not normal for wanting to have less sex? we can't judge because every human being is different. you know, me and my fiance', dario are both pretty perverted by most people's standards, but we only make love about once a month, sometimes once every 2 months. and when we do, it is really special and really dynamite! it's not that we detest sex or don't want it, 'cause we do...but we're also both pretty busy and work a lot, and we're both pretty tired a lot of the time. when we hang out together at night, we usually just cuddle, kiss, hold hands, and talk to each other. we talk about sex quite often. we talk about it in a general sense, and we talk about our own sex life/lives. we have the best time when we make love, but we just don't feel the need to have sex every day or every other day. i guess what i'm trying to say is it's about quality, not quantity. but your man is at an age where he wants it. a LOT. but you don't, and that's okay. no one has the right to tell you that you're wrong for not wanting it very often. your man also needs to respect you and know you love him, and that you show it in a different way. if his sexual needs aren't being met, he should try masturbation. it's not your "duty" as a girlfriend to provide him with sex. you do say that you do desire it once in awhile. maybe if you try to explain to him that when you are in the mood, you'd be happy to initiate some intimacy and it will be all the more special when it's done that way instead of him prying and begging. the only thing that bothers me is that you say it gives you a sick feeling and you feel dirty. bare in mind that sex is the way our species reproduces. it's normal and it's natural to have sex. most human beings find it pretty pleasurable. the issues you have with the trauma you went through in the past probably do have a lot to do with these feelings you're having about sex. for your best interest, you should try to work through those issues, and talk to your boyfriend about this as well. let him know that you have these issues for a reason and it's not just something that will go away. if he really loves you, he will be patient with you. good luck with this. i was anally raped by an ex-boyfriend about 5 years ago, and i know it's not easily gotten-over. to this day, if i'm touched in the wrong spot, i get weird, queasy feelings and have to stop because it reminds me too much of the incident...also, the emotional issues that stem from such a trauma get better with time, but they don't ever just go away. you don't just "get over it." ever. sending lots of love and understanding your way, amy
he sounds like a dick to me to be honest. Sounds to me like you guys have very little in common. I think I would move on before you end up marrying him. He needs to grow up.
