Hello all this is my second trip report, I hope you enjoy reading it. I was working from home and had a few deadlines to meet so decided to take half a tab at around 11am. As I had read that small doses can help with brainstorming. After about an hour starting getting the body tingle and feel good and wide grin but continued working and decided to listen to cd while working. About two hours after dosing found it difficult to continue working on the computer so decided to take a break and sit and observe the arising and passing of the moment and instantly that fear and paranoia feeling kicked in and could not understand where or why it arose but decided to sit and watch what happens. It’s been quite cold in the uk so had the heating on and the house was very warm but even so I felt quite cold and scared. I knew that this was not going to go according to the plan so decided to sit and see what the universe or the mind me to experience and the more observed the worse it got and the irony is I knew there was nothing to be paranoid about, fear or feel cold but to no avail. I knew all I would have to do is say no resistance it would all be ok but decided against it as I wanted to know why this had arisen and had to be faced sooner or later. Three hours in to the trip and still the same so decided to watch some television and again fear of what’s on and fear of flicking channel. I decided enough was enough is enough and decided to confront my fears and do the things that were that scaring me and see whats the worst that could happen. I had the feeling of the body feeing cold and fear but being separate from it (I don’t know if that makes sense but that the best I can describe it) All along the trip even with the fear still had that grin that was aching and the painful jaw lock. After four or five hours I continued observing the fear and cold sensations but objectively. The door bell rang and it was the gardener came to collect his cheque and since he saw my car on the drive thought he would collect now rather then the usual evening time that sent the fear feeling on another level but decided to continue to confront it (fear it and do it so to speak), he left and I decided to have a bite to eat. I sitting in the living room watching tv when someone knocked on the patio door and talk about freaking fear, it was a builder that had done work for me in the past and was working in the neighbours garden and decided to say hallo as he saw me sitting there. The come down was very informative and enlightening as I viewed what had happened and why. The conclusion that I came to about of my experience was that I had been very cautious and over organised person and I should love and welcome the unplanned and random events nice or not. Dam this Lucy is amazing ten-day meditation done in 10-12 hours. This half tab was more experiential then my one tab experience I don't know if this because this trip was unplanned and they are both from the same batch I got. Can’t wait to take the 2-3 tab journey.
Sounds like a wonderful life lesson- that fear is usually self-manufactured. I hope you can go through your sober life with a little more confidence!
