A Birthday Party Argument

A friend I've known since I was 3 years old, who throughout the years have had very little contact with, attended my 23rd birthday party on Friday night. I didn't see her come in because I was pouring drinks and whatnot.

Well, she gets up to leave at about 1 AM and I notice she's got a coat on with some fur on the sleeves and around the collar. So I ask, "Hey, Janelle, is that real fur?" and she says VERY matter-of-factly, "Yeah, actually it is." I was speechless, but my boyfriend, a fellow vegetarian, started asking her questions about why she wears fur and blah blah blah.

I got distracted by another friend (who I'm pretty sure distracted me on purpose), but listening over some of it and talking to people about after she left, it really did seem to me she wore it on purpose. She seemed to have her entire argument set up in her mind about justifying why she wore it. Something about it being "cute" and she was able to "feed a family of four" by buying it.

My boyfriend was floored and before he had a chance to really defeat anything she said she says "Well, on that note, I'm ready to leave" and just up and left...leaving everyone in the entire room stunned.

I've been veggie for seven years and my entire party was all vegetarian food. Even a guy friend sitting there listening to the entire conversation she had with my bf, who is a meat eater said, "Damn, she's got some serious balls to wear that coat in your house, Annie."

So what do I do about it? Forget about it and still hang out with her? Or leave her being the way she is and stop talking to her all together. I guess I was just really offended by the way she treated my bf and disrespected my house the way she did. Am i taking it too far?

Opinions? Thoughts?

 

I guess it depends on how much you value her friendship

I can't understand why anyone would wear a fur coat and would think that to myself, but probably wouldn't have asked about it.

I'm guessing she's probably been criticized for that coat before, hence why she was quick to justify having it when asked again.

 

Truly, I think that unless you really WANTED to break up your friendship with her I'd just state my opinion once very clearly about fur & leave it at that.

People that wear fur & leather know what they're doing. They know it's a dead animal, and know that the animal most likely lived a crummy life before it became an accessory. I'm afraid that constantly bringing it up or refusing to associate with her because of her coat is only gonna make her think you're terribly close-minded. And if you do that, she'll likely never listen to you again.

Also, do you know if she had another coat? I only have the one, so if I go out when it's cold it doesn't matter where I'm going, I'll be wearing leather. Maybe she has tons of coats & purposefully wore the coat to get a rise out of you, but there could be a simpler explanation too.
love,
mom

 

Oh, no, she's a fashion DIVA...she's got tons of clothes...jackets, pants, skirts, blouses, t-shirs...I could go on. She makes a lot of money and she spends it on herself...mostly on clothes...because she still lives with her parents, so she doesn't pay rent or pay very many bills.

dhs, her and I were best friends in elementary school. Then we just sort of drifted apart because she changed a lot...not to say I didn't change...but we just grew apart. She went away to college...I moved away...we didn't talk until a few months ago again. And we certainly aren't all that close. If we hang out, typically it's just because her and I have the same friends.

I, and most of everyone at the party, thought she was rude about the confrontation and didn't want to hear anyone's thoughts about it. I guess not talking to her wouldn't hurt me (or probably her at all), but she did invite me to her birthday party this week. Something tells me she's got ulterior motives.

 

I'm not trying to defend her because I wasn't there and don't know how she acted, but is there a possibility that she may have felt people were ganging up on her for having different views and thus acted overly defensive?

Again, I'm against fur products, but I wouldn't say anything to someone wearing it except perhaps sarcasm. If I said anyting it would probably be along the lines of "Wow, I had no idea you hunted rabits"

 

I just asked if it was real fur. My boyfriend asked her questions (rather politely, I might add) and she just started blabbing about it being cute and feeding a family of four...then she left.

It was weird.

 

yea, it was out of line, plain and simple.

 

ditch her. if she disrespects you enough to do that, then she doesn't deserve your time. and do you really want to hang out with a fur hag? come on. there are higher quality people than that.

 

I would call her up, politely explain that you are very opposed to fur, why you are opposed to fur, and that you would appreciate it if she didn't wear the coat in your home or around you again.

If you don't see her or are in contact with her often enough to call her up, I'd send her some anti-fur literature accompanied by a polite note about your personal stance on fur.

However, if she gave you a birthday gift, don't stuff the literature in the Thank You note. Send that first and seperately.

 

Yuck.....as a friend, KNOWING you were veggie......that's just wrong.

 

while your friend or exfriend's conduct was rude, perhaps you could of attracted the behavior due to your own sassyness as i noticed here on the forums that you can be sassy?

 

perhaps i didn't read clearly, but - did she clearly understand that you are veg? you said you hadn't been in close contact for a while. i can just imagine her feeling kinda weird in that sort of atmosphere, not really knowing WHAT to do or say. perhaps what she said was just out of nervousness and due to lack of preparation for dealing with such a topic. i don't know. people are people; they act all sorts of ways. i've had veg parties where my closest friend brought fried chicken. while not cool, i just sorta shrugged it off.
i would just be really taken aback if i were her, especially if she had no intention of her coat being noticed much at all. don't you think she felt ostracized with all those veg's raggin on her?

 

All of my friends are VERY clear on my stance on eating meat and not wearing or using animal products. I was a vegetarian in High School...when her and I still seen eachother and talked everyday. And recently her and I had been out to dinner with friends, so everyone knows I've veg. My bf and I are the only two people I even know personally who are vegetarians...no one was ganging up on her, that's for sure. In fact, my bf was the only person that really said anything to her about how wearing fur is wrong...everyone else was VERY silent...they knew what was going to happen...

drumminmama...self absorbed is right...that's one reason why our friendship fell apart. I was hoping she had changed since being away at school and travelling overseas...unfortunately, I was very wrong.

 

thats just stupid to stop being someones friend because they have different views and tastes than you. if you really value your friendship, why be so damn petty about it?? my brother likes my chemical romance, and I am not going to shun him because he likes a group that I despise. big deal. not everyone can be the same, not everyone has the same opinion. if she likes to eat meat, and wear fur, good for her. why make a big deal over something so petty?? if I was her, I would leave as well, if everyone was picking on her for what she believed in. just think if you went to a barbecue, where everyone was cooking burgers and sausages on the grill, and everyone made fun of you for being a vegan?? think about it......

 

I don't care about people having different views and tastes than me. That has nothing to do with it. It's about the reaction and how she handled being questioned.

I don't think I'm being petty at all. Vegetarianism isn't the same as liking or disliking a band. It's about morals and values and RESPECT. I wouldn't go into her house where they were serving meat and harrass anyone about it. Most places I go aren't vegetarian friendly. But I know that before I go there. She knew that too...I told everyone to come hungry and be prepared for good vegetarian food. Vegetarianism is a personal value...that isn't about LIKING or DISLIKING meat...to me, it's about being environmentally sensitive, about caring about other beings, and being sensitive to those who cannot speak for themselves. But most meat eaters don't understand that.

Did you read my posts? Everyone was not picking on her about it. I asked one question, my boyfriend continued the conversation. She got upset...had the last word...and left. No one else said a goddamn thing. Everyone else in that room was a meateater besides the two of us, so they didn't say a word. I've been in the situation where I've been made fun of for being a vegetarian (big difference between vegetarian and vegan...look it up)...you know what I do? I sit and have a real conversation about it...let people express their views and I express mine. I don't cut people off, I'm not rude, I'm not forceful...I express how I feel about it. She did it in a poor, confrontational way, and she treated my boyfriend like his opinion didn't matter a bit. He just wanted to have conversation about it...find out why she thinks it's OK.

But I don't expect you, or any other meat eater to understand. It's about morals and ethics...and obviously her and I don't have the same morals...so it's hard for me to feel a connection with someone like that.

 

It sounds like your main problem then is that she couldn't back up her side of the argument properly. If you want to ditch her as a friend, ditch her because she's unintelligent and unimaginative, but not because she wants to wear fur. lol
Like madcrappie said, it's silly for you to be angry just because your friend wore fur. She's allowed to wear what she wants. Though it may have been thoughtless on her part, (if someone brought KFC to my house, I'd be a little put-off), but that's life. Having a fur coat in your house for a few hours isn't a big deal if you still enjoy your friend's company.



Peace

 

I just thought it was disrespectful. First of all, she acted like it was no big deal, she was rude to my boyfriend, she disrespected my household, and she had NO GOOD reason to wear that coat to my house...like I stated before...she's a fashion DIVA...she has tons of coats to choose from (trust me, I've seen her closet)...and she just HAD to wear that one...it was like she WANTED to start something.

 

this isn't about different views... this is about a friend with an aggressive and in-your-face attitude which is hardly friend-like

the fact remains though that peta and other's vegan activism that eating meat is morally wrong has gotten under people's skin and so maybe this friend was reacting to the activism of such groups and associated dance annie under this umbrella... i think it important for peta to work for the ethical treatment of animals as factory farming conditions is a sad plight but eating meat is not unethical... there are are long and storied traditions of meat-eating by indigenous people's throughout the world who are honored and rightly so as "keepers of the earth"... it is only that we find the necessary respect and love for the animals that we are to eat