a poem

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by nynysuts, Jul 23, 2007.

  1. nynysuts

    nynysuts No Gods, No Masters

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    when i walk down the street
    you stare
    turn away
    embarrassed

    mutter 'hippie'
    so the dead
    can hear you
    and laugh

    steal my hat
    don't look me in the eye
    but i don't care

    or do i?
    i shouldn't
    it makes me happy
    to dress this way

    but your cruel hard words
    from your cruel hard mouth
    make a sad lonely person
    a stranger in the world


    what do you think?
     
  2. Freakymetalchik

    Freakymetalchik BITCH.

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    this is really good, the one thing is i hope "but i dont acre" was supposed to be "but i dont care", lol, it is really nice though! :)
     
  3. jim kirby

    jim kirby Member

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    you dress like a hippie then you'll get my vote every time ... i know its difficult to be "different" but there's nothing wrong with being unique ..."steal my hat ...don't look me in the eye but i don't acre" ... see you're different ... other people would say care but you said acre ... just joking to try cheer you up ... why not sya acre instead of care then only some of us will know what you mean ... look, i wrote sya when I meant say! keep smiling and keep on writing!
     
  4. The Instinct

    The Instinct Member

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    I'm glad someone else can state this line in words I couldn't in other things I've written.
     
  5. nynysuts

    nynysuts No Gods, No Masters

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    wow, thanks everyone! and thanks instinct, glad to have been of help!
     
  6. blackheartbitch

    blackheartbitch Member

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    i agree...ive tried to write something like this and it came out all jumbled and a total mess
     
  7. nynysuts

    nynysuts No Gods, No Masters

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    This one's called mixed signals.

    Things are going great
    we're talking fine
    then i'll go and put my foot in it

    a simple line that i say
    you see at a different angle
    we get embarassed
    by the mixed signals

    i think you want to be my friend
    i think i want us to be more
    but i'll never find out the truth
    by transmitting these mixed signals

    you make excuses
    am i really that bad
    that you are scared
    of what i'm going to ask

    because i'm only asking you
    to be my friend, boy
    but we're getting these mixed signals
     
  8. Musikero

    Musikero Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Hmmm...I like the first one better. That one I could picture in my head. It was just, for me, very vivid. I could see it happening.
     
  9. nynysuts

    nynysuts No Gods, No Masters

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    The first one definitely is better, the second is just me trying to get my head straight about someone, and you know, it's still a case of mixed signals!
     
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