ok, here's the story. I've known this guy for 5 years 3 years ago we started having a relationship it lasted for a couple of months - then he came online (MSN) as one of his friends and started saying stuff like "I love you - you should go out with me instead" etc pretending to be the other guy and I said to him "aww but I love my boyfriend" and he replied "well don't because this IS him and I dont want to go out with you" - the immaturist most hurtful thing in the world. I felt like killing something, or someone. Later on in the year he texted and apologised, he admitted he was a dick and asked if I could forgive him. I did ofcourse because ashamedly I still loved him and his friendship was good enough. That christmas he had another girlfriend but she broke up with him, the next week he told me that he really liked me again - I guessed it was a rebound thing so I put it off but flirted still untill a couple of months later where he told me that he liked me but he didn't love me. Me and my foolish self told myself that I didn't love him either, but I was sexually attracted to him. So we started secretly seeing each other and no one else knew apart from a few of our friends. We were never officially an item but looking back there was something because we never saw anyone else or flirted with anyone else or anything. Anywho, the big day came for us to have sex for the first time, only he put it off and said he was busy on the day, later I find out from his friend that he actually has a girlfriend. When I confront him he started talking about how lovely she was, and how much better than me she was which sent me into a strange ugly depression. He texted later on in the year and apologised for that too, and asked him if i could forgive him because the way he acted wasn't necassery and he was a jerk. Once again I forgave him because in my opinion it was love and I got in the way. I said I was over it because time had healed it, but I knew I was lying to myself. Slowly and gradually over the year we have become more closer and he is one of my best friends. I still love him but as long as he is happy, then I'm happy. He continued seeing his girlfriend, and I found love in other things. Such as mother earth. I found a great freedom from the need for men and became totally independant. I didn't like being around people because they could hurt me, I loved to walk the world alone. Anyway, the problem is, last night his bestest friend texted me and told me that he was breaking up with his girlfriend because he wants me.. what do I do?? I know I love him and what if he's realised he loves me, and it took that to find it out? or do I just say no i dont want a relationship because of the previous times he has hurt me so badly and wait for someone else? What do I do?? :S Some advice would be most excellent. Thanks and peace xx
I'm sorry, this may sound bad but.. This guy has remained in your life throughout all the years and even after he's hurted you badly. You guys even became best friends which is really cool. However, it seems as though his actions are repetitive and not immediate. What I mean by that is that he will apologise later in that year, not the next day or so. I don't know, I just feel that this guy needs to sort out his own feelings first and what he wants. If he really cares for your love, he has to work for it. It seems as though that you will always forgive him. Nothing wrong with that. I always end up forgiving my boyfriend too depsite the hurt and anger that he caused me but thats because I realised in the end that he has hurted me because he didn't know what I want. Woman are built for forgiving but not for being hurted. I know you still have strong feelings for this guy and I feel that perhaps your independence from the need of men might be from your relationship with this guy. This is someone who you thought you could trust, yet he turns around to be the one who hurted you most. Love is about many things and amongs them mustual sharing and trust and letting your guards down. However, this guy has subconsciously caused you to need to constantly be on the lookout that something hurtful might come along again. I feel that he should work for your love. If not, there will be some guy out there who will be worth your love. Peace
It seems like this guy needs to work out what he really wants and maybe get a lesson in other peoples feelings too. I don't think that he is worth it to be honest, but that's just me and I'd most likely think differently if it was me in that situation. He has caused you so much pain though, and changed you. Now you could say that you'r paranoid. Although if you still like him... I don't know. I think it's impossible to know what to do unless you actually know how both people feel, which no one does. Go with your heart, but remember that nobody so confused about their own feelings is worth messing with yours. If that helps. Sorry if it hasn't, I'm not the best at advice, I just thought I'd leave you with this and hope that you think about it Peace out.
I would definitely hold off on a relationship w/this guy for awhile... He seems to have some problems w/commitment. I would wait and see if that's how he really feels, especially because he's hurt you like that in the past. Just be careful, and I hope you can work it out. Best of luck.
to be sorta blunt, he kinda sounds like a dick...but at the same time to be fair, most guys that age are pretty dickish. if it were me in the situation, i'd just stay friends with him but not give him your heart anymore, because it seems like all he can do is hurt it.
yeah cheers for your replies guys, it's been really helpful. I think I'll take things really slowly. I'm not going to give him the pleasure of knowing that I still like him. I talked to him last night and he said something that really stuck with me. The conversation went like this: Me: "What's going on with you and em?" Him: "Why? What have you heard?" Me: "Well I got told that you wanted to split up with her" Him: "Yeah.. I really really do. I would do it now if I could without any hesitation. I just don't like hurting people's feelings but I seem to manage to do it anyway." Me: "Why who've you upset recently?" Him: "well... not recently just... in the past" Me: "Well what made you decide to break up with her?" Him: "She's just not a very nice person" Me: "It took you a freaking year to figure that out?" Him: "It's taken me a long time to figure out things" Is there an implication there? Or am I being too optimistic? Anywho, I'm going to take everything extra slowly. And make him work hard. Yass, good idea? Yeh he was a dick, but I still love him, and he admitted he was and apologised. If he makes the same mistake again (if anything happens) I will have to castrate him. peace xx
