There are quite a few here, and I don't expect many people to stick around to read them all, but they are here. So feel free to, if you have the time. Stuck Somehow I've lost the way. Somehow I've lost the feeling. Somehow I've lost it all... I'm stuck up on the ceiling. Looking down below on you I feel so free up here. No one can touch or hurt me. Seperated there's nothing to fear. Somehow I've hurt a few. Broke some hearts that really cared. Somehow I've never really taken. Always just opened up and shared. Somehow I've lost the way. Somehow I've lost the feeling. I don't want to touch the ground. I belong up on the ceiling. The War Inside Me What is this inside me That burns and burrows so deep. It distracts me from what is It's something I know I mustn't keep. I need to know the answers; the sacred, ancient; no one knows... There's a spiritual war inside me, where the rage in these curious soldiers' grows. I beat my head against the floor and think to myself "This is a dead tree." I look out my window where another one slowly branches in to see. I wander..."Is it windy.......?" Life is moving, it's being, life is existing, and ya know..it may just be our only. Think more innocently before you make the unmarked tree lonely. Why are we here? Is this our soul purpose? to produce and upgrade? We seem like a pollution, a disturbing emotion, and the earth is our sharade. I want to get accross, but I forgot to bring the paddles, I want to uncover the blanket, extinct all human battles. I want to feel without trying I want to look inside myself without crying I need to catch my balance, create the scales I desperately need. Please spirit guide me, so that in life this journey I can succeed. Ramble I've figured out that you'll never completely be who you really are. People matter, they have to. It's our existence, and we have to mold into something usual...we're human and we have human tendencies. We live in the past, everything we know in books, on the televsion...has already been written one way, so we have to continue living in the same way because we know nothing else. We become a part of everything and everything becomes a part of us. We are what we see all around us. People take away from our individuality and we take away from theirs. There will always be someone watching you, judging you, picking you apart...and we'll notice and we'll change. We'll become what we think society wants us to be in order to feel better...to be oblivious. If you chose to not care... you'll travel on another road where nothing is familiar....you'll lose the way;noise and traffic become obsolete. And you can't take anymore because you know different, and you're tired of the normalties, the repetitiveness, tired of habit. And you can't share this...they won't know what you're giving them...and they'll look at it, and they'll laugh at you. Because that's what they do. That's their first instict...and it's silly...and they can't see it how you see it no matter how hard you pull on them. So you let go, you become detached, and you're all alone now...with this world inside of you. No one understands, will they ever. So what it trickles down to is what is more important? Being understood, following this industrial, political, unearthed path, or what you found in you, but alone. Layers and layers to peal away, no one wants to take the time...you're too complicated. You don't make sense. You're misunderstood. No. I refuse to believe that. Fuck it. Take Me Away I want to learn how to fly Somehow, some where there's got to be a way. I need to find that place in me... those deepest parts...all hidden away. I want to know your thoughts. I read your patterns...look at all your shades. And just when I think I have gotten closer to the answer, Everything seems to change. I want to be above you. Different that's all I know.. I believe that if I imagine it A new in me will grow. I want to fly away The wind only to guide me. I want to escape All that which I don't believe. Stuck As I step out into the beauty I can feel the sun warm on my face I can hear the birds singing to eachother This is such a beautiful place. As I step out into the green grass I can feel it soft between my toes The wind whirls my hair all around me Kisses me lightly on my nose I open my eyes in confusion This is not what I wanted to see. I thought it was you that kissed me In this beautiful place, I don't know how to be. The sky turns to black as it rains tears of blood The birds lay dead on the ground from sadness The green grass sinks into the mud. I don't know how to be without you Don't know just what to do I'm stuck in the mud with dead birds... Wish I was stuck in the mud with you Slipping Who are you? Why do you look at me that way? Was it the way I moved...the expected words I didn't say? Why are you here? Why didn't I get to chose? You've invaded my thoughts, poisoned my flowers, rigged it so I lose. How can I be like you? How can I be of this race? I scream at the sky, I spit on the ground For putting me on this selfish place. How do I move on, change the way I see? Why can't you understand, I don't know any other way to be. Who am I? Why do I look at them that way? Was it the way they moved..the words I expected them to say? Why am I here? They didn't get to choose. I've invaded their thoughts, smelled all their flowers. I told them that that they'd lose. You're not like me, you're not of my race. I flip off the sky, dig holes in the ground. This is such a selfish f*cking place. My soul has been leaking, and I wander for how much longer. I don't know how to live like them, why can I not be stronger? The Garden Sometimes it's hard to think Sometimes it's hard to breathe It's hard sometimes to smile. Even harder sometimes to believe. In anything that exists People what they say Faith in where I'm going If I might die today So many questions I could be mistaken for a child. Looking so hard for answers Searching out in the wild. Paths that I can follow Secret garden doors to each Vines growing up and down Some knobs are hard to reach. I open doors of color Of light and love and ecstacy Doors that make me stop questioning Showing me how peaceful things can be. But then I open doors Of blackness filled with pain Where above I can hear myself crying Blindness in my own rain. I wander if I’m here, Or if I'm scattered all around out there. I wander if in this garden these paths will lead me somewhere. Faking It She sits alone and smiles As another day goes by Being happy without you Happy you said goodbye In her eyes exist no tears and in her heart no pain The sun broke through the clouds and dried up all your rain. Grey skies have turned blue And her life is now complete She's given up on loving you She refuses to compete. She finally has the eyes to see What it is that left her blind. You never really loved her. Her heart...you couldn't find. She knows one day true love will come Something new she'll feel... without all the pain and tears... It will be different...it will be real. She's this girl that forgets the pain Of a love not meant to be. She's this image in my mind I try so hard to be.... The Sign Should I smile because all the pain is gone or cry for the possibility i may have reached numbness. I thank the people, the noise, the silence, the experiences for opening my eyes, but blame them for closing my heart. you see, i don't trust you you hurt me before im spilling my heart out and look at you, laughing on the floor. im serious. i mean it. Caution: I'm personal I can hear your degradations of me Self hatred fills my head so full. I only want to emit what's beautiful What I believe to be right. I breathe and grow in spirals. Lets show the bad some light. I'm different you know, I know that everyone's different.. But I'm different than everyone, to me this, you slowly show. There's something that's inside It's pulling, jumping up and down. I think it's my conscience I subconsiencely hide. I want to understand But I rather go play in the snow. I need to really get it done. Instead of watching it in the air just...flow. You really love me, I see how much you care You see, you're the only chance To show me what's not been there. I told you I was open, look at my little neon sign. Let's take it with us... We'll look at it from time to time. Hey, ya know, it says open. lets leave my heart behind. Let's just keep walking please. We don't need to look inside. But now I feel regretful. I've living this portrait of me we've posed. My heart, it's all the way back there. And we've stolen the sign, look, it's closed. With us, we have the sign, and I'm so sorry I always change my mind. But all we have to do is walk back to the beginning to see my heart inside. Unforgiven Love gives me wings. Permission to fly to the heavens, it melts the ice around my heart, allows access to my depths through my eyes. Love makes me glow with vibrant oras, and makes me shine like a reflection of light. Love is all inside, I strive to make it all around me, it's what i hold close to at night. When love hurt me, my wings were taken, my heart blackened. I put up poisoness shields to protect me. When love hurt me I sealed up my eyes with staples, and slept naked in the cold. When love hurt me...that's when I hurt love. Earthward Shhhh Listen I have something to say. Hush Be quiet Softly as it may. I want paint on my fingers And grass stains on my clothes. I want flowers enclosed around me And the dirt beneath my toes. Stop looking out. Go dance. The earth is free. It's our own little playground. And I'm swinging from tree to tree. It's beyond us....and around us...it was before us, can't you see? Please. Let me finish. Read between the lines. Your loud and thoughtless, Look. This is just what makes me shine. I'm pouring out all of my colors I'm watching them all as they splatter My canvas is the sky, I wish I had a ladder. Understand me. Please. We can share the earth. I will let you see...all the parts of me... exposed in it's light. Potential I can feel it coming... there's an eruption under my skin and it's about to blow. There's no point in running.. You're not gong to win. Yourself just wants you to know. I can't shake it, so tired of faking it... and just can't let it go. Get it together, take a step foward. and just let it all explode Thoughts of Wind and Life I’m sitting here…wandering what to write. I know I need to get something out there, all of these things I’m feeling tonight. I feel like I’m alone… no matter how many people that surround me. I’m trapped in porcelon skin, in this complex and fragile thing we call a body. Why am I alone? Why is it only me in here? I want to break through, shatter the glass doll that encloses me, escape like wind…that has no reflection in a mirror…no judgements or steps to fear. Only to whisper sweet whistles as it’s just passing by, cooling off the heat…swaying everything with its presence, making all the dead leaves fly, and all the cold hands meet. It’s there and it just wants you to know. It will remind you…so hey pay attention, feel the inspiration…go look in your backyard, for you it’s putting on a show. I cut my arm with glass…and watch the blood seep out. I feel the pain and know that it hurts, there’s red to let me know…this is wrong without a doubt. I can hear the cruch when I step on dead leaves, and that person sitting next to me chewing up pork chop platter. I look at the trees naked, and the fat set aside their plate. I feel like killing people’s loved ones…just to show them that life really does matter. Just because it doesn’t show emotion, doesn’t mean it’s blank. I’m sitting here, and writing…trying to get something out there, but I can’t. I’m stuck in here, in this body, this room, this moment, wandering if these words, understandings you can make...Envious of the wind, I blow and write it's name across the mirror. The Rock I’m running in the tall grass…look at me…I’m running so fast. I look back behind at you, thinking you were miles back, and there you go.. right on past. I didn’t think you could keep up, so now look at me, I, the little ass. I sit on a rock in failure and start to light one up. You come back and tell me that I couldn’t keep up… With a yellow haze around you, I turn and say ‘yup.’ I quit. I stopped. You had me fooled. My mouth you have dropped. A failure I am ruled. You keep up and think ahead… you remember me, you climb inside my head. You remind me of that feeling. That one, ya know, that feels like little fire balls shooting at your heart. Like you could sit here with them forever without moving or saying a word till the end of living…never pull part. because we know eachother…because we love what we know. Sometimes I wander if you’d be better if I go. I’m sitting here with my peice in my hand and in the other a piece of chalk. I draw the story of our lives right there upon the rock. The Color Yesterday you help onto me, like you'd never let go... And when I finally had the chance to pull away... In your face, I saw no glow. You looked at me with eyes so sad. I thought they'd drop a tear. You told me that you loved me, And would die without me here. I laughed and called you silly... "Hey, I'm never gonna leave" And as you put your head down you said "I know you won't, it's me..." Then you touched my face so softly, like you were afraid that I would break. You told me that you wished our friendship, but together like this was a mistake. I screamed and closed my eyes as I sat down on the ground... I cried until there were no more tears to cry. And as you sat down right beside me, through my bleeding ears, you whispered goodbye. I told you to not go, that in me you were within And as your words grew so much colder, I noticed... the different color of our skin. Peace&Love
I have to say, you have a way with words. I liked them all, really, but the last one, The Color, blew me away. Keep writing, and please, keep sharing.
