Abstaining

Today is day three of abstaining from masturbation.

I do not like the negative thoughts that arise in my mind as a result of.

Pornography made a huge negative impact on my thinking in this area.

I havent used pornography in over five months, and havent had sex in over six months.

All I'm trying to do is change what I feel are unhealthy thinking patterns to the opposite; healthy thinking patterns.

So today is day three! I think the longest I ever went without is about a week.

This is the masturbation thread, most people are discussing the pleasure they derive from partaking, I am simply typing about my experience with the forum topic and what I am doing with it. I am not saying that people masturbating are wrong, I am only typing about my experience with it, not preaching and judging.

Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to post in here "Day Four!" as it is really not an easy thing to abstain from.

May Love be yours,

OneLifeForm

 

good luck Onelife; you don't say why you're abstaining at 19, except behavioural change. There's no harm in jacking off - maybe it's the hedonistic aspect of wanking that you're objecting to.

After all it's a very solitary and maybe selfish sorta activity - what about sharing it with someone, boy or girl, in the form of sex. Then there's no porn (it's real and beside you) and it's no longer selfish or solitary - you're concentrating on giving someone else pleasure.

Just a thought.............

Simon :sunny:

 

I follow Buddhist teachings and a rule of thumb is to be free from all desire and attachment.

Masturbation is a breeding ground for desire, for myself. We are as humans biologically designed to have that urge to have sex, but for me it is one of those aspects of cyclic existence I don't mind going without if I can.

If I found someone I felt was decent enough to be a partner like that then I might be willing to partake in some vaginal intercourse. There are plenty of people who would like to have sex with me, doesn't mean I want to have sex with them though.

I don't want room for negativity in my mind. I'm just trying to practice what has worked for others.

If I find that I feel unhealthy after a while from abstaining then I will probably release myself from that unhealthy state. On the other hand (pun) hehe, if I felt I was doing better than I ever have through not masturbating then I certainly would not go back to it.

Thanks for commenting

lol A lot of people probably want nothing to do with this thread.

I will try to say "Day __" every day via posting here.

 

Day Four!

 

I was supposed to be having a sex date tonight with someone, and as the medication I'm on for epilepsy has a retardent side effect on reaching orgasm I always make sure to abstain from masturbating for a day or 2 beforehand, so as to promote the chance of reaching a climax, and to increase the sensation when it does actually happen.

I have now just received notification that he can't make it after all, so I can finally get down to it.

I know it's purely a psychological thing, but the more I know I must hold off, the more I yearn to indulge in a session.

 

I've been abstaining from porn and masturbation primarily as a means of increasing sexual desire. I try to masturbate only after an instance of actual sex, otherwise it's easy for me to get complacent and indulgent in some fantasy land. My sex life has improved as a result, and it forces me to try and pick up chicks.

But sometimes I also go through bouts of severe moodiness when I'm "backed up", so to speak.

 

A couple of things that I feel the need to comment on. I have studied with a Buddhist monk for a bit.

First off what is it with this egoistic need to tell everybody that you are not masturbating and how long you are abstaining. The Buddha also said that "Ascetecism is the highest form of vanity." A lama once told me that essentially you are not supposed to talk about your Meditation practice or you sexual practice as they are both very private things.

Second the Buddha also taught of "The Middle Path". That means the grey area between not masturbating or having sex at all and spending all of your time masturbating and having sex. There is a story of a man who spent long hours at a Buddhist temple and decided to stop eating meat. One day he said to one of the monks, "I feel so much more enlightened since I stopped eating meat." The monk then took him to Mc Donalds and bought him a Big Mac and told him to eat it. After he was done the monk asked him "Do you feel any less enlightened."

Third, it seems to me that you are trying to connect all of your negative feelings about love and sex to masturbation. That just seems to me to be misdirected energy. As for also abstaining from sex and only having vaginal when you think you are ready. Well to each his own but it seems to me the concept of "Right sexuality" means simply that everyone involved is giving consent and is not being harmed by said sex. If you believe that any thing but vaginal sex is exploitive then that is a selfish attitude since it doesn't take into consideration of your partners desires.

While I appreciate the quest for enlightenment it seems that your methods and thinking are a little misguided. I feel like you are using an interest in Buddhist Teachings as shield for your own unhealthy attitudes towards sex. The purpose of the teachings is to liberate you not to teach you how to build a more habitable jail cell.

Stay Brown,
Rev J

 

It's your choice and good luck to you.

 

First off Si69 was asking of my reasons for abstaining..

and what is the point of a forum titled Masturbation? It could be to talk about all aspects of Masturbation I suppose.

What is ascetic about what I am doing?
All I am doing is seeing if I feel comfortable with abstaining, as I have never done it for more than a week, and didn't even mean to for that week.
As for "egotistically" mentioning the length of times I abstain from things, it is kind of important for me to know, because I am a recovering drug addict and have a clean date; the first day I used no substances. So when I recognize something I'm doing that is unhealthy, such as drugs or porn and I make a conscious effort to stop, I need to know what day it is that I stopped. If I don't care about the length of time I have clean from drugs, I probably won't care too much about recovery either, and risk relapse.

People talk about what they feel comfortable talking about. In my motivation I felt, as I am a member of this site, that I should post what I posted to help keep me motivated in trying something new. Possibly relate with some other people or get some experience on the topic from another member.

I gave up meat for a number of months to see how I would feel. I then decided to try it again, ate some organic raised buffalo. It tasted alright as in the past, but that was the last time I ate meat because I feel better with what I am doing foodwise as a vegetarian. The only way I figured that out was to try something new for a while, which is what I am doing by not masturbating. Call it ascetic if you want to, but as an idividual, I decide what makes up my middle path.

As I stated in posts above I am doing it just to see what I feel like. If I feel it is of no benefit, then I won't abstain. If I feel great abstaining I will continue abstaining.

Well most Buddhists I know and the things that I have read, have said that anything but vaginal intercourse is not acceptable. The Dalai Lama has taught groups of homosexuals in San Francisco and other areas and they told him they were upset about the texts saying that anal and oral were unacceptable.
The texts were written along time ago likely by a man who was heterosexual.
He said that he himself cannot change the texts but that a council would have to amend it if they felt it necessary.

Whatever the individual feels comfortable doing, I like being with women, so I would probably have vaginal intercourse, if I found a partner that I liked and wanted to be with. As far as oral and things of that nature, I enjoy giving and receiving, I just don't want to get to a point where I'm back to being completely obsessed and worshipping a female instead of focusing on bettering myself through walking a spiritual path.

My negative thoughts about sex only arise through masturbation after I had for a decent length of time watched women get degraded in pornography. That was my choice to do that, and it is my choice to change if I feel it necessary.
I don't like thinking negative thoughts like that, so I'm going to try and change my patterns of thinking in that area by cultivating positivity similar to how I have changed other areas of my thinking.

So my continuing masturbating the way that I had would only lead to more negative thoughts and delusions and that wouldn't get me to any point that I'd like to be spiritually such as the liberation you were typing about.

Thank you for commenting.

 

I'd say good luck OneLifeForm, but I don't believe in luck. However I do wish you the sentiment. I have done this myself for very long periods of time, obstaing from all forms of sexuality. More as a means to focus on other aspects of myself and as a way to assess need vs desire. Separating needs from desire can be a very rewarding task, as what's left in the end is all one needs to simply be. If nothing else it's humbling.

Re-evaluating one's sexuality can be a healthy thing, but remember, we are sexual beings. To deny yourself of sexuality altogether is to deny yourself from an aspect of yourself, to deny yourself from what you really are. Imagine a murderer who creates a split personality to blame the murder on, "I didn't do it, it was Bill." Bill and the murderer are the same person. You and your sexuality are one and the same, at least in this body.

I think that when you're done, you might find that practicing a healthy sex life is just as rewarding, and certainly more fun than denying yourself one. You cannot have a healthy sexuality without practicing being sexual.

Abstaining from sexual activity can be a great way though to change one's views on sexuality and a great way to see oneself more objectively. I wish you a great learning experience.

 

Thank you Lunar

No problems there, I am not trying to repress anything, just stopping for a while to see what's what. If I it doesn't feel right for me than I won't continue but if somehow it does than I will.

That is pretty amazing that you say that about Bill. I used to call my addiction, when I was lost in cocaine, Bill. I wrote a poem about it even, multiple poems actually but one main one referring to Bill.

The poem is called,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Die, you FUCK!

The only way to kill Bill is to not give him something else.

That's what he really wants, so you kill yourself.

The past week, I don't know, maybe two,
have been fucked up, and completely blown through.

The only time Bill is happy is when it's pay day,
then everything turns to may day,
after that it'll be a yay day.

I am also sick of feeding mouthes that don't need to be fed.
All it really does is block out their dread.
Some claim without it they can't get to bed.

I try telling myself I'm much stronger than that,
it always so happens to be after the fact.

There is no need for me to get high,
it doesn't change the way I see with my eye,
only leaves me wanting to scream why?

This poem I've written has given me more free will,
and extra realization that I need to kill Bill.

'Cause Bill is a bastard only bringing me down.
It'll seem I am happy when he is around,
but really my face wears only a frown.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I say pay day.. I used to sell drugs to support my substance abuse.

When I say may day.. I used to call the guy who really got me into blow may day, because his name was Adam so I just flipped it around into Mada (May Day.)

When I say yay day.. it is just putting a spin on the slang term for cocaine; yayo.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm just trying to grow healthy in all areas of my life.

Thank you for your well wishes

 

Interesting poem. I liked it. Personifying feelings, actions, and habits can be a great way to express our feelings about them.

 

So when I express my murder for you I can just say, "It was Bill heeheheh.."

 

Bravo, One Life Form! Keep it up....I mean, down!

All forms of sex are absolutely filthy and should be saved up and imposed on your one and only virginal love in the sanctified marriage bed!

 

Good luck man, I find this great to do something like this that not everyone would pertake in. I indulge in life and its beings, so I don't think id ever do this, nothing at all wrong with what your doing .

 

Thank you so much, your comments are extremely helpful.

...e-Sarcasm

 

OP, I do, for sure, see what you mean, about possible negative thought reinforcement with masturbation, especially to porn.

I'm not stopping, but cutting back, myself.

Delinquent, of course most sexual activity is fine. But alone, you can, for sure, move toward much less healthy patterns, especially with the internet available for porn 24/7....

 

i'll masturbate extra for you.

 

For sure man. Some porn is not negative at all, however that wasn't the porn I was watching

 

:sunny: