landscape changing before my eyes, goes from beauty to fabulous. waterfall, thundering the ocean turquiose, blue clear and transparent. on the rock throwing stones in water, rings. stone crush stone water against naked skin, air playing in my hair. i'm alive, you're far away, but yet close.
Cassiopeia,... I can feel the first 3 lines, (sanity) the 4th line is incredible because it goes from serenity to chaos! The next verse seems very inviting, yet defensive,... and in the end it brings peace....or does it question it? Beautiful!!!
It thrums. There's a madcap feel to much of it. A rush to joy. I like it because it begs to be shared...aloud. Changes? I'd experiment with page layout to see if some lines become even more electric when circuited differently: water fal l THun Der ing the ocean turquiose blue clear and trans par 'nt. Keep writing!
Ahhhhhhhh....not all the changes I made showed up correctly in the above example. Don't think the forum here has the ability to display the broken script I had envisioned. Worth a try though Write on!
hi guys how are you?? first thanks for supporting me!! it's really nice of ya both, so thank you very much...bobby i think you know in your heart that i got you on my mind when i wrote this..i really did.. i hope you don't get angry...to you question..i don't know if it's peace or not, at times i love to be alone other times i hate it..so..i'm not sure..the line just pumped up.. KIDDER!! thanks for the ideas of changes.. it was really nice of you. i got this poem written in a million way(or i though so), but your idea is original, i like it so thank you... bobby..did you come back for some reason to leave the last comment?? LUV YA GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *BiG HUG* to both of you...
Very nice, I liked it very much. I agree with what Bobby said in his first post, though not with kidder...I wouldn't change a thing! haha, write on sister.
thanks, ramblin' man i'm glad you liked it..i'm still working on my poems..so maybe i'll change this one day..or maybe not, it's a little tale of love..i guess..lol..hopefully no one's going angry now what?? lol..
