amazing new discovery <3

ok this is brilliant, just for shits and giggles really- it may be more for the ladehs but not as a rule- brian had a good chuckle to it last night-
just sharing some love my pretties

her name is obnoxious owl and this is her fantastic blog - its not her fault shes australian though

http://www.obnoxiousowl.com/

heres a snippit of her brilliance


Take my advice...I don't use it anyway HOMME Part 10



FOR BOYS ONLY


IF YOUR HAIR IS RECEDING, SHAVE THE BASTARD - Embrace nature and go with it. There is nothing worse than the stench of desperation from a man trying to hang on to his last 5 strands. It just means you have more testosterone anyway...i.e. it means you are more manly. Channel Kelly Slater and take the shears to that bad boy.

SINGLETS AND TANK TOPS ARE NOT 'GOING OUT' ATTIRE - Yes yes, your muscles look very lovely, but could you please stop tryna compete with the bitches with the barely there tops? It's just all way to much pectoral muscles for one evening.

AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT - PLEASE LOSE THE 'FUNNY' SLOGAN T-SHIRTS - I once saw this guy wearing a shirt that had a picture of a dog on it with the words 'Pussy Chaser' emblazoned above it. I'm guessing homeboy had a wank on his own that night, and used said t-shirt to mop up after himself.

ONLY TEENAGERS AND BOYS THAT THINK THEY ARE MEN SEND TEXT MESSAGES - Call her for God's sake.

DON'T ASK HER TO SEND YOU DIRTY PHOTOS - It's just all a bit strange. Try youporn.com - tell 'em I sent ya.

IF YOU LIKE A GIRL, THEN DON'T BE HOOKING UP WITH OTHER BROADS - She will find out and your chances will be ruined. RUINED.

SAYING THINGS LIKE 'SIT ON MY FACE' OR 'NICE TITS' WILL NOT WORK OUT WELL FOR YOU - Actually, I would be VERY interested to know if you have ever said these things to a complete stranger and you got laid...please let me know.

JUST BEING IN A BAND WILL NOT MAKE ALL GIRLS FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU - So you have a mediocre job, smoke weed all day and night, are drunk most of the time, sex text other birds and never take a shower....oh but you're in band you say? Well in that case...

PLEASE AIM FOR THE TOILET BOWL WHEN YOU ARE RELIEVING YOURSELVES - It's not so much the pee on the seat that is disgusting, but more the little puddle you leave on the floor.

DO NOT GET HIGHLIGHTS - OK, SOME girls enjoy little blonde flecks in their boys hair. But those girls have no business here. This is coming from me and my homegirls, and I'm telling ya...we don't dig. It's not so much the look that bothers me, but more the mental image of you sitting in a hairdressers chair, reading Cosmo, sipping a latte all with little foil parcels all over your head. Hmmm....not that arousing.

OF COURSE WE LOVE THE TASTE OF YOUR MAN JUICE ... - Don't you?

TRY NOT TO ROLL OVER IN THE MORNING AND PROD US IN THE BACK WITH YOUR MORNING GLORY - Seriously. Just ask instead of poking us in the back with your willy like you are all manly with your big stick stoking the fire.

CHOOSING TITS OVER SUBSTANCE WILL BITE YOU IN THE ASS IN THE END - Those boobies will drop eventually, and when they do, you best hope she has more beer than foam going on in her head to keep you interested. And don't think that you can just go out and find some new tight ass, because a lot of things on you would have dropped by then as well.

THE FOLLOWING THINGS WOULD MAKE YOU A CHEATER: Sex texting another girl - better know as 'sexting', sending raunchy emails, asking another girl to send you raunchy emails and photos, phone sex, hitting on another girl when you are out and asking for her phone number and then sexting her and arranging to meet up - even if you don't meet up, you have been intimate. So just because you didn't get any pussy, doesn't mean you ain't a bad guy. So screw you and your fucking loop holes.

WE KNOW YOU HAVE TO SPIT BUT COULD YOU AVOID DOING THOSE BACK OF THE THROAT ONES IN FRONT OF US? - We aren't sure WHY you need to spit, but those back of the throat, sinus clearing winners are the most disgusting things ever and put us off you quite a bit.

KINDLY ASK US BEFORE YOU BLOW ON OUR TITS, FACE OR IN OUR MOUTH - A polite warning is the done thing you assholes. Ever tried prying your eye open that has been super glued shut with jizz? That's why we need the warning, so we can tilt our face in such a way that avoids our peepers. All we ask is for a heads up OK?

THOSE NOVELTY BELT BUCKLES ARE SO 5 YEARS AGO - And don't make it worse by tucking your t-shirt in a little in the front to show the bloody thing off. Get over it.

SOMETIMES, YOUR FRIENDS GIRLFRIENDS ARE COWS - Seriously. Girls are more sly than you think - look at your mother for Gods sake. We know how to manipulate and the subtlety of our nastiness reaches new heights daily. When you introduce your girlfriend to your friends, do not just assume that their birds will automatically be her friend. Just because they have a vagina and she is has a vagina and they straighten their hair and she straightens her hair that they will be chums - it just ain't the case. They will be cold, frosty downright bitches but in front of you and their boyfriends they will be sweet as cherry pie, so that when your girlfriend complains about them, SHE comes off as the difficult one because you have yet to pay witness to their fucking rudeness. This doesn't always happen but believe me, it happens more often than not. So hold her hand, check up on her, ween her into the group. Girl politics eh? Who fucking needs it.

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, SIT WITH THE BOYS AND TELL THEM THAT ALL WE DO IS NAG - We're just sitting with our friends anyway telling them how when you finger bang us sometimes, you twist your fingers like you are trying to squeeze the juice out of an orange and you stupidly think we love it. So it's an even trade I guess.

Why do you all have to be so damn cute x

xx

 

That shit is pretty fuckin hilarious. It had me LOLing quite a bit

 

youre a good bf

 

I try, baby:tongue:

 

our pda is gonna make everyone sick. shall we talk dirty to make it extra nice?

 

Whatever you like, hotness

 

troll. changing this to a chat thread. let do this bitch

 

That was pretty funny, but there was a lot of truth in there too. Good read.

 

Really? No early morning surprises?

 

she is indeed funny. theres a good piece she wrote for boys on how to give a girl head. the proper way- i suggest anyone interested has a gander

 

ill poke you in the back. with purple

 

hahaha That's a no-go:tongue:

 

ill do it alright- and youll like it

 

I'll have to get kinda rough with you, if you try to do that

 

how rough?

 

You'll receive a pleasantly painful punishment:tongue:

 

its too pink for me to read.

 

I checked out this chicks blog..and I really like it. Thanks for the new find.

 

I always thought that about men's hair loss... shaving it off makes you look so much younger anyway.

 

I aint diggin my Friar tuck either, Buzzed since 91' and it's not just the weed.

As long as ya'll stop asking us to pick up your tampons on the way over it's a deal.

Maybe you should go there and get an assortment to send when asked? I think there's a Granny porn section, the question wont keep coming up then.

Chances of what??

"Nice tit's" has in fact worked on a few occasions, but they also involved lot's of other substances beyond my simple charm factor.

Works just fine until Girls become Women and they discover the Joy's of 'nice things"

You try peeing while standing up and get back to me on how easy it is.

Dont date Gay men and it wont be an issue.

Thats called payback for consistently trying to warm your cold feet on the backside of my Calves at 2 or 3 in the morning... Cope

The same can be said for choosing Money over Substance.

Uh oh, they're onto our exit strategy!! Guy's it's back to constant ass picking and ball scratching!!

Seriously now, if you would stop stopping to ask if we were almost finished we wouldn't have this problem now would we??

See now, theres something you could be informing us of instead of nagging us in effigy about.

Cuz' we cant all look like this Guy,