Another love advice thread.

Ahhh I'm so heartbroken right now

I did something really bad which is kind of out of my element because I normally wouldn't do it. I peeked through my bf's cell phone while he was in the shower earlier. I feel guilty for doing it, and would never do it unless I was suspicious like I kinda have been lately.

Him and his ex have been an issue for me since I've met him.. he would still talk to her and see her while we were talking. Well ever since he made things "official" not that long ago, he said he is done with her and he wants to move on from the past. But she would still talk to him and stuff and he would still talk to her.

So anyways, I look through his phone and find texts from his ex saying that she has dreams about them being back together and all this fuckin shit, and apparently according to the texts messages they call each other at certain times in the morning (which explains why my bf wakes up super early all the time to leave my house)


I REALLY want to say something to him, because I am really hurt and do not want to continue things if he wants to be with her.. but if I say something to him he's going to be really mad that I looked through his phone (which he should be)

What do yins think I should do? And how should I confront him?

 

I say you just deal with what you know.. because if you say something.. it could go to shit... and personally i wouldn't trust you around my personal stuff had i known you were going through my personal items

 

Ughh, I know.. thats why I don't want to tell him I was snooping.


But I dont want to keep this shit going on. It's really hurting me.

 

I'd talk to him honey.
I had the pretty much same thing happen with my current boyfriend. I was drunk and looked at his phone and found all these inappropriate messages. At first I thought I should keep my mouth shut because I was in the wrong for snooping, but if you are upset, harboring those feelings could be detrimental to your relationship. If you think you can let these feelings go, then keep your mouth shut, but if it's really bothering you, be honest and own up that you were snooping because you were suspcious and finding shit like that gives you all the right to be suspcious honestly. I'm sorry honey, it hurts reeeeallly bad to stumble upon things like that.

 

don't exactly say that you know what's going on... just do something along the lines of "have you and you ex really finished things off, it's been bothering me"

see if he tells the truth

 

i dunno what to tell ya.. i guess just bring it up in casual conversation.. not the snooping.. but if she has still been calling him.. and if he asks why.. mention the facts that worry ya? like the leaving early in the morning for unknown reasons.. etc

 

So you think I should say something? I really really want to. I want this shit sorted out. I really don't think I can keep my mouth shut any longer given how long this has really been going off and on.

Was your bf pissed whenever he found out you were snooping? I know mine will be, and I won't really know what to say about doing it.

 

Ya, I think I might try and be subtle like that, but if he lies (which he probably willl) then I won't know what to say.

 

if he's not pissed.. then he's nothing worth being with.. because he's an obvious pushover and has no backbone

 

He's going to be pissed. I know it. He's going to be REALLY angry. Thats the only thing thats keeping me from texting him. But what he's doing to me is way worse

 

also.. have you thought maybe you're not ready for a relationship? i mean.. exs talk all the time.. i keep in contact with a couple of my exs.. doesn't mean shit.. but if you are having this paranoia.. maybe you just arent mentally ready for another relationship for whatever reason

 

Don't feel bad, I don't know many women that are in a committed relationship that wouldn't have done what you did, every chick I've been in a relationship with has done this. When your in a committment you sorta lose that privacy and he left his phone out your curiousity got the best of you and you found something you didn't like. You should confront him about it now so you don't bottle it up inside and end up resenting him later.

 

Yeah, my boyfriend was pretty angry at first. But he also said that he has nothing to hide and gave me an open invitation to look through his phone/ talk to him whenever I have any doubts. butthat open invitations pretty much worked as a "make me feel bad for snooping" invitation, and I haven't looked through his phone since haha

 

Believe me.. it's not like that.
He tries telling me its like that but I know its not. I mean some of those texts I found on his phone are not things that friends say to each other. Plus he COMPLETELY keeps it from me. Completely lies to me and denies that he talks to her at all now. If he would just tell me "Yeah hey every once in awhile we chat on the phone blah blah" then I wouldn't care.. but he doesn't.

 

I'm not gonna look through his phone ever again. I feel so bad for doing it!


I think I'm gonna try to get ahold of him noww.. ahhh I'm scared haha

 

then just air it out... its not a relationship worth keeping

 

Eric's right, but there are different levels of "talking to your ex". What Sara's describing sounds pretty shady, calling an ex at the same time every morning and wishing they were back together and all that is straight up innappropriate.

 

wow that really sucks, sara. i'm sorry to hear it. if i were you i'd try to catch in the act. you said he calls at the same time everyday?

 

Snooping is awful, but I feel it is justifiable based on intuition and if your partner is being shady and won't talk with you. I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me by reading her email, even after I repeatedly asked her if she was foooling around and to just come clean. I'd go with your gut