Anyone here living with someone with bipolar disorder/serious mental illness?

I recently tried to move in with my girlfriend who has severe bipolar I. She got really quiet in the middle of the day a few days ago, and within a few hours she was having a total breakdown (yelling at people in the subway, asking police officers if they can get her to Europe because she has no money...) and it was really frightening to see. She's always very eccentric, but I've never seen her so uncomfortable before... she was crying, then I started crying because I was so afraid for her. She also said she wasn't in love with me anymore.

Anyway, she ended up going to the emergency room and called me later that night... apologized for everything she said, told me she still loved me, all of that... she sounded much more grounded. We're planning on moving back in as soon as she gets out of the hospital.

I'm not going to leave her (if anything, I love her even more, having been through this), but I was hoping some others could share experiences they've had with a loved one/spouse with bipolar disorder or another serious mental illness. How do you deal with all the sudden shifts and changes the person goes through, even daily?

 

i live with myself, usually

and my twin sister who is an intense bipolar psychopath

 

Does she often "turn" on family/loved ones, and get accusatory, angry, or delusional? Does she change suddenly and unexpectedly? Get really, really dramatic?

 

is paranoid a big enough subject? If it is then i am in this apple cart too he he he

 

bubbler, what the fuck are you talking about?

I'm just gonna be straight and honest- I asked specific questions in this post and got two people giving me totally useless responses.

Seriously, if you don't have anything productive to say about any of this, just don't answer... reading your stupid bullshit replies is a waste of my time.

 

I'm bi-polar. I turn on my family and friends when things go wrong. I hate doing it, but its almost impossible to control. Its just like, you can be so happy one minute, then something goes down, and almost everything bad thats happened starts tearing away at your mind.. Thats when I get all quiet, then you just explode. The people you care about the most are there trying to tell you to chill, or trying to understand, but you feel alone and lost and hopeless.
I've ruined many good friendships, and relationships with my horrible mood swings, it hurts really bad. I've cussed out my little sister, and been a total dick to my parents.
I've even gotten violent sometimes, or just not been able to move for a day just becasue everything is too much.
It really sucks.

 

I've lost most of my friends recently, becasue my condition has worsened a lot over the last six months, becasue I've had lots of bad stuff go down (I got robbed, jusmped, car wreck, shoplifing case, DUI, two failed relationships, gotten STD, lost job all since October) Nobody is really willing to deal with it except my family, and even they dont really understand most of the time. Forgivness is the absolute key. Please try to understand that the mood swings and crazyness are beyond her control. Try your hardest to be there for her, and make her know you love her.
I used to self medicate with weed, and it helped a whole lot, but now Im on probation and broke, and since I cant do that, I've really become quite eccentric.

 

I don't personally live with someone with mental illness however, my best friends mom has Bi-polar and M.P.D and I've been around her plently and talked with him about life with her a good amount.

For the most part the woman is an absolute doll, just as kind and loving and funny as could be. But yes, with her illness she does have triggers that can send her into episodes that are not so pleasant. Sometimes it can be something as simple as a scary movie for her.

She's much more stable now for several reasons. First, she takes her medication regularly. Second, she sees a psychologist twice a month just to talk about everything that's been going on with her and to get advice on how to better handle her symptoms. Third, she has moved into an all organic and healthier diet. She previously used to eat alot of junk food and things high in sugar and fats. She believes in "healthy body, healthy mind". Lastly, she has begun practicing Buddhism and the meditation practice has helped her gain more control and peace of mind.

As for living with someone with it, my friend just just takes a step back from the situation every time she has en episode or mood swings. It was not allowing oneself to take things that she said or did personally because she can become extremely angry or depressed or sad or hyper etc. In those moments he basically just has to see its the disease and not the person and just to make sure she never did anything to hurt herself. For example if she became depressed he just had to watch her and if necessary take her to see a doctor. When she gets manic she is sometimes prone to behaviors that aren't always appropriate in public, sho he just had to watch her and let her know if she was doing something that wasn't okay or take her out of the situation if necessary.

Basically he was her son, but in the moments the disorder took over, he had to become a caretaker as well and look out for her health. It's what you have to do with anyone with any illness. Love them for who they are, but when their illness is beginning to interfere you have to do what any caretaker does, look after their health and state of being while at the same time not letting it get to you personally.

Peace.

 

Thanks for that, Archane.

It sounds really difficult to deal with, I'm so sorry!

So, even when you turn on your family or friends, do you still know deep down that you love them? Maybe not in the moment, but afterward?

And C.D. I appreciate what you said, that's really good advice- I just need to recognize that it's not her, it's her illness.

I'm totally willing to stand by her; I want to be there for her. Most of the time she's so cute and lovey, but when she gets like this I guess I do just need to take a step back emotionally and not let it be personal to me... but I do need to take care of her as well. We haven't been dating all that long so we'll see how things get, but right now I feel like I'm up for everything.

 

Sometimes it feels like I don't love them, then after its over, I feel so horrible about it and am love them more than ever.

In relationships, its the same, I lose all my love, then once my depression or anger has subsided, I love them more than ever, almost too much. Its like my love is the same as the disorder, all over the place.

Then, theres times, when I'm completely stable, rational and normal. I can look back and see how crazy I was acting, and I just wonder why the hell I ever reacted that way and think I wont ever do it again. Then it just happens. Its very strange.

What C.D. said about the movies is true, like a love movie can make me super depressed when Im single, and send me into a bad episode for days. Other times, I can have like three of more major mood swings in a day.

If she really does love you, and you are willing to stick it out with her, that is a very wonderful thing. A caring, forgiving partner I would say is the best thing for my Bi-polar disorder, becasue no matter how bad everything else is, if you are there for her, she will always have that to hold on to, and when her episodes are over, you will be the most comforting thing in the world to her.

I'm sure its hard to put up with us, most of my relationships with friends and family are dominated by me appologizing for going so crazy the night before. Its really frustrating, because I am capable of being rational and seeing how insane I act toward my friends, even though I never wanted to be that way.

I wish I could meet a girl who was like me, because I really understand how hard it is, and she could understand me instead of being freaked out by my moods. =/

 

You will likely find in time that the constant repeating of that cycle is too much, and you will look for a way out.

Wether you want to call it a disorder, an illness or just a quirk, doesn't really matter. What matters is that you find a path through life that matches who you are as closely as possible...

For some people part of that is with doc prescribed meds, some with self prescribed ones, some is therapy, some is a love, some is a combo of some or all of them... But none ever stay themselves and make it past the repeating cycle of fucking up and apologizing until they find the path that isnt constantly putting themselves in a conflict position.

The people around you that can't (or won't) understand what you are going through... are not your problem... unless of course you keep letting it be one...

CherokeeMist... first off, keep in mind, that her problems are not yours, and if you choose to continue your relationship with her, you had damn well better make sure you aren't expecting unending gratitude from her...

No matter what you put up with for the sake of your relationship or love for her, keep in mind that she is actually experiencing it first hand and is not making concious choices at all times... This part here;

suggests that you don't quite grasp whats going on.

These are not permanent shifts in personality. These are shifts in mood, sometimes so drastically that the personality can seem to change, but it doesn't... (if it does, that is another issue seperate from bi-polar disorder). When going though either an up or down swing, we do not change our minds about who we love or like, we lose sight of why it matters, but only while the shift is going on. The biggest problem that is faced, is that people don't realize this and assume that when a person is in the depths of depression and says something like "I don't love you anymore" there is more of a chance they are saying that out of some misguided attempt to 'save' YOU from dealing with their problems then actually meaning they don't love you anymore. It's a temporary thing, that as we return to a more 'normal' state, we wish had never happened, and being with someone that doesn't make us feel like we need to apologize for it is a HUGE thing.

Think of it this way... do you expect a paralyzed person to apologize for inconviniencing you by them being in a wheelchair?

If you choose to stay with her... your single biggest need will be acceptance and patience.

Just try to make sure that if you do, that you don't stay beyond where you start losing yourself to her issues or that if you do, that you don't blame her for doing it to you, because it is your choice.

 

I have bi-polar also and I have lived with someone who also had it, my grandma, and I would say she is worse than me to a point where she is a sociopath becasue she is a lair, controll freak, and never takes her medicine. Im happy i dont live with her becasue i would end up killing her becasue i have threatend to kill her before. I also find her ignorant becasue she refuses to take her meds and I ended up writing her an angry letter telling her to go to a hospital or at least go through some kind of self intervention and to take her damn medicine. When i deal with my bi-polar episodes I like to have my space from people and i somewhat become a dissociative asshole becasue im constatly angry, stressed out, and psycopathic and thats usally my depressive states in my manic states whitch i really hate more than depressive becasue i become a sex crazed maniac(possible rapist) but i never act out on it fourtonalty, I also end up wanting to buy everything in the mall, and I would feel like beating people with a stick for no reason but thats another thing that i am able to restrict myself from doing, and the worst thing that I get in a manic episode is gran mal sezures and other types of sezures. I am also a dissociative asshole in this state also. I take medicine for it and they all work execpt they cant help me for very long and I have to constantly change the doses and switch them out.

 

^^ I feel ya ^^

 

ChronicTom, thanks for your reply, it was really insightful.

I've told her since the episode that she doesn't need to apologize, and that I wasn't upset AT her but only for her because she was so obviously distressed. This was my first time dealing with an episode firsthand.

Her ups and downs are severe and I totally understand what you're saying about patience and acceptance... this is what I'm trying to do. I don't in any way blame her for making me feel the way I did that day, because I know that if I don't want to deal with it, I don't really have to... I just care about her and want to be there for her.

 

I just wanted to let you know that I think you're a very strong guy. I'm not diagnosed with anything other than pretty severe anxiety but that's because I'm an excellent actress. I have never had the strength to tell a doctor the real truth and thanks to my knowledge I know how to fake around everything and get away with them not knowing. (Yeah, please don't get on my case.)

I know I'm not bi-polar. However, I'm pretty damn sure I have a horrid personality disorder. I do have a wonderful strong boyfriend, and consider myself insanely lucky (as your lady is) who loves me for who I am, no matter what. I have mood swings, not quite the bi-polar type.. but still. Eating disorder, my pain pills are more important than anything, random depression, sometimes I'm just fine but other times I'm so... dead. I'm insanely random, which often leads to bad decision.. (sometimes not so bad, but I did buy the first car I saw, and still don't regret it, ha.) I feel like everyone hates me (okay, I KNOW they do) and I constantly think that people are going to leave me. Especially my boyfriend. Which I'm sure is annoying.. but he handles it oh so well.

Anyway.. I know it seems crazy in itself to not want to admit this to my psychologist or therapist. I just started going to a therapist I connect with, so maybe one day I will. I know it's easy to think that if I was this bad, someone would notice.. but I am very sick in other ways (just a long story..), so there is always a random excuse that everyone buys. Then I'm being treated with so much medication for everything.. I'm on an insane handful of pills (real great, I know) that half of what I feel is totally masked most of the time.

I am TRYING to get help though.. and with the support of my man I am doing the best I have ever done in my entire life. I feel a lot less empty and such. Love does that.

 

Thanks a lot bluedragonfly, that meant a lot to me

I actually can relate because I went untreated for severe depression and anxiety for about 4 years which left me very isolated from those around me... it's so frustrating to know that you're suffering but for some reason, you can't say anything and no one around you seems to notice! Finally I went to the hospital and met a wonderful group of people who are still great supports. It was actually in the hospital that I met my girlfriend. I also was loaded up on several meds, at one point I was on two antidepressants, a mood stabilizer, an antipsychotic, and anti-anxiety

Now I'm just on the antidepressants and also Neurontin (for anxiety), and feeling much much much more like my old self.

 

My lady gets seasonal depression every winter. It is definitely a process separating her illness from her personality.

 

I refuse to take any of the mind zombie medications. Maybe they would help me be more 'normal', but I wouldnt be myself. >.<

 

As someone else pointed out, it's very important not to lose yourself in your desire to help your partner.

I once dated a girl with serious issues related to her bipolar disorder. We were together for 3 years, during that time she was hospitalized 5 times for suicidal tendencies, to say nothing of the ceaseless battles we fought to keep her grounded and safe. I poured myself 1000% into protecting her, that was my highest priority above all, and I paid some steep prices for my choices, prices I'm still paying 5 years later.

Do everything in your power to help the person you love, but be careful not to be consumed by the illness or else it ceases to be healthy for either of you. But that's one of the hardest things to do, finding that line and deciding whether to cross it or not

 

Bring her her meds on a satin cushion. Tell her you love her at random times. Try it when she attacks. Try no to take an attack personally, without dismissing an outburst as a hormone induced trivial thing that will pass. Join a support group.