Here's the scenario: You and your boyfriend/girlfriend have only been together for about 5 months. The relationship is definatly heading in the direction of being a serious one. So your bf/gf has a best friend of the opposit sex, lets call this "friend of the opptosit sex" Alex. Alex is having a few close friends over to spend the night and party. It's Alex's 18th birthday. So your bf/gf is invited to spend the night at Alex's place, and your not. Are you okay with your bf/gf spending the night with Alex and various other people when you arent thier? Some key facts here are: 1. Alex and your bf/gf once upon a time had a "love interest, but never hooked up" 2. You and Alex do not get along at all. 3. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is completly trust worthy, but your just not comfortable with it. So your bf/gf doesnt respect the fact that your not comfortable with it, so he tells you he is most likely going to this party, regardless of how you feel about it. So the question is would you stay with a person who doesn't respect how you feel? *This is a thread my best friend requested me to post for her, as she does not have internet access right now. Personally, I don't think I could stay with someone like that. I don't know if this is just me or what, but if this situation was flipped around, and I was invited to a party and my b/f wasnt okay with me going, then I would respect that, becuase his feelings mean more to me than some stupid party. But my relationships are a bit more mature than this, I don't involved in bullshit highschool problems. So what do you think? I appreciate any help/advice/opinions you guys have to offer. Thanks.
I'd tell my hypothetical GF that I wouldn't be cheating on her, so what's the big deal? Any further resistance would only make me respond with something along the lines of, "It's my life, not yours. I will do what I will within the bounds of reason and morality." And for the record, my best friend IS of the opposite sex. If I ever end up in a relationship (ever hopeful), and my GF tried to limit the time I could spend with my best friend, I'd probably tell her to get over herself. If she continued to make a big deal about it, I'd just end the relationship. Let's just say I value my friendships just as much as a relationship. Heh, and I wonder why I'm still single....
i can understand someone being uncomfortable with this but it is selfish to put that ahead of your partner's life. why should anyone not let their partner have fun? as long as they are faithful
There is no way that I would allow it. One, they had some sort of relationship in the past and two you are not invited. That would tell me something right there. I would say if the other person is that damn important that you have to go there while I'm left out then be with them. Thats just me though.
i think id be more annoyed by not having the invitation extended to me.... imean, you extend an invite to both parts of hte couple usuallyl. to do otherwise is just rude, unless its a one-gendered sleep over. aftert hat, id let me worries be known but id at lesat give them the opportunity to prove that they are tustworthy, not just expect that theyll do something sketchy before they even get a chacne
1.) If you trust you bf/gf then what is the issue? 2.) Your friend may want to look at herself in this situation. Is she jealous or insecure? Because if she trusts her boyfriend than there shouldn't be a problem. My husband has went on several "retreats" with his female colleagues that I was not invited to and I never had an issue with it. I am also not friends with any of them. The bottom line is that my husband knows that to cheat will result in a divorce. I have been down that road with my ex and refuse to go down it again. However, after making the consequences know I don't dwell on it. Not much reason to.....I figure if someone is going to cheat then they are going to cheat. It is a monumental waste of my time and emotion to constantly police their behavior.
I would say NO. It is not a trust issue, it is a respect issue. If your partner respects your feelings and you do not feel right about it then they should decline. People don't put up with the old friend of the opposit sex BS. I am not saying it can't happen but I personaly know way to many guys and girls who believed the other was just a friend. They are until you guys argue about something and alcohol is involved, they turn to thier friend and Next thing you know opps I never ment for it to happen. Do some research about how many people cheat. You may never trust anyone again. Not to say that everyone cheats! It was a very sad wakeup call when I researched it last year. Regardless of what the issue is if your partner does not respect you feelings then why are you with them?
Personally, I comletly agree. And this is how my friend feels too, but all her boyfriend says to that is "Well why arent you comfortable with it in the first place?! You say you trust me, but obviously you don't" He doesnt quit understand where shes coming from... and I'm trying to help explain it to him too. So if anyone can think of a better way to help us explain this to him, that'd be great! You're totally right though, its not a trust issue its a respect issue. He needs to respect his partners wishes and he doesn't. I really love both my friend, and her boyfriend and I would hate to see them split up... but some things just can't be worked out I guess. I think her boyfriend stil has a good bit of maturing to do, aswell.
I would question why he felt the need to limit my freedom of movement. It's not about respect so much as it is getting to the bottom of WHY EXACTLY he's asking me to do such and such, like not go to a party. Sorry, but this just reeks of co-dependence and ironically *lack* of respect for your partner if you ask them to do such a thing. Two people should be confident in their love for each other and as idealistic as that sounds, I expect nothing less. I've never had to deal with a situation like this in past relationships. I wonder why? They trusted me and I used *my* own discretion when it came to decisions like this.
ok 1st off its both about trust & respect if she trusts him let hoim go if she doesnt trust "alex" he needs to respectthat & either try getting her invited ort not go she needs to accept that alex is a freind & stop hating his freinds really figure out why sher hates hrer..its it the old romance that never took off? let it go igf theyre freinds as for the cheatting couple days ago my gf was spending the night at her freinds house.. a guy..& im talking to her & he falls asleep pretty much in her lap;.. i asked her if thered ever been anyuything besides friendship she said nope & that was that there was also an ex who dropped by & was tryin to get things going again she came right to me & told me honmnnestly that normaly she wouldnt have thought twice & wouldas just been with him but she pushed him away & came & told me about it there was no mistrust.. no wondering what might happen ..she went to sleep next to her freind..& i went to sleep miles away happy to know she had such good freinds she could trust ya all need to talk this out drop the fear & mistrust & be honnest & open & above all let eachother do what feels right without restrictions but with a full admittence & understanding of the consequences of those what if questions
He knows exactly why she isn't comfortable with it. This is just a guilt trip to get what he wants. Doing things that your patner is not comfortable with will end the relationship anyway. If he doesn't like to have this restriction, then he can move on. That is the way I look at it. Though, I want someone who would consider my feelings above that of one of their friends, its just part of being in a relationship. I to have known at least 5 couples that the oppisite sex "friend" became much more along the way. If it was a true friend they would invite your partner.
*update* After about four hours of fighting, last night, they came to the agreement that he won't stay the night, but he will attend the party. I still don't think he made this decision out of respect, I think he was just afraid of losing his women... and he was trying to appease her. And it worked. So who knows how thier relationship will work out in the longer run. However they did both agree to handle things a bit more maturely next time, so thats good. Well thanks for all of the advive and opinions everyone! They are greaty appreciated =) Peace and Love
I just had to ask because the whole thing creeped me out so much... I was in the exact same position and played the role of Alex... The part that really scared me is my name is Alex hahaha Although, it was a girl coming to my party that I almost had a relationship with before, and her b/f didn't like it.
Personally, no, I would never feel comfortable. I trust my girl with my life and I know she would never cheat on me, hell, I know she doesn't see any male other than me as anything more than an asshole speaking with his dick. But still, I would not approve of the situation and I would be honestly hurt if my girl didn't respect that.
