Ok. This post is my last attempt to rescue myself from the trenches of depression and angst for the night. I understand that the American diet is not a healthy one. I understand that obesity rates are at an all-time high. I understand that being overweight is unhealthy because of high cholesteral, high blood sugar and/or whatever else. I understand that many overweight people eat alot and have sedentary lifestyles. But please, for the love of science, PLEASE stop grouping all of us in this category. I know it's a real strain to think, but please take the time to differentiate the difference between those of us who are big because it is part of our natural form and those who are big because they're lazy and/or obsessed with food. No, I'm not making excuses for myself or rationalizing any issues. I'm sick of ths bullshit because I am one of those heavy-set individuals who is constantly picking up the tab for the other half. I used to act and plus-size model. Ruben would have adored me. My waist-hip ratio is well in the healthy range. I'm not a virgin, have dated many people and continue to do so. (It might seem like an unnecessary fact, but it astonishes how many big girls out there have barely even kissed another human.) Not only have I been told that I wear my weight well, but I also know it... on a good day. Yet, ever since 9th grade when I lost weight and couldn't break the 200 mark, I've had my fingers down my throat. My doctor never made me go on a diet or anything because he a.)didn't want me to develop an eating disorder, b.) I didn't have any health problems, nor any obesity-related problems and c.) according to my doctor, that was my ideal weight. Yes, my medical advisor told me my ideal weight was above average, being that I could do physical activity (I could out-run all my skinny friends) and ate a reasonable diet, well, later on. I didn't have any health problems until I became bulimic. The whole diet was my idea and was not administered as treatment. I'm usually self-conscious about everything I eat, even though my friends usually say I eat less than them. I feel guilty for eating what most people call a "normal" diet. I'm in treatment now, and the purging's more sporadic, but what amounted to this self-destruction was the fact that people assume that all big people are lazy compulsive eaters. Even when I was a fat little kid being made fun of, my food intake was normal. I'm sorry, I know that people like to downplay the "small percentage" of healthy big people out there to the point where it seems mythical, but we DO exist and we're fucking tired of your bullshit. It's been a long while since I was called fat or discriminated against, but I still hate it when people act as though size is something which can be entirely manipulated. People have an ideal weight which is ideal for their frame. Period. In my opinion, even those who are fat because of their diet or activity level still don't deserve to face the discrimination they deal with today. It's cruel to target any group of people like that for whatever reason. It might seem contradictory due to what I've said in the post, but I really do believe this. However, I'm tired of being lumped in a stereotype with them when we're not habitually alike. What pisses me off is that when I finally got closer to the cultural ideal, my health waned. I was much better off not caring about my weight and just being normal. Even now, after recovering a significant amount and not having my head in the toilet all the time while still coping with anxiety, I know I'd still be better off accepting my body rather than admonishing it for being a freak of nature. It would be alot easier if I didn't have the creeping paranoia of the mainstream perspective. It's alot easier to say "fuck 'em all" than it is to actually apply it to sensitive areas. So yeah. Knock it off.
Your main battle is what's going on inside your head- not your body... without tending to one there's no chance of coming to terms with the other. Emotional gate keeping is a severely underrated art and I strongly urge you to work on it. To sum it up as concisely as I can- people who would make assumptions about your character based on your physical appearance aren't worth the time and energy to be depressed about. Not everyone who doesn't fit physically into a supermodel mold can blame their dietary choices. Unhelpful negative energy is not at all helpful and people who force such garbage on you are saying something about their own character that is less than flattering. Nothing about life is in reality a destination- as life itself is an ongoing series of journeys and segues. Every experience can furnish something a body can gain strength, wisdom, and insight- not only about the world and people in general but about themselves. If you must process the negativity at all take it as the impetus for you finding hidden inner strength to deal with challenges. Your physical and emotional struggles are a training ground for dealing with problems that are mileposts along the journey that awaits you. Overcome this demon and you will be more than equal to what awaits you. Peace.
Well Blinkie, Out of curiosity I checked to see if you had any pics posted. Too my surprise you did. I was pleasently surprised to see a damn hot lady. Take it from an old fat guy. Don't worry about it, we all can't be anorexic pencil people. Curvy women rock.................
hi, i am not obese or any thing, chubby maybe but i get what your saying about being big and healthy and i agree with you.... but i still like muscles.... they're good for lifting stuff....
