At what age did you completely lose respect for your parents?

I'm 24 and my sister is 21 and we have sort of come to a mutual agreement that our parents are kind of pathetic. They're argumentative, difficult to deal with, able to turn the smallest incidents into epic fights. I know it sounds like it might be us, but I'm kind of over losing my temper and making a big deal of things...and yet it doesn't change a thing. I stay cool, I take responsibility when I need to, but they still always find an excuse to try to bicker and nag at me. My sister is pretty much the same, although she cries sometimes, which gives them good excuses to call her a drama queen.

I'm just hoping its something to do with menopause as opposed to the fact that I'm now grown up enough to see what they are really like.

One thing that does redeem them is the fact that they never take responsibility for anything, and thus its always been up to my Sister and I to grow up and try to smooth things out by changing our own behaviour.

 

Never, it seems my parents are completely different than yours.

 

dad when I was nine, still have respect for mom

it's hard to hold respect for a retarded, narcissistic, mildly sociopathic, cripple.

 

They probably are.

 

I haven't lost a respect yet. I know they are not perfect, but they're still my parents. I do respect them.

 

I've always had the greatest respect for my parents.

 

I've lost some respect for my dad but for the most part I still have respect for both of my parents.

 

eace:Bummer - most people who find their parents to be jerks come around in their twenties to realize they are just people who are trying to cope - and have fucked up problems worse than you do. Hope it's an age related thing. I never could totally understand where my mom was coming from but my dad was a God to me. I loved them and respect them even if they may at times be screwed up.

Give it a little more time. Dudley

 

you know, as often as I hear people say shit like this, I am really becoming used to it

and, you are probably talking to face-eater, but, honestly, this offends me, because I know the things my dad copes with, and pretending it is an excuse for his behavior is disgusting.

when it serves his purposes to pretend to overcome his failings, he does, when it serves his purposes to revel in the depths of his weakness, he does


when he was in his thirties he did a 100 mile "marathon" in his wheelchair, he overcame his handicap, because it served as a means by which to receive the attention he felt he deserved.

now, that he is no longer in a position to gain attention through overcoming (he would if it were effective, but it has ceased to be) he garners attention by bitching about how horrible life is for him.


it is not that he cannot fix his failings, it is not that he can not deal with them, it is that he chooses not to because it's easier. That is the real problem, and, to dole out excuses is simply to encourage the persistence of disgusting behaviors, and to enable people to choose to never take responsibility for themselves.

yeah, I've inherited some of his failings, but I make an effort to overcome them, as is my responsibility as an adult.

some motherfuckers just need to grow the fuck up.

 

Whoa - Lot of bitterness there. Don't let it screw you up. Rage is a bitter poison that can eat you alive. Forgive him man - he doesn't have to be your buddy - you don't even have to like him. Hate doen't hurt him - only you. - Sorry about the sermon - Dudley eace:

 

there is actually no rage there, but a shift in my manner is a very effective way in which to force ideas through

a gentle delicate conversation is good for a great many things, but, emotional gravitas is something that lends a quality often lacked by sterile language, and, sometimes is required to get a point accross in a more polite fashion


if I were to have written more cooly, and said that I felt that your perspective was absurd, it would not have carried the gravitas of the strong, and, yes, typically emotional language I used.


life is a mechanism, and, at times, it's variables might need to be invoked ut of context to simplify matters


that post would have been many times longer to establish gravitas it has, instead gained through emotional dialogue.

nice try though

and cute peace sign, what it removes in credibility from your posts, it adds a nice aesthetic motif.


edit: I should also say, all poisons have their place. often in antivenoms.

 

My parents are happy, healthy, wealthy and close to retirement. Their lives are better than they have been in decades. They're not deep enough to feel any sort of discontent, and they are quite happily in love with each other.

They really just don't care about their relationship with their children. They know that having a relationship with the, feels like hell, but we are not worth enough to them to make even slight changes. They even said it to me straight out, "We're not going to change because we don't have to". Its hard not to resent parents with this attitude.

Really, my parents are just spoilt and lazy, and think that supporting us financially while we grew up was enough, and that we should be eternally grateful. I would give away my entire private school education (which I eventually quit to go to a better public school anyway) just to feel understood, or to have a night with my parents that does not involve yelling at me for spilling water on the floor.

 

but..... they spent good money on that floor....


<this is a joke>

 

Of course. The floor is everything. So are the walls and the car.

I was played a joke on at work the other day. Somebody told me that I had left my handbrake off in the car and that it had run into a pole. I believed them, but I didn't care. I just walked out without any emotion whatsoever expecting my car to have a huge dent, but I didn't panic or feel upset and wouldn't have even if it had turned out to be true...it was a joke of course so the car was fine!

I'm like this with everything. You could break anything of mine and I wouldn't care. I just don't care about "things" any more. If I have one thing to thank my parents for, its that I became tired of caring about "stuff" a long time ago.

 

We all view the world colored by our own experiences. I view it from mine - which is - I am better - saner if I do not hold someone else's flaws against them. I write it off as their problem, not mine.

Sorry if the "cute" symbol seems to reduce my credibility. Civility, to me, is the backbone of a civilized person. The peace sign is a symbol of exactly that - peace - I hope for peace within me - and you - and it very seldom comes by striking out at others.

I heard a quote in a movie "In order to succeed in this world - you must be very very smart or very very pleasant - I chose pleasant. From the tone of your letter, you are apparently going for smart. Much happiness to you. Peace and Love - Dudley eace:

 

My mom is very supportive of me and a good friend.
My dad...Once I moved out I felt more free to disagree with him. He yells and swears a lot. A couple of years ago I went "mother bear" on him for screaming at my 4 year old and scaring him...I think my dad learned a little something that day. I think of my dad as a selfish little kid and I feel sorry for him. That is why if anything ever happens to my mom, I will be the only one who takes him in.

 

I have never lost respect for my parents , in fact , to this day I STILL WOULDNT DREAM OF TALKING BACK TO THEM !

 

I lost respect for my dad when I was a toddler cuz he beat my mom and me up. I lost respect for my mom at around 13 but gained it back at 17.

 

I am starting to see that people either have fucked up parents with severe physical and emotional problems, or happy, healthy parents with a lot of self control and empathy to give to their children.

What pisses me off, is that my parents don't really have problems. They're very independent, well off and quite happy in their own lives. They just choose to treat us like shit and refuse to deal with their issues, keep them inside in public and offload them on their family, even if they have good lives and the energy and capacity to be better people. Its funny, because I'm one of the most responsibility challenged people I know, I'm hypocritical and make all sorts of wrong choices despite knowing that they might be wrong. I can't really blame my parents for this, but what I am seeing in this family is some sort of intellectual laziness. We're all just spoilt, cruel and lazy assholes...my parents really taking the cake.

 

Some people just had children just because it was "the thing to do"...you know, a status symbol. Those people should be slapped.