I apologize for the long post and I'm not here to whine or look for sympathy, but to look for help. Over the years I've developed real attachment problems because when I was a child I lost just about everyone I loved in one way or another. Along with that, there was the usual friends who back stabbed,used me, or they were friends who just saw the mask of "yeah I'm totally fine" and couldn't see past it. I developed a stand-off "I am a rock, I am an island" attitude. A few years ago I met the person I thought didn't exist for me. Usually I would push people away, or just keep them at a distance for fear to lose them or be rejected but with her it just never happened. I suppose its because I was never honest with myself to just how much I became attached and now I love her to bits! It isn't love in a sexual way, just a deep pure understanding and so many other things that it would take too long to explain. It's like soul mates. Sounds corny, I know, but it's just like that. And yeah I'm a girl, she's a girl and I'm not lesbian or anything (just before anyone assumes anything). However I am now very daunted at the thought of, what if one day I lose this person who is like the sun in my life ? I sometimes think why the hell have I let myself become so attached to someone? Isn't it pathetic that I can love one person that much and, so in a way depend on them? In the meantime I still just don't let people in because once I realize I like them, I distance myself. It's painful for me and I think sometimes for them, but I just can't stop myself. Anyone have similar problems and any advice on how to overcome this? It's just hardwired into me to run after a certain stage, but I can't go on like this.
I would try councelling. I think its good that you recognize that your emotional issues stem from attachment experiences.
i've been like that my whole life. i've always had one person, friend or significant other, that i'm completely attached to and they were the only person that mattered. the person would change every few years, but i always had someone. most recently was my ex and when we broke up, i didn't have anyone like that to replace him. it kinda forced me to be on my own for awhile and i realized it was possible. i just spent a lot of time outdoors at the beach by myself... and i think i'm cured. i think it's healthy to realize that you WANT to spend time with this person, but don't NEED to.
One thing life will teach you is that nothing in this world has any permanance. Including those you love. People bump together like logs in a river. They travel together for a while and then the currents pull them apart. Enjoy the time together, but keep in mind that life is not stationary. Kiss them and let them go. Most of the people you will hold dear in your life, you haven't even met yet. x
