hey guys i didnt know if this was the right place to post this or not but here goes anyway ... well tonight i was sitting on the couch in front of my fiance who was laying down and asleep. My sister decided to come in and start annoying my fiance - she stuck her finger in his ear - and as a reflex he moved his hand up to hit it away from his ear. In the process of doing this my face was in the way and he ended up hitting me in the eye. So i yelled and he woke up and was really apologetic about it and felt really bad was upset and everything and i accepted it was an accident and i wasnt angry at all. And i forgave him 4 it coz it was a reflex and he couldnt control it coz he was asleep. BUT my mum, who has never seen eye to eye with him ( i met him on the net had a long distace relationship with him for nearly 2 years nd he moved to be with me)(though she has always been really nice to him and everything, she just didnt approve of us, but lately shes been fine with it and everything) and she had a go @ him 4 it coz when she ws my age she was stuck in an abusive relaationship and doesnt want to see me the same way. So they had an argument, my fiance went bak 2 his place and i was lft here with mum. Mum apologised and everythin just said she was angry that he hit me and everything. I explained 2 mum it was a reflex and she realised that and everything and she was ok with it after that just a lil shitty. So now my fiance wont come near my mum at all coz he doesnt like her etc coz she called him abusive when he was here, and my mum is shitty at him and i feel like im stuck in the middle coz i dont wanna hurt either. my fiance keeps bringin up how i moved out etc coz of my mums shit ( we used to argue alot but its been ok for like the last 6 moneths) and al lthat and how he wont put up with me being hurt anymore by her and everything and i understand his side but i dont want to lose my family. I just need some advice on how i could get them to see eye to eye - she knowxs it was an accident she was lookin out 4 my best interest - and he disagrees with how she runs the house etc -( she goes out with my dad once every month to the pokies and he is against gambling) I just dont want to have to separate my fiance from my family forever Its really getting me down . Any help you guys can give me would really be great i just need some guidance as to where to even start with them! thanks guys xxx ash PS sorry 4 the long post :&
just wait for things to cool off for a while. dont mention this incident again til you think your boyfriend is ok, and most importantly, dont pressure him into doing anything he's not up for now. once you think he would feel ok going to your house and talking to your mum again, ask him. I think he might be a bit afraid so dont pressure him.
Family is far overrated. I can see why your fiance would be angry with your mom. But it doesn't look like there is much you can do about it. =\
give it some time when you all do get together again, try and make the first few get togethers in public and fairly laid back - it'll limit the amount of yelling and shit they can do. Brunches are always fun. It's not going to fix itself tomorrow though, just hope that neither one holds a grudge too well
Good advice - got to go slow and try not to refer to the original incident - it will just put everyone back to square one - focus on any positive thing that anyone says - and then be sure to quote it to the other ”By the way mom said you had a lovely shirt on the other day" or whatever - you know what I mean - and remember that the Gods let you pick your friends to make up for the fact that Demons pick your family (grin).
why didn't you immediately explain that him hitting you was an accident? why wait until after she yells at and attacks your fiance? you could have told her right away that it was him reacting to your sisters provocations while he was asleep and you would have prevented the name calling, etc. i mean, she had to have asked about what happened to your eye to know it was he who did it, right? so why did you say he hit you, and not that it was an accident, especially knowing how she would react since they don't see eye to eye? this whole thing could have been prevented SO easily... sheesh.
No offense, bunny, but the way you are handling this is VERY immature, and it sounds to me like you shouldn't even have a fiancee... If you feel you are adult enough to get married, HANDLE it like an adult. And, if your fiancee refuses to see your mother, that's just as immature on his part. YOU MUST compromise like adults, and discuss, and work things out if you're going to be together forever. It doesn't matter what your fiancee thinks of your parents, they are your family, and if he wants to be with you forever, he's going to have to learn to deal with them. And, same with your parents... Explain this to them both. If you don't speak up and stand your ground, you will be nothing but miserable. BE AN ADULT.
lawngirl my mum was sitting on the chair next to us when it happened - she knew it was an accident - she was just shitty beause he did it and she thought he was being a smart ass when he and I said it was a reflex because he was asleep. she thought i was making excuses for him - we all hd an arghument and then those two started. just thought id clarify it for u - not once did I say he delibrately hit me! and thanks 2 every1 else 4 the great advice
