Biting Problems

HI, Im a day care teacher for 1 year olds and we have a biter. Ive only worked there for 2 months but have been taking care of little ones since I was 12. Ive never had to deal with a biter. I dont know why hes biting he just turns and bites other kids for no reason. NOw i try to be by him as much as possible but I have 7 kids to take care of (theres another teacher too). when he bites I tell him that its not nice to bite his friends. but hes really to young to understand and I wont yell. I just dont know what to do. I was wondering if any one had any advice. I dont want kids getting bitten. THank you!

 

A muzzle may Help...

 

I would say to take this up with the parents and let them know what their child is doing, if you haven't done so already.

 

first, you are selling the kid short if you think he won't understand what you say to him. Kids are very smart, and at one year of age do understand most of what they hear, they just don't know how to make the words themselves. Biting is age-appropriate behavior, especially at that age, and with a kid who's parents put him in daycare. He's frustrated about all the things he wants to do but can't yet, talking, walking, whatever. So, show him things he *can* do, help him feel better about his abilities. Tell him (and all the other babies) how wonderful they are, how great it is when they scribble on a piece of paper instead of the floor, lots and lots of praise, highly energetic excited praise. Other grownups might think you are nuts, but it's not about them, it's about the kids. I would casually mention it to the parents, but don't, make absolutely sure you do not make them feel you are blaming them for the child's behavior. Explain to them how it is nothing too unusual, and he will grow out of it when he masters whatever skill it is that he can't quite do right now that is frustrating him so much. But if they or anyone else punishes him for it, he may never get over the damage caused to his psyche.

 

I already let his Dad's know. I always tell my babies how wonderful they are. and you are right Mama the other teachers think im crazy because I play with them and tell them how fantastic everything they do is. We dont yell or use negative words with the kids because of what you said that just makes kids feel bad.

do you think maybe his teeth just hurt? should we try getting him a teething ring maybe?

 

oh also Mama I was wondering I know that kids can understand most of what we say to him but whats a way to say not to bite so that he understands that he hurts his friends when he bites them? Is just "its not nice to bite our friends" enough or would something else be better?

 

I'd probably focus most of my attention on the bitten child instead. I would say to the biter "oh, no! look how sad (child's name) is. you really hurt her/him with those sharp teeth of yours." or something along those lines.

 

I know you're not into negative words, but honestly, a firm "No," (no need to yell), and removing zir out of biting range before using any/all of the above tactics might help....that's what we did with my brother some years ago, and he seemed to get the message. And ask the parents if the kid is teething and what they prefer to do about it (teething ring, carrot sticks, wet rag, orajel, homeopathic remedy, etc...). Good luck with your Draculito.

 

This worked really well for me and my friend who have little ones the same age...there was a point where it kept happening when they were playing and eventually we worked out that this worked for us. They get it when they are so little and it didn't require either of us to yell or try to explain things.

 

gentle touch

we're gentle with our friends here
soft
if he bites affirm him hes hurt his friend and thats made them sad

 

i work with a child who is mentally/physically challenged. Mind you she knows what shes doing she isn't that delayed. But she does have some difficulites. And the other day while i was working she kept grabbing me and inching and twisting my arms and legs because she was mad .. Well let me tell you that made 2 of us. It was not fun getting hurt. It wasn't just like a pinch it was HARD. i kept on saying gentle that hurts me soft touch i have to do sign with her. But she just kept getting more upset and followed me around. It looks like my cat attacked my hand thats how bad shes got me. Sometimes you just have to let them vent because they are angry. But there are books out there that are good for anger. I read a book called "its okay to be angry" it was for little kids . I'm not saying go around and bite ppl but what i'm saying is teachers don't have heads up sometimes on every childs morning before school what they did the night before whats going on in their life who's coming in who's going out . Who's being nice who's not. And thats what gets little kids mind going. I also workd with a little boy who was the sweetest child ever and than all of a sudden in a week he turned . I sat him down (he was 4) and i said So can you look in my eyes and Tell Miss Teri why your sad today?? He explained that his grandparents who were basically his gaurdians were going away for a month to Flordia. For that amount of time he wasn't very co-operative but as soon as gpa and gma came back the smile came back on. Just keep an eye and keep in touch with the other teachers to see whats going on in the house re: Parents or other family members


PG

 

I used to work day care and take my oldest two (my only two at that time) with me. Moon started biting, at about 18 months. Why? Too many damn kids in the room, too much noise, too little attention, too many freak outs.

It cured itself. (NO I never bit her "so she would know what it feels like" I have a strong beleif in NOT hurting children, especially if they are exibiting behavior which hints at the fact that they are already hurting in some way.) They told me I could keep the job, but I would have to find "Alternate arrangments" for my baby. I told them to take that job and shove it. I YANKED my kids out of that Romainian Orphanage like atmosphere, and guess what? The biting stopped immediately.

I have a theory that Day Care causes biting. Most children who bite are not "challenged" (I know Moon never was) but she is sensitive, and a huge group of kids, with FEW adults to attend to them was NOT the place for her. Most kids who bite are easily overstimulated. Parents NEED to realize that institutional day care just isn't appropriate for a good number of children BEFORE they bring children into the world. Probably most kids have issues in large groups, with lots of overstimulation, away from mama, before the age of 5 or 6 or so. Some kids can't deal with situations like this at all. And that's fine, it's the way they are wired. A child who learns better at home, even after the age of 6 or so, due to overstimulation (or anything) usually does better with home schooling. (Of course, there are a lot of other great reasons for home schooling as well.) Day Care is not a perfect fit for all children. Parents NEED to be able to face this.

This child needs ATTENTION, Undivided attention. Atttention that only his mama can give him. Some children are just TOO sensitive and emotionally near the surface for huge groups of Institutional Care. His mama needs to tend to him.

 

I've worked with kids since I was about 12 years old. And I've worked in nurseries, daycares & preschools with a LOT of biters, and a lot of ideas on how to "cure" it.

Some of the most effective ideas I've seen are:

* giving the bitten child extra attention
* giving the biter a time-out, but NOT an isolated one - giving them something constructive they can do to unleash some pent-up emotion with the least amount of outside stimulation (a favorite was having the child help me get water for snack-time, since the sink was always in a separate room)
* talking to the parents, to see if they were aware of this & if they already had a way they were working on it at home... then going along with their plan; consistency helps a LOT
* and sometimes a simple "biting is not allowed here, because ..." will work.

Usually a combination of several techniques were used, and I still prefer the ones where the biter AND the one who was bitten are both given extra attention. Unfortunately most biting happens when there are the absolute least number of free hands available, but whenever possible - that's what seems to work.
love,
mom

 

He has stopped biting... He was teething and sick so Im sure he just did not want to be in daycare. I cant blame him.

Maggie sugar. I definatly agree daycares dont work for most kids... working in one has made me realize even more that my kids will never be in daycare. I want to stay at home with my kids (when I have them) and maybe if I need to watch a few other kids for extra money.

 

It makes a lot of sense that this child was biting because he was sick and feeling terrible. I am so glad he is feeling better. I'd be interested to know who realized he was actually physically ill. When I worked day care, it was usually myself or one of my co workers who noticed the child's illness, only in a minority of cases was the child noticed to be sick during the short amount of time each day he was home. Sad.

Many children will become challenging before they show overt symptoms of an illness. One of the problems with Institutional type day care is that the parents are many times so "busy" and overwelmed themselves they miss important cues that the child is not feeling well. Some (in some studies up to 80% of parents who put their children into Institution Day Care) will knowingly send a sick child to day care.(I have a freind who does this, and it really pisses me off.) Certainly not in the best interests of this child, the other children in the day care or the day care workers. I've never had so many illnesses as when I was working day care (and I get sick a lot the way it is) I was told by my OB to quit my day care job during a pregnancy, because I had spent most of the first trimester sick, with a fever. I heeded his advice, and stayed well for the rest of that pregnancy.

I am well aware that there are some mamas who have NO choice but to work outside the home. I feel for these mamas, some of them are single, some have husbands or partners who are not pulling their weight, some made poor partner choices before they had children, and didn't realize it woudl really blow up in their faces when they did have children, some are just very poor, and have no alternative. But, there are alternatives to Institutional Day Care, like home day care, finding a job where you can take your child, working from home ect.

I would be happy to see our economy enabled to HELP familes, because now, the way Western culture is set up, it only "helps" the rich, and familes are out in the cold, and the children are suffering the most.

 

homecare rocked for my little one when she was smaller and I decided to do extra study in order to be able to work more appropiate hours for the rest of her childhood. So long as you get your relationships with your homecare lady/man it can be a really positive part of their life. As she has got a bit older she definitely has been enjoying "institutionalised daycare" and as the ladies there rock I am happy with this and she is the sort of kid who likes lots of other children (different kids, different strokes). It is just a part of our life nowadays and works for us. I know that there are bad ones just round the corner (there was a horrible binding incident in the press here just last year) however I would hate to paint all of them the same as the ladies at mine are really good and deserve kudos for the job they do.

It used to piss me off when the people used to send their kids sick, either homecare or "bigdaycare" as we call it, guaranteed we all, other kids, daycare lady and children would all come down with it too thus those days being missed for everyone. Just a bit shortsighted I think on behalf of the parents of the originally sick child as they didn't have care the days the daycare lady got it too. Daycares here are allowed to refuse sick kids and I know my lady sent them home many a time. Makes it important that women have sick days for their children included in their salaries as well as daycare people being allowed to have sickdays/this choice. The word "respect" keeps leaping into my head here and I have to say it has been when people have seemed to be lacking this that the gastros and other bugs have done the rounds amongst us. Given that however it hasn't killed us and hopefully has helped make us stronger for the next nasty that comes our way. I know I seem to not now get a lot of the bugs that the people I work with seem to splutter my way these days!

 

Amen. But, I doubt our male dominated, money dominated, workworkwork, uber "busy" society, obsessed with "acheiving" is going to allow this. Sad.

I agree that if you absolutely HAVE to work outside the home, homecare, or working from home is about the only sane choice for children under 5 or so. They need a Mama figure, not a team.

 

What age do kids start Kindy in the US? Here it is four and is only the equivalent of two days a week spread however the majority of parents decide (two full days, two half days and a full day or four half days). My munchkin is ready to pop with excitement and given that daycare often takes up a partime adult schedule I am happy with it. I have friends however who are talking about starting their kids earlier than that and I am wondering if you could direct me to any good child development sites about the pros and cons of such structured stuff and child development stages and such that I could direct them too. Yes I admit I want to put them off and stop trying to "grow" their kid up too young but I figure my opinion might be backed up by more than my child development psych books from uni with some real practical stuff and shared experiences.

 

Every child is differnt. Some kids do really well in large groups as early as three, some don't until their teens.

In the USA, Kindergarten starts, in the fall after the child's fifth birthday, and many children wait until they are six. In fact, in our district, a child who turns five the day after school starts cannot be allowed in, without special consideration. A lot of American parents like to hold children back a year, if they feel the child isn't ready for Kindergarten, especially boys, who often mature a little slower. K used to start as early as 4, but there were so many kids then being held back later, that they changed the start process.

My dh, a very smart guy, and a smart little boy, has an October birthday, and he started K at four. He was in second grade, and still could not stay in his seat,(I have his first grade report card, adn the teacher complained that "B can't sit still, he talks out of turn, and he continually falls out of his seat, and "refuses" to listen.) he had not yet learned to read, he "failed" summer school, and they had to hold him back then. It was really rough for him, as some of the kids made fun of him. In retrospect, he has severe ADHD (as well as Tourette's Syndrome, neither of course, diagnosed in the 60s and 70s when he was a kid) so he should have waited a year longer before starting. But, some kids who started at four do great. Every child's decision should be made by that child's individual needs and strengths and weaknesses.

 

We have Kindergarten which is when they are four. If they turn four in the second half of the year then they have to wait until the next year. Then there is preschool, after that is grade 1 through to twelve...where primary and high school stop varies between the end of year seven or year eight and some schools even keep children of year eight, nine and ten (lower school) seperate from years 11 and twelve (upper school) depending on what school or what state you are in in Aus. Is that very much different or more the same as in the US?

hope that made sense...if not just post a smiley and I will edit when I am not being naughty and staying up late!!
:H