boyfriend?!?!

My boyfriend and I are living together and I am trying to get him to help out around the house. He does not do much and I really need help around the house. I am a sr in high school and I work after school almost everyday. So I can't do everything all by myself what can I do make him help me. He says that I just have to be serious with him and tell him stuff to do. And when I do that he just never does it anyway. I am only one person and can't do it all myself so any help would be great thanks

 

Sounds like a baby to me. I say, tell him to help or you are going to forget about him. Same thing just happened to my lazy, selfish cousin, his girl just kicked him out and hes on the streets of Philly now. Too bad

 

Wait, this is Baked Goods we are talking about?!!??!?!?

 

yes it is baked goods. he is my boyfriend

 

Ok, then tell him get in shape!

 

Do ONLY what you feel you can handle. If the place becomes a sty, then he can fix it if he wants. It takes two. You are no less busy than he is right now. Just because he is a boy doesn't mean he can't help.

There is no such thing as 50/50 split chores, womyn almost always end up doing more. But, there is no reason to go crazy trying to do everything.

Do what you feel is absolutely important, and don't let him do a crappy job at things and then say, "Oh, you are better at cleaning toilets anyway. So, you do it." And one more thing, unless it is intentionally destructive DO NOT criticize the way he cleans. Just accept his way of doing it. Unless he is doing a crap job intentionally, then call him on it, but not in a hostile maneer. (Compliicated, huh?)

 

do you know him???? the other night my best friend came over to clean the house with me. I went to school the next day and asked him if he would please finish the house and he is like yes I will. That day after school I worked 330-10 and came home and he had done nothing.... it just makes me so upset...

 

yes beacuse he does not do anything.. unless I am there telling him that I won't do something for him unless he does.

 

he sounds like a child...get a new boyfriend would be my solution.

 

Try making a list of all the chores, divide it into say 4 smaller lists, each person does two sets of lists per day (or week, however it's organized, the lists themselves don't need to be long necessarily), rotate those lists so neither of you are stuck doing the same chore all the time. That way it's "serious" for him and written down so it's not as though he can say you didn't tell him or he forgot

 

everyone has their own comfort level when it comes to mess. His may just be that much lower than yours. If that's the case, like it is for most women, it's your problem, not his. If you want it clean to your comfort level, you will have to do it yourself. If you can stand to let it go, let it go. He will reach the end of his tolerance and clean it himself, but it won't ever be what you think clean is. BUT... if he's picking at you about you cleaning up his mess, that's a whole different story, and you need to shove his lazy butt out the door.

 

Stop l0oking at it like a relationship and start looking atm it as if he's your housemate.

 

Withold sex.

That's what I would do.

 

lol yea thats a good solution right? , don't try to fix it, just get rid of the problem because you can't be bothered to fix it.

 

god if she's working full-time and just a senior in high-school and he is home all day and can't clean up...that's bullshit. She's not dating a grown man she's dating a little boy who could care less about her stress levels.

Yes, if I were in her situation from what I have heard I would drop him.
I have turned into a neat freak recently though. Dishes in the sink and things not clean drive me up the wall. nevermind the lack of respect or caring he is exhibiting. And Kaleigh...I love you to death but a chore list for a grown man haha ah god when did guys become this way and why haven't I run into any that would require a chore list hahaaaaaaaa oh snap
love ya Kayleigh
Guys don't change and they hate us trying to change them. She's expressed her feelings he's expressed through his actions he could give a shit so time to move on. bye bye.

 

:tongue: I'm just sayin, I'm way more likely to get housey stuff done if I make myself a list of what I should do that day.

But it is pretty child-liek behaviour, and the list thing is a response to children doing chores (albeit with a reward system built in usually)

 

hahaaaa I just couldn't imagine asking a guy I had any sexual attraction to 'hey did you complete your chore list?' if anyone asked me that I would end up throwing things at them, unless it was like some kinky game that went oh so wrong hah

 

Personally I think it has little to do with accpetable levels and a lot to do with the fact that he doesnt care enough to make the effort, or at least doesnt respect your time.

that is unless its all your mess

 

No, people DO have different levels of "Mess Acceptance." Beleive me, my dh's and mine are different. He was raised in a hermitically sealed enviroment, and was not allowed to do anything. My mom had the attitude that NOTHING I did was done correctly. It gave me a "Fuck this shit." attitude about housework. He originally wanted an immaculate house.......and to do none of it himself. Not in my lifetime...

IMO, it's the issue of the person who is picky about messes. I mean, yeah, he should put his dishes in the dishwasher or wash them if you don't have one. But to expect YOUR EXPECTATION of housecleaning from someone who doesn't care, it's not going to work and only bring stress into the relationship.

What is more important to you? An immaculate house? Or this guy? If it's the house, either he really isn't worth your time, OR you have some mixed up priorties. I have no idea which.

You CAN'T MAKE him clean.

I think "withholding sex" is a terrible soul destroying habit to get into. It is about the most manipulative thing a person can do, and it never helps anyone. NEVER use sex as a weapon. The people I know who do can't seem to hang on to a relationship. Or are involved with men who are not too ballsy and easily manipulated. (Hell, I wouldn't put up with that from a man, don't expect a man worth anything to put up with it, either.)

The only reason to say no to sex is "I don't feel like it." Not "You aren't doing what I put on your chore list. Do numbers 1 5 7 and 9 and maybe you'll get a blow job. Do numbers 2 3 4 and 8 and we'll screw." How sick is that? He isn't a child, don't treat him like one.

He most likely is NOT going to change. You can:

• Live with the mess (maybe his tolerance level will be reached and he will do it then)
• Do it yourself (but not if it's going to make you resentful)
• Dump him (if you dump a man you claim to love over messes, either it wasnt meant to be, or your expectations are WAY to high)

You can't make him, or anyone else, do something they don't want to.

Your main thing now is to look within yourself and see where your priorities are.

Clean house = alone or resentful
Mess = with man you love

I have no idea which is the right answer.

 

People CAN change, i hate doing chores, but i HAVE to, if i don't, my mom kills me. And besides, if the kitchen isn't clean, i don't have the sufficient space to cook, no cook, no food, no food no eat, no eat = hungry.
But the solution would be blackmailing him with your pussy, no chores, no pussy. It's so frigging easy, we men always fall for that.