boyfriends porn

ok, I was just wondering if this sounds like I was over reacting.

Ok, my boyfriend has this porn and I dont like porn so I asked him to get rid of it. ya know, seeing as he has me, why does he need to look at a bunch of whores in a magazine? and he wouldnt....
so I told him that it was either me or the porn and he said if he had the choice he woudlnt let me throw it out, so i took it as he obviously cares about the porn more than me and i told him to leave

 

in my opinion ya cant blame him hes a guy and probably sees it childish that you are acting this way over a magazine that contains pictures. Hes not actually with them. Yea you were over reacting just let it go, he needs something in the spank bank.

 

hey, if that's your standard, that's your standard. can't complain about that. you clearly had a major difference of opinion on something important to you. that being said, i don't really care about porn. porn is just a tool to beat off with. masturbation isn't sex, it's a biological necessity, like going to the bathroom and eating. it appeases a totally different area of your brain or something. both my husband and i have our different tastes in porn, so we have our different collections. but if porn is something that really bothers you, it's something you're going to have to deal with in every relationship, unless you find someone who feels the same way about it that you do. but honestly, it'll be awfully hard to find a man who doesn't have some. it doesn't mean they don't care about you, or think you're beautiful. but an active fantasy life is pretty important to just about everyone.

 

I agree with mynameiskc: you decide for yourself where your limits are, but since you are posting about it here on a forum, it seems you won't be too harsh with your ultimatum on your boyfriend, since you're looking for our advice.

Mine is: try to imagine porn as just a tool boys use to release some excess energy; if your boyfriend didn't have porn, there'd be something wrong with him! Seriously, all healthy men have porn stacked away somewhere.
Of course, if he uses it too openly and that annoys you, just ask him to be a bit more discreet about it.

But don't take it that seriously, men can separate masturbation - porn - love - and sex - very well.

 

Good for you, blckrain! As long as you can live with it. Find someone else with a committment to you, and not to fantasies.

 

Ok not that I care but I always wonder if a lady says "me or the porn" are they gonna give him a sexual release when ever he wants it?

For guys if we don't uh let the juices flow we get all of this testosterone building up on the brain. A guy gets angry and tends to start acting more like a guy (well the more negative traits any who)

 

i dated a guy who was realy obssesed with porn...and when i mean obssesed, he had a laaaaaarge collection of magazines and films.. It didnt bother me much for some reason, and it didnt surprise me when i saw his collection cos he was sort of a sex freak.

what a freak.

i couldnt love someone who was into porn that much, it feels like he cheapens the whole sex thing, he likes looking at whores in pvc to get off? i wonder if he thinks about that when he's with me. nah, you can do better.

 

I noticed that in another thread you said you have a very low libido. Gee, I wonder why your bf has some porn.

If you're not willing to put out as much as his hand does, then suck it up and deal with it.

 

well, that was kinda uncalled for. everyone has a different mode of being. it could be that his use of porn means that he's not doing the sort of thing necessary to get her turned on. if she's feeling neglected, she may not feel free to express herself sexually. these things aren't always one-sided.

 

ehhh,since my best friend is a guy i cant understand why he would have porn,but on the other hand i agree wiht you why would he want to look at it when he has you.....

 

um...it may be illegal for me to explain it to you.

 

Did he have the porn before you met him? So why do you now think you have the right to change him now? It's hard to believe you would be jealous of a bunch of pictures in a magazine. You're obviously very insecure. The only way his porn is going to hurt or jeopardize your relationship is by your making an issue out of it - which you already have. Don't blame the porn, blame yourself. It's natural for a guy to like to look at porn. Let him enjoy being a male and don't make him feel guilty about it. After all, does he try to make you change your tastes or throw out something you like?

Bottom line, accept him as he is, porn and all. You'll be happy and he'll be happy.

 

but the thing is, she wasn't happy. better for them to go their separate ways, i think.

 

besides that she probly doesn't give as much as he could ever want(sex on tap 24/7) and he might need something to look at in order to get it off. If he likes you he should atleast hide it if not totally get rid of it

 

True. On the other hand, it may be that she is not doing the sort of thing necessary to satisfy his sexual desires and fantasies. Otherwise perhaps his porn wouldn't be so important to him. She could probably learn from his porn, learn what he really likes and what turns him on.

If she's not happy, I agree they should separate. But it's not fair to ask him to choose between porn and her. The porn is not like another person, even though that's how she may look at it in her own mind. That's really distorted thinking and reflects her insecurity. Beside, like I mentioned before, didn't she know he liked porn and had porn before they met? She shouldn't be trying to change him now.

 

Maybe she has a moral objection to porn, it doesnt have to be a matter of jealousy

 

PErsonally I think she's being a little over the top - he likes porn - big deal - most men have higher sex drives than their ladies - it's for many men a way to deal with that rather than cheating.

 

well i guess if you told him to get rid of it thats dumb that he wont, otherwise, if its not disturbing u he should be able to keep it, since it is and you have voiced your concerns to him i think he should have gotton rid of it, but dont be too quick to dump him

 

She's still overreacting... its never a good thing to say "Do this... or else."

 

yes, in my opinion, you are overreacting. this might not sound nice or pretty, but you really need to become more secure about yourself...it is insane to me when women do this: giving ultimatums like, "it's me or porn." he obviously isn't going off to bang any of the chicks in the porn, he is (or was) with you.

it's perfectly natural and HUMAN for our minds to lust after other human beings. my fiance' finds other women attractive, and i find other men attractive. i even have crushes on guys from time to time, but i have chosen to be with my fiance', and i would never actually LEAVE him for anyone else, nor do i think about any other person but him while we're making love. sexual desire can go across the board, but he obviously didn't ever cheat on you, and remained faithful to you.

i think it was a very selfish and childish thing you did. in my opinion you basically told a person that as long as they're with you, they aren't allowed to think about sex unless it involves you. you were trying to control another person's mind and sexuality, which is a very personal thing, and it shows you have serious control issues. everyone needs "me time" sexually, to fantasize, to touch themselves and explore their bodies, etc. since guys are a lot more visually oriented when it comes to sex, those nudie pictures really help in that process. think about how you would feel if someone was asking you to throw something away that helped you explore yourself sexually? i'd imagine you'd have a very different opinion if you were on the other end of this story.

you probably lost a very nice guy, but that's okay because you made your bed, and you get to lay in it...and your guy will be a lot better off when he can meet someone who isn't a jealous, childish, insecure, selfish person.

i apologize for being a bitch. i'm riding the crimson tide right now, so i'm very passionate. i don't know you and i don't know that everything i said is true. i'm sure you're a very nice person and you didn't mean to be selfish. this is just how i feel when people treat their lovers like this. it's just not cool.