Brainfart

While eating fingerfood the other day, I bit down on my fuckin finger! It drew a little blood and is still a little sore. I must be going senile or something. Forgot how to eat.


What's your best brainfart?

 

Well, like 30 minutes ago at work, right before leaving... well, we have this train thing that we use to carry heavy tables full of plants between rows, and I was conductin' it... so I moved a table and went on to move the last damn table of the day... but I forgot to lift the handles and took down an entire row of tables (28 of 'em)

The poor mechanic will have a lot of work to do tomorrow.

 

I knew you guys would chicken out. Don't be shy; let's hear those embarrasing stories. We promise not to laugh...much.

 

I am incredibly clumsy.

Last summer, I went to go kick a little pebble down the street, ended up kicking my ex in the foot, and dislocated my toe. I now have the hospital calling me constantly looking for their money.

Just last week I stepped in a pile of cat crap, washed it off, walked back to living room and stepped in the SAME pile of cat crap. After that on my way to wash it off, I stepped in a hairball.

The other day I poked myself in the eye. I do that alot and I don't know how.

I have various bruises all over my leg from running into this glass table that is like fucking impossible to see.

You think I'd learn, but noooooooo, I just keep walking into it. Oh well.

 

I walk into glass doors all the time, I always seem to be distracted by something.

 

I've walked into a screen door and broken it before.

I also fall much more than I'd like to admit.

 

Haha! That reminds me of time in college we were playing intermural soccer. I went to kick the ball, whiffed completely, and landed flat on my back ala Charlie Brown. Even players on the other team were laughing their asses off.

 

You know, not doing drugs has made me 1000 times less clumsy... I actually haven't seriously hurt myself at work, and it's physical work with a very high chance of stumbling on something... everyone else that works there has, but I never have...

 

Clumsiness in the path to gracefulness, and sometimes you may fall while testing the boundaries of physics. Either that or you have an inner ear infection.

 

i forget how to walk at times...

like i'll be walking down the street and totally forget to move a leg forward and it just gets dragged along and i stumble a bit.

or sometimes i'll be walking and i'll see imaginary stairs and try to walk up them or down and i stumble

this is completely sober...people dont' like walking next to me...haha

 

Sir Walnut - That story is hilarious! Hahahahahaha! I would've killed to see that!

Fitzy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqhlQfXUk7w Totally made me think of that. Hahahaha.

 

haha, that was funny...ministry of silly walks hahaha

 

Glad you liked.

 

Haha, we had like a 5 person organisation in school entitled "Ministry of Silly Walks"...

It was me, another student, and 3 teachers... we sat around and watched Flying Circus episodes


This reminds me of the fact that I tend to walk to the left when I'm walking straight, so I always get in people's way if they are walking next to me.

I can't help it.

 

I do that too. I always lean towards the person I am walking with so I end up running into them and bumping them around.

I just recently discovered the joys of Monty Python through a friend, and, well, I can't get enough.

 

Monty Python is the best thing since masturbation.

I remember when I discovered it...

I was 15ish backpacking around the Honduran islands, and my brother was a dive instructor on one of them at the time... he had a friend... Nimrod, great guy... he's a lawyer now and goes to court barefoot ...anyyyyhow.... Nimrod got me rather high and told me that we had to perform a religious ceremony. He put "Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail" in the VCR, and we watched it once, twice, thrice, till 5 in the morning. He knew every damn line.

Now, 5 years later, I can quote that damn movie off the top of my head.

Shit, even this username.... which I created right after watching it has stuck.

 

Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken;
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away;
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his pen--



Heehehehehehehehehahahahaha.......... That was the first thing I watched as well. Holy Grail was just one of the best things ever.

It's not the best thing since masturbation, since it IS masturbation. It's mental masturbation, for sure. I always have a great, big sopping mental orgasm when I watch a skit.

 

I have an orgasm when I imagine Terry Gilliam in leather.



Hmm.... wait.

 

That's hot.

 

Your mom is hot.


( or at least should be)