Buddhist answers to anger?

Hello!

I am new to this whole Buddhist way of living. Started when I read the awesome book by Thich Nhat Hahn called Being Peace. That changed my life in a big way. I was genuinely happy for the first time in a while.

Overall, I am till happy. Like everyone, buddhist or not, I have my days.
One of my problem areas is anger. It mainly occurs during two events. Driving and work. I have mild-moderate road rage. I am not frothing at the mouth yelling at people from the safety of the vehicle but I am close. I work tech support so my whole day revolves around attempting to help people fix things over the phone. I think even some customers sense the anger I have towards them when they call in.

So I am looking for some sort of help in this area. I have searched for books or Dharma Talks on the subject but have not been able to find anything.

 

Have you started meditating? This is the key. You can read about Buddhism all you like, but it is only through the practice of daily meditation that you can learn to still the mind and let go of negative emotions.

 

I have but have not been very consistent with it. Perhaps I should set time aside daily for it.

 

Exactly.

The key to Buddhism is mindfulness. It's okay to be angry sometimes, because as of now that emotion is a part of who you are. Don't be angry or disappointed at your anger, but realize it and see if you can pinpoint the source. To make change you have to understand.

Like sunfighter said, it's meditation. Not just sitting with a blank mind, but being consciously aware at all times how you feel. Do you feel generally at peace? Do you tense your elbows when you type? Do you know why you have mild road-rage?

It's about developing mindfulness. Once you start cultivating it it is something that is not easily lost. You will have increased empathy, increased understand of yourself, feelings, and how life works. It simply gives you greater control over self (which is ultimately leads to control over the "outside").

 

Thanks for the suggestions!

I guess I need to sit down and analyze it a bit and see where/why these emotions are coming up. Need to meditate on it a bit.

Thanks for the input. I truly appreciate it.

 

i bought the same book, i showed it to my dad and he almost blew an artery...apparently that guy was a pro-communist activist back in the 60's. all of my family were vietnamese war vets, you can imagine their strong feelings towards this guy.

 

I think he mentioned something about that in the book.

If I remember right, he was on neither side of the fence. He explained how he took no particular position but since he helped people who were anti-communist as well as pro-communist, he was stuck with that pro-communist label.

I don't know how true it is but I still think the book is amazing.

 

I don't know if I have a Buddhist answer to anger, but I will try to give you a practically sound one, to the best of my knowledge.

Anger, like fear, is something that operates on deeper, mechanical level of consciousness.
There are great many factors that contribute to what you may recognize as an immediate sense of anger, including the long term environmental influences, pre-conditioning, circumstances of your daily existence, frustrations felt at some point unrelated to present moment, genes inherited from various ancestors that make you a person with temper you have and etc. etc. etc.

Therefore, you can not simply will the anger to go away and expect that it will go away because you merely wish so. Just as you can't simply will to be unafraid if someone throws you out the window of the highrise building.
All the BS about "meditating" (as people commonly understand the word) is just that = a BS.
I have no practical knowledge of people who were able to manage their anger by simply listening to some words and or mumbling those words repeatedly in their heads, lest they were retarded and or totally not angry in the first place.


But you do need to find a way to curb your anger. Because if you don't, you may eventually get yourself in a big trouble.


First thing is to control your actions. Even if you are angry and even if it's obvious and visible to others (your face is red, your arms shaking in convulsion, you have enlarged nostrils and wildly open eyes ), still there are almost no irrepearable consequences - as long as you can keep your mouth shut and, most importantly, keep your hands by your side let alone grabbing a chair and burying it in someones head.
Let yourself say something or do sometihng in a moment of such an affect - and it's going to be a whole different ballgame afterwards (with actions, of course, bringing even graver consequences than words).

1. So, most importantly - control your actions, imagine the consequences very clearly the moment you feel getting angry. Imagine to what extent you can handle those consequences afterwards.
And control what you say. Sometimes words may also have some unwelcome consequences (try yelling at your customer "F*** U, U SOB!!!" and see what happens).
I know it's easier said than done but it's not a choice, or be prepared for consequences (you probably know it by now).


2. Now, here comes second, not less important part:
you have to find a way to really get rid of that anger within you or eventually, even if you learn to control your actions and words 100%, it will kill you by exploding inward, as a heartattack or deadly brain stroke.

So, here you have to be your own psychoanalyst and look for root causes, ask yourself what, if anything, in your enviroment, daily routine, past or present circumstances and etc contribute to it , aside from your genetics.

Is it possible to eliminate those factors?
May be you should not work in customer service job and find something else?
May be you have a neighbor who plays hard-rock on 1000 Watt stereo, depriving you of any sleep throughout the night?
May be....may be...
Whatever the cause, make a realistic plan and try to eliminate those contributing factors to the extent possible.
Look for a new, different kind of the job, find more quiet location to live ,etc... and the good thing is that even if you don't do it overnight the sense of working towards your goal will give you a glimpse of optimistic feeling , knowledge that in some foreseable future it will be over.



3. Finally, there might be things that are simply out of your control. You may have no choice but to keep your job because there is scarcity of jobs now and you are not qualified for equally paying one in different field.
May be you can't move out of your neighborhood because you owe 150K mortgage in a house that is worth only 160K now, after investing 20K down and 36K in monthly payments...
Possibilities are infinite.

So, what you do then?
One option is to break your keyboard and swallow it in rage and wait for a day when heartattack or stroke claims all your earthly troubles and remove you from things that cause anger.
I think most people would agree that this is not the most prudent way of dealing with such a situation.

So your next, and probably most reasonable option, is to.... simply do sometihng.
Physical exersises help a lot.
If you can force yourself to go to the gym and lift weighs for few months in the row, I assure you there will be changes in you that will make you hardly recognise yourself.
You will become more calm, self assured, less reacting to outer stimuli - which is also going to appear to be measurably less significant than it appears to you now.
Or walk around your house, go out, try to spend some quality time, just do something.
If you have family and good friends, spend as much time with them as possible.
That will also, hopefully, change the dynamics of your perception in positive way to some degree.

Remember, the constant anger and anxiety could be a symptom of depression that may have been settling on for quite a long time and thus having you in firm emotional grips, as if you were entrapped in an iron cage unable to break free. What is even worse, it could eventually develop into a mental illness , with latter making it almost impossible to reverse the chain of consequences.
So, take it seriously.
Follow the common sense , implement my practically sound advises (I always give the best advise people can get anywhere in the world).

Above all, find a strength in yourself to do whatever it takes to overcome it.
Only you can help yourself.


Best wishes,


Doctor Jumbuli55
The supreme all around genious
and major psychiatrist of hipforums.com

 

I've been curbing my road rage with breathing. When I'm really tense and driving, I seem to hold my breath alot. Now when I notice that I'm getting ragey and tense, I hold and focus on my exhales and it melts the tension from my shoulders and lightens me up enough to not do anything road ragey stupid.

Is your tech support job in a call center? Those things will eat your soul. I kid you not.

 

Well, I must say, this is really dredging up from below. By that I mean, answering a thread that is six months old. Wish I had see it earlier.

The links from Meagain are interesting. In one of them Hikaru Zero breaks down the feelings of anger according to the First Noble Truth being taught in Buddhism, Theravada (Hinayana).

However, on learning the First and Second Noble Truths, we come to realize that everything is mutually dependent on a cause for it's appearance. Feelings for instance in the First Noble Truth. Feelings are dependent on the cause of contact between the senses and their associated objects, i.e., eyes contact with light, ear contact with sound, nose contact with aromas, tongue contact with flavors, body contact with tangibles, and mind contact with thought.

This dependence states that if there were no contact between eye and light, there would be no feeling (seeing), likewise no contact between ear and sound there would be no feeling (hearing), ..., no contact between mind and thought there would be no feeling (thinking). In each of these cases the feeling is called another word in order to identify which sense organ is doing the feeling, i.e., seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching, thinking ... all these words identify the result of contact between a sense and its associated object.

This dependence also states that because of continual, non-stop contact going on between the sense and its associated object, we instinctively begin labeling every feeling we have in order to identify that particular feeling. This labeling is Perception. So Perception is dependent on Feelings. That without continual feelings arising from continual contact between sense and its associated object there would be NO Perception.

This dependence also states that because of continual, non-stop perpetual contact between the sense and its associated object, we begin to form mental ideas about what it is we see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think. Most always these ideas are a result of a combination of two and/or more sense contact in order to form an idea about what it is we are in contact with. Some translations from the Pali also translate this Sankhara as fabrications, formations, volition, ideas. So in essence, mental ideas, or mental fabrications are a result of continual arising of Perceptions. And this equates to Perceptions are always changing, always arising in dependence on the appearance of feelings, and feelings are always changing in dependence on the continual contact between sense and its associated object.

And finally, this dependence also states that because of continual, non-stop perpetually-persistent contact between sense and its associated object, we become aware, we become fully aware, we become Conscious of what it is we form Mental Ideas about. That if there were no Perceptions, there would be no Consciousness because even a single moment of the arising of Consciousness depends on the appearance of Mental Ideas, and that Mental Ideas depends on the appearance of Perceptions and that Perceptions depends on the appearance of Feelings and finally that if there were no continual contact going on between sense and object there would be NO Consciousness, because there would be no Perception as Consciousness is Mutually Dependent on Perception ... and that Feelings are Mutualy Dependent on Contact between Sense Organ (eye, ears, nose, tongue, body, mind) and its associated object (light, sound, aromas, flavors, tangibles, thought).

So now this is the First Noble Truth. I did not recite WORD-FOR-WORD what the Buddha actually taught, but this is exactly what it boils down to, or up, or out ... whatever ...

Again there's another Mutual Dependence going on in the teachings of Buddhism, Theravada. Anicca (change, unsatisfactoriness, temporary, impermanent), Dukkha (suffering, stress, sorrow, grief, lamentation, despair ...), and Anatta (non-self, self that is not permanent and therefore cannot apply to the idea of a truly existing self as a self-sustaining entity).

This mutual dependence states that if there were no Anicca, there would be no Dukkha. That Dukkha is mutually dependent on Anicca. That because of Anicca being the cause for the appearance of Dukkha, then the continual experience of Dukkha consequently becomes the cause for the appearance for Atta (self, or the idea of self, a fabricated self based on continual contact between sense and its associated object).


Why did I just say all that just to talk about Anger? Simply, everything is mutually dependent on something for its appearance. Something ALWAYS becomes a causes, or causal factor for something else. There are four things that Buddha said was Dukkha (stress, suffering), actually seven in one other sutta.

• Pain, sorrow, grief, lamentation and despair.
• Association with the unpleasant.
• Disassociation from the pleasant.
• Not getting what one wants.
• (the other three mentioned previously are: Birth, Sickness and Old-age, and Death.)

Focusing on "Not getting what one wants", there is a progression of events that occur when one does not get what they want. The first result is disappointment. Anytime one becomes disappointed it is always because they did not get what they wanted. So therefore Disappointment is mutually dependent on the arising of "Not getting what one wants".

The next order of progression is Impatience. Because of [continually] not getting what one wants, one becomes disappointed, and because of [continual] disappointment one becomes Impatient. That Impatience is mutually dependent on the appearance of being disappointed over and over. That if one did not become disappointed, one would not become Impatient.

Next comes Angry. Then Hatred. Finally Violence and Killing. All because one did not get what they wanted.

Here's the kicker ...

Hatred and Anger are the same thing.
Anger and Impatience are the same thing.
Impatience and Disappointment are the same thing.
Disappointment and Not getting what one wants ... yep ... the same thing.

How so?

When we continually not get what we want we become disappointment. Because Disappointment is a RESULT, and Not getting what one wants is a CAUSE. That continually Not getting what one wants, we just put a NEW LABLE on this non-stop feeling being manufactured from the cause. Same as Feelings are a result from contact between sense and associated object, Disappointment is a result of Not getting what one wants.

Because Impatience is a RESULT, and Disappointment is a CAUSE. That continually being Disappointed we just put a NEW LABLE on this non-stop feeling being manufactured from the cause. When in essence its just being Disappointed over and over and over ... but in order to accurately identify what it is we are experiencing, feeling, we call it Impatience because of the intensity of disappointment being experienced.

Because Anger is a RESULT, and Impatience is a CAUSE. That continually being Impatient we just put a NEW LABLE on this non-stop feeling being manufactured from the cause. Anger and Impatience are exactly the same thing, the same feeling, only its non-stop, and as such more intense, and the only way we can accurately identify the feeling we have from this non-stop activity is to call it Anger.

Because Hatred is a RESULT, and Anger is a CAUSE. That continually being Angry over and over and over, we put a NEW LABLE on this feeling and call it Hatred. When they are exactly the SAME THING. The same feeling, only a little more intense.

Violence and Killing arise from Hatred because we want to get rid of whatever it is that is causing us to experience these extremely unpleasant feelings ...

So, when one experiences hatred, it is because one is Not getting what one wants. When one experiences anger, it is because one is Not getting what one wants. When one experiences impatience, it is because one is Not getting what one wants. And, when one experiences disappointments, it is because one is ... Not ... Getting ... What ... One ... Wants.

This doesn't mean that when one experiences Disappointments one will ALWAYS progress on up to Impatience.

Likewise, IF one does progress to Impatience one will not ALWAYS progress on up to Anger.

And, IF one does progress to Anger, one will not ALWAYS progress on up to Hatred.

And again, IF one does progress to Hatred, one will not ALWAYS progress on up to Violence and/or Killing.

One can stop at any point along the path. And it is ALWAYS better to stop at Not getting what one wants. To be satisfied with what one has, what one thinks, what one speaks, what one does. Controlling one's actions, controlling one's speech, and controlling one's mind.

Everything is mutually dependent on a cause. In ALL cases Action (volition, Sankhara) is the cause.

"Pain, sorrow, grief, lamentation and despair, this is Dukkha. Association with the unpleasant, this is Dukkha. Disassociation from the pleasant, this is Dukkha. Not getting what one wants, this is Dukkha. In other words, the five aggregates of craving is Dukkha." -Buddha

The five aggregates of craving is forms (p: Rupa), feelings (p: Vedana), perception (p: Sañña), mental volition (p: Sankhara), and consciousness (p: Vinyana), the First Noble Truth, the whole mass of suffering (stress).

So, when your driving to work and you experience anger, it's because you are wanting people to do something you want them to do, and in not getting what you want, you experience disappointment, impatience, and anger. You either want them to drive like you, the same speed as you, to hurry up, to slow down, to stop doing this or that ... something you want, EXPECT from every other driver and you're not getting it.

It could also be that when you're dealing with people on the phone, there's something you expect from them ... a moderate amount of intelligence, to think like you, to think out of the box, to think rationally, to say or act a certain way ... whatever ... there's something you EXPECT from them and you're not getting it.

The best thing to do is to stop and think to yourself when you begin to experience Anger. "What is it I want from [whatever it is you feel anger for]?" When you find this out, the anger itself disappears if you realize that it is all you ... you are MAKING yourself angry ... not them. You are MAKING yourself impatient ... not them. You are the one NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT ... not them.

I think it was Jesus who said, "You will Know the truth, and the truth will make you free..." You MAKE YOURSELF free ... from hatred ... from anger ... from impatience ... from disappointment, by knowing where it comes from. You will KNOW the truth.

HTML:

 

Whether you are angry or not you have the ability to express the anger or let it go, letting it go is as simple as acknowledging it's presence, feeling it fully, and then letting it pass. Don't say, "I shouldn't be feeling this.", because you are, all that's left is to accept and manage it. We wouldn't create anger if we didn't feel it was somewhat necessary to deal with the situation we are experiencing -- bottom line, find something that works. Exploding is never the optimum solution of dealing with a negative problem, in fact it just increases the negativity.

When you repress your anger, it emanates, like you saying your customers can sense it -- that is true. About what the other guy said about meditation being BS -- that's more than likely in his own experience. It can be very relaxing and rewarding if done right, and you don't need to be sitting on your ass and chanting mantra's to meditate. It can be brought into every aspect of life.

 

Meditation is a KEY ... it's not the DOOR. A Key is no good without a Door, or a Lock to open it. A Key by itself is worthless. A Door with a lock on it is no good without the Key. So you need both a Lock and a Key.

The mind is NOT stilled through meditation. The mind is STILLED through the continual practice of morality (Sila), the continual practice of Right Speech, Right Action, and Right Livlihood. In practicing morality, one developes a stilled mind. In the continual practice of a stilled mind, concentration (Samadhi) develops. And as Samadhi develops so also does wisdom (Pañña). That without the practice of concentration, there can be no wisdom and without the continual practice of morality, there can be no concentration because it takes a stilled mind to concentrate.

A mind continually jumping from one tree to another, non-stop cannot sit still long enough to develop concentration. Practicing meditation will not still the mind. Practicing meditation will develop concentration, single-pointedness of mind. But concentration through meditation cannot be achieved without a stilled mind. A mind able to sit and single-pointedly focus on an object.

HTML:

 

This is NOT in accordance with the teachings of Buddhism. Perhaps the teachings of some other -ism. In that being the case then why post it here in the Buddhist forum? The teachings of the Buddha are not about "expressing anger", rather to see it for what it is. The teachings of the Buddha are about seeing the cause and cutting it off at the root. There is nothing to let go of. Clinging is a result of Craving. That is craving is the CAUSE, clinging is the RESULT. So there is nothing to let go of. Just stop the Craving. Also, that Craving is a result of Feelings. That feelings are the CAUSE, and craving is the RESULT. That Contact between the sense and their associated object is the CAUSE, and feeling is the RESULT. That the Six Base Senses are the CAUSE, contact is the RESULT. That Name and Form (p: Namarupa) is the CAUSE, the six base are the RESULT. That Consciousness is the CAUSE, and name and form is the RESULT. That Action (mental volition, p: Sankhara) is the CAUSE, consciousness is the RESULT. And finally, that Ignorance is the CAUSE, actoin is the RESULT. To stop clinging (let it go), one needs to stop craving. To stop craving, one needs to relenquish the feelings. To relenquish the feelings, one needs to remove contact. ... to put an end to action, one needs to remove ignorance. ... "You will KNOW the TRUTH, and the truth will MAKE you free ..."

You don't relinquish Feelings by fully experiencing them with intention. All that results in is more Craving, and more craving results in more Clinging. Understanding feelings and Experiencing them are not the same thing.

However, I truly have no expectations that you understand what any of this really means. Being that the case, then you are as you will perceive, as you want to be.

A seed does not know it will be whatever it came from. A seed is a seed. It becomes what it will from conditions. Whether a plant or fertilizer. A seed will be what it will be without FEELINGS one way or the other about what it is or what it will become.

HTML:

 

Thich Nhat Hahn is Vietnamese and was chairman of the Vietnamese peace delegation during the Vietnam war and journeyed to the west on peace missions. Pro communist activist, I don't think so! Poet, activist, scholar yes. Contrary to popular belief, campaigning for peace does not make a communist.

 

I agree with much that has been said, meditation, causation, know yourself. I would like to speak to your (my) manifestation of anger at an earlier stage.

Compassion. Both examples of your anger seem to come from your perception of interactions with people you are removed from. In cars and on the phone. I can often change my perception about people if I am mindful of them and their similarity to me.

Aachh! I can see that I am not good at expressing this idea. Below is shorthand for what helps me at times. I still try to understand the roots of my anger (always some ego trap), but I do not need to cling to my anger creation.

First, I try not to cling to my perception that I am in other drivers thoughts at all.
Like them, I am not a perfect driver, I am ego centered, I suffer as a result.
They are not perfect drivers, they are ego centered, they suffer as a result. Compassion for all of us.

 

I believe a good book might be Beyond Birth and Death by:Thich Nhat Hahn
Its a great book talks alot about the process of letting go..
like your ego,anger,the material world,and maintaining you
progress,etc...

Another good book to is Self-Realization by:Thich Nhat Hahn
the title says its all...

 

Thich Nhat Hanh also wrote a book specifically about anger: Wisdom for cooling the flames.

http://www.amazon.com/Anger-Cooling-Thich-Nhat-Hanh/dp/1573229377"]Amazon.com: Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames (9781573229371): Thich Nhat Hanh: Books

 

I've read a lot of this one and it really got me thinking. If I am angry, I always think of this and it changes everything.

 

Thay is wonderful. Have you met him?