Ok, so i'm going out with my boyfrinend for 4 months now, and he cheated on me. Well, it was like this: It was his birthday and we were all at his house drinking, you know partying... So, he took my hand and took me to the bathroom. He told me that he made i mistake, and that he doesn't want to lose me...you know... I got really confused, start crying... So we went back to the others. I told him that i want to speak with him outside...so we went outside, in meanthime everyone found out, people left... On the street he set down and start crying, and he told me that he doesn't want to go anywere without me, that he loves me, that he'll send all his frends home, and sit by the phone and wait for me to call. I said to him to go celebrate his bithday, and in the morning we will talk. He said ok, stand up an went to his friends. I turned on the other side and start running. I didn't know were i was going, but than he shouted my name and run for me. He continued crying, and he baged me to hug him and kiss him for the last time... after 5 min i did... Than i went home. The next day i called him and i told him that i need some time to think about this... He was so cold on the phone. Few hours later he called me and he said that he miss me a lot, and that he couldn't stop himself calling me.. so i forgived him... That was 1 month ago, we're sill togather, but now i'm starting to feel scared. What if there's a next time, and he doesn't tell me? Will i ever be able to trust him? Also, that night he told me that he love me. He never said that words again. Before this i was sure that i could never forgive cheating, but i did, and now 1 month later i'm so fucking confused!
Well i'm defenetly not using it aginst him, somehow i'm using it against me. I did forgive him, but i don't know if i have forgiven myself.
All I really have to say is this: I will bet you $100 that, when he was cheating on you, he wasn't crying, nor was he thinking about how much he loves you, or sending his friends home and sitting by the phone waiting for you. These are words only. Actions speak louder than words. In action, he cheated on you. Therefore, his words cannot be trusted. Whether you forgive him or not is up to you and your comfortability with the situation. Were it me, I'd probably forgive the person, but only because I do not have confidence in fidelity or exclusive relationships. That being said, I wouldn't get into an exclusive relationship to begin with, for this reason ... you can't get cheated on if you and your partner agree to allow swinging. Only do this if you are comfortable with it. But yeah. If you are in an exclusive relationship (I am presuming you are), the above is all I have to say with regards to that. To forgive is not to forget. It is good to pardon. But it would be ignorant to forget about it and pretend that it will never happen again -- because it can. That being said, you shouldn't *assume* it will happen again. But you should keep it in the back of your mind. If you have truly forgiven them, you *can't* use it against them years later. I agree with Dark_Pitt here. But if something *else* happens, you should not forget the first time it happened, lest you not learn your lesson.
Personally, I couldn't. Well, maybe I could forgive the person, but I would not be will that person anymore.
I agree. I would probably be able to forgive, but I would never forget. That would turn into resentment, and loss of trust. I'd be totally insecure and always wondering if they would do it again. When I was young and unsure of what I wanted in my life, I did that to someone. I've had it done to me. In my experience, it's a sign of something not being right, that it's time to move on. Everyone's situation is different, but I believe firmly in standing up for yourself, and showing that you have self respect. Although, if my husband cheatec on me right now, I honestly don't know if I could bring myself to leave him.
no I couldn't be with the person anymore. It would make me feel too insecure, too inadequate and I would be thinking was I better or were they? why??/ it would drive me nuts.
i thnk i would feel to insecure to try to continue the relationship with that person. once a cheater, always a cheater, even if only in my mind. id never feel good about him 'going out' or 'working late..'
totally!! if it were my husband, and he told me about it right after it happened, I'm positive that I would forgive and forget. If I found out from someone else, it would be over, I'd have this house and one third of his paycheck the rest of his life. If I were 17, and not intending to stay with that partner the rest of my life, I'd dump him and find someone else without any regrets. What you have to do is decide for yourself if the relationship is worth all the effort it will take to make it work. You two have some issues, and you either have to work through them or break up. Is it worth the effort (and possible heartbreak) to stay with this guy?
You have done NOTHING that needs forgiving!!! Him cheating on you was NOT your fault. You deciding to forgive him and stay with him may not necessarily be a bad thing. Yes he screwed up by cheating, but he was honest about it. That should be worth something. My husband cheated on me after five years of marriage, he wasn't even man enough to tell me himself. I suspected it from the beginning, not sure how I knew, kept bringing it up and he kept denying it. It wasn't until a friend of ours told me the truth that he finally owned up to it. He ended up leaving me for the bitch and had two kids with her. While I am left to raise our FIVE children alone. I think I would have been able to forgive him if he hadn't chose her over me and our kids. But since he basically abandoned us, I have not forgiven him 5 years later and I don't think I will any time soon if ever. But I will never forget what I did and I couldn't trust him even if we had got back together. Trust is a very important part of a relationship. To me without trust, you have nothing. But if you can forgive him and you trust him, that's great. I hope it all works out for you two. But like a couple of other people said, don't use it against him later. If you are feeling that you made the wrong choice in forgiving him and staying with him, there may be a reason for it. If you have doubts about him and your relationship, you should really talk with him. But like I said before, at least he was honest about it. Good luck to you.
No in cannot be forgivin. It's the ultimate sin if you are in a exclusive relationship and your genitals should be disposed of if it happens.
It's not easy processing the "cheating" information. If you forgave him overnight you'd be opening the door for him to do it again. He shit on your trust. Have you talked with him at all about it? How are you supposed to forgive if you don't even understand it yourself?
I could NEVER forget such thing. NEVER when you stop trusting, there's no going back, at least that's my experience.
I could forgive, but I could no longer trust, therefore I could no longer be with that person. This whole monogamy thing bugs me. It is what we are taught our entire lives, but it simply does not make natural sense.
