I consider myself bi due to the fact that I love a girl's body and they appeal to me sexually, but the idea of having a relationship with a girl sounds weird. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I love him very much, but lately I can't stop thinking about girls. I really want to have another sexual experience with one. Not something random, with a friend. But I have no girlfriends and any other chicks I know are straight as an arrow. The more I think about it, the less I want to have sex with my boyfriend. I don't want this to be such a big deal, but it is becoming a bigger deal everyday. I don't think I'm a total lesbian. I find myself attracted to certain types of guys. The thought of a relationship doesn'r sound natural to me. Any advice?
Relax. You're far from alone. You'd be astounded by how many women are biseuxal. Interestingly, that appears to be many more bi women than there are bi men. Don't panic -- and don't overreact. Take it one day at a time. Allow yourself as much time as necessary to explore your feelings; what's important if that you be true to yourself. -- Skeeter
but it's really having a negative effect on my everyday life. I know I'm not alone. I've felt like this for years and I am happy with it. I just don't know why lately I want to have sex with a girl and it stops me from having sex wtih my boyfriend!
Hmmm. . .I could be wrong -- and if I am, correct me -- but it appears to me, from your description, that you may be having a problem reconciling your bisexuality with society's insistence on monogamy -- having only one partner. I'm bi and I've never been strictly monogamous. Rather, I'm polyamorous. Polyamory is the ability to love and be intimate with more than one person at the same time -- and to be "out of the closet" about it. I have a gay boyfriend with whom I've been in an open, long-distance, cross-border relationship for almost 20 years (I live in Vemont; he lives in Quebec). I'd love to have a girlfriend, too, but a strictly monogamous relationship is out of the question; I won't give up my boyfriend. On the other hand, you might be going through something similar to what I went through when I was your age: I was attracted to both guys and gals until I passed into my 20s. Then my attraction to females fell dormant and I remained exclusively gay until I turned 40, when my attraction to women re-awakened. I've been bisexual ever since, though I'm still more easily attracted to men (especially men with long hair) than to women. Does this help clarify things for you? Please let me know. -- Skeeter
a little bit. I don't want another parter. I really don't want to have a lot of sex with women (I know that sounds slutty- forgive me.) I just have the urge to touch a girl, to kiss her, and have a wild time. It's been on my mind a lot and it kinda gets in the way. I love my boyfriend, I'm just very attracted to girls. I have no problem being attracted to them. I just wonder if this feeling will pass and come up randomly or if it wom't go away till I go out and give it shot. I've slept with a few girls before. The hardest part is finding one! It seems impossible around here! I just don't want that urge to get in the way when there's really nothing I can do about it anyway.
That sounds like a tough situation.. don't beat yourself up because of it, you started your current relationship very young and you're now probably finding out that you missed out on some 'seeking'.. that doesn't mean you're not happy with your boyfriend! It's natural.. I'm my boyfriends first and sometimes I just ask him if he isn't curious about how it would be with another girl. I'll dread the day that he answers that question with a 'yes'. I'm not sure where a 'yes' would take us, but if the relationship itself is good, then I feel that it's something we will have to work out together, because I love him and understand him.. we would have to talk about it, see if there are 'options' (threesome, swinging, escortgirl.. I dunno.. I'll cross that bridge when I get there).. but for you.. you seem to be at that point, where there is nothing wrong with you current relationship but you still feel restless.. so.. you know your boyfriend best and I can't judge how he will take it.. but talk to him about it! A lot of guys find the idea of two women together rather attractive.. maybe you can find out if there is a way to stay in your relationship (even approve it by being completely open and getting back a normal sexlife with your boyfriend) and still get some experience with girls. Just a thought.. good luck with everything! *hug*
He is very open to me being with a girl as long as he's "around". Not neccessarily there with us, but he wants to know when it's going on. He doesn't want me to go behind his back and sleep with anyone without him knowing, which is understandable completely. During the summer we travel a lot to festivals and stuff. It would be cool to meet a girl along the way. I do want to keep my relationship with my boyfriend. It's strong and just what I need. I guess I just need to find a way to satisfy all my needs! I think I'll be ok with everything knowing that when opportunity arises I can take it. Thanks!!!
I think you should go ahead and get it out of your system, especially if your man is willing to let you try it. Otherwise you will continue to think about it until its blown waaay out of proportion. It might answer a lot of questions for you as well. Good luck, whatever you decide! hugs sam
Isn't that awful though? I mean, I would feel horrible asking a girl for casual sex. Guys seem to think that's perfect, but girls respect themself a lot more. I've never come across a girl who was into that, much less a girl who was gay or bi. How do you go about pursuing something like that? I can't just walk up to a girl and say "hi. Are you gay? wanna have some casual sex?"
Well... you don't have to get naked and at it directly right? Maybe some kissin'n cuddlin' to begin with would be nice? And a girl doesn't have to be gay, there are probably lots of girls that aren't 100% straight so.. just flirt with a girl you like, like you would flirt with a guy.. give her a stare, then smile and look away.. play shy.. if she's into the same thing you'll probably notice.. and just take it from there. But make clear what you want (no relationship), 'cause it wouldn't be the first time that a girl get's 'used' by a bi-curious girl.. you know what I mean? Play with her body, not with her feelings.. basically. And.. most important.. report to us in detail!
Well, I make it clear what I want. Oh, that'd be so nice. It would be cool to have a friend that I could have a few drinks with and have fun with. I'd make her feel so pretty! I'll let you know if I get lucky!!!
Unfortunately, I can not offer you that much advice on this topic. I am going through pretty much the same feelings as you are and have not had all that much luck with it. The only thing that I can give you is my opinion on the topic. You and your boyfriend have been in this relationship for a while now and im assuming that there is at least a small possibility that you are going to be with him for a while longer. I feel that it is better to try and experiment now, rather than later. If you wait until 5 years from now, it is very possible that your boyfriends feelings on 'you hooking up with other girls while in a relationship with him' may change. This can cause lots of problems- as im sure you can imagine!
I've been in the same situation. Of course it's going to "seem unnatural" to you at first. It's a new thing for you and it probably wasn't something that your family encouraged, or spoke about as the norm, so ya it's going to be strange at first. Everything will work out though. I didn't know if I liked guys or not and the thought of being with one sexually and relationship wise was really wierd for me at first. I'm still not quite used to it...thats probably why I've only had two boyfriends up to date...anyways good luck... does your boyfriend know about this?If he knows, what does he think about it?
I have had a few sexual encounters with girls so it's nothing new. I guess I have just had more urges lately. the thought that is strange to me is having a relationship with a girl. maybe it sounds so strange because I like the one I'm in and if I wasn't in one already it might seem more natural. if we broke up, I don't know how attracted I would be to guys. most don't turn my head. A few do, but usually ones with feminine attributes. My boyfriend is fine with it as long as I'm honest about what is going on.
As much as you have to be honest eith your boyfriend- you have to be honest with U. As far as being aroused by women, that's natural. Relax, and be who U are. If U are attraced to a girl- let her know but don't beat around thebush because that'll only make things more awkward. If you are attracted to someone, tell them and see what happens. If you don't you may just miss out on a good time and a new friend or lover.
I was engaged (yes at the ripe old age of 15) to be married to a man who I loved with all my heart but towards the end the sex was sort of forced because I had to fantasize about girls to even get moderately aroused. Then again, the fact that he was 45 didn't help anything. But I felt like I had to keep my attraction to girls a secret especially with him because he was so jealous. I'm glad its over... and more so, I'm glad I'm single (for now).
I would tend to agree here... if your man is easy going about it, that's half your problem solved. Talk to him... and get it out of your system. One word of advice though... don't over play it before it happens. Bottom line, you want to try something new... enjoy the sensuality of the experience. Forget the times you've been with other girls and guys and pretend its the first time you ever touched someone. Come to think of it... try that with you bf... might have interesting consequnces for you. Have fun and enjoy
Ehm... ok... there could be a whole new thread about this but... damn girl, did it ever occur to you that he was only interested in you because of your young age? I dated a guy 7 years older when I was 16 and when my personality and identity developed more and more over the course of years (living on my own, university etc) he didn't like me as much as he used to anymore, since I wasn't the 'cute little girl that looked up to the adult' anymore. The older you get the less age difference matters I think.. but 15 vs 45 is just really really shady.. from his point of view, not yours. Yours is understandable.. but still.. please try and find someone more your own age.. I know a lot of guys that age are kinda childish.. but there are good guys out there and dating an older guy can also mean someone who's 23.. not 45. Don't hate me for saying this.. just worried 'bout ya *hug*
