casual sex and pornography

i wasn't sure if i should've posted this one in love and sex or women's issues. do any of u women think that casual sex or looking at pornography is wrong. i don't believe in casual sex cause it seems like using/treating the women as a object, but i look at porn to keep myself interested in love, although i haven't dated in a while. does that sound like a contradiction? If so, I'd like an opinion on the subject.

 

I think casual sex is ok as long as both partners are honest and protect themselves.

Porn is fun too!


Also, joker, I've tried to PM you, but your box is full.

 

i've had an opportunity to get laid before, but it just seemed wrong to me cause i hardly knew the chick. this may be a form of my paranoia, but i always think if a chick is gonna let me hit it before getting to know me. no tellin how many guys she's let hit it before.

 

right, that understandable. I'm saying if you had a friend that you knew and both people were into having sex, but nothing more, it's ok. As long as both people are 100% honest about how they feel.

I don't think it's cool to have sex with someone you don't know intimately.

 

do u think if i was to have a sexual incounter with a girl i was friends with for a long time emotions could come inside us or we'd have a strange feeling after the love making? i don't know if that makes sense or what the outcome is after fuckin a chick who you've known forever. i never had a whole lot of friends that were girls.

 

The only thing wrong with casual sex is when both partners aren't aware that it is casual sex.

It is really hard to say what the outcome of a relationship would be after sleeping together the first time. It depends on the individual relationsip and personalities of the people involved. If it is a concern it is somethinig you should talk over before sex.

I have had sexual flings, and they wern't near as fun or fufulling as sex with the person I love or care for. But not to say it wasn't fun at all.

 

I think it is absurdly naive to pretend there's no link between the "sexual revolution" and the ensuing astronomical increase in family breakdown. Sex cannot arbitrarily be an expression of love and devotion in one setting and then a meaningless pursuit of physical pleasure in another. Emotions cannot simply be switched on and off at will. The cheapening of sex has a callousing effect.

 

personaly no you have the right to both. pornogrophy is gross though

 

I dunno, Huck...sex hasn't changed too much throughout history. It isn't any more cheap then it used to be. The difference now is that it isn't so taboo to talk about. Have you studied Greek and Roman sexual history at all? Do you know anything about tribal relationships? Polygamy was really popular for a time, and still is in some places. Just examples.

 

I'm not saying that sexual decadence is new, just bad. I do think that it's become more pervasive in our society in recent decades, though.

 

I think as long as both people fully understand what their getting in2 and what their doing it's fine. And 4 porn, as long as the watcher knows it's fake and doesn't hurt or offend any1 in a way (that doesn't have 2 do w/ another person's opinion on "Porn is bad." )

 

I think casual sex is pretty trashy personally. I mean fine if you want to do it, but I won't have a high opinion on your morals (which shouldn't really matter to anyone what someone thinks anyway). I agree with whoever said it cheapens sex. Personally, I have had casual sex once and it not only lowered my self esteem and sense of self worth, but also made me see sex as something undesirable. Sex to me is the ultimate expression of love and while I may be an extremely sexual person, I don't think I'll ever have casual sex again because it felt so low.

Porn I don't mind so much sparingly, but people get addicted to it for whatever reason which can mess up alot of things in men as well as women. There's lots of variables to it but as long as the porn doesn't screw up relationships then I don't really see a problem with it.

 

meh, as long as all people involved in the act are consenting adults I don't see any problem with it. What people do sexually is their own business.

I don't think it cheapens anybody, as long as all involved know what the outcome will be. (it's when people lie to each other, and/or when the acts spill over into other spheres of life like kids, jobs etc that the problems start)

but where it's a case of mutually consenting, fully informed adults , then I think it's a case of finding what works for you - whther that's sex only as an expression of love and comittment, sex as fucking , like just a fun non-commital act or maybe a mixture of both.

different strokes, y'know?

 

I totally agree! Having casual sex as a teenager (hell, I know I'm not ready for casual sex yet) can bring about feelings of lowered self esteem and such. Those feelings come about when you aren't emotionally ready for sex. Like said before, if everyone is honest and knows what they are getting into, no surprise feelings will pop up later.

As for saying it cheapens sex, that could be very true for some. But IMO, the whole thing about saving sex for your soulmate, or the very few you love, stems a lot from Christianity. Now, I'm certainly not bashing the religion in any way, but I do think a lot of the opinions our society has on sex has been influenced slightly. It's not a bad thing, but just not the general opinion of a lot of people as our generation slips more and more into being politically correct, not morally correct.

The more popluar opinion of today is as long as your are responsible, sex can be anything you want it to be.

That might sound cheap to some... understandable, but for others it's expressing one's freedom and if they're ok with that, the rest of us should be to!

 

I wanted to respond to the comment about casual sex or porn breaking up family structure.


As far as I have seen family structure has been far more disturbed by changes in things like ease of transportation,job structure,and comunication,far more than the aforementioned boogeymen.

When people lived in small communities and lived a mostly agrarian lifestyle,the family was an important means of survival.Even then a lot of screwing around happened behind closed doors.

With Mom and dad off working different jobs and being in contact with a lot more people than on a farm,they have a lot more opportunity to "grow apart" and find new people to do it with.

It's easy to find new people when you can get into a car and go where no-one knows who you are,and we no longer live in (mostly) little villages where everyone knows you and your entire family and you can't travel farther than a horse will take you.

The family just isn't as important in modern society,and we have a lot more choices. This has it's own new set of problems,but you no longer have to stay in destructive or loveless situations,too,so you get good and bad,like everything else freedom has it's costs,but I choose freedom.

 

I totally agree with you, keepin'on.

In our society, the family as your peers that you depend on for survival is not so important anymore. In fact, I have the impression, that people are a lot better off, if they don't have a family to care for. Children are expensive. In other societies you are rich, because you have 10 children, in ours, you are rich because you don't have children.

And in a society, where the emphasis is so much more in the succes of an individual, rather then on the family, no wonder families are breaking more and more apart. Because as a family, in fact for every group, you, as an individual have to step back.

This is also the development where the casual sex goes in, and is definately not the cause of. Because it has been as old as humanity. Because casual sex is not the sex between the parent couple of a family.


In generell I am not against casual sex. I had casual sex, and as long as everyone involved is consent, everything is fine. But for me, casual sex would never be an option as long as I am in a relationship

 

Well, being that the only person that I've ever had sex with is my husband, I guess you could say that I'm not one for casual sex!

As far as watching porn goes, I'm not a big fan, I'd rather read an erotic story, but hey, I don't think less of a woman who enjoys watching it. We're all different.

 

I have never been into casual sex or porn either,but I don't think they are ruining society.

 

Honestly, I PERSONALLY don't agree with either, but I never say that it's "wrong" because it's a personal, moral and opinion. I'm totally okay with people who find it acceptable, they must have reasons for it. I wouldn't ever run around saying stuff like that, which is perceived differently by different people is "wrong". It's all up to the person.

I personally find porn useless. I don't get anything out of it. Besides that, I think a lot of it is degrading to women... However, I do appreciate the fact that there are guys like you who don't get ideas from it, like that women should be treated the way they are in certain porns... If that makes sense. Some guys, I noticed are almost influenced by porn as if... "well if I go up to a girl, and smack her ass like that, she'll just love it" when in reality if some guy came up to me, or most other women, I/they would probably slap him or scream at him for doing so.

I don't know if what I said really makes sense, I'm not the best at explaining how I feel all the time.

Anyway, what you said doesn't really contradict. Almost every guy, if not every guy, that I know watches or looks at porn, and the majority of the guys I know are good guys who don't just go around sleeping with women or using them for sex, so I'd say you're just absolutely normal in that respect.

It's natural though... you like to look at women in their true nature [nude]... I know if I saw a group of guys walk past me, completely naked...I'd definitely just STARE and probably drool all over myself...

Hope I made at least a little bit of sense.

 

IMO, the destruction of the Family is related to our desire for "Instant Gratification" and "Conveneince." People want what they want, and they want it now. Too much media gives us the idea that "being happy" through doing whatever makes you personally "happy" at the very moment you feel you "want it" regardless of what it does to others is your "right." But when a permanent relationship and children come into the picture, this is not going to work.

Yes, there is nothing wrong with "being happy" but the search for false happiness, when it consists of doing whatever you feell like at the moment, is not going to contribute to a healthy family. In fact, I can't see how a Family could work if any of the members have this idea.

IMO, Porn, particularly internet porn, is not only "convenient" but "instant gratification." "But I want it!" is the call of immature adolecence, not of a mature adult. Back in the day, kids and even adults had to look for porn and things liek that, now it is available at the touch of a button. I think this leads to less work for the imagination, and also an unrealistic view of just what a Love partner is.

Don't get me wrong. There are still plenty of healthy strong families out there, AND not everyone wants to live in a traditional family structure, and that is fine. But when people DO want a family, certain sacrifices need to be made, and for some reason, due to the "Me Generation" the word "sacrifice" or the idea of not getting what you want at the moment you want it, is seen as "unfair" and "uptight." Families don't work if everyone just does whatever they want without regard to the needs of others in the Unit. And, IMO, Porn, in many cases hurts womyn, gives men unrealistic ideas of what to expect from a womyn and expect from sex, and in no way benefits children in the enviroment. A few individuals are able to occastionally look at porn, and not have it consume them, but too many people have it change their lives and their families, and are still clueless why. Porn is no replacement for a healthy relationship, with good, pleasant, give and take sex, and a healthy family around it. Some people just want sex for sex's sake, with no ties and no commitments ect and if that works for them, that is fine, I guess (I personally have never been able to get into that for myself, I want connection!) It is when people try to bring these ideas into a stable relationship or a marraige or a family, that many troubles begin.

Sex is a beautiful, wonderful, bonding experience. (and fun, too.) But IMO (and it is only my opinion) a lot of porn cheapens this, and eliminates the entire idea of Love, Respect and Bonding. Expectations, which are often unrealistic often occur, and then when a partner doesn't want to do Porn style activities, the one who suggested them thinks there is something wrong with the unwilling partner. IMO, people should experiment with Love and Sex to find out what they and their partner like and enjoy. I think the human imagination is enough. And the flesh of the human body (bodies) is entirely complete for wonderful sex. I don't think anythink else needs to be introduced, to an imaginative couple, who care about each other, and are happy to make each other enjoy the experience.

This is just my opinion, being married and having a family of my own for almost 20 years. Your milage may vary.