Chatablanca ..

light up

 

are you posting bands you would post if you could?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3z1q-BCmBY"]Jerry Lee Lewis - Mean old man - YouTube

 

i bought a cheap toy today

bb pistol for $30

semi auto with 19 shot and uses co2 pigs

havent tried it yet but it looks good and decent power for fun from what i see on youtube


umarex xbg

 

guns are all on sale this week here too on account of fathers day ....I saw the pump action shotgun pellet gun.....shoot 60 at once or 70 single shots.....50 bucks

60 pellets in the face would sting a bit

 

just a bit

 

neighbor just came by with his tractor and did my last garden with his 40 yur old roto tiller....he was absolutely hammered

 

all that rush of work i did yesterday and last night...then today i have to just sit around and wait for one part so i can finish...kind of a pisser

im glad i did most of it yesterday though...

 

the tiller is as wide as my garden and his tractor is longer....kind of overkill

 

overkill...just heard that song, too....lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfZqK9kxzX8"]Men at Work - Overkill - YouTube

 

I can't wait to get out of an apartment and to have my own house. I want to be able to plant vegetables in the earth, not in a container hanging off of the fire-escape, and to hang my clothes on a line, not on a metal rack in the middle of the living room.

 

im not sure if i feel better or worse the more details i get.

 

you're handling this very well, and very maturely.

i don't really have any personal experience to base this on, but it seems like you're going to need time and communication. lots of both.

 

i think he's making excuses


and he's awful lucky you're willing to stick around and work it over because most wouldnt

 

tough cookies have nothing on you mother-elle........

you are stronger than half the women I have slept within my life....which is likely I small single digit....


.but I used to be pretty good at picking up the pieces so to speak......

tonight I would have fed you thin veil borsetti stuffed with Italian sausage with home made sauce also full of sausauge and ground beef.....oregano I grew meself....

after dinner doobie with boozed up coffees out in front to watch the sunset

 

im prone to overthinking, and all knowledge is worth having. i think that if i dont know something, and i "get over it" and then find something else out, that will be harder than getting the wounds fully cleaned before they heal. i usually follow my heart. i have based my personal spirituality on understanding and being a vessel for Love. my heart will be followed. but i cant reason my way through this without information. he has answered my questions, and he is starting to understand that i dont know all of the questions to ask, so he has to offer me answers. i told him that he should write it all down, beginning to end, so that he can get all of it on paper and in the open. he was drinking heavily, so he wont remember everything in its entirety.

 

im sure you would serve me a meal with altogether too much sausage, rolling

i dont think its excuses. its my own over-analysis. he is an alcoholic. we didnt get to grieve together in the hospital, i never told him what really happened that day. i told him today. i confessed the painful day. he didnt know. he didnt know how deeply depressed ive been, and i wont take antidepressants, i just smoke. and i clutter my mind with mess and crap and clutter on the surfaces, so that i dont have to think about it. he went to work, and drank. and drank. we never talked about it. we just crumbled in secrecy. he even realized today that if he had just assuaged my doubt in myself we would probably have had a better sex life through most of the time we have been together. im not experienced enough to know if im good.

it will take time. it will take understanding. and he has to help me to love him past this. i think he is willing to do whatever it takes. the first step is getting him completely sobered up. figure out who the hell he is under the years and years of alcohol abuse. whether we work it out or not, his ability to be in our son's life hinges on it.

 

I over think too to the point of pessimism. I take that trait from my daddy.
Murphy's Law defines my life pretty well at times.

 

That's a law you need to consider breaking.